The Bloody Battle of Hansen's Gap (a true story)

Disclaimer

I feel that it is only fair to issue a warning that this hub contains certain descriptions of realistic violence and bloodshed that may offend sensitive readers. If either of these things make you squeemish or faint you may prefer to stop reading any further And choose a different hub.

If you are a brave adventure seeker, I welcome you to this hub, and please read on.

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The Battle of Hansen's Gap

by John Hansen © 2014

"Have you looked at the big picture?" Jessica asked.

"No, I'm not really keen to - it's kind of scary to even think about," I replied apprehensively.

"I must say it doesn't look good. They are behind enemy lines, so to speak, and may be beyond saving. But it's your call," she shot back at me.

"Can't we just take out the bad guys and try to save the innocent?" I urged, "After all I am quite attached to them. They may have caused me some grief over the years, but it's hard to imagine life without them."

Jessica looked at me, concern on her face, "As I said, it's your decision John, but it could be more trouble for both of us than it's worth. Even if we employ all our resources to save them you'll probably have to say goodbye to them in a couple of years anyway. You don't have to be a hero. It takes bravery to do whatever you choose - save or sacrifice. But you need to decide so we can devise a plan of action."

I thought hard for a moment. This was a big decision but I tried to sound confident and make light of the situation. "Ok General, let's take out the front line offenders first and then concentrate on the right flank."

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Dr Jessica Beohm, my dentist, studied the x-ray for a moment. "I think you've made the right choice," she said before tilting the chair back and injecting my mouth with anesthetic. Giving it a few minutes to start working before prodding my gums to test for feeling. "Did you feel that? No? Great, let's do it," she said, before beginning to extract three teeth from the right upper side of my mouth.

While she was busy with the extractions Jessica kept talking to me about other things to try to take my mind off what she was doing to me. She asked me a few questions but I found that weird as I could only answer with a strange mumbling noise or nod slightly. "If it gets too painful, just raise your left hand and I'll stop."

"Mmmmnnock", I replied, raising my left hand and doing an ok symbol. She stopped..

"Did that hurt?" she asked.

"No," I managed to say, "I wuz shuwin ip wuz ok", my lip and nose now completely numb, "Kep goan".

She smiled, relieved that she wasn't torturing me, and resumed the extractions.

"Ok, that's three down," Jessica said standing back as the dental nurse rinsed my mouth and commented a little concerned, "There is a lot of blood. Do you think it may need stitches?"

The dentist inspected my mouth and said to the nurse, "Yes you are right, I think we should put some stitches in." Then to me smiling, "You're bleeding like a stuck pig John. We better put a few stitches in just to be safe." I nodded.


After administering the stitches, Jessica asked, "How do you feel? We can stop now if you want, or pull another tooth. It's up to you."

"I'n ok," I mumbled, "May'swell tukitout while I'mere."

"Brave man," she said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Your wish is my command (I'd rather hear that offer from anyone other than a dentist). She preceded to inject, then remove the lower right rear molar. The nurse sucked out the blood and saliva as the dentist inserted the final stitches.

"All finished for today," Jessica said smiling, "I just have a few instructions to give you about how to look after your mouth for the next few days." She handed me a piece of paper and read out the important points..."...don't lie down flat until bedtime, don't rinse your mouth for 24 hours....don't smoke or drink any alcohol...". I nodded in agreement, feeling as though my top lip was dragging on the floor.

"Make another appointment at reception, so we can continue this "battle", but you should recuperate for at least a week or two before we take it on."

Thanks for reading "The Battle of Hansen's Gap".

© 2014 John Hansen

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Comments 60 comments

tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York

You really had me going in the beginning. I wasn't sure if it was a battle or two gods deciding whether or not to let mortals live. Obviously I was way off base. Well done my friend.

If this is a true story I hope all went well. The dentist has such a bad rap and I'm one of the reasons ;)

Voted up, funny, and interesting.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for being the first to read and comment tillsontitan. Glad succeeded n surprising you. Yes it was a true story, happened yesterday in fact, and I survived thank God, but have to go back n a month.

Thanks for the vote up...gong to the dentist s so scary I had to make it funny.


