Red Prints On A Balloon (a poem)

Source
Source

Red Prints on a Balloon

by John Hansen © 2015


Within the church's Holy grounds

Beneath the rising moon,

Two teenagers stroll hand in hand

To a boppy iPod tune.

A razor slashed across the throat

Ends a life too soon.

Blood drips from the deepest cut,

Red prints on a balloon.

Source

The preacher gives his sermon,

All brimstone and hellfire.

Fear God and seek redemption,

Resist temptation and desire,

Thou shalt not kill, or covet.

Satan is the perfect liar.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

Pray to the One who's higher.

Source
As you sow, so shll you reap
As you sow, so shll you reap | Source

Plant a seed in fertile ground,

You'll soon reap what you sow.

Cast not your stones on those who sin

Unless white and pure you glow.

Sacrifice your first born son

To God your faith to show.

Make sure you read the Holy Word

So all life's rules you'll know.

Source
Source

The sermon is now three days done

Commandments soon forgot.

People go back to their lives,

Just concerned with their own lot.

Judging others, casting stones,

Drinking, sex, and pot.

A party for the pastor's son,

Held on the Parish lot.

Source

Within the church's Holy grounds

Beneath the rising moon,

Two teenagers stroll hand in hand

To a boppy iPod tune.

A razor slashed across the throat

Ends a life too soon.

Blood drips from the deepest cut,

Red prints on a balloon.

Source

Blood Balloon

Song Lyrics

"This is California, found a room to rent
A pool party, drug induced, with friends that heaven sent
You can see our baggage on the diving board
Mine looks like the dad and son splashing back and forth

Hope is where it started so a "fuck off" to fateful ends
We're landing on over complication or oblivion
There's more forgiveness lower down our necks, yeah
You can strum your hardest and get away with hoping for the best

Hold me down for an hour or two
I'll paint your face on a blood balloon
And you won't know if you believe
In something more than the belief

A future investment in the future's con
I guess everyone is part perfect storm and part broken song
So to those who can't afford bronchitis ya' settle for a cough
Afraid of where you're going so you purposely stay lost

Hold me down for an hour or two
I'll paint your face on a blood balloon
And you won't know if you believe
In something more than the belief

There's no belief in simply being
There's no belief in simply being
This ain't California (This ain't California)
This ain't California (This ain't California)
It's simply me!
Romanticize the past while the future is in full collapse

You can
Hold me down for an hour or two
I'll paint your face on a blood balloon
And you won't know if you believe
In something more than the belief"

(Source: http://www.plyrics.com/)

More by this Author


Comments 109 comments

pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 17 months ago from sunny Florida

And so it seems. That horror strikes, worship ensues, return to faith occurs, and too soon a return to whatever existed before that horror came.

But it does not have to be that way for each of us.

We faced the death of a loved one in a similar manner and it was life changing for our whole family.

Voted up++++ Jodah...powerful and thought provoking Shared

Angels are on the way to you this morning ps


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for being the first to read this and comment ps, and for the vote up.. I wasn't sure how this subject would be taken but your comment is very positive. Thank you also for sharing that your family experienced a similar situation. That would be life changing for anyone.


mary615 profile image

mary615 17 months ago from Florida

I have been a fan of your poetry for a long time, but I must say in all honesty, this was too much for me to read this morning. Sorry for the negative comment, my friend.

Am I wrong in not seeing any ads on your Hub??


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 17 months ago from New York

I really wish we had a chilling or eerie button because this is one of those that falls under chilling. Oh there's truth in it too obviously. Ignoring what you know and learn can lead to tragedy.

Well done my friend. Not your usual subject but you handled it beautifully.

Voted up, awesome, and interesting.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Mary. It's all good . I don't expect these darker writings to appea to everyone. Most of my poetry is uplifting and inspirational but sometimes I just have to explore this darker side of writing. Hp haven't said that ads have been disabled on this but I don't see any..so maybe. Have great dy and I pprecite your comment.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Mary(tillsontitan), yes "chilling or eerie" would definitely fit this poem..one of my darker ones . I am glad you enjoyed this despite the subject matter and I appreciate the vote up.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 17 months ago from Central Florida

Wow, John. The visual is too real. Sadly, people think they'll be redeemed by going to church. Once service is over, they go right back to their evil ways. I once had a boyfriend whose mother attended church every Sunday. When the service was over, she'd go out for brunch then head to the local high-end jewelry store and go on a shoplifting spree. I kid you not, this was her weekly routine. What a role model, huh?


