The Ghost of William Hurt

Grave-digger
Grave-digger | Source
The grave and headstone of Doctor John Conolly MD DCL, (May 27, 1794 - March 5, 1866), English physician.
The grave and headstone of Doctor John Conolly MD DCL, (May 27, 1794 - March 5, 1866), English physician. | Source

Allow me to be Forthright...

The title is misleading. For one thing, there is a pretty good chance that William Hurt is alive...thus negating the need for any ghost.

Randomly killing famous people off in casual conversations, based on innuendo and rumor, is something I do.

The dialogue typically develops thusly...

“I want to watch, Children of a Lesser God,” Says my roommate, Erika, who is studying and passionate about learning American Sign Language.

“I think William Hurt is dead.” I declare.

I needlessly elaborate on the answer to the question that was neither pondered nor verbalized.

“Weird train accident in Cleveland I think.”

I have come to find that most people will not question you on these types of arbitrary pronouncements.

Celebrities, prone to dying in threes, are always filling up the obituary columns.

Obviously, you need to prepare your ground.

Popping off with a Johnny Depp ‘death story’ will have your compatriots viewing you like you’re a nut.

It’s best to go with the older guys...but not too old...otherwise you risk losing your shock value.

As an example...

“I heard George Burns died.” I float the trial-balloon. The lackluster response suggests that I did not use enough helium.

As actors go...I don’t care for William Hurt.

That, and the above referenced, Children of a Lesser God conversation is what led to my verbal signing of his death certificate.

I am, however, being unfair to William Hurt.

I’m simply frustrated by the lack of any viable writing ideas and this opening sequence merely represents a stream of consciousness attempt to generate story ideas...


Hulkamania Tour @ Rod Laver Arena. Melbounre, AUS.
Hulkamania Tour @ Rod Laver Arena. Melbounre, AUS. | Source
3D Caffeine Molecul
3D Caffeine Molecul | Source
sammy the striped dog that I crocheted shows how he spent his summer. another of my digital collages: a little photoshop, powerpoint and illustrator combination. pattihaskins.wordpress.com/2007/08/30/lazy-day/
sammy the striped dog that I crocheted shows how he spent his summer. another of my digital collages: a little photoshop, powerpoint and illustrator combination. pattihaskins.wordpress.com/2007/08/30/lazy-day/ | Source

The Reality of Contests...

Non-stop, caffeine fueled writing, has been my existence since the announcement of the Hubpages.com Patron of the Arts contest back in early October.

In terms of ideas, I was scraping the bottom of the samovar and in terms of ‘output’...my pee was colored a dark orange.

Caffeine dehydration according to the Google-search Gods...

With nine days remaining for submissions to the contest...I really wasn’t sure I had another coin to toss into the well...

I was chasing the big story now. I feared, however, it might prove a chimera not, unlike, the long lost dreams of childhood.

Theoretically, it had all the elements of a good Hub.

Intrigue, suspense, implausible plot progressions, cartoon characters, and, hopefully, sex. My search for truth and (dare we a dream, a Pulitzer) would probably send me overseas.

Details needed attending, prior to departure.

I need to get shots for myself and my traveling companion, Creative Voice.

I’m also looking for one of those 220-volt adaptor things for Internal CD player.

Most importantly...I needed to consult with a titan. A legend in the field of Investigative journalism...

I’m lazy and once an idea materializes...I will be off writing and, in all likelihood, will not return to delete these random thought provoking scribbles.

I will make it up to Mr. William Hurt. By the time I conclude...that which is to come...I shall try and find one nice thing to say about the man. It won’t be easy...as actors go...I don’t care for William Hurt.

If I have to lug around the dead weight (that is) the acting career of William Hurt...I might as well make it worth my efforts...

I decide to give him a chance, thus, providing myself with a credible cover as an International Film Critic.

With a nine day deadline looming, there is no way I can do the research I would have preferred to do (you know...watch ALL the movies I am reviewing) but that is the nature of deadlines...they remove the wheat from the chaff...


Photo of KGB agent Robert Hanssen who started working for the FBI and then defected to the KGB while pretending to work for the FBI. A depiction of this photo takes place in the film "Breach".
Photo of KGB agent Robert Hanssen who started working for the FBI and then defected to the KGB while pretending to work for the FBI. A depiction of this photo takes place in the film "Breach". | Source
Robert Philip Hanssen; former FBI agent convicted of espionage
Robert Philip Hanssen; former FBI agent convicted of espionage | Source
Former Hubber...Misha...
Former Hubber...Misha... | Source

Master Spy: The Robert Hanson Story...

I had first tumbled to the story a month or two back.

I had been napping in a Forum thread that exploded into activity when three men came in and began talking about a frowned upon practice...the (illegal?) purchasing of back links.

A Russian connection was established when one of the men casually let loose with a name...Misha.

My preliminary research indicated that such a Hubber once existed and the data I, subsequently found, vouchsafed for the men’s words...

In a furtive voice, the first had asked, “If I am not mistaken, wasn’t there a Hubber named Misha who bought back-links or something? Did he have success?”

“Misha was one of the most successful Hubbers at one time, and was a master of gaming the system. Confirmed his companion.

“If I recall...he had around twenty hubs and once showed a screen shot of $3,000 Adsense earnings in one month!”

I was fully awake by this time and paying attention.

I didn’t know what back-links were...but I did have a passing awareness of the concept of $3,000.

I had also heard of Russia...

The first man questions, “What happen to him?”

The third man joins the conversation and explains, “Misha left after a falling out with Hubpages staff. He felt that he’d been forced out, although the HP staff will probably have their own take on this.”

“Right, right, right...” Says the second man. “Misha was charming and intelligent, but I can’t say that I would appreciate some of his hubs if I encountered them from an ordinary internet user’s perspective.”

The men continued their musings as they moved off. I sat there. My head was buzzing. I had a hang-over...

I mentally filed the information away and there it sat...until now...

The Russian connection and the, heretofore, unexplored William Hurt angle gave me an idea.

I looked at the film credits of the (largely) discredited actor and found what I was looking for...

I filed my first story designed to maintain my cover as an International Film Critic...

