THE LITTLE GIRL IS ANGRY - NOT THE WOMAN

Embracing the inner child.....

It is hard when you come into a situation where you react from past experiences and not just from what is going on in the present. We all have hurt from our childhoods and the wounds are still there, but the hard part is to see past them when "they appear" once again in a current moment. The child inside has to be nurtured and loved no matter what or things can get out of control. I know most of us have been there in some way or form. I guess the easiest way to put it is that we all have "triggers." Circumstances or experiences that bring up a lot of past pain and hurt. We all know it is there, but sometimes we can't control it. It can show it's "fearful" head in the emotions of "anger" or "frustration." It could quite easily cause World War 3 in your living room if you don't know what is happening!

So here we are. I'm sitting here writing about my hurt and my childhood. It is still there and I am embracing it for the first time (I have tried many times before but was too painful) and trying to nurture that child that was left a long time ago. When my mother died and left me with the whole world on my shoulders and took away my childhood. I am fiercely protective of my children because of it and I feel this is still a good thing in a world where children are preyed upon. I was one of those kids in the 60's where a lot of people did not consider my feelings. I was hurt by the idea that people could be so "cold" and immediately "shut down" instead of communicating. I used to ask myself "where is the love?" and then I realized that a lot of people were just "not capable." Their own "wounds" were too deep.

This happened recently with a friend I had known for a long time. I left her with my children for a week while I was traveling. Although she had never had children, she was loving but I realized that a "sensitivity button" was missing when it came to my daughter. When she could not deal with her she sent her to various homes for sleepovers and I had no idea it was happening until I called later in the week. She promised to call her one evening when she left, set up a time and then never came through. Really never explained "why" and just basically "blew my daughter off." My daughter is only eight years old. She cried for an hour and asked me why and I tried to make excuses for a person that I knew lived a selfish life. When I approached my "friend" via email all she did was send a text message for me to show her that she is sorry about 5 days later? This really made me wonder what kind of person she REALLY is? I am still blown away by her insensitivity and the fact that her trip to see a guy for the hopes of her career and a brief fling that went bad years ago took center stage over a phone call to a young child who she "said" she cared about. And this is the point. Children get hurt very easily and it stays with them for a very long time. My daughter is not very fond of this friend of mine now because she is a coward and cruel. Infact she has said a few negative things about her that happened when I was gone and I have listened carefully. This is a mothers duty and my love for her is everything. A mother always puts her child first. Children know more then we give them credit for. I have decided since, to create more boundaries from people who only give to me to get something back. Who do not consider children's feelings, especially mine. The boundaries that I never saw before are now up in full force. This is about taking care of me and my family.

So back to that inner child that rears her ugly head once in a while. Lately I understand her and have figured out a way to embrace her. This has taken me a long time and I finally know how she effects me in moments where I feel discomfort or when I'm "let down." A lot of my good friends understand this about me and whenever we have hit a crisis or place of misunderstanding, they have "done the work" along with me and have communicated their feelings and that is why they are still in my life 20 or more years later. I have recently been honest with all of my oldest friends and have had really good conversations. Any grudges I have had or questions or doubts, I just let them "have it." Being honest is the first step to healing. They welcomed me with open arms because they truly love me. This has brought me a great inner calm.

So who is this "angry child?"

Well you see she was abandoned a long time ago. She had to be resilient to survive in this world and she desperately wanted to be loved. Her mother was gone and then her father was older them most. He tried the best that he could and gave her everything that he had. He was a brave and old fashioned man but he loved her. She became angry at people who let her down or disappeared in any way or only wanted to be near her for their own agenda. Even if it was for a moment or it was temporary because all she ever knew was that "Love was there" and then "Love was gone." This is what happens when a young child loses a parent forever. You just never get over it.

But the point is now that the anger isn't there anymore after my "awakening." It has gone away with the past and it is showing up in a different light now in the love that I give every day to the people that I care most about. That little angry girl realized that she is a passionate and loving being and her anger can only take that part of her away and makes everything more "complicated." She doesn't want to disappear anymore.....

This time around I am embracing her and healing the hurt.

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Comments 17 comments

jami l. pereira 5 years ago

Voted up , good hub! thanks for sharing :)


hilary nathan 5 years ago

I can hardly see the screen as my eyes are filled with tears! I'm crying for you; I'm crying for me; oh yes, I am crying for both of us! That "extremely angry child" within me has surfaced many times within the last few months! Anger arises in me so quickly, and quite viciously, I must admit, that I do not recognize myself! Yes, of course, it is the "angry child" within me! Yes, I too had the responsibility of raising my self, and also my brother who was 4 years younger then I. And then there was the "wild card" - I was also responsible for mother!!!! NO, my mother was not sick; my mother was emotional incapable of loving or care for anyone else. NO, let me restate that; she was capable of loving herself but totally incapable of giving love or taking care of her children! Forgive me -- I am so filled with mixed emotions, at this moment, that I need time to organize my emotional "rollercoaster!" Thank you, thank you for the reality check. I shall return in a while when my emotions have calmed and I have a little more clarity. Hil


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

thank you jami for being here and leaving your comment. Best, GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Hilary. It is always so lovely to see that I am reaching you in such a positive way. Thank you for being here and being so supportive of my emotions and writing. I'm glad that you can find some clarity through my stories because this is why I write. To make people think, reflect, rejoice and give them any inspiration I can! Your positive words always bring me joy. Thank you for being "you." Gx


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

Once again you've gone straight to the heart of a matter: A child is the clay that is molded by many fingers into its final form. Despite this persons apparently deep emotional problems that have fostered her behavior, all should be well with a mother like you GPage; but what about the innocence without one such as you. Your physic for the "angry child" should be adopted by those who still suffer from the psychic wounds of childhood.