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Shauna, yes great role model for sure! Thanks for the great comment. There are an awful lot of hypocrites out there that think as long as they go to church on Sunday it absolves everything else they do the rest of the time.


suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 17 months ago from Taos, NM

Wow! Powerful poem here. The prints on the balloon certainly tell a lot.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Suzette. I appreciate your comment greatly.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 17 months ago from Olympia, WA

Stark....bleak....ugly....truth. This kind of powerful poetry is what poetry is all about...visceral....moving...disturbing....and beautifully written.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Bill, I think you said it all. Much appreciated. If only the world was the perfect place we want it to be..but it isn't. We need to write about all aspects, even the ugly ones.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 17 months ago from Southern Illinois

John, this is a shocking piece. Dark and filled with truth. When people attend church and have no mercy, love for all people, and I want to say animals then it's just a worthless act. As you well know, I tend to write on the dark side sometimes. I feel all aspects of life should be written about because we live in an imperfect world. Shared on Twitter and voted up..


mary615 profile image

mary615 17 months ago from Florida

I kind of wish you had deleted my negative comment, please forgive me for that; I am very honest with my opinions. It was the bloody knife that got to me!

I am now seeing ads on your Hub.


whonunuwho profile image

whonunuwho 17 months ago from United States

This is a well presented look at the times of man. I appreciate your work here...and still hold fast to my faith. Faith is the substance that we may have if we just try to the more we do try...the stronger we become. Thanks for sharing my friend. whonu


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

I totally understand Mary. I only delete spammy or argumentative comments. I appreciate your truthful comment so it's not going anywhere. :)


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

My sentiments exactly Ruby. We are very in sinc with our thoughts and our writing whether it uplifting or delving into darker depths. Thanks for the vote up and tweet.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for your Frank comment whonu. I am a Christian too and agree that the more death we have the stronger we become, however there is evil in the world and it needs to be written about and exposed too.


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 17 months ago from California

I like how this circles back John--really well done!


Larry Rankin profile image

Larry Rankin 17 months ago from Oklahoma

A thriller to remember.


jhamann profile image

jhamann 17 months ago from Reno NV

Wow...you had me on the edge of my seat. I love the religious discussion as the backdrop to this horrible deed. Great Job! Jamie


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 17 months ago from The Beautiful South

This speaks of life, not the one we like to face and bring to light but it is there and you said it very very. Might even inspire me to do one in the line? Does HP feature poems without filling the hub with other stuff to get the word count? Just wondering since poetry is really my favorite....

I see you have a bad "a" just like me! lol Or is your pinky finger weak?


travmaj profile image

travmaj 17 months ago from australia

Wow John, woke up to your poem this morning, most chilling. You certainly made a point with red prints on a balloon. And yes, we can embrace religion for the moment, the sunday morning, and back to basics - in this case horror. The sadness of it all. Even worse, what you are saying is happening increasingly around us. Oh dear, perhaps I should go back to sleep and wake up again. This really has impact.


Dana Tate profile image

Dana Tate 17 months ago from LOS ANGELES

My favorite part was how after 3 days of hearing the preacher's sermon, everyone went back to " business as usual " Some people may not appreciate the truth of those words. But the truth is whether we sit in church, read the bible faithfully, or just feel we're good people. The lives we live really indicates what's in our hearts.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you as always Audrey. I wasn't sure if that was a wise thing to do, but it seemed to work and emphasise the message.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks Larry you, I hope that's the case. We all want to write work that will be remembered.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading Jamie. I seem to slip a religious theme into a few of my poems to help get a message across.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Jackie, yes life has many sides, white, dark and many shades of grey. We can't ignore the ones we don't like. I encourage you to write a poem of your own along this line if you feel the urge. As long as your poem is listed under the "poetry" genre it is given exemption to word count. As long as you add a few photos and a video it should be featured. All of my poetry hubs are featured, even my micro-poems that only have about 50 to 80 words. I find it best not to add any Amazon or eBay capsules with most poetry now because you have to have 100 words per ad unless it is a long poem and the ads fully relate. My "a" is currently only working when it feels like it..last week it was the "s", the week before the "l". Guess I need to clean my keyboard.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Sorry Maj., this isn't the best hub to wake up to. Maybe I should have included a warning at the start. Glad you saw the message within though. Hope you got back to sleep.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Dana, yes that was the message I wanted to convey. Perhaps this is a rather unpleasant way to portray it but I find you sometimes need to shock people to get them to take notice. Thanks for reading, have a great day.


