The Desperate Need to Be Noticed: A Flash Fiction Short Story

To Be Noticed.
To Be Noticed. | Source
Not what it seems.
Not what it seems. | Source

The Desperate Need to Be Noticed is an original example of a flash fiction short story that effectively paints an entire landscape of the life and times of the subject, within 300 words. There really are several subtle messages to be taken from this piece. These include; that we all have a need to be accepted in some way or another by others, although often today that social need is for whatever reason, not always acted upon in a manner that is predictable, or easily understood by those whom we hope will appreciate our needs and who we are, overall.

One of the primary objectives demanded within the art of writing any flash fiction, is to not only tell the story within a relatively few words, but to do so in such a manner, as to provide the reader with an interesting and thought provoking few minutes of reading enjoyment. I hope that you enjoy this piece and appreciate that though it is fiction, the issues that relate to the story are indeed very real for many and as such, it is also the hope of the author that this story helps to draw attention to that relevance and importance of those issues in life.

A Desperate Need.
A Desperate Need. | Source
Bamboo - poems
Bamboo - poems | Source
Bamboo - haiku
Bamboo - haiku | Source
Bamboo - blinds
Bamboo - blinds | Source

A Flash Fiction Short Story.

'The Desperate Need to Be Noticed'


He seemed so nice

So polite, so understanding

Each day she watched him care for others

On the train, on her way to school

Secretly wishing he would notice her

Acknowledge her presence, make eye contact

Care enough to smile and ask her

How she was on the day

Perhaps ask her name, a phone number

Or find some way to become involved in her life


He seemed to appear more and more

Silently dropping into her thoughts

As if to call out, “Surprise!!”

Then disappear again, for ever shortening periods

She trusted her best friend with her secrets

Yet for some reason chose to not mention him

Her parents would never have approved

Not that they had even noticed her feelings

Besides, she made her own decisions

Perhaps today her hopes, would be fulfilled


Her parents were devastated at the news

Initially, details had seemed almost surreal

It seemed the police didn’t know her at all

She was not that irresponsible, nor unhinged

It simply must have been a terrible accident

A train crash, a random event, beyond her control

Completely out of character, so they must be wrong

Her best friend asked if they had read her diary

She had hoped they may do so, together

Surely her reasons, would be there


He seemed so nice, so polite, understanding

He cared, though clearly was also in deep shock

They liked him the moment they met, he seemed shy

Perhaps that helped them accept the tragic reality

They listened to his softly spoken recollection of events

Hauntingly the words perfectly matched those in the diary

Entries crying out to be loved, noticed

They learned her only spoken words to him had been

“Hi, surprise!! I’ve always loved you James!”

Then she had turned,

jumping in front of the oncoming train.

_________ ♥ ________ Fin.

* Original Flash Fiction by Pearldiver *

Copyright © 2013 – 2015 Art of the Diver with all rights reserved.

Among the masses some think and act completely differently.

Among the Masses.
Among the Masses. | Source

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Comments 30 comments

Sarra Garrett 3 years ago

Powerful!


Kris Bell profile image

Kris Bell 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Hello there! That was very moving. Flash fiction is not something that everyone can do successfully, but I think you managed very well here. Upvoted. Thank you for sharing!


Randy Godwin profile image

Randy Godwin 3 years ago from Southern Georgia

A lot of emotion in very few words, PD. I'm just not cut out for FF as I'm a bit too long winded for the genre. I've managed to create a few tales under 1000 words, but just barely. lol! Interesting effort. Enjoyed!

