Ten Best Places to Hide in a Zombie Apocalypse

When you notice that your friends and neighbors are more zombie-like than usual, consider an island as your best hiding place. I have no evidence that zombies can swim or operate a boat of any kind. Choose an island that is not very populated to begin with, as you are going to have to clear the island of zombies before you can relax. Perhaps the Outer Banks of North Carolina? Long Island is a hundred miles long; you don't want to attempt that. Maybe one of the small islands off of Charleston. A friend of mine votes for a well fortified island in the middle of the Louisiana swamps. Lots of wildlife and surely the gators will take care any zombies wandering through the marshes.

So look around, find a small island close to you and hack your way through the zombies to get there. If you are landlocked, you need to keep reading because you aren't going to get to an island before the rest of us. Hide somewhere else.

Okay, this is less convenient than an island, because you have to come down from the tree to hunt and find food. However, keep in mind that the squirrels are right up there with you and Southerners have been eating squirrel for years, so it can be done. Maybe you could build some kind of netting to catch the squirrel after you shoot them so they don't fall to the ground. The less time you spend down there in zombieland, the better.

The thought here is that you start with a tree house that you find and then you build on - envision you and your family as the Swiss Family Robinson of the zombie apocalypse.

You could hole up in Underground Atlanta with your friends and neighbors. Or if you want to choose more appropriate people to hang out with during the zombie apocalypse, you might consider my picks: Ten People to Take with You in a Zombie Apocalypse. You could live down there for some time without coming up, but eventually you've got to go out and scavenge for food. Since you are in a large city, you have to assume that there will be zombies everywhere and food will be scarce. I think I'd only choose this place to hide if you are in Atlanta and can't get out. Live down there as long as you can and then take your chances.

This one has some serious advantages. Namely, weapons. Also, there will be food for awhile from the dining halls and surely you can find some k-rations. When you run out of food, you can use a tank to go get some more food. There's enough land to grow gardens with those seeds you remembered to bring along with you. If you didn't remember to bring seeds, it's time to read Ten Things to Take With You in a Zombie Apocalypse!

The disadvantages are that the military guys that haven't been bitten yet are probably still at the base. They might not want to share the base with you... and they have those weapons we've been chatting about.

Well, yes, I did steal this one from The Walking Dead, but it's a good idea, right? Unlike the military base, it is enclosed by fencing to keep the zombies out. There might be some food left inside and there should be vehicles so you can make a food run. There should also be weapons and land to plant your veggies.

Another good idea from my friend - an offshore drilling platform. If you are lucky enough to be living on an offshore drilling platform during a zombie apocalypse, you're safe. We'll assume you know about the apocalypse because you got the news before the newscasters were eaten. I think you are going to get scurvy and other disease you get from lack of fruit and veggies. However, you have easy access to seafood so you won't starve.

A riverboat might not be a bad idea. We have already ascertained that zombies cannot swim. But what will happen after it runs out of power? Will it drift into the shore where the zombies can come aboard? Drop the anchor somewhere safe. Riverboats do have anchors, don't they?

In any case, let's move on to the advantages of a zombie-free life on a riverboat. You can fish for food. There will be lifeboats so you can paddle to shore to get more food.

Are there any old forts around you? Like this one near Pensacola, Florida. Fort Pickens and old forts like that were very well fortified at one time, so you should be able to shore up any breaks in the walls. Forts that are near the ocean like this one have the distinct advantage that the sand surrounding them will surely be very hard terrain for zombies to navigate. You'll have plenty of time to get ready for them.

This isn't as bad an idea as you might initially think. The antelope, moose, elk or any animal like that will have plenty of enclosed pasture land there for growing your food. And obviously, you can eat them. The buildings attached to the fenced areas can be your living area. If you can fortify the doors to the buildings then I think a zoo is definitely worth a look in case you are forced to relocate to escape zombies.

Now I admit castles are hard to come by in America and I wasn't really thinking about saving the Europeans. Sorry! But you have to save yourself in these situations and the best I can do for the rest of the world is hope that the zombies didn't make it through our airport security. However, a castle is a great idea if you can find one. The closest we have is the Biltmore House in North Carolina. Though there is no moat and that would really come in handy, because ZOMBIES CAN'T SWIM!

Surely it will be very dark down there in the subway, but it should be fairly easy to barricade the entrances. At first you could sneak out for food runs, but if you are in a subway we can assume you are in a large city and there will be zombies everywhere.

I guess you'll have to go find an island.

Where would YOU hide? Let me know!

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• Zazzle
• CafePress
• RoadKill T-Shirts