Aneegma profile image

Aneegma 17 months ago

Geez great John just great! Just when I thought I could handle reading your poems without crying my eyes out then you unleash this one!!! But you're right, I think it speaks right to someone's soul and he who has ears let him hear and he who has eyes let him see. Fantastic poem voted up and shared on my Facebook as well x


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Merida, I guess I am full of surprises :) sorry to bring on the tears again. Anyway I am glad you found the message within and that it "speaks right to someone's soul". That's kind of what I aimed for. Thanks for the vote up and Facebook share as well. Have a great day x.


word55 profile image

word55 17 months ago from Chicago

Very spiritual and expressive poem Jodah. I really enjoyed

"Unless white and pure you glow Sacrifice your first born son To God your faith to show." That line is involved with very a controversial topic at the moment here. Thanks for writing such a thoughtful poem.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading word55, glad you enjoyed this. I am interested to find out more about the controversial topic you mention.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 17 months ago from The Caribbean

Jodah, even on the church grounds you excel. "Boppy iPod tune?" Do you hang out with the young uns? Great job!


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 17 months ago from southern USA

Wow, John, I am sorry I am arriving late here, but last night HP just quit on me for some reason and kept saying Page Not Available, but I could still get on the Internet? Who knows, but your title is great and really drew me in and then that great image right at the beginning sets the tone.

Yes, the truth is that if we do not love, we do not know God, no matter how much time we spend in church ... "You shall know them by their fruit." It should be obvious if the fruit of the spirit is present in the lives of those who believe, i.e., Love, Joy, Peace, Kindness, Patience, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control ... that last one is a big one, but Love covers a multitude of sins.

Sadly, far too many just want to play church and leave with their eyes closed to what is going on around them, when they should be the hands and feet of Jesus, going where He would have us to go, reaching out our arms to those in need, and seeing what He would have us to see ...

The mind is the main battlefield for evil, and that is why the God wants us to think on things that are lovely, true, excellent, worthy of praise ...

I love your creative genius here on all topics. I loved the other black and white filled images hub you did awhile back that had somewhat of a similar theme.

Up ++++ tweeting, pinning, G+ and sharing

Let us allow our light to shine brightly for where there is light, no darkness can come in.

Peace


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 17 months ago from High desert of Nevada.

My gosh, Jodah - this is the best poem I have read on HP in a long time. Great - it flows very smoothly. Well-done, Jodah.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 17 months ago from southern USA

Oops, meant God, not the God ...


word55 profile image

word55 17 months ago from Chicago

Hey Jodah, It's the question that Lady Guinevere asked earlier,


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks MsDora. Oh I have a couple of teenage grandkids..so know some of the things that interests them.:)


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 17 months ago from The Beautiful South

Thank you for all that info John; I know I might smarten up if I ever read anything for myself but so kind of you to share your knowledge.

I have been feeling a longing for a poem along the biblical lines for awhile now but hated having to come up with all the junk to make the word count; but now I know I don't have to that is so great! I don't write for money; yet, anyway. Just sometimes allowed the ads for gratification to HP but now told that doesn't matter either so maybe things will be looking up here!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Faith, I had the same problems at one stage yesterday "page not available" keep coming up. It's never too late. Thank you for your wise and guiding comment. We do need to focus more on the light rather than the dark, we just have to be aware and acknowledge that it exists. Thank you for the vote up, tweet, pin, and share. Peace back. P.s. I think the other hub you mention was "Midnight Rendezvous (the 32nd Psalm).


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Wow Phyllis, that's a big compliment. Thank you.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Ok I never checked that question although I got a notification. I have to go look.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 17 months ago from southern USA

Yes, that is the other hub! Loved that one too, for in both this hub and that hub, you share what a lot of people do not want to speak about.

Evil is everywhere, even right outside the church doors, and sometimes inside too, sadly.

Peace and blessings always


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Same to you Theresa.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Glad I could help Jackie. Whatever I can do to inspire someone to write what is in their heart and needs to be shared is worthwhile. I look forward to reading your poem.


