Think I should have someone help me with my makeup?  Well, this is my "face" for the laughter workshop.
Think I should have someone help me with my makeup? Well, this is my "face" for the laughter workshop.


I am back, and I am standing up here on the edge of this hub.  Yes, you can cling to the edge of a hub, just like you can cling to that rib that runs along the edge of a mattress when you’re doing your best to give your sweetie pie the cold shoulder.  Cold shoulder?  Come on, COLD BODY!  Anywho, it’s amazing that we can actually defy gravity by clinging to that mattress rib.  And so here I am, clinging to the edge of this hub, bowing, and accepting all of your applause that I am back!

Well, you’re right.  I don’t hear any applause either, but I just assume that’s because I don’t hear much of anything these days, and yes, I am talking about old people all the time forgetting that yes, sometimes I am the oldest person in the room, and yes, it depends, but NO depends here, yet!  I’m still just plain dribbling here and there because I don’t want every step I take to have that crinkling and cracking sound as if I’m wearing crepe paper underwear.

I have been focusing (and believe me, that is difficult to do these days) on any number of projects including an all day laughter workshop which I facilitated on March 03.  Laughter is unbelievable.  The workshop started at 8:30 in the morning and by 2 p. m., we were all physically exhausted from laughing and laughing and laughing.  Some people had actually laughed their butts off and looked pretty funny trying to walk out of the conference room with no butts.  There was no butts about it, literally!  Hey, come on, give me a break here.  Gotta take advantage of every opportunity to get a little laugh, right?   No butts about it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  Come on, crack a smile.  Get a life!
With all the detours in my life recently, your hubs and creating new hubs were put on hold, and I have some catching up to do in reading many of your hubs.  I humbly apologize for not being there to support you in recent weeks.  Something inside of me says to forget about trying to catch up, just jump back on board at this moment or else I’ll keep missing today’s train!

I love to laugh, so I thought I would reintroduce my presence here by making you laugh or boo or hiss as the case may be.  It is ALL good!

So what is the deal with jokes?  Are they copyrighted and how do you know?  So can I share a joke I heard when I was preparing my laughter workshop, and soliciting jokes from my friends?  Well, I guess I will find out.  The Hub pages own version of the Adjustment Bureau will let me know, I am sure.   And by the way, I liked that movie, Adjustment Bureau.

So this truck driver from Oklahoma pulls into one of those “houses” in Vegas and slaps down 500 dollars and asks for a bologna sandwich and the ugliest woman available.  The “receptionist” says, “For that kind of money, you can have a high class call girl.”

He responds, “I didn’t say I was horny.  I’m just homesick.”

Boooo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o His-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s!

Then there is the joke about the man trying to board an airplane.  One of the groups at the laughter workshop downloaded this from the internet in an attempt to win the funniest joke contest. 

So this man, wearing a trench coat, approaches the boarding gate for his flight, opens his trench coat and flashes the woman collecting tickets.  She says, “I need your ticket, sir, not your stub.”  Oh for crying out loud, LAUGH!

So, I also thought I would bring you an update on my missing sock.  You probably don’t remember, but you can fill in the blanks if necessary by checking out my hub from December 12, 2010. 

Anywho, my missing sock has sent me pictures of itself.  I interpret that as a kind of defiance, like the Boston Tea Party.  Well, It(?), my sock)  has an Impersonating Elvis act that is footlining in Vegas.  The reviews say the act is knocking everyone’s socks off.  The sock revolution is in full swing.  I have a hunch that this uprising story may eventually take over the front page of what is left of newspapers.  I mean when was the last time you saw hundreds of people leaving a Vegas show with no socks on?   When was the last time you saw a highway closed because of a sock pride parade?

You know every revolution has its seeds, its beginnings, in events long before the actual uprising, and I think perhaps the sock revolution goes back to Laugh In.  I know, some of you are too young to remember Laugh In, but they made popular the phrase, “Sock it to me.”

But as I did a little more research, I found a little known Scripture from the Dead Sea Scrolls.  This passage describes God actually working, well creating, on the eighth day.  Yes, on the eighth day, God created socks! And as always, God said, “This is so good!”  God is also quoted as saying, “You will clothe the feet of the rich and the poor.  Someday, you will all walk the earth and lay bear the feet that have tried to crush you.”  So here it is, folks.  Pay attention.  Notice how many socks keep missing from your drawers each day.  Notice how many socks are disappearing out of the washing machine and dryer.  I think they are fed up.  I think socks are letting us know that our feet stink.  Yep, OUR feet stink.  It is the single most contributor to stinking thinking and the disappearance of the ozone layer.