The 2002 made-for-television movie, “Master Spy: The Robert Hanssen Story,” sucked. So did William Hurt’s performance of the title character. It is reported that when the ‘real’ Robert Hanssen was allowed to watch the movie in prison... he turned it off in disgust. When a convicted traitorous slime ball thinks you suck? Enough said...

With that task done, I finalized my plans to meet with my journalistic mentor and benefactor...Kenneth Avery.

I needed to grab my overnight bag and get to the airport for the flight to Alabama. Kenneth and I were going to have a final brain storming session before I hit the ground in Moscow...


Elephanta tourists
Elephanta tourists | Source
Noted Journalistic Legend...Kenneth Avery...
Noted Journalistic Legend...Kenneth Avery... | Source
Gulf Coast Box Turtle (Terrapene carolina major), male
Gulf Coast Box Turtle (Terrapene carolina major), male | Source

The Accidental Tourist...

The Eskimos on the flight should have alerted me to my mistake. I don’t believe a lot of Eskimos go to Alabama. This plane was full of them.

F**k. Kenneth’s going to think I’m a flake...

We were ‘wheels-up’ before I caught the error. I was going to Alaska.

Close alphabetically, but as far from Alabama as I could hope to imagine geographically.

F**k. Kenneth’s going to think I’m a flake. I’ll call him from a pay phone when I land in Anchorage.

I began drinking...coffee...

I thought back to the last time we had met...

It was a few weeks back when I first approached the venerable journalistic institution with my unlikely proposal.

I explained my concerns, questions, and suspicions regarding the ex-Hubber Misha and the illegal trade in back-links. I also went on, at great length, about my loathing for the actor William Hurt.

Kenneth hadn’t heard of Misha but, otherwise, bought into my illogical plot progression. The professional newspaperman in him chastises me for a weak time-line...

“Hell kid,” Kenneth complains, “You are all over the board on your timing! In the first page you don’t even have a story and then three paragraphs later you have this whole Misha thing going on?! He pulls out his red editor’s pencil...

”And this conversation we are having now...is this happening before the meeting in the Forum Thread?” He shakes his head disapprovingly before continuing...

“Also...what’s going on between you and William Hurt? I can set you up as an accredited Film Critic and you can use that as cover but...really...has journalistic objectivity ever been a character in one of your stories?”

I hang my head.

I have the utmost respect for Kenneth and value his opinion. He’s like the wise turtle in Kung Fu Panda.

I begin to ponder that possibility before being interrupted by Kenneth...

“And if you try turning me into a cartoon character...I am going to kick your ass!”

I doubted him not and immediately shelved my turtle thoughts. For now.

My attention was drawn by the beginning of the in-flight movie...

It was the 1988 American drama film, staring William Hurt...The Accidental Tourist...

I quickly got up and collected as many of the in-flight barf bags as I could get my hands on. I was unsure that the eleven I found would be up to the task as the opening credits finished rolling...

The subsequent review was not flattering...


C46 airplane crash near Siuna to Rosita road, (according to tail code this photo should date from around 05 April 1960 the aircraft being a LANICA Curtiss C-46A-40-CU that crashed in Siuna, Nicaragua.)
C46 airplane crash near Siuna to Rosita road, (according to tail code this photo should date from around 05 April 1960 the aircraft being a LANICA Curtiss C-46A-40-CU that crashed in Siuna, Nicaragua.) | Source
Die indischen Eskimos. Titelbild des Heftromans.
Die indischen Eskimos. Titelbild des Heftromans. | Source
Bernard Madoff's mugshot
Bernard Madoff's mugshot | Source
Todd Palin at the announcement of Sarah Palin as the VP candidate
Todd Palin at the announcement of Sarah Palin as the VP candidate | Source
Snowmobile sign (Sweden)
Snowmobile sign (Sweden) | Source

The Big Chill...

An ensuing NTBA investigation would later reveal that dark corrosive urine had eaten through the rubber bladder designed, to contain such human waste, and bled into the plane’s fuel lines.

Further testing would reveal that the urine was dark orange in color and predominately comprised of caffeine molecules. These results wouldn’t emerge for weeks...

All I know is that me and the Eskimos nosedived when the plane started to lose altitude as we were on approach to Anchorage.

We were forced to land early. In Wasilla, Alaska.

S**t. Sarah Palin doesn’t like me and she can be a vindictive bitch...

Still...I didn’t like Sarah Palin and I had a bone to pick with her.

Wasilla is a small town and an out-sized personality, such as, former (half-term) Governor Sarah Palin should be easy to find. She wasn’t. I went to her house...

As I was walking over there, I mentally cussed out the 2008 Republican nominee, John McCain, for unleashing these Alaskan Appalachian hillbillies on the American public.

Recent disclosures that former (half-term) Governor Sarah Palin had declined to throw her hat into the 2012 Election only confirmed my suspicions...her only interest is in filling the Palin financial coffers.

That however, was not the bone I had to pick with Sarah Palin...

As a lifelong student, reader, and teacher of history...I was appalled when she announced she was conducting a “One Nation Bus Tour” to educate the American people about their history...

I couldn’t help but mentally compare the impending outcome to asking Bernie Madoff about ethical lending practices.

Her first stop confirmed my fears when she proceeded to assign Paul Revere duties and responsibilities that fell (to be polite) simply outside the conceivable realm of historical discovery.

To (not be polite)...that f**king loon, former (half-term) Governor Sarah Palin, is out of her mind and knows very little about American history.

This is what I intended to tell former (half-term) Governor Palin. I also planned on informing her that she should read a history book, or two, prior to opening her pie-hole...

I was on her porch and peeking into her living room windows.

The house was teeming with the illegitimate offspring of Bristol Palin. So this is what pronouncements of abstinence and no education leads to?

You Betcha!

I heard a window open up on the second floor. I stepped off the porch and looked up...Todd Palin.

“GET OFF MY PROPERTY, SANDWICHES!” He screams down at me.

Early on in my writing career I had written an unflattering piece about the former (half-term) governor in which I compared her to a white plastic bag of car meat.

The Palins never forgave me.

I was told that they had superimposed a sniper-scope image on my Hubpages profile page...

“Hey Todd,” I called up cheerfully. “Is the little psycho at home?”

