The Adventures of Rex and Gordon...Part One.

Now , you have to remember , Rex and Gordon my identicle twin brothers from a different birthday, they always have stuck together like Elmers glue on fly paper ! From thier days as toddlers right on up through high school and beyond !..... They have always been the biggest emotionally charged trial of my entire family , my Father and Mother probably lost more nights of sleep because of these two than any other reason at all . Anyway they are both younger than I and are even now , forever testing the limits of an alcohol spiked imagination when it comes to pranks likewise performed against the greater innocent public masses !

The following story is one of which I had to change the names and locations of the acts of one particular night back in nineteen seventy- seven or so ! Even now , to this very day , I believe it's always important to protect the innocent victims of the downright mean and nasty tricks these two were apt to be performing at any particular time. And believe me , if it wern't for Jim Beam** and luke warm aluminum cans of Coors Light * , they may ......[May, I stress ] have turned out to be like any two normal adults .

It had been raining , a true down pour really , and I had turned in early after realizing that it was a good night to just stay right off the roads ..........otherwise , I might even have joined in with them on a few brews at the local public house ! Of course as every ....and any..... good story begins ,...............

I heard a knocking at the old farmhouse front door and being a heavy sleeper at the time , I continued to doze even though some part of me recognized that something strange was up ! Anyway , the next thing I knew I heard a soft knocking at my bedroom window in the room that attaches to the flat woodshed roof right off from the family garage . We were all living at home at the time and my bedroom window could be accessed by ladder from the lower back stairway the back steps leadig down to the garden. Long story short .... it was a quick getaway or a much quieter way to enter our house without "alerting" my parents , of course it was my bedroom .......I guess you could say I saw a lot of coming and going in the night , ..........thats what happens with a big family .....and a family of .All boys!

"Ed ......wake up !" .......one of them whispers , slurring !........" Come on man , open this window...... it's wet out here !.".....about then .....I hear a beer can or two rattling away down over the tin roof and a stifled laugh....from the two of them !

" Wake up will Ya ?" Gordon slurrs away ......While the much calmer Rex says ......" Come on Ed ! .........we have more beer here .......do ya Want one ?".........

Just then , as I am awakening , I see the blue lights of a police car passing without sirens , slowly going by our house ! And the two fools at my window begin laughing harder !

"I wonder what they want ?" ..... I hear my brother Rex ask in his usual dry humor ." Those boy's in blue are out pretty late tonight " ..........Gordon the younger of the two says " Ahh you know .........our tax dollars at work"........

And just then I hear Rex say ..........."Maybe they are a 'bear huntin tonight " and the two of them break into a giggling drunken laughter !

Now normaly , I could ignore any of my brothers until they slid the window open and climbed in [ or fell ] , just so's I didn't have to get out from under the warm snuggly covers , ............But something about that last remark brought me fully awake ............." maybe they are bear huntin !".........I had told them at the supper table a few nights earlier that I had been looking for one of those giant chain saw carvings of a bear ! You know the ones , where we live its not uncommon to see them here and there . They stand about six or so feet high with outstretched paws and a ferocious look on the wide grizzly face . Local artisans carve them out of the trunk of a pine tree and sell them for up to a few hundred dollars each ........I have always wanted one !

" Ed ........get up ! ." ...........so , as I climbed out of bed walked to the foot of the bed....... and opened the sash lock , raised the window and ,without turning on a light , let the two meatheads into my bedroom! ........just as the police cruiser made another slow pass by our house , no lights this time.........and who knows why but Rex and Gordon both ducked below the window sill and continued laughing , .............

"Oh hi Ed ......What you up to ?"........Rex grins and asks as he reaches into his coat pocket and retreives another silver bullet !
" What are you doin up so late "........which begins another round of uncontrolled laughing ..............I was thinking , you know I should be drinking too ! Then I could catch maybe become some part of the humor !

" Guess what man !" Gordon says....... We Gotcha one of them bears you've been wanting !.....

".Bears ?........Oh ..nooo! " , now I'm thinking oh god ! they have done it again , the two boys have gone and stolen a full size wooden carving of a giant bear . AND! the police know who did it! About this time the boys are handing me the keys to my truck !

" You guys promised me you wouldn't be drinking when you went out tonight ! What the hell were you thinking !".! I was beginning to panic .........watching for the return of the police cruiser !

"But we never drank anything until we were almost home "! Gordy says!......." well, I didn't anyways , someone had to tackle that bear "........ Now my brothers are a little wild , Rex although eight years younger than I , is six foot seven and looks like sasquatch ! And Gordon although ten years younger than I is a scrapper , he loved to wrestle or fistfight ! .......Me , now I'm half asleep and don't think I can take both of them together ......resigning myself to what ever is going to happen I ask......

"Where did you meatheads get a bear !!? " Thinking the worse , I scramble into my pants and grab a sweatshirt just knowing that when I sneak outside , I'm going to find my forty nine Ford pick up with a ten foot bear standing in the back and a couple of cops with thier foot up on the bumper of my truck, waiting for me !.......But after doing a quick walk around of my truck I see no damage and thankfully .....no giant wooden bear either! Peeking into the dark body of the truck ............I see nothing odd. Among the empty beer cans and the spare tire I see only my tool box ...............Oh NO !............Wood shavings ......What the hell gives?

Well anyway , after going back to bed and sleeping through the short remaining hours of night I awaken to the voices below my bedroom ......My parents talking about all the noises in the night ...........and then later, on my way to work , after cleaning the beer cans and wood shavings out of the back of my truck and wondering still about the drunken promise of " we got you a bear " from my two brothers ..... who are now , by the way , sleeping off a very busy night ......I pass by the town building and pull into my place of work , the town highway garage ..........and right there in font of the police station doors , on the town common ....................... A huge chainsaw carving of a grizzly bear , with my coat over its shoulders and my brand new stetson hat on the head of the bear...........Boy, ............. ! thats the last time I leave my hat and coat in my truck at night !. Or for that matter the last time they use my pick up!

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Comments 2 comments

Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and funny. Great story. LOL That was some night and day. Thanks for sharing.


Daddysgirl 4 years ago

Too funny dad! Lots of laughs from this one! Love and hugs!

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