The Life of Super Hero Mom Ouzo Ryder
Super Mom Is Here To Save The Day
"Children, listen up. Now this is really important and I need you to give me your full attention. While I was flying from a grocery store to the local sports shop, I have noticed that someone has broken my security breach on my computer."
"Mom, well what do you expect? You have been gone for five minutes and I was bored. Oh by the way, did you get my peach snack?" I began to pace the floor as I removed my pink cape and threw it on the counter for later when I was to prepare the "Super Deluxe Feast" for our secret guest from New York. I decided to hide my "mind altering seasonings" just incase I needed to brainwash him before dessert. I was ready.
I had planned this specialty meal for sometime now. "Where is your father?" My son looked at me with his innocent eyes (which I knew was an act and he was really a mini secret agent trying to trick me into doing something that I was too tired to do).
"He is out in the garden playing with his guns." I was angry and started to look around. "I do hope your little sister is not back there with him training for our next outing to a crowded place near the museum downtown. She is still too young for this sort of thing." "Mom, I do hope we are not going to that slum downtown where only bad people exist." I decided to ignore my son's arrogant comment and I dashed around the house looking for the youngest agent in the family. I continued looking under her bed and then under the counter just incase I was to become her next victim. No one could ever be quite sure in a house full of Super Agents. The little one's were too good at hiding and making me give into their every whim with their special psychic powers and mind reading capabilities. I refused to give in one more time today since I was too busy saving the world from "people who are saving the world." There is one thing I know for sure, there are too many people looking for a fight and I'm ready.
My son was the smartest of us all and he had special ways of manipulating me by reading my thoughts and the look in my eye. He is also a master at computer programs and editing equipment and he is very savvy at tricking people with one click. He has a secret code name when he is about to destroy his next victim in the virtual battle world. He yells "You Are Done Yoshi !!!!!" I'm so proud of him.
All of a sudden all of the lights went off. "Everyone down and take cover!" I yelled. "They are back and I'm finally going to get them and ruin their attack plan." My son frustrated from my forgetfulness that only happens once a year decided to speak up after he lit a candle. "Mom, you forgot to pay the electric bill." "Do not be foolish Agent Mario there is no way that something like that is happening. This has been done on purpose by a different species that is taking over our planet and forcing us to pay them!" I saw my son roll his eyes and for a moment I thought that he was possessed by one of our "out of world" enemies. "I will go get dad mom. Please stay in the kitchen so you do not get hurt." "No worries about me young lad, I'm versed in Taekwondo and ready for action when the aliens arrive."
In a flash he was gone and then I started to worry that I would be kidnapped by the next person or being who rang the doorbell. I decided if someone came to the door I would ignore it. You never know who will show up asking for something. In a flash the the rest of the agents at our house were standing nearby ready for action. Agent 0022 decided to call the Red Planet Main office and all of a sudden the lights were back on. We all rejoiced and the mini agents asked for chocolate milk while the Special Parent Force had some wine to make sure we do not hurt someone without doing a background check first.
The knock at the door came at 5pm and I immediately ran for cover. Agent 0022 decided that it was best if he answered the door to make the Foreign Agent feel comfortable. The man came in and carried a brief case to the chair and sat down. I finally stood up and came into the room to offer him tea which was really laced with truth serum specially imported from China. "Thank you" he said as he looked at me from top to bottom. My son became suspicious at the way he looked at me and walked into the room to provide extra protection incase the alien being would go beyond the safety rules in the household.
Agent 0022 asked him quite a few questions and when he finally got to the final analysis I decided to pull out my special mind altering potato salad to make sure he was not ripping us off. Afterall even Super Agents can be tricked by a nice old man with a Frank Sinatra hat on.
He began to eat my special salad with my magic tea and before we knew it he was all ours. I sat down to ask him about the return policy and he assured us that there would never be a problem if we were unhappy. He also knew that his life would be in danger if he ever lied to us. Everyone knew who we were and they never wanted to mess with our "special family." When he got up to leave and shook Agent 0022's hand we were all relieved that this battle of the forces was finally over. We knew that we could now move on to a cheaper and much more secure place in another state and the aluminum siding that we just purchased from this old man will make our house even more bold and protected from enemy forces.
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PLEASE READ THIS ARTICLE BEFORE YOU BOOK YOUR TICKET. This is a very SMALL local poetry festival so before you spend your hard earned cash at the most expensive time of year, READ THIS!
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