Free Beer Tomorrow and No More Now

Tomorrow

It's Now Or Never - Elvis

Free Beer Tomorrow

I should like to put the case that if there is no such thing as 'free beer tomorrow', then neither is there any such thing as now - and, 'as I write', I shall explain why.

However, conversely, I should also point out, that if we are to accept that there is such a thing as now, we should also accept 'free beer tomorrow', which is the sort of thing I would always accept without any exception.

Now, (or thereabouts) this computer advises me that I'm using clichés every time I write an expression (all right a cliché!) like, 'at the moment', instead of the word now. Yet, the trouble I have with writing the word now instead of one of its clichés, is that it takes too much time to speak it, or write it, before it’s not now any more. Therefore, the answer to my dilemma might be in finding a suitable cliché - despite the meddling of this computer.

One might say, (especially if one is a member of the Royal Family) that from the split second that one starts to convey the thought now, the now that one was referring to has now become then, and therefore now is no longer the appropriate word to use, to convey what one intended to say. (I wouldn’t say it like that in the pub, if I were you.) It’s a bit like when the pub promises 'free beer tomorrow', which is one thing I wouldn’t complain about regardless of the semantics, even if tomorrow ever did come. (Just let me know if that happens, and we can renegotiate now - but not yet; I want to see the free beer first. Then who cares?)

No More Now

Nevertheless, returning to now, (or a suitable cliché) - I shall now prove to you that now is a word, which should never be used for the only use it’s ever used for, for the reasons I’ve already alluded to. With the understanding, however, that I can’t actually do it now, as now is never now for long enough to be what it sets out to be.

To clarify, (that’s assuming that it isn't clear enough already) let’s accept, for the sake of argument, (which I always find acceptable), that it is now, now. My point is that it's not the same now that it was, when I first started to write the first now, which, to elucidate, was the one I wrote just before the second now, which was just after the o and the w of the first now. Both of these you’ll find in between the n of the first now and the n of the second now, which was written just after I wrote the first now, which started to convey the thought, but kept getting too far ahead of itself, to be fit for purpose.

A Suitable Cliché

The cliché, 'at present', is a slightly less time consuming way of saying now than 'at the moment'. However, the word now, having only one syllable - is quicker to write or say, than either - and if now can’t keep up with itself, we can hardly expect either of those two to perform any better.

I will suggest however, that the clichés, ‘as we speak’ and ‘as I write’ are more appropriate than the clichés ‘at the moment’ or ‘at present’. Yet unfortunately, I can think of a few people who can speak ad nauseam, and I don’t doubt that their writing is just as nauseous. In fact, it’s hard to get these sorts of people to stop talking, once they’ve started. Therefore, those two clichés would make scant better substitutes for now, as they might have to keep on substituting for now, for a very long time - or, at least as long as the waffling goes on, or, for all the time it takes for the irritating, blabbering boggers to go hoarse. I might add however, that they can do that as soon as they like, for my liking; now, being as good a time as any time. That’s if any time such as now, should ever manage to catch up with itself.

In summation therefore, and contrary to the advice of this computer, I should suggest that any of the aforementioned clichés, are better than the word now itself, for conveying more accurately its intended meaning - thus, ‘as we speak’, should mean all the time the speaker is speaking. ‘At present’, should mean all the time that the conveyer of the thought is handing out presents - obviously. (Let me know when that happens.) Whereas, ‘at the moment’ is a cliché, according to this computer, which means now - which, as I’ve already proven, herewith, is not an appropriate word to use, as it doesn’t give itself long enough, to be itself, before it’s off somewhere else being something it can’t wait not to be. Therefore, ‘as I wrote’, I rested my case - and I’ll see you in the pub tomorrow.
© amillar 2011

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Comments 8 comments

drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

You are absolutely correct, amillar. There is no now; there is no present. There is only the past and the future. Now, or the present, is gone the nano-second it first appears and immediately thereafter becomes the past. Hope this helps. Or not. :)


amillar profile image

amillar 5 years ago from Scotland, UK Author

Hi drbj,

I appreciate your support in this. The only problem we have is that, of course, there will be no free beer tomorrow.

Anyway thanks for dropping by and commenting. Great minds think alike; fools seldom differ; we're both the former (I hope).


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 5 years ago from UK

I'm guessing that free beer tomorrow is a bit like jam tomorrow, which is what we say in this part of Sussex. Of course we all know that tomorrow never comes, and it follows, therefore, that we are all only 24 hours away from a non-existent time-frame. Ooh-er!


amillar profile image

amillar 5 years ago from Scotland, UK Author

I looked up the expression 'weasel words' recently; I can't remember why - it would be for a hub maybe. It seems to be to do with advertising etc., i.e. 50% off (but the price is twice what it should be to begin with)

I suppose 'free beer tomorrow' comes into that category. I don't know how to categorise 'now'. If somebody says, "Do it now!" We could say, Well I would if it would just stand still 'for a moment' or 'while we speak'.

Anyway, thanks for dropping by (whatever that means), and here's to 'jam tomorrow'.


tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 5 years ago from South Africa

Well, not to put too fine a point on it, as I write this the mirage of "free beer tomorrow" seems to be slip sliding further and further away like the end of the proverbial rainbow and my thirst at the present moment is gaining ground to an unacceptable extent and I shall be forced to take harsher measures to counter the flow of cliches in order to slake it - have I lost you yet? I've sure as hell lost myself! Jeez, I need a beer!

Great Hub, my friend. Thoroughly enjoyed this one!

Love and peace

Tony


amillar profile image

amillar 5 years ago from Scotland, UK Author

Hiya Tony,

I get the point my computer is making about the boringness of clichés, but 'now' never seems enough for me; it leaves me feeling unfulfilled in some way. I feel I want gild it up a bit.

Anyway, I hope I'm wrong, because it would be nice to be able to throw that old bit of barroom semantics back at the landlord - just once. (I'm sure they'd only let it happen once.)

Thanks for looking in on me.


Five One Cows profile image

Five One Cows 5 years ago from Moo Town

You got me pulled into this hub by the mention of free beer. I realize that you don't mean it in this content, but I'm one of those in this world that really does get free beer. It doesn't matter how, but I get at least three free cases of beer every month, and there is no end in sight to this endless beer supply. What even makes it more strange is that I stopped drinking beer over seven months ago, and now I'm forced to find someone to unload all this free beer on. Believe it or not, so far I really haven't had any problems finding someone to take free beer off of my hands. However if that day ever gets here, I may need some help. Cheers!


amillar profile image

amillar 5 years ago from Scotland, UK Author

Hi Five One Cows, I'm not surprised at all that you have little trouble finding people to take free beer off your hands - and I can't imagine such a day as you mention ever getting there. But I do wonder a little that someone in your position needs to go finding someone to take it off your hands. I can imagine them queuing up on your doorstep.

Thanks for being pulled into this hub by the mention of free beer.

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