The Darkness Felt Like Chains

Brian Doyle, the man who the circuit courts named as the person who beat women to death, was tried twice. Despite a witnesses's testimony and other corroborating evidence, the first jury was hung, the second found Doyle innocent. Tried by his peers and that old reasonable doubt sent him on his way.

A 23 year old woman was beaten to death at Wentfield Park over by the railroad tracks, and Detective Laura Kimber found Doyle at the murder scene, licking his chops. She immediately called for back up and began chasing Doyle into a condemned building on Wordin Avenue. Kimber had reached the front door and entered without back up and her pistol drawn. There was silence. Kimber drew a deep breath and held it. She heard, in front of her, a floor creak, she stopped. Listened hard, trying to calibrate the distance and direction of Brian Doyle. The silence was loud, but only in Kimber's head as she paced slowly forward. She didn't know what to expect, and she knew she should have waited for back up.

Detective Laura Kimber heard the pop of automatic weapon fire, muffled by its passage through sheet-rock. Before she could generate another thought, there was a great concussive bang, and a terrible shriek that ended in a second bang, which was so much louder than the first. Bringing with it the movement of the floor like an earthquake, and the room she was standing in plunged into darkness. Kimber froze, the blackness was total, it was such an overwhelming absence of light. With her eyes opened or closed, it didn't matter. It was simply pitched black.

Kimber had this blind urge to run, seek light, and to just get the hell out of there, but she couldn't. The darkness felt like chains and it bounded her in place. The room around her seem to expand and close in on her all at the same time. That's when she first realized she was hit two times in the chest.

In her space in the dark she just stayed on the floor looking up at an odd light seeping through. That odd light was Brian Doyle who had put his gun away and removed a pair of brass knuckles out of his coat pocket. He slipped them on and smiled at the detective. He had missing front teeth and cracked yellow teeth that was barely holding on to the gums. Perhaps the bone loss came from beatings and not a severe case of gingivitis.

"Bullet proof vest stopped the bullets,"he smirked. "But I bet you that these brass knuckles could shatter every bone in your face. Perhaps cave in your skull too. I think I'm going to enjoy finding that out."

A voice in Kimber's head wanted the detective to scream. Let the anger fill her lungs before the beating started. The voice wanted her to fear no man, and to take the beating like a hero.

She slowly whispered, a hero to who?

She was a police detective, but that wouldn't stop Brian Doyle from carrying out his threats. He would crush her skull in. He would do it.

"When!" she screamed. The minutes passed, Kimber shifted restlessly on the floor.

Doyle allowed the fear of death to crawl inside the detective. He wanted her to anticipate death. He wanted her to see it coming before he delivers the first blow.

They were in a condemned building that has just crumbled around them. He knew they were going to be alone for a while because of the dead woman at the park. They were sealed in together like being trapped in her tomb. Doyle stood over Kimber like a solitary figure, and death draped in shadows behind him. He was the last man Kimber was going to see. Doyle was bald on top. but had long wild hair on the sides. unkempt and soiled with sweat. He had a coarse beard riddled with gray and carried upward toward his cheeks. It was the last image that burned in Laura Kimber's mind. It was an image she didn't want, she didn't need.

Then it came to her, something just came to her and it felt disloyal. However, it was a disloyalty to death, who waited patiently for her. Doyle grabbed a fist full of her hair and twisted it before the first blow. His teeth was so bad they wiggled in his mouth when he growled. He eyed her up and down, but didn't initiate impact. There was a bang, but it wasn't her skull crushed. There was blood, but it wasn't oozing out of her face. Death wasn't going to be disappointed, because someone died, but it was not her. Doyle looked at Kimber's right hand, as the gun she was holding still had smoke coming from the barrel.

"Good ole back up pistol," she whispered as he crashed to the floor. "Die you bitch."

She moved herself forward and kicked Doyle in the face knocking out the rest of his teeth, and that's when she heard a muffled sound coming in through the shattered sheet-rock. The door popped opened behind her and a man stood in her field of vision. Back-up, too late, but it was there offering no comfort.


© 2015 Frank Atanacio

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Comments 44 comments

Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 2 years ago from The Beautiful South

Great telling of this story; Frank. Maybe your best yet.

Up and shared.

billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

I loved this story, Frank. Very nice twist to it. You are a master storyteller in my opinion.

always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

That was too close for comfort. Smart lady, backup gun. Great story Frank. Tweeted

Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

Another great Laura Kimber story Frank. She is one of the most loved characters on Hub Pages, glad you didn't kill her off.

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Ghaelach 2 years ago

Evening Frank.

I was clued to the screen reading your latest thriller. Laura almost left it to late this time.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

Jackie, and Billybuc thank you so much .. Always.. good to see you as always.. Jodah, yeah you're probably right she is my most popular over 15,000 views per story.. thanks to you guys.. Ghaelach thanks for stopping by bless you all

clivewilliams profile image

clivewilliams 2 years ago from Nibiru

Captivating, Interesting and very descriptive, 20 thumps up!