He stopped to consider which of the women in his life I was referencing. I helped him...

“Former (half-term) Governor Palin? Is she here?” I call up...

“BY GOD, SANDWICHES IF YOU DON’T GET OFF MY PROPERTY I WILL RUN YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU WITH MY SNOWMOBILE!!”

I began reasoning with the emasculated, former, First (half-term) Husband. Calling him emasculated didn’t improve his mood. He left the window to find his snowmobile keys...


Spider woman
Spider woman | Source
The Tree of LIBERTY, – with, the Devil tempting John Bull: A caricature by James Gillray, showing Charles James Fox as Satan, tempting John Bull with the rotten fruit of the opposition tree of Liberty. John's pockets are already full with the golden
The Tree of LIBERTY, – with, the Devil tempting John Bull: A caricature by James Gillray, showing Charles James Fox as Satan, tempting John Bull with the rotten fruit of the opposition tree of Liberty. John's pockets are already full with the golden | Source
Statue of Paul Revere by Cyrus E. Dallin, in the Paul Revere Mall, North End, Boston, Massachusetts. Photograph taken by Daderot , September 2005.
Statue of Paul Revere by Cyrus E. Dallin, in the Paul Revere Mall, North End, Boston, Massachusetts. Photograph taken by Daderot , September 2005. | Source

Kiss of the Spider Woman...

At that moment the front door flew open and former (half-term) Governor Sarah Palin stood there wrapped in righteous indignation and holding a large hand gun...

She starts shooting...

It’s true...she does not believe in gun control.

Every time she pulled the trigger of the .44 caliber cannon...her arm would traverse a 360-degree circuit while spastically firing rounds into the sky, dirt, and porch railing...

Democratic office holders and, that most rare of endangered species, the moderate Republican...dive for cover. I hide behind a tree. In my mind...it's the Tree of Liberty.

Behind the house I heard the snowmobile engine start...cough...and die... Todd cussing...

Sarah stops to reload. Bristol Palin runs onto the porch with a butcher knife...

Her attempts to help her parents were forestalled by having to stop and give birth to, yet another, illegitimate child...

As I pondered my next move, I looked up and noticed that former (half-term) Governor Sarah Palin had been right about one thing...

I can see Russia from her house!

That’s where I need to be...

The snowmobile starts with a roar. I peek around the Tree of Liberty.

Sarah had dropped her bullets and was busy trying to round them up, so as, to begin shooting at me again...

Bristol was lying on the porch...in a puddle of amniotic fluid...crowning...

The snowmobile revs...

Suddenly...I hear the sound of a horse neighing as the garage door begins to open...

As soon as there was clearance...Paul Revere emerges from the structure while sitting astride his horse.

The horse rears...mighty hooves clawing at the air...

“THE ABORTIONISTS ARE COMING! THE ABORTIONISTS ARE COMING!” Revere cried out before spying me crouched behind the Tree of Liberty.

He reins his steed in my direction...

I briefly considered the horrors against history that were occurring in that garage.

These musings were cut short as the 18th-century silversmith came abreast of me, reached down, and pulled me up onto the back of his horse...

“Where do you need to be?” Paul calls over his shoulder as his horse jumps the Palin’s white picket fence.

I point to Russia...

As we clattered across the tundra...I mentally composed my review for The Big Chill...

The 1983 American comedy-drama, The Big Chill, featured a star studded cast of imposing talent. It also included...William Hurt. Hurt’s role as the impotent Vietnam veteran, Nick, was not inspiring.


VHS cover for I Love You to Death
VHS cover for I Love You to Death | Source
Publicity photo of Andy Griffith and Don Knotts from a Jim Nabors television special. Griffith and Knotts revive their Andy and Barney roles for a skit on the show.
Publicity photo of Andy Griffith and Don Knotts from a Jim Nabors television special. Griffith and Knotts revive their Andy and Barney roles for a skit on the show. | Source
Photo of "Ellis" dead drop site in Foxstone Park used by Robert Hanssen
Photo of "Ellis" dead drop site in Foxstone Park used by Robert Hanssen | Source

I Love you to Death...

I was in Moscow and feeling a bit peckish. I also had to call Kenneth which I resolved to do before finding a place to eat.

It was a bad connection...Kenneth kept repeating something that rhymed with...lake?

I did get the name of his contact in Moscow. I was surprised that Kenneth had such a stalwart agent in place in a foreign land.

A call to that man resulted in a meeting at a local pizzeria.

Upon entering...the place looked like any pizzeria located in Tacoma, Washington...except...it was located in Moscow, Russia.

Kevin Kline was in the kitchen making a pizza and planning his extramarital activities once he could sneak away from his on-screen wife...played by Tracy Ullman.

Ullman was in a back booth with her on-screen mother...the indomitable...Joan Plowright.

The two women were talking, in hushed tones, with two disreputable looking men. The men looked like they were stoned and incompetent hit men.

They looked familiar...

Kenneth’s man was sitting in a back booth. He signaled me over. I cast a quick glance around the room before sliding into the booth and appraising the man opposite me.

Howard Sprague. The long-time city clerk of Mayberry R.F.D. from the long-lived television show...The Andy Griffith Show.

“Mr. Sprague.” I open formally, as I knew, that was his way.

“Mr. Sandwiches. Might I suggest the Blue-plate special?” Howard offers as he tucks a napkin over his signature bow-tie.

“At a pizza place?” I ask doubtfully. “I was thinking of getting a pie...”

“The blueberry pie is quite excellent.” Agrees Howard.

“No...I mean pizza pie.”

Our order was taken by Joaquin Phoenix and we settled down to business.

“I have to be honest Mr. Sandwiches,” Howard began, “I don’t understand why you are in Moscow. Nominally, you would be here to track down this Misha fellow but you haven’t mentioned him once in the last two thousand words. Howard stopped talking as the food was delivered.

“I have to think,” He continued after we began eating, “That you have some other reason for being here.”

Howard was good. I admitted to him that I was actually here to try and find one good thing to say about William Hurt. I also always wanted to see Moscow and knew I could get Kenneth’s paper to pay for the trip...

“Why Moscow?”

“I’m looking for a park...” I begin...