Mel Carriere profile image

Mel Carriere 17 months ago from San Diego California

Very biting poem. I love the Red Prints hook. I think you hit the nail on the head about how people compartamentalize church from their regular lives. Great hub!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Mel, I had a totally different title selected.. Well two actually but the first was already taken and the second I wasn't entirely happy with. Suddenly "red prints on a balloon" came to me and I am more than satisfied as it seems to have drawn readers in. Glad you found this "biting" and enjoyed the read and the point I was trying to make.


Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 17 months ago from West Virginia

Thank you for leaving you hub on my comment section of my new hub spawned from my question that word55 mentioned. As I read this poem of yours, I was getting all those goosebumps that tell me that I accomplished what I was told to do. Very controversial indeed, but needs to come out into the "light". Great Biblical verse you used.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Wow! Debra I believe that you only get goosebumps when you see, hear or experience something that is very special. I'd say you can be confident that you accomplished what you were meant to do. If word55 hadn't commented on the link I wouldn't have seen your question and you would not have seen this poem. Thanks for reading and commenting.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 17 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Hello Jodah. This poetry took me by surprise. I was not expecting a lightening strike and a thunderbolt. I see by the comments that the pot is thoroughly stirred to the delight of your readers.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Mike, lately I have been alternating between sweet and inspirational; and a somewhat darker side of writing that I find confronting and challenging. Just trying to spread my wings as a writer so to speak. Glad you got hit by a lightning strike and thunderbolt :) with this one. Thanks.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton

love the entire concept .. the poetry, the photos, the chills... this was simply amazing...


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Frank. I know I shouldn't, but I enjoy writing this type of thing.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 17 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

What an intriguing title, John, and the vivid imagery in your poetry pulls us in from there. I liked this dark but thought-provoking write. Christianity finds its roots in the hearts of those who walk the talk, so to speak, and does not end at the church doorways. True spirituality lives in the heart. I often wonder at those who think that attending services equates with a kind of absolution. Voted up and shared.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Genna, thanks for reading this. I have always had a problem with the hypocritical lives led by a lot of church goers, some I knew who led much different lives away from the church doors. Glad you enjoyed this dark poem. I appreciate the vote up and share too.


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 17 months ago from USA

This is chilling. At first I didn't know how the two scenes were connected but then ... shivers.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading Flourish, glad the cenes came together in the end. One of my darker pieces I know. Chilling..shivers..sounds like it left you cold. :)


drbj profile image

drbj 17 months ago from south Florida

This is not at all what I expected from your title, Jodah, but supernaturally exceptional nevertheless. Powerful piece.


torrilynn profile image

torrilynn 17 months ago

very powerful


cam8510 profile image

cam8510 17 months ago from Columbus, Georgia until the end of November 2016.

John, it's great to see you exploring the evils in society as well as writing uplifting hubs. Writing only about the happy side of life may be the writer's own hypocrisy. We all know and experience the harsh, evil side too. Good for you for not neglecting your duty as a writer with integrity.


cam8510 profile image

cam8510 17 months ago from Columbus, Georgia until the end of November 2016.

John, "Thou shalt not kill, or covert." Covet? :)


cam8510 profile image

cam8510 17 months ago from Columbus, Georgia until the end of November 2016.

Great poem. Loved every line.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi drbj, I tried a couple of titles and wasn't happy with them..then this came to me and I thought it would be a surprise for the reader. Thanks for your kind comment.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you torrilynn, much appreciated.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for that insightful comment Chris. The hardest part is finding the balance. The dark and evil side of society can be a more interesting challenge than happy, uplifting writing but I don't want to get bogged down by that. It could become depressing to get into such a niche. I intend to make my next hub brighter and happier.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks Chris...silly me. Changed it.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks mate.


Billrrrr profile image

Billrrrr 17 months ago from Cape Cod

As always, fine work on a tough subject. There are ads for this hub. One ad on my page is for something called W-Network Extreme Rules. I think it's a TV network showcasing some kind of 'wrestling'. The second advert, tying in nicely with the 'bruiser ballet', is for a healthcare group called 'United'.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Bill, thanks for reading this. Are those ads appearing for you on this hub? Weird choice. I've got ones for banking, diet pills, publishing, and travel to Malaysia.


