The Door to Nowhere: My Story

Was it really only yesterday? My dad would get me up at dawn, we'd skip breakfast and head down to the creek to fish 'cause he always said the best time for fishin' was during the "morning rise" and the "evening rise". "But even during stormy periods, the fish won't give up feeding", he'd say, "The smart fisherman will find just the right bait." When flies like caddis flies or mayflies hatched out we'd have to match our flies with the hatching flies or go fishless. Dad taught me all these things, 'bout fishin, like it's best when the breeze is from the west rather than from the east or north and if the water is rippled or still, rather than during a wind.

Was it really only yesterday that he and I were wading in the water, reeling in fish and soaking up the sun as the morning mountain breeze wound down through the valley, swirling 'round my gear and nipping at my nose? I could picture dad watching me as I cast my line, congratulating me on every catch, instilling pride in me and my developing fly fishing skills. Was it really only yesterday? As I slowly awoke from my stupor I gradually came to the realization that it wasn't really only yesterday. The fellowship and love my father and I shared was more like a reminiscence of yesteryear, more like a dream for I hardly know what is real and what is imagined anymore.

I'm feeling funny, I feel restrained, so I open my eyes. My arms! My arms! They're gone, what happened to my arms! I look around at the four walls of the padded room around me. Still groggy and disoriented from the medication they gave me yesterday, the walls, they are moving in waves, I can't remember why I'm here...yet...but I know it will all come back to me in a few minutes or hours, though every time is different. This has become a routine I'm very familiar with now and I know, I tell myself, if I just remain quiet and wait this will all sort itself out.

Suddenly I hear a voice come over the room's speaker "Luke? Luke, we're coming in to take off your straight jacket" and the door opens. For the moment my head has stopped swirling, I realize my arms are rapped around me confined in the straight jacket I'm wearing. I recognize the two attendants as they come in to settle me down. Every time I see them, they tell me their names but I can't remember those names because I only know their real names, Promises and Lies. Their job is to keep me happy while I'm here so one promises me things will be alright and the other lies about everything I ask. They don't fool me, not any more, I know what their jobs are.

First Promises gives me medication and after a few minutes of observing me and questions like "How are you feeling?" "Do you know where you are?" they take off my straight jacket. Promises tells me the doctor will be in soon to check on me so I'd better be on good behavior if I want to get out soon and Lies adds, "I hear you may have a visitor today, too." Then they leave as abruptly as they arrived.

After the door shuts behind them I spit out the pill Promises gave me. This is my second day in here this time. Usually after I go back on my medication I'm out in three days. This time I'm going to fool them 'cause I know they control me through the medication and I'm not takin' it anymore. If they'd just let me smoke some pot to relax like I did when I was growing up I know I'd be fine. Lies says I'll have a visitor? I never have a visitor here. He always lies! I know him, he's playing with my mind!

Waiting for the Doctor is hell without my medication. Sometimes he comes in an hour, other times he waits 'til the end of the day. There is nothing I can do except make them believe that I believe they know what is best for me and as long as I do what they say they'll be happy. My happiness? They don't care, my happiness is nowhere. The medication makes nowhere easy, makes it easy for me to submit and for them to control me. With it, I'm nowhere, but when I'm off it I'm in hell, but I now realize I'd rather live in hell and be in control of myself than under their control and nowhere.

I feel like I'm just an actor in a movie. A nowhere man in a nowhere land, portraying my part in a script that has been written for make believe but the real me, as long as I'm playing my part in a nowhere movie, he doesn't exist. I just want to be me, I can't stand living in nowhere land anymore! I'm going nowhere! Nowhere! Nowhere, I tell you no o o whe e e re! I weep.

A knock comes on the door....

My skin is crawling...who is that? The doctor never knocks....

I can't stand this anymore! I scream sighingly,

"Go away, leave me alone! Why do you knock on "the door to no o o wher r re?"

Then, from the other side of the door, I hear a familiar voice say.

"Luke, Luke, I am your father..."


More by this Author

Thanks for all the kind comments. 24 comments

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

tsad.......Putting up with you? This is a creative pleasure to read....You've definitely surprised me, not to mention "impressed me." So much for your false modesty about not writing "like the rest of us."

Very clever of you to admit you hardly know what is real or imagined....I believe this is precisely how you have left your readers.

A dream, a memory, a wild imagination? Alfred Hitchcock, eat your heart out.

