The Beginning of the End: Prelude to the Divorce Chronicles
November 2, 2005
It's early, maybe 7 p.m., if that late. Her husband is in the bed watching television. Her child is watching television in his room. Like father like son. She should be doing something with him—some boy thing like playing G.I. Joe or football or something. She’s just so tired, and he’s not complaining. He never complains, her golden child. Yet he deserves so much more.
She makes herself a mug of hot tea and goes outside. She lights a fire in the outdoor fireplace and sits on a bench to watch it burn, thinking it would be nice to have someone to snuggle with on this crisp autumn night. The embers burn low, so she gathers a few leaves and puts them in the pile. They burn nice and bright and hot, but only for a short while. And then it's back to chilly darkness. What does she know of starting a fire? Ah, but Boy Scouts will begin next year, and then she will learn.
She pours lighter fluid on the fire, gathers some sticks. She coaxes it to life, hoping it will last a tad bit longer. She watches the neighbor next door make a sandwich in his kitchen--not meaning to be a peeping Tom. He should have closed his blinds as she does. She listens as the neighbors behind her putter in their garage. She hears the neighbors next to them moving in. And she thinks it's a pity that she has to go outside to find some sort of life, to not feel so alone, so trapped.
She sips her tea. She wishes things were different. She’s wondering might the moving truck be parked in her drive next. At least she has enjoyed all four seasons in her new home. No need to borrow trouble from tomorrow, she supposes. Scarlet would have saved that for another day.
Her hands ache from her work and the frigid night air. So tired. Too tied for being this young. In two more days, she would turn forty. Nearly twelve hours put in today, and yet there’s more to be done. Must keep the lights on. Must keep the pantry stocked. The boy’s shoes are growing small. And there will be Christmas to consider. The smell of winter fast approaching is in the air. The dreaded winter.
Her husband has all but shut down already in contemplation of it. It will be awhile before the mania of the holidays sets in, and he comes alive again, but only for a few brief weeks. Once the sales are over and money is gone, he will be back in bed—and she will be left with the mountain of bills to ponder. It isn’t fair, she muses. But then, no one told her it would be.
Her cocker spaniel, barks at the rustling leaves and sniffs the fire. Looking up, the faithful canine wonders why Mistress is so downcast. Once petted and told what a good girl she is, Maggie lies down beside her and takes it all in.
The fire has almost gone completely out. No use trying again. It will just end the same. By morning only the smell and ash will linger to let her know it was not a dream. She pours the remainder of her tea, now cold, on the embers and watches them sizzle out. She turns out the patio lights. She goes inside and locks the door and returns to the silence within.
More of The Divorce Chronicles: My Story
- Regret: A Poem from The Divorce Chronicles
A poem written during the first years after divorce lamenting over keeping the ex's last name.
- Hope Lives.: Moving On
Moving on and starting life as a single mother, giving each day to God and trusting Him for healing.
- Hope Lives.: Pro Life--It's a Choice
Hope chooses something better for her life.
- Gone With the Wreath: A Little Soul Searching Today
More soul searching. Blogging through the pain in the months following my departure.
- Gone With the Wreath: The D Word
An honest revelation to the blogosphere regarding a difficult decision made after 12 years of marriage.
- When the Soul Ties Become Broken
Getting real about what happens when Christians divorce and the aftermath of that choice.
- Surviving as a Single Mom
Strategies for surviving as a single mom. Four points to help you succeed.
If You're Still Married but Need Help
Does the above sound all too familiar to you? Get help while your marriage is still intact and salvageable. Find a good Christian counselor to help you sort through your differences and find solutions Locally, I recommend Dr. Pepper Pratt.