Billrrrr profile image

Billrrrr 17 months ago from Cape Cod

Yes those are the ones on my page....probably because I have written a few pieces on the old days of fake wrestling and am a consumer of about half a dozen different little prescription pills a day.


lawrence01 profile image

lawrence01 17 months ago from Hamilton, New Zealand

Enjoyable yet thought provoking. I loved the imagery yet sad that nothing seemed to change in the end

I'm sure life changed for the family affected.

Lawrence


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading Lawrence. Yes I am sure that life changed in a big way for the effected family. It is a tragic tale.


lawrence01 profile image

lawrence01 17 months ago from Hamilton, New Zealand

There are some hubs I have to save until I've got the time to think about ( to really get the meaning) yours John are in that category

Lawrence


annart profile image

annart 17 months ago from SW England

You have crafted this so well, John. What goes around comes around and such is life. We cringe, we listen, we nod, we forget, we repeat, we cringe.....

Somewhere along the way, we have to learn.

Wonderful poetry, strong theme and its sturdy rhythm helps it hit home.

Excellent!

Ann


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

You hit the nail on the head Ann.. "Somewhere along the way , we have to learn".. This seems to be one of societies main problems, learning from our mistakes. Anyway thanks for reading and for your generous comment.


The Examiner-1 profile image

The Examiner-1 17 months ago

This is a shame John.They were just walking along and minding their own business when that happened. The world is really like that too. I voted this up++, shared it and Tweeted it.

Kevin


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Kevin, yes it is a sad story but alas these things do happen in our world and we have to deal with them. Thanks for the ote up, sshare and tweet.


Eric Flynn profile image

Eric Flynn 17 months ago from Providence, Rhode Island

Interesting and voted up. Yet, I'm unsure of exactly who or what committed the act on the Holy Ground, and I guess it doesn't matter for as the piece still has what I believe to be the supposed desired effect of evoking the concept of evil at work at all times and all places; the subversive knife.

EWF


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Who committed the act is up to the reader to try to solve Eric, and even which of the young couple was the victim. Perhaps there is a clue in the line of the sermon "Sacrifice your first born son"..but then again, that maybe a 'red herring'. Thanks for reading and you did get the main message about evil being at work everywhere even where least expected.


Sara Sarwar Riaz profile image

Sara Sarwar Riaz 17 months ago from Michigan, USA

Very powerful… love the imagery and darkness in the theme. Red prints on the balloons… such macabre tales to tell.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for reading and commenting on this Sara. "Macabre" certainly fits this dark poem perfectly.


Lee Cloak 17 months ago

Serious gear John, very very powerful stuff, a fantastic piece of writing, one that sucks you in so you have to read it a few times over, thanks for sharing, voted up, Lee


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for the encouraging comment Lee. I am please you found it gripping enough to keep you rereading. Thanks for the vote up too.


Chriswillman90 profile image

Chriswillman90 17 months ago from Parlin, New Jersey

Chilling in its delivery and grabs a hold of one's thoughts. I loved this poem as I'm a fan of the dark and gruesome, but there was something even deeper here that you pulled out that drew me in. Voted up.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks Chris, yes the chill factor I managed to bring out in this poem surprised even me. I am a fan of the macabre in what I rwad but until recently have never tried to write dark and gruesome pieces. Those familiar with my usual poetry are quite shocked. Anyway glad it drew ou in and that you enjoyed this poem. Thanks for the vote up too.


Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

Jo_Goldsmith11 17 months ago

Jodah!

wow! Where did this amazing writing come from? It must have been down so deep into your creative well. So many emotions and thoughts I felt reading this.

You for sure sent a clear message, and this is why I so enjoy reading your writings! Up for sure, and shared too.

Wishing nothing but peace, love & joy for you & yours...

((((((((( Jodah/John))))))))))))))))


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hello Jo, good to see you. It is always great to haven our writing admired or enjoyed by others and to know that the message you are trying to convey is clear and not hidden so no one understands it. Thanks for all your encouragement and support.

Peace and love back on out,

John


Vellur profile image

Vellur 17 months ago from Dubai

Deep and intense, great write. Could feel the dark side of life through your poem.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Vellur. I was certainly aiming to portray life's dark side in this spoem. Glad that worked.


Frida Rose profile image

Frida Rose 17 months ago from Maryland

The honesty in this poem is so spot on that it gave me chills. This is an amazing, amazing piece.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks so much Frida, I try to write about issues or human traits which concern me and are often confronting. I find the best way to be brutally honest and get a point across without it sounding like a sermon, is through poetry. I am glad you found this honest though chilling.