You have taken a challenge to new places, Tsad....Bravo!! UP+++

tsadjatko profile image

tsadjatko 2 years ago from maybe (the guy or girl) next door Author

Paula, I am wondering now if your comment is real or imagined, not the kind of comment I am used to dealing with. :-) no false modesty as I have said I always have a hard time with endings....however I stopped the story there, it didn't end it there. I wrote an ending but I wasn't comfortable with it so I rewrote the ending, several times and still wasn't happy and it dawned on me, maybe someone, a talented writer, could write the ending. So I submit a different challenge, hub readers, you write the ending in a comment here. The only rule is you have to start after:

"Go away, leave me alone! Why do you knock on "the door to no o o where r re?" (If you want a real challenge start where I left off.)

Make it as long as you want, write it in a word doc overtime and cut and paste it into a comment(s) here when you are done.

The reward?

I'll never be tempted to publish "the rest of the story" (my ending or endings, that is) so you'll never be tempted to read it.

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 2 years ago


s comment is real and so is mine. Bravo, bravo, bravo! I think you need to write a sequel. Voted up and awesome!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Normally, I would be reluctant to argue..but since arguing is your forte, I'll just go right ahead.

If I may Mr T......your ending is perfect. It is part of the intrigue of the entire story. I'd like to suggest that you don't have a problem with "endings"......rather, you may have an issue with the confidence to accept your ending and then simply allow your readers to imagine ad infinitum.

There are writers who struggle to do this. Learn to trust your judgement and step aside to let the readers take over.

The stories/novels that have stayed with me for years after reading them, are the ones that left a question mark...maybe several......left me creating my own ending as others create their own special finale.....

Just think about this, T.....your story is complete just as it is. Take into consideration how often "the last word" in a conversation was the wrong word. Left as it is creates mystery as well as imagination....These, my friend, are part of what being a writer is all about.

You're much better than you think. Don't be your own critic. That's the job of your readers.......Amen....& Amen........

tsadjatko profile image

tsadjatko 2 years ago from maybe (the guy or girl) next door Author

Paula, well, I suppose that ends are an expert at endings, you just ended my challenge! I didn't really expect anyone to take it anyway so you've saved me that embarrassment. You are just full of good deeds today :-) HubPage community you are all in her debt!

BP, a sequel? Hmmmmmmmmmm I hadn't thought of that? Actually, just the opposite, I was trying to think of a way I could walk this whole thing back into just a Q&A or something.

Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 2 years ago from West By God

Oh wow that kept me intrigued to know more. That was a great piece of work and a great story.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

T......Very few if any writers would have accepted your "particular" challenge. Except for's not a good idea to mess with a writer's work...even if they ask. It can get really long and complicated to explain, but just trust me....

Since when is honesty and straight-shooting known as a good deed? Face it need to learn not to blush when someone compliments your writing. I've already told you that you need to do comedy.......You could be the next "Thought Sandwiches".. I miss him so much. Have a great evening. Are you & your wife into the Super Bowl? Having a Super Bowl Party?

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

You may not spend your entire Hub life on Q&A & Forums. I insist you add to your resume of hubs. You can be incredibly funny and there are days I depend solely on my Hub-buddies to cheer me up and make me roll with laughter. Do you care?

So you see. this settles it. I'll have no more "Buts & Ifs" from you Mr. T.

You write and I'll even read your turtle hubs that I've been avoiding forever! LOL!!

tsadjatko profile image

tsadjatko 2 years ago from maybe (the guy or girl) next door Author

Lady Guinevere, I'm sure you know by now, I AM a piece of work... I mean GREAT piece of work,

GREAT, I meant to put GREAT in there,

(get out of my head Freud!)

a great piece of work.....there, I am... I mean it is.

what she said, ummmm if you say so, LG thanks.

tsadjatko profile image

tsadjatko 2 years ago from maybe (the guy or girl) next door Author

Paula, but, but but, you may find some of my best humor (which isn't saying much) in the turtle hubs! Then there are those who feel I'm at my funniest when I'm serious. I'm glad you can differentiate.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

LMAO....please.....don't do the but, but, but thing again.....I'm much too tired to roll over laughing today.

Take a subtle hint, Chevy......a few tweaks here and alteration or maybe addition or 2~ and a trip to Mars for an upgrade would go over extremely well.

Learn to trust Venusians. Like Nike says, "Just Do It." Let loose you stuffed shirt.

FitnezzJim profile image

FitnezzJim 2 years ago from Fredericksburg, Virginia

This was awesome, and seemed to me totally out-of-character. We’ve gotten so used to the Q&A forums, where there is an expectation that the thread ain’t over till Tsadjatko had the last post … chuckle … just kidding. I did particularly like how you left us to our imagination for this ending, and issued the challenge in the follow on. Stories about straight-jackets are scary, and stories about trying to recover from the clarifying fog of psychiatric ‘help’ could be even scarier. Sadly, for some, it seems that recovery is a never-ending numbness of soul. It shows only when you know someone who has been there, and it is truly apparent when you knew them also before they went.