Statue of tank in Gorky Park. The tank seems to be a combination of T-34 and IS-2 tanks.
Statue of tank in Gorky Park. The tank seems to be a combination of T-34 and IS-2 tanks. | Source
William Hurt signing autographs at the 2005 Toronto International Film Festival while promoting History of Violence.
William Hurt signing autographs at the 2005 Toronto International Film Festival while promoting History of Violence. | Source

Gorky Park...

As I was crossing the park I was joined by Creative Voice.

“Where you been?” I ask as I spy the man I wanted to talk to.

“I was trying to come up with some ideas for a story. He admits.

“There was a plane accident in Alaska but the NTBA report is still out...I don’t think it’s going anywhere. Have you had had any luck?”

I show him what I had written. After reviewing it together we chorused...

“No. Nothing good...”

“Hey where’s Internal CD player?” I ask.

“We never got that adapter thingy.”

“Oh...right, right, right...too bad...I could have used the Scorpions about now...”

We get closer to the man in question before Creative Voice grouses, “Also...why did we have to get those shots when we never even went to Alabama?”

The man in question was dressed in the uniform of a Soviet-era militia officer.

Despite the military connotations, the uniform designates a member of the civilian police force. In this case, homicide investigator Arkady Renko, played by William Hurt.

Gorky Park was a 1983 movie based on that most excellent of books, by the same title, which was penned by Martin Cruz Smith.

The movie was pretty good too. Janet Maslin, with the New York Times called it, “...a taut, clever thriller throughout.” Although Maslin was unable to understand why William Hurt affected an English accent for his Russian character...she found his performance as...”rivetingly strange.”

I like rivetingly strange. I have my theories about the English accent. William Hurt is not a good enough actor to pass off a Russian accent. Still...the role suited him and I liked how his character freed the minks at the end of the movie...

I felt as if I had met my obligation to Mr. William Hurt...


Mid-19th century Russian silver samovar. Gift given to President Nixon from His Excellency Leonid I. Brezhnev, General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union.
Mid-19th century Russian silver samovar. Gift given to President Nixon from His Excellency Leonid I. Brezhnev, General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. | Source
I'm told I have a problem...
I'm told I have a problem... | Source
Hand drawn ghost for userbox on en.wiki
Hand drawn ghost for userbox on en.wiki | Source

Lost in Space...

“What?” I asked, pulled from my thoughts of crazy encounters with rabid members of the Palin family, Misha, terrified Eskimos, international intrigue, and Howard Sprague...

Erika, my roommate, is looking at me. “I said...do you want to watch Children of a Lesser God with me?”

I felt vomit rise up to crowd that dangly thing at the back of my throat.

“Oh f**k no. That movie sucked and so does William Hurt. You know I hate William Hurt,” I pause before continuing, “Besides, I have to come up with a final story idea for this contest. I’m dry.” I admit.

“Scraping the bottom of the samovar, huh? She asks. “Oh...speaking of samovar scraping...I was cleaning the toilet and...Unless you have been dumping containers of Tang into the bowl...you need to start drinking water.”

“Why?” I ask.

She stares at me before slowly asking. “Is your pee a dark dusty orange?”

Upon receiving my nod she informs me how that was not normal. She goes on to describe caffeine dehydration. I make a note to Google the condition...

“You should write a story called The Ghost of William Hurt,” Suggests Erika before leaving to watch the movie.

As titles went...it wasn’t bad. The Ghost of William Hurt.

I was long on title and short on plot, setting, ideas, and good ideas.

Still it was a start. It would require some form of disclaimer. Maybe something like...

“The title is misleading. For one thing, there is a pretty good chance that William Hurt is alive...”


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Comments 113 comments

Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

LOL You're a very creative writer...and a riot :)


Lapse profile image

Lapse 5 years ago from East Coast Rules

Alrighty then... Sorry lost focus around the Big Chill, but then saw that pic of Spider Woman and I found some sort of reserve I didn't know was there. Then lost focus after a minute as I could handle the clashing emotions brought on by Spider Woman vs. Sarah Palin. Could only skim the rest.

Wow I was going to defend Mr. Hurt but looking through his filmography I couldn't locate one movie I liked BECAUSE of him... You got my vote on killing him in your ramblings it seems.

That was epic. :-) Excuse me while I scroll back up to Spider Woman...


Arlene V. Poma 5 years ago

Gawwwwwd. It's been years, and I forgot all about William Hurt. I see you are a fan of Mountain Dew and Red Bull. Could it be that this combination brings you flashbacks of William Hurt? Or maybe HOWARD SPRAGUE? And doesn't Bernard Madoff look like Henry Winkler? This is scary stuff, so please leave out the Palins. I may go back to drinking Mountain Dew for comfort. Voted up for bringing up William Hurt instead of Kevin Kline. Don't forget Kevin Costner as the corpse.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

hi Susan...

My hope is that this story (for you) made up for the O' Canada debacle? I am very glad you liked this and I will use the time to again say how cute your dogs are!

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Lapse...

The Spider woman picture IS compelling. I can't help but feel I would have published this two days ago if not for that picture...like you...I lost focus...

That's all I'm saying...he sucks.

I'm glad you were able to stop in and thank you very much for the awesome comment!

Take care,

Thomas


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Thomas, No problem about O'Canada. We rum buddies must stick together. I think Truman is pretty darn cute too!

Good luck in the contest!


nemanjaboskov profile image

nemanjaboskov 5 years ago from Serbia

I love the title, my friend... and the rest of the story, of course :)

I must admit that I haven't read the last couple of your hubs due to a lack of time, but I'll be sure to read them as soon as I can, as you have remained true to your madness - as ever :)

Thanks for this, Thomas!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Arlene...

Although I had not actively thought of William Hurt for some time...there is always an undercurrent of loathing ready to seep up once I hear his name.

(Bernie DOES look like Henry Winkler!)

The caffeine does take possession now and again...I have learned to roll with it...sometimes I get dancing spiders...other times I get spider woman...

I am glad I was able to remind you about the utterly forgettable career of William Hurt!

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Susan...

Us rum buddies DO need to stick together! Good luck to you too!

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

boskov!!

Hello my good friend...neither explanations nor apologies are required...it is, however, very good to see you!