I am actually collecting money to further the sock cause.  All donations will be accepted.  You can send them directly to me at P. O. Box 48, Yucaipa, CA 92399.  Try sending cash!  Or money orders.  No checks.  Make money orders payable to Vernon Bradley.  Hey, come on.  Where else would you send such a donation?  I’m helping you out here.  Making it easy for you to support a worthwhile cause.  Don’t frown at me.  Don’t be a heel.  Have some sole.  Have a little elasticity here.  Get with the program.  If you were alive in 1776, you would have appreciated support, right?  Don’t get into your stinking feet syndrome.  Be grateful that the socks are no longer willing to cover up your nasty tracks, your deformities, your little piggies, your cracked soles, your festering heals, your bunions.  Clean up your act, well, your feet, for crying out loud and donate today.  Support Hose has a whole new meaning now.

By the way, what is a bunion?  Seems like a combination of an onion and bun.  So is that like someone with stinky breath and a fat butt?  Just wondering.  Bunions look pretty weird!  But here’s the deal.  Your socks are tired of covering them up!  The cover up is over.  Deal with it!
I found this document in my dryer yesterday.  The socks had all disappeared.  So I am assuming they were working on this document while spinning in the dryer.  When they made their getaway, they left the document behind, perhaps by mistake or perhaps they want the word to get out.  It appears they are working on their very own Declaration Of Independence.

Here’s what the document said.  It is obviously incomplete.

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one group to wash itself of the political bands which have connected them with human feet, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them as socks, a decent respect to the opinions of all creation requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We, the socks of the earth, hold these truths to be self-evident, that all socks are created to be independent, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, socks have the right to abolish their traditional place of being stepped on, subjected to the lowest form of subjugation, to be trounced upon underfoot, and to institute a Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Traditions  long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that socks have suffered long enough, that a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Despotism and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these socks for generations.  It is now time to declare our independence.  Accordingly, May 4th of this year will be declared SocK Independence Day.

I was wondering, myself, what the significance of May 4th is, and maybe that is the point.  It has no significance at this point in time, so it is ripe and ready to have significance.

You know there is precedence with this sock deal.  I mean there are two major league baseball teams named after socks.  The White Socks and the Red Socks!  And interestingly enough the names were chosen long before communism was an issue.  So don’t be surprised if, in the coming days and weeks, leading up to May 4th, it becomes impossible to find your own socks, let along buy new ones.  I think the end of wearing socks on our feet is imminent.  What is scary is that one revolution often leads to another and pretty soon, shoes will be rebelling and then underwear.  You know none of us like to kiss someone’s arse, so we should be quite sympathetic to the Jockey and Hanes revolution.

I feel somewhat disrespectful being humorous when there is so much calamity occurring in our world today.  So I pause my laughter for a moment of silence, a moment of gratitude, that for some perhaps mysterious reason, I have been spared earthquake, tsunami, exposure to radiation, and all the other international disasters that one by one fall to the back page after a few days.  I have never understood how it works, and I am not even sure what the “it” is.  I am happy that I can laugh and hope I can continue to laugh even when disaster strikes.  Laughter is often what pulls us through and sustains our hope in the goodness of the universe and the goodness of people and the goodness of God.  Perhaps evil, in and of itself, does not really exist.  Perhaps it is our own invention to make sense out of our own stubbornness to move with the events of life we do not understand, or think, somewhat grandiosely, that we do not deserve. Well, yes, all of a sudden we are getting serious here!  Hey, if it is too much for you, look in the mirror and have a good laugh.  Look at your backside and notice that part of you is an a**hole, and that is really a good thing.  It has a purpose, as long as when you look at your back side that is not all that you see.  When that happens, yes, you are in trouble.

Looking forward to your comments and looking forward to posting another hub soon.
Thanks for reading and commenting.