You have captued that and it makes your story sad and enlightening at the same time, so well-done.

tsadjatko profile image

tsadjatko 2 years ago from maybe (the guy or girl) next door Author

fp Stuffed shirt? Me? Well that phrase does have different meanings, I'll let you slide on the kindest of them. :-) Who am I kidding, I'd let YOU slide on anything you say after my faux pas to your comment before Christmas that won me a "no go" status for a week with you. BTW yes we are watching the Super Bowl but no parties...not since

Jim, your "kidding" is not just jest but rooted in is most good humor and self deprecation which is the one thing I can actually be good at. Thank you Jim for your insightful critique and for once again, giving me the last word. ;-)

Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

TSAD, glad to see you joining in these challenges. This was a well written story and an interesting response. I enjoyed the read and I think the ending you chose, that keeps the reader guessing fits well with the rest of the story.. I think to write an ending that contained all the answers would take another complete hub. Good work. Did you advise Billybuc that you had written this so he can link to it and all his followers can read it?

tsadjatko profile image

tsadjatko 2 years ago from maybe (the guy or girl) next door Author

Thanks Jodah, if I get enough interest for it maybe I will do the sequel but that was my problem "ending it with all the answers." I'll send it to Billy, So far I'm surprised I haven't gotten hammered by someone for they way I represented something. That I can handle! Praise? Not so much.

Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

If you keep writing like this TSAD, maybe you have to get used to praise. When you write fiction it doesn't tend to raise peoples ire, because it's exactly that "fiction" and fact and beliefs aren't being debated.

billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

Blow me away! I never saw that ending coming, which is high praise indeed. This is so creative, so well-written. Bravo indeed, my friend, you did well.

Thank you so much for taking part in the challenge.

tsadjatko profile image

tsadjatko 2 years ago from maybe (the guy or girl) next door Author

Thanks Billy (hard to believe you can be blown away!;-)

Well Jodah, I have a slightly different view, fiction or not some people can find something wrong with anything, I'm one of them, you know.

Well let's test your theory and see how far I can go with fiction before peoples ire is raised. ;-) thanks again for your encouragement! (I have to say that cause when the ire comes it won't be completely my fault, if it comes). Here's to ire (I like that word). 'Hope you and Paula haven't created a monster.

tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York

You certainly know how to grab your audience and take them places they don't see coming! Your ending was a total twist.

I was feeling sorry for the poor soul in the straight jacket, wondering about promises and lies! Great job.

Voted up, awesome, and interesting.

tsadjatko profile image

tsadjatko 2 years ago from maybe (the guy or girl) next door Author

Thanks Mary, but I don't really know anything, I have no idea where the story is going until I write it. This is what was giving me such a problem when "I" tried to write an end to the story. The story is writing itself and hasn't gotten to the end yet. After sleeping on it last night I realized, the story is controlling me and I can't end it myself solely because I want to write an ending. So I felt led to write and so I am writing...3, 4, 5 chapters or no more, I have no idea but I am as interested in finding out how this ends as anyone else so I'm going to write it until it ends. Am I inspired to write this by my sub conscience?... or some invisible author with his own purpose?... Billy buc, you're the expert at this writing thing, is this how it works?... or is this just me?... anyway I took "the writing challenge" and I'm not one to back off until it's done, I'm done or y'all are done...with me.

Besarien profile image

Besarien 12 months ago

I didn't expect to end up where this story took me! Awesome answer to the challenge!

tsadjatko profile image

tsadjatko 12 months ago from maybe (the guy or girl) next door Author

Neither did I, writing this and the other chapters was the weirdest thing I ever did, it was like I was possessed and just wrote as it came to me, I didn't even know where it was going as I wrote.

I had to stop because I was contacted by a movie producer who wants to make this into a movie and he didn't want me to put any more of it out there. That knocked my socks off.

I talked him into letting me leave what I got here while I finish it but it is turning out to be a never ending story.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 12 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

tsad......I'll bet you had no idea that people as sweet & compassionate as Besarian even existed! Did you see that??? She said yours is an awesome answer to the challenge. She has gone over and above. Bless her sympathetic heart.

tsadjatko profile image

tsadjatko 12 months ago from maybe (the guy or girl) next door Author

I am flattered and really don't deserve these accolades as it is an unfinished work. You and Besarien bear responsibility for what happens now for encouraging me.

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