I myself (now that this contest is done) look forward to renewing my Serbian language studies...I also noted a few others that you have slipped in! I look forward to the reads!

Take care,

Thomas


nemanjaboskov profile image

nemanjaboskov 5 years ago from Serbia

Feel free to come around, my friend...

I wish you all the best in this contest and I really hope you win some prizes - as you really deserved them.

Stay well, Thomas!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

It's refreshing to occasionally see some serious writing on serious topics. It pains me to hear of the Hurt demise. Poor woman.

Up and serious.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

boskov...

I will indeed be by and shall bring my slinky toy. Thank you for your kind words as regards the contest...

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

hi Will...

As you know my friend...this is where you come for your hard hitting journalism pieces. Fair and balanced...

Alas...the career of William Hurt died quite some time ago...I am just the bearer of the news...

Thank you for stopping by with Up and serious votes!

Thomas


homesteadbound profile image

homesteadbound 5 years ago from Texas

Oh my goodness. That almost made sense. Contest entry material for sure. Where do you come up with this stuff. I need to find my own pal Creative Voice, and hope that she will be as creative as yours.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

homestead...

Thank you for your sweet sentiments and so nicely phrased! Creative Voice is a fickle writing partner but usually arrives on the scene when required! I am more than sure that your own internal Creative Voice is equally fickle. Creative Voices are bitches.

I am very glad you liked it and have to wonder whether the fact that it made sense represents you moving to the dark side or me moving to the light...?

Thomas


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 5 years ago from Tucson, Az.

A writer with a 160 I.Q. who can entertain us with a 60 I.Q. and everything in between.

Okay .. I had to Google William Hurt to figure out who he was. Man, that's one boring dude, but in my little mini research, I found something of interest. Apparently he was schacking up with that deaf chick with the nice love pillows? Marlee Matlin? Yeah, guess what. He was beating the snot out of her. She came forward. Beating a deaf chick? I mean, I can't even punch out a POSTER of a chick, and this dick's whoopin up on a beautiful chick with blown speakers? How freakin sick is that. Poor girl, she probably tried to call 911, but I bet they hung up on her when she started making those dolphin sounds.

Hey Thomas, I got so wrapped up in the mutt beater thing, what was this hub about? Oh, shit! I've gotta go finish reading it. No wonder. :/

Him (that's Marlee Matlin for Jim)


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Him...(Marlee Matlin style)

I had to Google Marlee Matlin to see who YOU were talking about...no shit? He was beating on her? oh man..."blown speakers" and "dolphin sounds" ?...I bet he was taking out the frustrations of a horrible career on the poor girl...

Warn any of your friends about the Sarah Palin angle...I would hate to anger or incite. Well...anger...I have been known to like a good 'inciting'...

Thomas


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 5 years ago from Tucson, Az.

Thomas,

I was a guest speaker at the Tea Party super rally back in July over in Iowa. It was supposed to be a "America Coming Together" theme. What it was was bull shit. It turned out to be little more than a Sarah Palin pep rally. I was completely off color with my "get off your lazy ass and start demanding more from American leadership" in my Adolph Hitler style of delivery.

Moving along .. I got to meet Sarah after the rally. She was very cool. A complete marketing pig, which I can appreciate and respect, but the important thing is this .. I did the small talk thing of course, but I was just waiting for the hug. And hug her I did my man. Of course Sarah wouldn't do too well as president, but she does have nice breast. Make no mistake. They are real, and her security guy damn near had to pull me off as I was starting to hump her leg.

I love politics Thomas. Wish I'd done it instead of drugs when I was a pup. (just kidding)

Him


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Him...

I remember you saying you were doing a rally back in Iowa...I didn't know 'she' was there. I would have had you get me an autograph on my 'car meat' story. I will grant you....she is 'leg-humpable' and entirely out of Todd's league!

According to Marion Berry...drugs and politics are not mutually exclusive.

Thomas


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barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

You are crazy genius. I am not sure if this was a history lesson, a political speech or a movie review. However, it was pure genius how you can take so many random topics spin it together in about one million words and come up with something I am not sure I understand. And I still want to know - were are you getting all this inside information from. I must suspect you are a spy!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Barbergirl...

Your comment reminded me of a letter I once sent off to (then) President Nixon (on Cowboy Bob stationary that my mom photocopied prior to sending to Tricky Dick) in which I told him I wanted to be a spy and I needed him send me "spy stuff". It was routed to Langley and I received a nice recruitment package from personnel. I never followed up...or did I?

(Oh shit...I forgot about the best part of this story and I am racing against the edit timer thing...I signed the letter..Your Friend...I forgot the R in F(r)iend. I think I ended up on a list...)

When short on premise (my stories) ...go long on detail (random shit)...hope nobody notices...leave the room quietly...

Thomas


jhamann profile image

jhamann 5 years ago from Reno NV

Thomas, you put together an awesome piece of writing here. I have felt the vomit rise when I accidently watched "The Accidental Tourist." But the adventure that ensues when one comic genius tries to write a movie review is awe-inspiring. can't wait for the next!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

jhamann...

And I would have to add...of them all...Accidental Tourist is the worst one. So...what do you mean (tries?) to write a movie review? (laughing).

Now that you mention it...there are other actors that I really don't like...

Thank you for your marvelous comments my friend!

Thomas


Lapse profile image

Lapse 5 years ago from East Coast Rules

TS,

Channeling your inner Tarantino eh?

You seem to be messing with people's heads here. :-) true? ...or would you have to kill me if you told me???


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Lapse...

My inner Tarantino does attempt to emerge now and again...after a bit we start fighting about (usually) rent money...we go our ways...yada, yada.

Pursuant to my 'nominal' rules...I would have to kill you...but not because I told you...I don't believe half the stuff I say...BUT...

As a Hubpages star...you do fall into the realm of my 'famous people' dying stories.

I usually go with random train death stories in Cleveland (no...I don't know why), however, if you had a preference in a different way to be conversationally oft...you know...another city, maybe?

You appear to have snapped out of the 'spider woman' trance. That's good.

Thomas


Lapse profile image

Lapse 5 years ago from East Coast Rules

A HubPages star??? ROFLMFAO...

