Tetchy.
Frozen solid.
Tetchy
Life I find is all about learning
Not about money,or what your earning.
If your supposed to be happy
Then it will eventually come
It won't pass you by
Seems uneven for some.
Fate deals out tragedy
And happiness for some
Leaves some people with feelings
But leaves others quite numb.
Watched people suffer from a horrendous thing
They end up crying,sometimes they sing
They're up and down
You can sympathise
All through the night
Hear their saddening cries.
I wish I could take away
Just some of the pain
I feel I could help
I can help them regain
Just a piece of their sanity
Talk them out of doing something bad
It often ends in tragedy
Ending with more friends being sad.
If you feel you can help
I would definitely try
Might give them a new hope
Might not hear them cry.
Might soften the blow
Might ease the terrible weight
Might open new routes
Take them through a happy gate.
You feel sometimes helpless
You feel your no use
Don't abandon them now
Or try to make an excuse.
Even if your close
You are still doing your bit
They might confide in you
Continue to sit.
You'll be appreciated
Even though it feels wrong
It helps more than you know
Gain a right from the wrong.
Unsettling and sickening.
when it happens it comes at you in droves.Your nerves occasionally crack,then all your functions you normally rely on crash and burn all at the same time.your words are jumbled,you cannot put a sentence together.All the while your stomach is churning and churning,making you feel sick to the pit of it.Theres nothing you can do,unfortunately you can only grin and suffer in silence,hoping that it passes quickly without too much embarrassment.I tend to get nervy and tongue tied in the presence of women I don't know,or in a crowd of people.externally to people I know I appear supremely confident,but in front of a crowd or a lady I'm a babbling mess at times.it's a curse I've always had.unfortunately I might have to suffer for sometime yet.there are no signs of it leaving me as yet.
Stomach churning.
Disposition.
look away,face goes red
in your ego,you feel like your dead
shame spiral runs,stomach bowls over
one more mistake,you know it's over
look stupid as can be,no solution in sight
hoping your words don't put you in a fight
plodding forwards as you always do
hope you don't show up more than a few.
Unsettling.
Comical.
one day long ago I thought I was being watched by a couple of ladies.i was only 18 years of age,I was suited and booted as they say.i was told I looked pretty sharp.i was walking down my street and happened to look at the opposite side of the road.two ladies about my age were smiling at me.i felt the inevitable nerves kick in.i tried to put on my coolest walk and appear at least in some form of control.i proceeded to kick my own heel ,and ended up face down on the Tarmac. The laughter of the people in the immediate surroundings were cutting to say the least.i stood up and walked as fast as my legs could carry me back to my house.i laugh about it now,but I was not a happy person when it happened .Nerves play a big part in a lot of people's lives.it can quite literally mean the difference between success and failure ,depending on what your nerves do on that day.
Some people drug the issue away.
I've known a few people over the years who suffered a nervous disposition.A few of my friends at the time hid their problem by using drugs.It was a big part of a lot of my old friends lives,and remains so till this day.i see the shells of former friends appear in front of me.its unsettling to think of the way they looked before,and what the drugs have done to them now.They are so reliant on the drugs ,it pretty much rules their lives and their wallets. A few people I knew in the past chose Valium as a tool for calming the nerves.i can't say from personal experience if it ever worked for them,as I never tried the drug myself. They did seem a lot calmer,but their functions were dampened very significantly.I'm not sure if I preferred to speak to the calm friend or the nervous one.it's very much a Jekyl and Hyde existence for a lot of them.Crime inevitably came in to their lives as a resort of using the drugs as well.their habit needed funding,and since they were not employed,they turned to crime to feed their habit.it was very sad to see the desecration of personal friends wear away in front of my eyes.
Community.
my community is blighted by drugs,and has been for many years.the authorities seem powerless to intervene.they try many schemes and fixes,but nothing ever seems to work.i don't envy the people tasked with finding a solution to a huge problem in Scotland as a whole.The money thrown in to drug rehabilitation every year soars in to the millions of pounds. Yet at the end of the money trail,there never seems to be any progress made.Mps and other people in authority are basically banging their heads of a hard drug wall,and going down fast. Granted though,a lot of political parties try as much as they can to ignore the drug issue,it's not a campaign winning issue like education or the Nhs.time and experts in the field need to be thrown head first in to solving the UK wide problem.if it's not taken seriously,it's only going to get worse.
Me on a good day.
Problem in view.
When nerves kick in,what do you do?
Family.
close members of my family have used and still do use drugs as a crutch to lean on.i watch as they waste thousands of pounds every year on a drug that totally commands their every waking moment.its hard,as I feel powerless to help.i wish I could wave a magic wand,and just make it all better,sadly but ,real life is very different from fairy tales.reality bites hard for drug users.i watch lots of them starting their working lives being pretty affluent,then over the years of drug use,you see the depletion of all their money.its a horrible thing to watch. A once proud and hardy friend ,reduced gradually to a quivering and penniless wreck.