Randy


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Sarra, thanks very much for that... I'm glad that you enjoyed this piece.. cheers.. take care... PD


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Kris, thank you for taking the time to read this piece and for your positive compliments.. I'm pleased that you enjoyed the spirit of the story... once again cheers... take care.... PD


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Randy, good to see you and always good to have a quality writer like yourself critique one's work. I've never found your work long winded mate.. your technique calls for exactly what you deliver! As far as writing FF is concerned.. this was my first attempt and really it represents a chance to explore a similar approach that I adopted with writing Haiku... perhaps that accounts for the depth of emotion applied here... although youth suicide is an issue that I am always happy to draw attention to. Glad you enjoyed this piece and cheers for your positive comments... take care mate... PD


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 3 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and awesome. Wow this flash fiction comes right at you. Fascinating. The ending comes as a powerful surprise.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Rasma, thank you for taking the time to read and appreciate this piece of flash fiction. I felt that given the nature of the underlying subject, it was best to write in that 'comes right at you' manner... the ending had to round up the irony of all the issues and leave no doubt in the mind of the reader, that the facts surrounding youth suicide are worth thinking about. Glad you enjoyed this work... cheers.. take care... PD


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 3 years ago from Philippines

My curiosity led me to read some flash fiction in the past. It is very challenging for the writer to be able to accentuate the emotions in these vignettes and not end up merely as an exercise in creative cleverness. Reading your article with it's poetic like form, I was stuck by it's similarity to the haiku in the stimulus engender to one's emotion. You made me realize that this genre has much more than what meets the eye. If it can provoke the imagination as well as feelings like Hemingway's six word story " For sale, baby shoes, never worn." It is certainly worth exploring. Thank you.


LaThing profile image

LaThing 3 years ago from From a World Within, USA

Wow, wasn't expecting that ending! Great write, really enjoyed this piece..... Very Impressive, PD! Thanks for sharing. Take care.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Silent Reed, what an awesome review you have given this piece... I'm glad that you enjoyed my first attempt at writing flash fiction... and yes in many respects haiku certainly did influence the structure of the work... Thank you for taking the time and your positive feedback... all the best, take care... PD


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Lizzie, cheers for taking the time to read and comment so positively on this piece... glad you enjoyed the twist. It had to be a sudden ending... I had to limit this piece to 300 words and trains tend to always get the last word in situations like this one... Kaboomp... kaboomp...... take care.. PD


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 3 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

wow...i had to read this a few times PD...so....i like flash fiction...well...the way you have applied your style anyway....voted up!


Prisana profile image

Prisana 3 years ago from Thailand and Colorado

Another kapow story! I will have to read it again...your words are so powerful and mysterious....She watched the RTD bus coming down the road and for a moment thought about stepping off of the curb... she loved James too much to tell him the truth about what had happened...(short story na kah)...


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Mary Lynn, really nice to see you here with your much respected comments and reading tastes. Thanks for taking the time to read and appreciate my words... Glad you liked my first flash fiction attempt on this site. Take care out there during your springing season.... :).. PD


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Prisana, thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. 300 words to sum up a life story really doesn't seem enough does it? But the underlying theme here was to draw more attention to teen suicide and I guess, in many respects, when it comes to breaking down the apathy, often just a sentence containing the question 'Why' can get that message across. Glad you liked it... take care... PD


Prisana profile image

Prisana 3 years ago from Thailand and Colorado

Wonder what your real name is....prisanan@gmail.com

Flying to NZ hopefully this year....maybe meet you?


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

My real name often eludes me also :) And I would happily sign off on all that I write.. but for the Trolls that continually frequent and degrade such opportunities! Happy to email you and say hi... take care... PD


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 3 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

hey...send one to me too....haven't heard back


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Mary Lynn, really? I will and I will do so from another address - You know my name... and you still want me to write back?? :) I'm sorry, of course I will... America's Cup racing is going to go ahead San Fran in July, even after the really sad loss of 'Bart' Simpson.... enjoy your Springing... PD


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

You certainly are talented in writing such stores most interesting and different


Prisana profile image

Prisana 3 years ago from Thailand and Colorado

Tragic loss...fortunately Brookie survived his truly near death experience...

Sail World excerpt:

"The family of David Brooke (NZL), a veteran of several America's Cup campaigns and Volvo Ocean Races, have updated on his successful recovery after an emergency liver transplant in mid April, in San Francisco.