I know that's not based on my accolades. Or lack thereof...

Train deaths are good... How about...

-decapitation by helicopter

-swallowed a toothpick at a party. Later died of peritonitis.

-impaled by airborne debris during chance tornado

...back to Spider Woman


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Lapse...

You have an alarming list of readily available ways to off yourself in casual conversations. I like that. It allows for flexibility in making random pronouncements.

The typical trigger is when you make level 3 commenter status...so...you may wish to keep your comments brief and uninspiring...?

Thomas


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

Hey Sandwiches, Hurt was passable in Body Heat so whats your game here bro? And that's a male box turtle in the pic, don't ask how I know Hurt is a shape-shifter. And how can you be sure Mr. Hurt hasn't hired someone undercover on HP to keep tabs on you. And if all this William Hurt disjointedness makes no sense its because the brain s still reeling from your latest grand creative endeavor. There's hope for you yet Thomas. PS- very astute observation on the T-34-Stalin tank combo.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Alastar...

"Body Heat' WAS passable and had Sarah been a bit more amorous when she came to the door...I might of fit it in...she appeared in a mood, however.

My biggest question becomes how YOU became so knowledgeable about discerning turtle sex from a brief picture?

As for the tank save...not my save...I merely cut/pasted the 'caption' that I found with the picture. I do need to review all my contest pictures and see that I did them right. Simone sent out a Hub about correct/legal pictures...I'm all paranoid that it was meant only for me...

Keep your eye out for William Hurt (he's a bad actor) and your head down from Sarah (she's a bad shot) and away from Bristol...(very, very fertile that one)...

Thomas


FloraBreenRobison profile image

FloraBreenRobison 5 years ago

Oh, so it is you who is behind these celebrity death hoaxes I keep hearing or reading in the news. I think the most recent one was Denzil Washington who had to announce he was still alive on twitter.

First, George Burns died years ago. It is especially non-shocking to hear that a dead person is dead.

I wouldn't let hurt spoil the entire movie of The Big Chill. Unless you hate everyone in the film?

As for The Accidental Tourist, while I preferred reading the book, the movie was not a bad film. I actually don't tend to pay attention to Hurt one way or another.


FloraBreenRobison profile image

FloraBreenRobison 5 years ago

oh, I should point out that I have not seen Gorky Park or I love You to death.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Flora...

Yup...Denzil Washington was one of mine...I was unaware that my pronouncement went viral, however...that is totally cool.

I do not hate everyone in the Big Chill...it was a pretty good movie. I think the reason you pay no attention to William Hurt is because he is such a non-entity in the acting world. That MAY just be my opinion...I tend to opinion-ate and find that no one else holds my opinion...odd that...but I am used to it...

Thanks for reading and commenting Flora!

Thomas


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 5 years ago from Tucson, Az.

Thomas,

Do me a favor. Go to my old hub and check out this "goego" dude. I can't understand a freakin thing he says. He left me some fan mail, so I guess he likes me, but I don't have a clue what's in his pipe. When you get a chance, check it out and let me know if I'm missing something or if this guy's a Martian. Here's the link to the hub .. http://hubpages.com/relationships/The-Abused-Creed...

Don't beat em up or anything. He may be looking for a reason to put his head in the oven or maybe someone elses. (creepy smile)

Thanks bro!

jim


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Flora...

Both of those movies were good and I would recommend them...I love you Death was pretty funny (Tracy Ulmann and Kevin Kline) but the Hurt role was pretty funny. According to my agreement, however, I only promised to say ONE nice thing..that was Gorky Park.

Thomas


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ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Him...

Yeah (laughing) you are on your own! I got NO idea from whence he comes and even went so far as to check out his profile...um...yeeeees...good luck with that. I have a firm rule...If they are weirder than me....

Thomas


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

Red eyes. male boxs' generally have em. That's right, male boxs' not mail boxes. Oh, don't recall anything wrong with the pics but as far as the contest you might wanna go with the family hour s**t and f**k. Just a guess on that though. What I meant about the tank was you seeing that it IS some kind of T-34-Stalin tank hybrid..lol- Hey Thomas, here's a good one: back in the day i was talking with a Radio Shack manager and he got around to telling about the time Kathleen Turner came into the store and wanted the royal treatment. He wouldn't play ball and when she said "Don't you know who I am!?!" he said not really, well, she got in a huff and stomped outta the store after that..hahaaa!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

TS - where do you get all this B...oOOOooohhhh that's right!

You are hilarious and I just can't figure out how you can make all that up! I know, I know. But you just kill me with those fillers like "is the little psycho at home?" very nice - excellent. (RealHousewife bows to TS:). Up and all that.


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 5 years ago from Tucson, Az.

Yeah, I love you bro, but you really ARE uhh ....... very special, but it looks like you just met your Waterloo with this gent. I knew that if he was off your radar, he ain't on anybody else's. I'll just start rolling some numbers at him and see what happens. Thank's Thomas .. UB cool my brother!

Him


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Alastar...

Interesting...when I snagged that turtle pic...i was just going for the one that mostly looked like Kenneth (Don't tell him i said that)...I'm stoked that I got the gender right...I can be scary intuitive at times...

I should do a word search/replace for the word fuck. They should also apply to the comments I guess...

Well...normally...the T-34 needs no introduction...obviously.

That's an awesome Kathleen Turner story...I have none to share. Unless I made one up which is what hubs are for I guess. I like how the manager handled her!

Always good to see your face in my comment box my friend!

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Real...

Well that's very sweet of you to notice the fillers. I'm glad they appear to be doing their function...distracting the reader from the next unlikely plot progression.

In my defense...the Palins started it...

(Thought Sandwiches curtsies to RHW)

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Him...

Proceed with caution. It has occurred to me, however...that if I ever need a character who speaks in tongues...I'm gonna snatch that dialogue....I have bookmarked that Hub for those purposes.

Have a great night my friend!

Thomas


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

You're a total nut-case - and so good at it! My very most favorite.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Nellieanna!!

It is so good to see you my friend! I feared my inclusion of you into my PETA story had completely alienated you (as really...it maybe should...?)

You may be correct on the nut-case scenario...there appears to be quite a bit of evidence piling up on my 'account' page to suggest that is true.