They stealthfuly made it down the hallway
They stealthfuly made it down the hallway
The socks represent all colors
The socks represent all colors
They made it out the front door and down the walkway
They made it out the front door and down the walkway
It is obvious that nothing is going to stop them
It is obvious that nothing is going to stop them
I think it is time to stop wearing supporthose and simply to support hose.
I think it is time to stop wearing supporthose and simply to support hose.

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Comments 13 comments

Candy 5 years ago

DARN good hub Vern! The writing was tight, even athletic. It knocked my socks off! If I lived in Britain I could say it knocked my knobby knockers off! You deserve a Gold Toe for this hub!

justom profile image

justom 5 years ago from 41042

Vern, this hub socks! C'mon man it's called a morphine drip and you have control of the button (please press it NOW) more time. Ok, I think you're much better now. How the hell have you been? True story (and if I've already told you..oh well, that happens). A friend of mine went to have his back adjusted and while the guy was pushing on his lower back he farted, embarrassed he said, sorry I farted to which the guy replied "That's alright, you'll shit when you get the bill". Welcome back, catching up is a lost cause but you did miss a great hub I did on bungs, bungholes and bung droppers. The adults at HP decided it wasn't appropriate even though it was a very interesting hub. Peace bro!! Tom

vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 5 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

CANDY, Thanks for reading and commenting. Knobby Knockers sounds like something the adjustment bureau might frown at especially if they got after Tom's bungholes! Thanks for nominating me for a Gold Toe, Candy.

TOM, it is nice to be back writing. I have kept up with poetry and I post it sometimes each day on my facebook wall. It is something I started after listening to Wayne Dyer suggest that we give money away anonymously to people in need. I figured I couldn't give money away, but I could write a love poem each day and put it out there for the universe and for whomever might need a touch of love on a given day. And some of the poems are about the love relationship between God and us. But, the hubs, slipped by the wayside till I discovered the socks were getting out of feet. That was my signal to get back on here and let readers know important stuff. I like your chiropractor story. And so very sorry I missed your asstronomical uranus piece. You did get away with that silly question you asked about the color of Uranus, so maybe you butted up against the adjustment bureau one too bummy times.

Peace and Love to both of you


justom profile image

justom 5 years ago from 41042

Yeah, I like Wayne Dyer. I give away smiles and friendliness every day. You know that silly question came straight from National Geographic, the title was "a false color view of Uranus" with the photo so I was just curious what other thought :-P I'm thinking of trying the bung hub again, it is hilarious but also amazingly interesting. Glad you're back man, this place was gettin' a bit boring. Peace!! Tom

vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 5 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Hi Tom

Would you believe, I have had to make revisions on several of my hubs on healing from sexual abuse? Too much to go into why, but after several emails back and forth, the editors and myself got it worked out. So yes, maybe give it another shot! It's great to be back.

Peace and Love


Spirit Whisperer profile image

Spirit Whisperer 5 years ago from Isle of Man

Thanks for the laugh and your energy explodes from each hub so whatever your age you come across as a very young buck raring to go!

vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 5 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Spirit Whisperer,

Thanks for reading and commenting and telling me I am young. I really am young. In terms of the lifespan way back in Genesis, I'm just a kid!! My goal is to remain ageless in some respects and grown up and mature in others, and very childish in others!!!

Thanks again. Glad you laughed. Just remember, Support Hose!


kimh039 profile image

kimh039 5 years ago

Thankfully for your readers, vern, there is no known cure for a sock fettish. So I look forward to many more sock drama episodes to come. I am not able to relate to your missing sock concerns at all. I have the opposite problem. I cannot bring myself to throw away a sock. I'm a bit of a sock hoarder. I won't wear them when they have holes in them, but I won't throw they away. I fold them back up and put them in the drawer; thinking I'll remember that's the pair with a hole in it the next time. But I don't remember! I put the sock back on, notice the hole - usually on the 2nd sock not the 1st - fold it up and put it away again. While I have some sympathy for your situation, and I would probably not throw away a missing pair sock in the hope that the other might return, I think my situation is much more serious than yours. I suppose I could do a hub on sock hoarding, but I'm not sure that's a serious enough topic, and I'm not quite sold on that laughter therapy you're touting.

good 2 cya vern. glad you're able to laugh again!

vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 5 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Hey, Kim, just do not be surprised when one day SOON, there will be no socks in your drawer and there will not even be a trail or any indication of how they left. If you start writing your phone number on the socks, they may call you a day or so or a week or so after they "run." Take a good look at each pair or each singular sock, so you will recognize them when they go on television to declare their independence! "Hey, that's MY sock."

