The Annual Beginning of Semester Address at Communist Martyrs High School
From the Principal's notes
Good morning and thank you for attending
We're all looking forward to a brave
New Year
Here @ Commy Martyr's
For the freshmen
The school has no third floor
For the sophomores
The school has no third floor
For the juniors and seniors
Cut it out
Mr. Heets the PE teachr
And custodian of the baked goods
Wants to inform all the students
That chocolate is still his favorite
But not chocolated laxative
No butterscotch please
The bell gives students enough time to make it
From one class to another
Without going to your locker
Carry your own books, not
Anyone else's
Juniors & seniors
Cut it out
Our new history teachr
Ms. Santayana
Will dress inappropriately this year
No cellphones in class
And our new english techr
Mr. Buttons
Will regale you with stories of
Video games and bodily gasses
They both cheated their ways to
Suma Cum Laude
Pay attention to them
The class on acting out and questioning authority
Expects you to sit still and be quiet
Save it for your parents
Bullying will not be tolerated
Bullying will not be tol'rated
Bullying will not be tolrtd
If there's anybody watching
The pending lawsuit is bogus
And the plaintiffs are morons
I'm not allowed to comment on it though
As for school lunches
As you know we here at Commy mrtyr's pride ourselves
On providing high-quality nutritious food
The beef liver sandwhiches do not come
Contrary to what you may have heard
From diseased cows
The pig farmers would never do that to us
Reports that the vegtables have e. coli
No comment
Now remember that you are representatives
Of Commy Mrtyrs
Work hard
Play fair
If we find any weapons on campus
We will prosecute to the fullest extent
Of not getting shot
Let's have a good year!
copyright (C) 2011 christopher w neal all rights reserved
"Communist Martyrs High School" and "Commy Martyr's" may or may not be copyright Firesign Theatre