RachaelOhalloran profile image

RachaelOhalloran 2 years ago from United States

This presentation was very clever, Jodah. I hope the next bout goes just as well.

Voted up.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks Rachael. I hope so too. Thanks for the vote up.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

A brave man indeed, a man who is very talented and oh so funny. :)


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

So clever! I lol. I am scared to even look at a window that says, " Dentist "


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading Bill. Glad you got a laugh out of this one.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Ruby, yes it scares me too. That's why I hadn't been for so long myself. Thanks for reading.


Harishprasad profile image

Harishprasad 2 years ago from India

John, how well you have portrayed the tooth treatment at a dentist's ! And, of course, it really looks like a battle. Once I had tooth ache and got the gaps of my teeth cleaned at a hospital and so can somewhat understand your harrowing experience. Fantastic work !


The Examiner-1 profile image

The Examiner-1 2 years ago

What a surprise this was John! I am glad that I read this. I expected one thing and it came out another way. I am never going to that dentist though. I voted it up, pinned it and Googled it.

Kevin


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 2 years ago from The Beautiful South

Jeeps! It's bad enough when it happens to us. It sure felt real!!! lol Yes...and funny. That's how we get through all these bad things. Got to look for the comedy!^


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 2 years ago from Deep South, USA

What a marvelous treatment (no pun intended) you used to relate your dentist story, John! It's obvious you know that laughter is the best medicine. Hope you're feeling better today.

Voted Up+++ and shared

Jaye


Aneegma profile image

Aneegma 2 years ago

I was shaking in fear when I read the first paragraph then just died of laughing after discovering it's another hell trip to the dentist! I so have a million dentist stories but this one tops all of mine! Well done John, voted up and I'm sharing this!


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

This was awesome, John. I've waged a similar war myself in the last few months, a surprise attack that came out of nowhere. I didn't even know there was a quiet war going on, the enemy was that stealthy but then boom, a cracked front tooth, straight across, a hairline fracture. Had to come straight out and get a $4500 false one. War is hell. Hang tough, my friend. Redouble your efforts for the next battle. This was funny and so much more. Shared, pinning on my humor board.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for your kind comment Harishprasad. Going to the dentist is always a real battle for me, got to see the funny side of it.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hey Kevin, I like to throw some surprises into my writing. Glad you enjoyed this, she is quite a nice dentist really. Thanks for the vote up, share, and pin.


Quilligrapher profile image

Quilligrapher 2 years ago from New York

A great read and a thumbs up for originality. I have two daughters who are dental assistants and they love their work. As scary as it can get, I would still rather need a dentist than a lawyer. I hope, after three extractions, you were instructed not to drink from a straw. :) Nice work.

Q.


Dana Tate profile image

Dana Tate 2 years ago from LOS ANGELES

funny read, I know I always hated to go to go to the dentist. In fact I am still afraid I'm a big coward. Loved the article though.


travmaj profile image

travmaj 2 years ago from australia

Brave man - not sure if I would have surrendered, more likely, at the first needle I'd be AWL. Just reading about dentists is enough for me. Fun piece and I absolutely love the title and the humour - you certainly captured my attention . Hope you are recovering well...


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

I am glad this seemed realistic to you Jackie. I tried to convey my experience almost as it happened, with a little humour added. Thanks for the vote up.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for that kind comment Jaye, yes I feel surprisingly good considering. Bad situations are always improved by the addition of laughter. I appreciate the vote up and share.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading Aneegma, glad I managed to both scare you and make you laugh in the one story. I admit I am a dentist scaredy cat...I did put on a brave front, but underneath I was scared. Love to hear your stories too. Thanks for the vote up and share.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hey Flourish, wow a cracked tooth! Bad news, especially on the wallet. Hope all's well now. I handled this attack ok, but I have a month until the next battle. I look forward to get it all over and done with. It's not quite as funny as I made it sound...lol. Thanks for sharing and pinning.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading and the kind comment Q. Wow, two daughters as dental assistants...not bad. I find the assistants generall very friendly and help make you feel at ease. Yes you are right I think I'd prefer to need a dentist to a lawyer too. No,I wasn't told not to drink through a straw, just not to rinse my mouth for 24 hours, and not to lie down flat. Thanks for the vote up.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

You and me too Dana....I have quite a dentist phobia(don't know what that's called), but I did put on a brave front and surprised myself. Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed this.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading travmaj. I have been putting off the dentist visit for as long as possible, but the time came I couldn't wait any longer, so had to man up. It was scary but not as bad as I expected...seems to be healing ok.


DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

I don't mind going to the dentist. It has never been a battle for me I have to brave to face my challenges great insight here from your side of things.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading Devka, and your opinion on the dentist. I envy you.


Rebecca Furtado profile image

Rebecca Furtado 2 years ago from Anderson, Indiana

You really captured the dental appointment aspect well. Very nice narrative work.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading Rebecca, and your kind comment. Much appreciated.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 2 years ago from The Caribbean

Some battle it is! You title is very appealing. Thank you.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks Ms Dora, I hoped the title would get people in. It's a battle I am determined to win. Appreciate you're reading this.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida

Nice, John. You had me fooled! Ugh - I hate the dentist. I think they're all part sadists!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading Shauna, yes well it must take a certain kind of person to want to be a dentist.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 2 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

No 'tongue in cheek', Jodah...this is a fantastic piece of creative writing.

Your song choice is 'off the hook'... I cannot get rid of this toothy grin after watching.

Loved this totally. Voted UP and across the board. Hugs, Maria


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 2 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

This is a very amusing hub and a great way to deal with a stressful dentist's visit, Jodah! I hope your next visit goes okay.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks so much Maria. Haha 'tongue in cheek'. Glad you enjoyed this and the song. I thought it was humorous and helped lighten the situation. Appreciate the vote up too.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading Alicia and finding the humour in it. Hopefully the next visit will go smoothly.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

Clever and creative piece here .... you had me going there! A trip to the dentist can be one of great apprehension no doubt!

Up and more and away

Blessings for a lovely Sunday without toothache pain! LOL


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 2 years ago from United States

I really fell for the beginning section. You are so funny, then the dentist showed up. Sounds like you are very brave! hehe I enjoyed your tale of woe.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Faith, thanks for readng and for your kind wods. Glad you found this creative. The pan is all gone, so I look forward to the next visit. Have a great day.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Glad I fooled you Pamela..... :)

Thanks for reading, it was brave for me. have a dentist phobia.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 2 years ago from United States

You certainly expressed that phobia in an entertaining way. I always close my eyes and try to think about beling somewhere else. It works pretty well for me. :)


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading Pamela. I'll try closing my eyes next time.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

Oh, John. Yu wudnt bleve ha ah rlate t al uv thz.

I've just finished with a dental war in my mouth which began last October! Extractions, the beginnings of implants, the replacing of crowns affected in battle, and surpass attacks from other tooth areas, plus long periods of waiting it out for healing before finishing, temporaries falling out requiring other visits to the 'front', and scheduling glitches. The experiences you describe so amusingly all rang-true to me, and I laughed so hard, just relating to each nuance! I'm beginning to get used to being able to chew on either side of my mouth, now that it's pretty much over, other than maybe a small adjustment of the 'bite' in one area. I'm still giggling over your story.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Nellieanna, I am so glad you can relate to this but also sorry that you've had to go through this 'battle' yourself. At least you are at the end of it which I bet is a great relief. I have to go back for my second offensive on 27th June, so at least one side of my mouth will be healed well by then. It's quite a traumatic event for me, going to the dentist, so I thought I'd try and make light of it by writing a humorous story. Glad I gave you a laugh. Thanks again.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

You 'did good'. It's a delightfully humorous story; - though about an undelightful subject. Good luck on June 27 and may your mouth be host to no more battles for a long time.