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Smilealot 2 years ago

Loved the fast paced action and your trademark twist....Laura Kimber lives to fight the bad guys for another day:-))

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

thanks clive and smilealot always good to see you on hubpages.. trademark hmm..LOL have a good week guys

Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

Whew, I thought that was it for Det. Kimber, but thankfully for the backup pistol! That is some oppressive darkness there for sure.

Suspenseful writing, Frank, and I learned a new word too, "concussive" ...had to look that one up : )

Up awesome and interesting, tweeting, pinning, G+ and sharing

Hope you are being missed by the terrible winter storms up there. Stay warm. Hugs

aesta1 profile image

aesta1 2 years ago from Ontario, Canada

What a story. I always appreciate writers who make their heroes live.

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

LOL, of Faith.. No we are not missing any snow.. mother nature is slapping us around like a step-child.... good to see you dear faith.. can I send you some snow? aesta1 thanks for stopping by ..bless you guys Frank

tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York

Damn, you had me writhing and twisting for Laura! Isn't it the truth? How many criminals are let go only to commit murder.

As usual Frank this story is amazing. I had to vote all but funny and of course hurray for Laura. Shared and Google+

AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 2 years ago from California

Laura is a brave soul! Hope you are collecting these for a book Frank!

Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

Been trying to pin this ever since I read it, but it will not let me pin this hub for some reason. I have pinned others, so don't know what the problem may be?

I will try later : )

carrie Lee Night profile image

carrie Lee Night 2 years ago from Northeast United States

You plunged me into the darkness with Kimber :) I loved it ! Crime drama seems like your nitch and Im enjoying every word ! :) Question ? Is this considered flash fiction? Have a wonderful day :)

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

LOL @ Tillsontitan.. sorry about that and its not me it's Laura .. thank you for commenting Til... Audrey good to see you Faith it's all about the Faith.. or is it Base? LOL Carrie good seeing you again thanks for plunging into the darkness with Laura.. :)

DreamerMeg profile image

DreamerMeg 2 years ago from Northern Ireland

OOOHHHH, wondered what was going to happen there. He got what was coming to him!

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

thanks DreamerMeg LOL...:) bless you

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you so much tobusiness and Peggy w for checking out Laura's darkness

tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 2 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

Simply brilliant!! You had me there from the first sentence to the very last. Isn't it interesting how gripping a story becomes when a character we know and like is in danger? For a while there I feared you were about to kill off poor Laura, I'm happy to see, she will live to face another day. :)

You just keep getting better.

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 2 years ago from Houston, Texas

Wow! Close call for Laura! Perhaps next time she will wait for backup before entering buildings alone. Riveting story!

Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

Scary darkness that is for sure. Yippee for bullet proof vests and backups weapons. Laura escaped death twice in a short time. Well done and spellbinding.

Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 2 years ago from The Beautiful South

Happy Valentine's Day!

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you eric for stopping by and thank you Jackie for the V-Day wishes and I wish you and urs a sweet one as well bless you

Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

I gasped when Laura was shot…I never expected this. Thank goodness she was wearing Kevlar, and had the backup pistol. Thrilling ride, as usual, Frank. Voted way up.

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you Genna East :)

FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

I thought she had met her Maker with the help of this creep. Great writing. Voted way up and sharing, Frank.

Anna Haven profile image

Anna Haven 2 years ago from Scotland

You do suspense so well. I liked the twist at the end and I am so glad she survived to face the next bad guy.

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

Flourish gotta keep Kimber alive..LOL thanks for coming into the Darkness..... Anna Haven thanks for the compliment and the comment bless you both

cam8510 profile image

cam8510 2 years ago from Colorado Springs, CO until the end of March

That was way too close, Frank. I really thought she was going to get a Brian Doyle makeover at the very least. Great job telling this story.

pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 24 months ago from sunny Florida

Alrighty then....sometimes those little surprises come in handy, don't they?

Great tale you have spun.

Angels are on the way to you

Voted up ++++ and shared ps

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 24 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you pstraubie48

MsDora profile image

MsDora 23 months ago from The Caribbean

I just knew that Laura Kimber would not die. Good ole back up pistol brought me the relief from her encounter with death. Another great story!

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 23 months ago from Shelton Author

LOL.. yeah thanks MsDora for supporting Kimber's journey

Ariel-Cal profile image

Ariel-Cal 23 months ago from Bridgeport, CT

The 1st thing i thought was "oh no he killed her!" Great short Sir!

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 23 months ago from Shelton Author

thanks AC...LOL :)

PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 21 months ago from Dallas, Texas

Held us captive until the very last moment, Frank. I liked that. Your descriptive narrative was chilling and thrilling. Crime fighters rock!

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 21 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you Pegcole :)

Dana Tate profile image

Dana Tate 18 months ago from LOS ANGELES

Another masterpiece in the Kimber stories.

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 18 months ago from Shelton Author

Dana .. bless you :)

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 16 months ago from Shelton Author

thanks Cam for visiting Laura Kimber's shorts :)

wingedcentaur profile image

wingedcentaur 10 months ago from That Great Primordial Smash UP of This and That Which Gave Rise To All Beings and All Things!

You can write thrilling action scenes too, Frank! A Masterpiece of Suspense!

Well done. :D

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 10 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you for visiting my chains winged :)

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