As always dear...I am honored by your appearance among-st my occasional tripe!

Thomas


htodd profile image

htodd 5 years ago from United States

Really interesting ..I like this hub


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

hi htodd...

Thank you for doing me the honor with one of your visits and I am very glad you liked and found this interesting! It's a bit weird...the fact that you find it interesting...is interesting...(laughing).

Please come back anytime!

Thomas


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

No, no, no, Thomas - of course not. I could no more be alienated from you than from Mark Twain or Dr. Seuss. You remain my pet lovable nut case.

In your defense, you'd promised decorum in my inclusion in your hub and, compared to what it might have been, you adequately delivered. You even dressed me in the requested red T and jeans. What more could a woman want?

We may need to assure Flora that all is well, though. She sounded somewhat concerned in her comment.

If I don't link the hub on my profile page with the few other honorable mentions, though, you will understand, right? A girl has to be careful about first impressions, and there may not be sufficient antidotes on there to balance that one, even though I think it is one of he best.

Yep. You're a lovable nut, truly. Hugs.

Afterthought: Yegads!! What if that PETA story wins the contest!! Best scenario, you split the prize money with all us Hubbers mentioned in it!! Worst scenario, we are ALL expelled from HP or at least put on indefinite probation!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Nellieanna...

I am indeed relieved. Sadly...my contest entries just got weirder after PETA...any thoughts of NOT expelling me on that one would have merely been forestalling the inevitable after I take management to task in Mrs. Leonard was a Bitch.

Should PETA make it tho...hell yeah...party amongst all my literary victims! Also...I owe Kenneth a few dollars for the (I thought...favorable) turtle comparison...

I enjoy being your pet lovable nut case my friend.

Thomas

PS...you may need to be the one to reassure Flora...she seemed unconvinced by my presentation...

PSS...I understand lack of linkage on your profile page...I have no choice...Hubpages staff puts them on my profile page...


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Oh oh. Gotta see what else you've done, Thomas! Just as well I'm not a judge for your contest category. Er - - by the way - - what IS your category? I haven't' seen one for Lovable Nutting. But if I were a judge, my standards would demand that I keep my opinion of them quiet till the actual judging. So this way, I can read 'em and comment to my heart's content. A great vacation from reading all the poetry entries of which I am one of the judges. whew!

Flora is a sensible person with a good sense of humor. She'll be OK.

About the linkage on my profile page, yeah, my hubs are automatically linked there by the HP staff too. I referred to several links there to hubs from others who've posted some with honorable mention of me. But I had to add them, applying old Chinese proverb: "She who tooteth not her own horn getteth it not tootethed." :-)


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Nellieanna...

With the shear number of poetry entries...I would not expect to see you until well after the December 2 date...you know...recovery time. I am glad I am able to provide a mini-vacation! I think my category-niche would best be described as 'in flux' ...I'm sure they will eventually find me some office space to store this crap....

You have given me an idea (my fourth for this calender year... statistically speaking...I am kicking ass on last year) ...perhaps I could put stories on my profile page that highlights hubs where folks have been included? I'm thinking of..."Have you seen these people? Missing since...(provide date of publication)" Kind of approach?

I'm glad you are doing poetry...I enjoy our chats.

Thomas

PS...you are correct on Flora...her sense of humor was something I counted on when penning my Canadian ditty.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Thomas, usually my annual crash-for-recovery occurs after New Year's. This time it may be a month early.

Yegads! Have I stimulated a fertile TS idea to be unleashed on the unsuspecting Hubworld? Even more yegaddy, will the others mentioned in those hubs find out my part in it and come after me?


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Nellieanna...

Alas...the germination of an idea does not always lead to completion. I separate them out so that my "idea" statistics (four this year!) will stay high.

I can keep your role out of this...you know...if legal suits in 'other' hubs are dropped...just saying...

Pace yourself dear...we want to keep you going to the traditional post-New Year's crash and burn.

To do otherwise would be like...I dunno...advertising Christmas stuff at Halloween? Yeah...maybe...if you can possibly imagine that...pfft!

Thomas


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

You have to know that was TIC (Just thought of that so not an established acronym that I'm aware of: Tongue-In-Cheek. I sort of like it though. But my cheek is getting weary.)

Actually, if the idea did germinate, I'd be honored to acknowledge my peripheral part in it. If not, no issue. Can't promise anything for 'other' legal issues, however. Now we can add blackmail and/or bribery. So watch out.

I've paced myself to the point of panic now, with only about a week to go to the contest conclusion and many entries yet to be read. I'm like a rubber ball, though. I bounce back so I'll keep going, I promise.

By the way - have you seen "Broadcast News" (1987)? It's William Hurt's ideal role. The contrast between his character and Albert Brooke's (not to mention Holly Hunter's) is just perfect. Deadpan, out-of-it-but-somehow-popular vs. animated, bright, highly intelligent and usually undervalued. They had to have type-cast him. - well, all of them. It really works. :-) Think I'll watch it (DVD) while reading poetry. heh heh.

(How about Christmas advertising around July 4th? I've seen that!! Guess folks need to get their purchases on layaway PLENTY early, huh? If they hand-made any of them, they'd need to start early. Fat chance of much of that!)


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Nellieanna...

"When" the idea germinates..YOU will be a central part of it my friend! That said..after I started looking at my hubs...turns out...Kidnapped fellow Hubbers form the basis of MOST of my stories...I have like four stories that do not include Hubbers.

Am I spreading the Hub love...or am I just crappy at developing real 'fake' characters? You be the judge my friend!

I currently have a petition going to push the holiday season back to mid-March as I am unready...five months of holiday advertising, non-withstanding.

As yet...me and Creative Voice are the only ones who have signed it.

Thomas


Lapse profile image

Lapse 5 years ago from East Coast Rules

Where do I sign???


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Oh wow. Then I'd better be studying my Thesaurus in the meanwhile so I can retort PG (post-germination). (Doesn't 'Thesaurus' sound like some kind of extinct reptile?)

What do you think? ARE you spreading the Hub love? My guess is that you are - and widely spreading it, along with some noticeable personal charisma. How do you usually choose the victi. . - er,. . . characters for your hubs? (Maybe I don't really want to know!)