Yes, it's a relief to me, though at my stage in life, the battleground is not unfamiliar. I've often said that my fortune has been sunk in my gums. But at least I've avoided the ultimate defeat - dentures! haha


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

You should be proud Nellieanna. Going through life avoiding dentures is quite a feat. It may come at great cost but many would see that as the outcome being worth it. Unfortunately my family inherited dental problems partly from our jaws being too small to accommodate our teeth. My daughter is currently having dental work as well to remove her wisdom teeth and two others that have grown sideways in her jaw because there wasn't room for them, as well as two root canals, then she is getting braces. I think all up it is costing her $12000. One son has just had two teeth removed to make more room for the others and you can't even tell where they were, the gaps have closed. Fun, fun, fun.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

Sounds familiar. My George had a very small mouth. His dentures looked like a child's. My mouth is small, as well. Had some crowding in the front lower. The teeth were so crowded that they removed the middle one and capped its neighbors to lean more together to close the little gap. That was years ago. It stopped me from being able to eat corn on the cob every-other-row with those crooked teeth. haha. This latest phase has cost about 9 times what you mention for your daughter's current dental work. Implants really add up. But dentures aren't inexpensive, either. I literally had to take out an interest-free loan.

Yes, all in all, I am proud. It's part of my 'job' of caring for an elderly person - ME! I'm not joking. I don't want to relinquish my independence or to become a burden for others. If it means eating right, staying active and mentally challenged, standing up straight and using my muscles to rise from sitting and take the stairs, doing my own house work & personal maintenance (helps in needing less for the medicine & old-age implements) - then it's a priority. Was born with a vision problem requiring regular attention plus bones and teeth are not my strengths. But I've long figured that it was among my unselfish duties & privileges to keep myself healthy and spare others having to take care of and worry about me.


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 2 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

John, you gave me the shivers just reading this. Cleverly done but I must ask, how many teeth did she leave with? Jessica seem to enjoy her work just a touch too much, she reminded me of the movie Marathon Man..is it safe? :)


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Haha Jo, Jessica does seem to enjoy her job.I don't know if that"s good or bad in the case of a dentist...lol. She removed four teeth. Surprisingly I wasn't in much pain afterwards..I remember Marathon Man starred Dustin Hoffman, but can't remember the story. Can you refresh me?


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 2 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

John, I vaguely remember the scene in Marathon Man where Dustin Hoffman is caught up in a game with the sadist Nazi fugitive Laurence Olivier, and used some evil looking dental instruments to torture him. It still gives me the hibigibies when I go to the dentist. :)


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Ouch Jo, sounds like a real horror scene to me!


ubanichijioke profile image

ubanichijioke 2 years ago from Lagos

yeah, Jessica did a good job. Maybe that's why the pain wasn't much. It's fair to know you are ok now. Take good care. The battle of Hansen continues...


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for reading and your well wishes ubani.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Well done Nellieanna, you are a fine example of how to take care of your body. After all we can't really blame anyone else for letting it run down (apart from some genetic makeup). Someone once said "Your body is a temple.." so I suppose we should worship and care for it as one. I wish I had looked after my teeth better in my younger days, but I can't change that now, hence this "Battle of Hansen's Gap"...lol...I must have known I'd need material for a hub.


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 23 months ago

I hope I am not the only one who squirmed in my seat like a kid and grabbed the sides of my chair like I do at the dentist office. I hold on so tight my fingers turn white.What a great story so vivid and clear. You have got my full attention. You make any of my dentist visits seem like popcorn just add some salt and butter and chew. You are a lot braver than me. I have always tried to take care of my teeth but every year I would get one or two fillings. It didn't take me long to wonder when I don't have any more spots to drill what would they do then ? You point a clear picture. Hope the teeth remaining stay healthy. I can't tell you how many times I clenched my teeth reading your story. What a unique and talented way to express some of the hardest things I have to do in life. I honestly thought my dentist didn't like me so he took out his anger on my teeth.How could I be sure. It's not like you can say wait I want a second opinion from the dentist down the street. Thank you for sharing your story. I know I am going to have nightmares tonight.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 23 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Haha Dream On, sorry to give you nightmares. I was thinking of writing a Halloween hub but maybe this one will fill the bill. I know a trip to the dentist is scary for a lot of people. Thanks for your kind comments...my next appointment is Monday. Wish me luck.


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 23 months ago

What is the next thing they have to do? Then are you good for the next 6 months. I go for my teeth cleaning every three months as a little preventive medicine to catch anything before it starts.It cost me an extra one hundred dollars.Hopefully it will pay for itself in the long run. I have to rake the yard before I go to work.I look forward to reading and sharing so much more. Make it a good day.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 23 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

At the moment I am going once a month until everything is finished.maybe two more visits.

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