In an email sent on Monday, his father Don Brooke, once again thanked and updated all those who had sent messages of support to the family.

'Firstly thank you all so much for your messages and kind wishes....very much appreciated..

'David is now on the final run to the finishing line, as far as his hospitalisation is concerned.

'From here on out it will be medications and regular clinic visits. He now has to make some efforts for himself, and discipline will a big part of his life.

'Dialysis is now over and the catheter was removed this morning.

'We will move him back to Alameda early in June, and we can make arrangements for us to come home .

'We will encourage David to gradually return to some involvement with Artemis, initially very limited but will build up. Artemis have decided to continue their challenge, subject to some very strict and tough static testing of their new boat.

'After all this has been proven, the sailing team will make the final decision as to whether they will take part in the regatta.

'The sailors rather than administrators, will determine their future.

'Well, thank you all again, We can now see a future ahead, and are so grateful to Artemis for their initial action, and the doctors for their quick diagnosis, and the liver transplant.

Everybody has been so helpful.'

At the time he collapsed in his apartment, Brooke was Tender Fleet Manager for the Swedish America's Cup Challenger Artemis Racing. He is a member of one of New Zealand's leading boatbuilding design families, who have been a major influence in New Zealand yachting and the marine industry for three generations. "


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi DDE, thank you very much for those kind words... I'm glad that you enjoyed this piece and its twists and turns... cheers.. take care... PD


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Prisana, thanks for that... I didn't know David Brooke at all, but I had guessed that he was involved with Artemis, which of course crashed and lost their crewman 'Bart' Simpson... the 70s really honk speedwise and the bow of the Swedish boat must have dipped into a swell to cartwheel the way it did.

Quite tragic that lessons are learned in such a manner.. but it is great that all the crews have decided to not let Simpson's life be lost at the expense of the regatta... rather now the racing will honor the loss. There is a huge contingent of Kiwis involved in almost every racing team... our sailors and support crews are famous for their skills and tenacity... but I'm sure the results will prove that... cheers for the info... take care..PD


Brenda L Scully profile image

Brenda L Scully 3 years ago from Ireland

Can you believe tonight is the first time that I have even heard of flash fiction, I have read a few pieces by different people.

I found this moving, full of emotions, and depth of understanding, and well sad, but then life is sad.......... I think I could do this flash fiction thing, must learn more about it. My stomach is still churning from the story. I feel for her, I feel for lots of people that take their life, my sister took her life at 38. Can u point me in the direction of a more cheerful hub. HA HA must say loved loved loved this...... well done.


Joy56 profile image

Joy56 19 months ago

Wow..... And am I right to say it could mean several things. I was convinced he murdered her whilst reading. It was good


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 15 months ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Oh Brenda so sorry I didn't get back to you earlier, been offsite for about the same length of time you posted your supportive comment. Glad you liked this FF piece, I rather enjoy writing them until you get about two thirds of the way through and realise you're about to run out of space. They are quite challenging but also fun and I believe good practice for novel writing. I will make it up to you in regards to my absence... You take care... Rob


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 15 months ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Oh Joy56, I left you hanging on this thread, you were miles ahead for all this time... a spiderly move to allow far greater pondering, thus seek a more classical ending. Glad you enjoyed the twist, thank you for taking the time... take care


Gary Malmberg profile image

Gary Malmberg 14 months ago from Concon, Chile

I came, I saw, I concurred! The story is moving. The style is awesome. Flash fiction is pretty cool. Two thumbs yup.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 14 months ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. Author

Hi Gary, cheers for that... you only have 300 words to work with, so it takes a bit of thought and editing to round off a whole story. I found writing FF helped me to build impact into a singular sentence rather than paragraph and thus the exercise enabled me to develop short verse poetry; my main objective. Try it, you will be surprised how enjoyable it is to write... maybe there's a Stephan King in your pen... good luck and thank you for your positive input... take care

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