PS- Hilary, best wishes and if you have a friend like this lady your in good hands for sure.


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Alaster. Thank you for being here. Your comments are always so "in tune" with what I am trying to convey in my writing. You seem to just "get me" and for this I am grateful. I really appreciate your lovely words and I am thankful for people in this world who seek to better the world around them. Thanks again for being here and always giving me such a positive response and for truly understanding me. After all I am writing from the heart.... best, G


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States

This is an extremely touching hub as you explained the way you were able to move past the pain so well. Many of us have childhood pain and it takes different circumstances for different people to want to move past the pain. It sounds like your priorities are right on target with your children.


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

pamela..thank you for being here. I really appreciate your comment. This hub is really close to my heart and I have gotten such an amazing response......so many people have these "triggers" and it can destroy a lot of relationships if it is not dealt with. Quite a few have realized this through my writing and this makes me so happy. Thank you also about your comment about my children and my priorities. They are everything to me.....G


Seafarer Mama profile image

Seafarer Mama 5 years ago from New England

Hello GPage. Enjoyed this hub so much. Feel a little lost right now because I just saw my husband and daughter off on a plane trip to Missouri, where his parents live....Though I look forward to our planned anniversary trip in the fall (why I am not out there with them), and have lots of things planned to do around my home to make it that much more homey...I feel a little lost and am avoiding going to bed...and I think that this "child within" thing might be part of it. I miss my daughter...and when I am alone...I feel a little lost...and my own "inner child" feels a little afraid....so I have some healing to do this week, as well. This hub is something I was meant to stumble upon this evening! Voted up and awesome.


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

SM...I wanted to write to you here incase you are still up....Sometimes when my kids are gone, it is the hardest time. That lonely child appears even if I'm really busy or have too much to do!!! And believe me......there is always more to do!!! Making your home feel more cozy is a great idea, but what i have found is that writing is the best thing to do when I feel that way. I just write down what I am feeling.....it seems to help me and I sleep better. Try to make it cozy in your bedroom and put a few books or magazines on the other side of the bed since hubby is gone.....make it your "own place" until they return......this makes me feel less afraid.....I put lots of ME stuff around the bed and side table.....candles that light up (have batteries in them).....and I spray a lavender mist around which relaxes me.....I hope this helps!!! I'm so happy you like this hub!!! Best, G


Seafarer Mama profile image

Seafarer Mama 5 years ago from New England

Thanks for the tips, GPAGE. I have a lemon mist that is supposed to help induce sleepiness (which I usually use for my daughter when she is home)...and I think I'll go brew a mug of "Sleepytime" tea...and write.

Waking up this morning was not as hard as expected...and it was sweet to hear a message from my daughter on my answering machine when I arrived home for the evening. :0)

I think it'll be a cozier night tonight. :0)

Have a great night!

Seafarer Mama


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 5 years ago from Chicago

Wow. You delivered an important message here, G. I am glad to hear you have experienced such strong healing. God Bless You for trying to help others who also carry a wounded little child inside of them. Well done!

James


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

JAMES! Thank you for your lovely comment and for dropping by!!! This past year has been a journey for me in such a big way. I always love to help and inspire others so it is always nice when I know that I have touched or helped someone....

It is always so nice to see you here!! G


Seafarer Mama profile image

Seafarer Mama 5 years ago from New England

Also loved the pictures in this hub, GPage...especially the "Love of Words" image! Will have to show it to my husband. I bet he'll like it, too. :0)


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Cool SM! So glad you like!! I always try to pick photo's that bring on some sort of emotion....they have to move me before I post them....Anyway, Best G


Ausseye 5 years ago

G what a powerful hub (no hug) you have given in this piece of life, all power to your writing. Yer wonderful when you can embrace your past childhood hurts and take them to a feeling that can embrace, understanding and offer compassion, makes it add rather than subtract from your life. The child you were vs. the adult you embrace and choose to be, being a complete and empowered item…..your child’s a lucky little vegemite ( favourite Aussi food uggg hate it) to be with someone who has a very vital and compassionate knowledge of humanity and love…..creates the best, best foxhole for her to take life’s needed rest bites. Healing is all about knowing yourself and allowing the past to enhance rather than detract from your future, but then you already know that. Now if only you could find a way of teaching that to those many, many angry souls out there who would find some happiness in what you are suggesting……that is if they are compassionate humans……mind you there are sociopaths out here …..avoiding them is a mission in everyone’s life. Now a war on sociopaths sounds good, kind of things that could turn this pacifist into a soldier, maybe!!!! Cheers Ausseye


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 4 years ago from California Author

AUSSEYE...Thank you so much for these very comforting words. I really appreciate you taking the time to come here and share your feelings with me and the readers who happen to come across this hub. I posted this article on my facebook page and so many people found some sort of "resolve" from it...like some sort of window opened in their mind...They let me know that I brought clarity to childhood hurts and their adult issues and all of their years in therapy didn't hit upon this any of this...

We all have the hurt child inside us and we must nurture that part of us or things can go badly or atleast not the way we want things to go.....

Veggimite!! ha ha ...Sort of like Marmite? Blah!!! Yuck!!!! No thank you!!! ha ha

We must avoid people who refuse to deal with their own issues and only lash out at others with kind hearts....sociopaths, abusers, narcissists and whatever else survives by hurting others....

Thanks for being here Ausseye.....G

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