The Adventures of Lucius Chapter IV

This is the fourth chapter in the ongoing adventures of Lucius, the wizard with amnesia. To read the previous chapter go here

Hearing the inhuman, unearthly roar of the approaching monster, I immediately did what any sane man in my position would have done. I dove for cover.¹ Glancing up, I was shocked that everyone else was simply going about their lives as though everything were normal. Then the monster appeared. Steam billowed forth from it in large clouds. It appeared to be made of metal as it rushed down the set of tracks to which it was confined. Yes, the monster was a train. I would ask that the reader bear with me. This was the first time that I had ever seen a train in my new very short life. How was I to know that the train was not some hellspawned monster or demon sent forth from the abyss itself to consume my very soul?²

“Leaping piranhas,”³ a gravelly voice said behind me, “is this the first time that you have seen a train, laddie?”

I slowly rose to my feet and regally dusted my new coat off. I then turned and looked at the strange gnome that sat behind me. “Who are you?” I asked.

“Falling starfish,”⁴ the gnome said, “can you seriously not recognize the famed author and scholar, Kianith?”

“Um,” I replied. “I’m not sure. Should I?”

“Weeping tiger-sharks,”⁵ the gnome nearly shouted, “you really are ignorant, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know,” I replied somewhat lamely. “Am I?”

“Sweeping clams,”⁶ the gnome barked, “do you know anything?”

“Well, I believe that I have amnesia,” I replied.

The gnome stared at me for a little bit and then finally bobbled his head around a bit as he thought. Then he gave me a small, sharp nod and leaped to his feet. “Well then, good forgetful sir, allow me to introduce myself,” the gnome said with a flourishing bow.⁷ “I am Kianith, one of the most renowned scholars in all of the world of Torvaal. It would be my pleasure to show you around Avaard, but unfortunately, I must make haste to the train for I am due for an appointment in the small human settlement of Kas. Perhaps, you would like to accompany me, and we can talk more about your strange problem? You see, I have always been interested in amnesia.”⁸

Dear readers, I would like you to understand that with all my heart, I wish that I had delivered a far different answer than the one I ended up giving. “Sure,” I said, “but I don’t have any money.”⁹

“Ah, no worries,” Kianith with a smile. “I have more than enough money to pay both of our fares. Simply follow me.”¹⁰

Together we walked up to the ticket counter behind which sat a very blunt faced gnome. “Hiya,” the gnome said, “what can I do for ya today, Kianith?”

“Two tickets,” Kianith replied, “to Kas. I have business there to take care of.”

“New shipment of books, I take it,” the other gnome said as he pulled down two sheets of paper and stamped them with a very official looking stamper.

Kianith nodded his head as he took the two sheets of paper. He handed one of them to me, and we began to walk towards the train. Glancing up at the dome’s roof, I asked, “Why is the city built under a dome?”

Kianith looked at me in utter shock. “Do you expect us to build with no dome?”

“Why not?” I asked. “Humans do all the time, don’t they?”

“That is because you tall people are quite mad,” Kianith replied. “I believe that it comes from living under that unnaturally opened sky with the blazing eye of the sun. I mean seriously, how do you guys stand it?”

Now, not having made an extensive study of gnomish philosophy, I cannot say what they are thinking, but it is my firm opinion that living beneath the earth has driven them quite mad. How could you possibly say that the open sky, which is part of the created order of things, is unnatural. Furthermore, how is it weird to live beneath it. It is quite humbling actually. This might be why gnomes are so arrogant. They are not humbled every day by the beauty and majesty of the sky and all its lofty hosts.¹¹

We boarded the train and quickly found some seats. After that we sat there for a bit and began to converse about various things before Kianith went on a very long winded lecture about some inn in the city we were going to. I tuned him out because quite frankly, it was boring.¹² It was then that I noticed the dark clad creature coming down the aisle. It was exactly like the one that I had faced on the beach. It spotted me and gave me a blood chilling grin as it moved towards me with silent, deadly grace.

¹ I give up. There is no possible way you can ask me not to make a note here. Lucius screamed like a little girl before he dove for cover I mean, I have seen little girls that maintain more composure under real stress than he did when faced by a train.

² Melodrama thy name is Lucius.

³ I object. I have never used the phrase leaping piranhas in my entire life. The phrase I actually used here was steaming anvils.

⁴ This is character assassination of the basest form. I have never used the phrase falling starfish. If I recall correctly, the interjection that I actually use here was that good old gnomish standby dancing horseshoes.

⁵ I have a mind to sue for defamation of character. I used the phrase twisted springs here.

⁶*Note from the Editor* I have made it quite clear to Lucius that he must stop changing the gnomish interjection phrases to these weird phrases having to do with aquatic life. It is unacceptable to so belittle the rich cultural background and heritage of the gnomes. I believe that the phrase that was actually used here was tapping hammers.

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⁷ I will regret doing this for the rest of my life.

⁸ Oh, how I wish that I hadn’t said that.

⁹ What? What? What? Why do you wish that you had given a different answer, you moronic wizard. What? Was I not good enough for your company of misfits and insane people? Was I not crazy enough? Deluded enough? You were blessed by my presence. I was the lone soul of rationality in our small party. It was I that was cursed by our meeting.

¹⁰ What was I thinking?

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¹¹ Because mountains aren’t humbling at all.

¹² This why you have absolutely no idea about the origins of names. If you had listened to me, you would have known where the name The World’s Edge came from.

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