In sock thinking, hoarding is akin to slavery, however better than just tossing them out into the landfill! You are in a real bind here. If you trash too many socks, they may get a restraining order! And it is probably best that you don't darn 'em because then you will refer to them as the darned socks! They are sensitive, you know. Many of them already feel like heels, so darning them doesn't help.

This is not a fetish. This is a serious social problem!! These "creatures" are baring their soles to us and again, I think we need to support hose! I imagine that 50% of your socks are feeling like donuts, but I know you probably wouldn't eat your socks or deep fry them. I am surprised your socks haven't serendipitously picked up your mindfulness and began contemplating their holes.

So thanks for reading and the comments. You can see some really fun laughter therapy videos on Youtube.



50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 5 years ago from Arizona

Vern, great and funny write, I remember the days that when a sock ran away I diligently searched for it, now days I wear only one so I'll gladly take any size 16 socks that need a home, LOL, dusty

vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 5 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

I have been getting post cards from my socks postmarked Arizona, so keep an eye for them. They are yours if you come across them, altho, they might not "sock" around if you try to capture them!!



Elefanza profile image

Elefanza 5 years ago from Somewhere in My Brain

THIS is an AWESOME hub. Yeah for being BACK! So I have this sock drawer and believe it or not, I DO cringe when I think of all the socks I have to match up. I'm the kind of person that wonders if socks have souls and if the one mismatched sock is a sole survivor of some dryer calamity or if some red sock is red because it got sucked into some dark matter and is now red and holy instead of just being holey. Hee hee.

Okay, laughter aside, I find myself a wee bit annoyed. I feel as though I could be nice and kind till kingdom comes. Isn't that what I'd want other people to do for me? But really, sometimes, I just want a good argument, or the freedom to laugh at public tooting and documents that allow wedgy correction. Among other things. And then, I realize that even the "be nice and loving all the time" just doesn't work for all cases. Or maybe it does? I don't know. So I'll start by looking in the mirror and laughing.

Still need to get to the movie. I too have a lot of "catching up to do." Like morning pages. Love it still, btw. Hope all is going AWESOME and SPLENDID on your front! Waaaa Hoo for LAUGHTER!

vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 5 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Wow, Elefanza

Thanks for reading and thanks especially for the comments and sharing. You open up a lot of "stuff" for me regarding "fighting" and arguing and for me, I have this very fine line between humor and anger. I can be very sharp with my humorous tongue and sometimes not even know it. And what I am saying is really really funny, but very aggressive.

I struggle with the whole issue of aggression especially when it comes to self defense. I am working diligently at being able to defend myself physically if necessary, but that ultimately could require taking out the other person totally and if it does require that and you miss that, guess who is going to get taken out. AND I am very much a non violent person, so it is a struggle for me. Sometimes my wanting to argue has more to do with feeling like I am 3 years old inside and wanting, as a three year old, to take on the big people and set them straight!! So when I let myself grow up inside and be the old man that I am, then sometimes, the urge to argue goes away and I can follow Lao Tse's verse, "The wise man is quiet!"

Sometimes I just lose it and I fight, argue, scream yell cry, and sometimes make a "fool" out of myself and there's nothing bad about being a fool. The great inspirational characters of art throughout history are fools, like Charlie Chaplin in the movies and throughout literature, there are a lot of fools. In some respects, Jesus is a fool.

Anywho, there are still other times, I put the person (mentally) I am angry with on the empty seat next to me in the car and in the privacy of my car, I let them have it, and I mean I say awful awful awful things which no one will ever hear and which will hurt or harm no one. And then my heart is emptied, like vomiting, and I can go on my way with a clean heart, and in fact when I see the person the next time, I find that I can actually love them again.

Well, almost a hub here!

I would say, be loving, in the best sense of that word, but forget about being "nice." Nice usually means I give up some important part of myself, and it seems we have all been trained so well to give up important parts of ourselves as we were growing up, that it becomes second nature as an adult. Not blaming anyone here, it's just how it is. And I have a blog almost ready for posting on that very topic.

So for now, thanks again for reading and commenting.


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