Shyron E Shenko profile image

Shyron E Shenko 17 months ago

Jodah, Congrats to Jo_Goldsmith11 April Gold awards.

When you can touch one's heart and soul

With one stroke of a pen

It leaves the deepest of impressions

From the beginning to the end.

Sadly voted up, UABI and shared.

Blessings my friend.

Should someone write a follow up to find our who done it?


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 17 months ago from Texas

Wow. Dark and eerily real. Can't say I'm a major fan of dark writing, but I've explored it. To be able to evoke the feelings of someone else that way is sa successful exploration, in my opinion.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hello Shyron, thank you for the great comment in verse, and also the congrats on the Gold Award. Jo is very generous and a wonderful encourager. Maybe I'll do a follow up one day, or maybe not..it may somehow lessen the effect.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading something that's out of your comfort zone Shanmarie. We just have to release our dark side now and then I think..and better to do it through writing than any other more destructive way. It is often a powerful way of getting a message across too.


dghbrh profile image

dghbrh 17 months ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

Very moving John, Yes I do understand the need of getting into darker side some times to explore what lies in our mind which always calls for a due expression that may lead to awakening of some strong societal message. Learning from a darker perspective to bring out the positivism is what calls for a responsible person to carry forward the good works indeed and that my friend, you doing so nicely. Votes up and sharing.

Hope you are doing great at your side of the world.

Regards always

Deergha


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for reading and sharing this Deergha, I appreciate your insightful and encouraging comment. All is well here and hope it is the same for you.


ocfireflies profile image

ocfireflies 16 months ago from North Carolina

chill bumps...such a rhythm I could hear it in song...upped and shared my friend. Classic Gold. Kim


Jodah profile image

Jodah 16 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for reading one of my darker writings Kim. So glad you enjoyed it and that you think it flowed like a song. Have a great day.


dahoglund profile image

dahoglund 16 months ago from Wisconsin Rapids

For a writer I am sadly deficient in understanding poetry, so I may get it wrong. I think your poem dramatizes the classic question of how a just God can tolerate evil in the world. The classic answer has been because God allows free will.

It is probably well that you explore the "dark side." I recall that Jesus said to be hot or cold, but not lukewarm. Dante in in Divine Comedy portrayed the worst evil as those who made no choices.

voted up, interesting and shared.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 16 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank for reading Don, you got it right. God does allow free will, we need to take responsibility for our own actions. Better to make a choice and hope it's right than none. Thank for the vote up and share.


aviannovice profile image

aviannovice 15 months ago from Stillwater, OK

That was mighty intense. There is so much that goes on around us, as we live our lives. Some just turn the other cheek, until the song repeats...


Jodah profile image

Jodah 15 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading this intense poem Deb, what you say is true.


EsJam profile image

EsJam 14 months ago from Southern California

Hi Jodah, how are you? I thought this was interesting! I am a little confused, though, about the two teens walking to church...is one of them a killer? Or does one get killed as they are walking along by a stranger?

I had a difficult time understanding what the singer was saying. Can you tell me what the song is about? I assume it has some correlation to your poem?

Hope all is well o'er there in the land down under. Oh, I also wanted to thank you for your comment on my last hub, and forgot to thank you for your vote up! Sure do appreciate it! G'day, mate! Essie.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 14 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Essie, I left the story a little up in the air to make the reader think, and come to their own conclusion about the murderer. It wasn't one of the young couple though...let's just say it was a member of the church "sacrifice your first born son" may be a clue, or it may not :) Sorry! The song is "Blood Balloon"..chosen for the name, not really the message. You put me on the spot there.. :) Thank for reading and commenting.


EsJam profile image

EsJam 14 months ago from Southern California

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I guess I assumed it was of similar message. My fault.

Guess I didn't do too good a job analyzing.

Thank you for your reply. Voted up and interesting. I like that you are not afraid to walk a little on the dark side. Life is sometimes that way. Essie p.s.Like the top photo.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 14 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Essie, I did add the lyrics for the song above if you want to check them out anyway.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Jodah profile image

    John Hansen (Jodah)686 Followers
    267 Articles

    John has been writing poetry since his school days. He was awarded "Poet of the Year 2014" Hubby Awards and has had two poems become songs.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working