Another guess is that no doubt you're fully capable of developing and/or of borrowing real/ficational characters at the drop of a Varner, but that you may get most gratification from incorporating semi-helpless fellow-hubbers. You'd not be mean enough to use really helpless folks. Just guessing'.

Have you considered shining your black-light on Billy Bob Thornton?

The flaw I find in your mid-March holiday season is that it would be only 9 months between till the next traditional holiday season, which surely some folks would continue celebrating, so advertising would be actually year-round, - though that's how the current direction is headed anyway. Groan.

What would happen if folks just gave gifts to people they really wanted to gift on any day of the year they privately choose, - other than the person's birthday, so as to set it apart from that Hallmark occasion, and to push the seasonal giving out as a once-a-year occasion? I have often observed un-birthday remembrance & that seemed to work OK.

Or, another idea. How about a ONCE-a-year ONLY gifting day???? AHA! Hallmark would yell. Sure, the pressure would be terrific, but only the once.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Brian...

You my friend have officially signed by asking where to sign. That said...let's hold off as Nellieanna has thrown a monkey wrench into my calender that needs considering...

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Nellieanna...

In terms of identifying a victim...I have been known to stalk...take notes...lose those notes...find different notes about something better and then throw everything into the blender and see what happens.

In your case...I was writing PETA when you made your timely comments...thus...you got dragged into the van and off we went...

I enjoy putting Hubbers in stories...mostly because I didn't know how to do links to Hubbers...so the story became the link. Now that I know HOW to do links...I am used to dragging Hubbers hither and yon. Mostly...I think they like it too.

Your right about humor being essentially 'mean' in that, nice, is boring. That said...typically if I am going to be 'Actual' mean...I will use Sarah Palin as my target...apparently.

You are wise in the ways of alternative holiday scheduling and the impact on the remainder of the year schedule. I am doing the math on that now. If you never hear from me again...that's what happened. Please...tell my story...

Thomas

Billy Bob, huh? I had his ex in one of my things once...


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Nice of you to focus on Sarah Palin when seriously mean.

You're a gem. I mean it! Sure, I'll tell your story. But you might want to present it yourself. My version wouldn't do it justice.

Which of BB's (5) wives? Or could it be his non-wife now, since he decided marriage "doesn't work for" him? (By the way - his mother's maiden name was Faulkner). No, I'm not really a student of BBT, - just now looked him up on Wikipedia.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Nellieanna...

Alas...there is only ONE ex-Mrs.-BBT for me...Angelina Jolie. In fact...I had no idea he made "the trip" four more times after...or perhaps a couple were before ANgelina Jolie. Despite your protestations...you are now my GO-TO girl...for BBT information. It just seems right.

As it is 12:01 Turkey Day here in Reno...you have been at it at least a couple hours...Happy Thanksgiving!

Thomas


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

It was a Thanksgiving to make one feel thankful. For being healthy, for good friends, for really kind people. And the food was good too. (as in too much!)

Angelina was BB's wife #5. It was a S-T-R-A-N-G-E obsessive relationship. She calls it "dark". They wore each other's blood in vials around their necks. She put a large "Billy Bob" tattoo on one of her biceps. In spite of their other live-ins, they're still close. You could do wonders with his/their story. The word bizarre comes to mind.

My protestations are real. I don't keep up with celebrities but am a bit of a researcher. haha. I knew nothing of any of this till this evening & may or may not store in my memory banks. I didn't know they had ever even known each other and wouldn't have ever guessed. Now that I do know, it doesn't seem as unlikely as I thought but I'm starting to wonder about you now! wink, wink. . . .


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Nellieanna...

I must admit that my Angelina/BBT connection was initiated and sustained by my interest in the former over the latter and my opinions have been formed as such. Angelina Jolie is hot and BBT is a crazy freak-nut. You are right...there may be a story in there...

So Angelina was his last wife, eh? Interesting, that.

Your T-day festivities sounded wonderful. We had a wonderful day here in Reno as well. Too much good food and just enough good company!

Thomas


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

She's certainly a gorgeous gal; was and is. She admits she was crazy/wild back then and probably lucky to have survived it; clear that she has grown up and wiser since then, and her beauty hasn't dimmed.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

I have to think that it amazing that ANY of us survive our 'younger and crazier' days! I have to think if you adopt 763 children...your crazy days are over. Well...the crazy good crazy...763 adopted kids would be...a different kind of crazy...

Thomas

PS...I just made up the 763 number...I'm really not sure. Although...I'm pretty sure 763 IS a number...


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

Really enjoyed your meanderings ThoughtSandwiches, cleverly done and a lot of fun. I like the way you let your imagination take you and the reader for a ride. And how you get to settle some personal, political and historical grudges in the journey. It was brilliant to include Hubber Kenneth Avery and the whole Misha connection. Brilliant. Regards, snakeslane


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

snakeslane...

Thank you for your very kind words! This piece did serve a number of purposes and getting some personal, political, and historical grudges off my chest...were paramount!

There is no way you can mention the newspaper business without mentioning Kenneth Avery!

Thanks for stopping by!

Thomas


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

Oops I accidently left your Hub page open, I wasn't actually reading that long, you will have zero bounce rate for this visit.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

snakeslane...

I am not in any way mad about you leaving my Hub page open for fifteen hours. My bounce rate thanks you very much!

Thomas


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

No!, not 15 hours?


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

I realize your story was very long with all the traveling and Sarah Palin's daughter giving birth and all, but 15 hours! Are you sure?


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

snakeslane..

(laughing) Well...15 hours may have been an exaggeration. I have been known to exaggerate...ask the Palins...

Thomas


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Better yet, - snakeslane, refer to his estimate of the number of Angelina's children a few comments up, for exaggeration proof! :-)

I'm not certain that some of the remote countries from which they've been adopted HAVE that large a census! But he does leave himself some tricky loopholes.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Nellieanna AND snakeslane...

The above referenced census reference IS a very good example of my propensity towards exaggeration. It is also a good example of why math classes proved difficult in school...math teachers frown on arbitrarily picking random numbers and claiming them as answers. And yet...they are the ones who introduced the imaginary number concept.

Thomas


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Geewillikers! Thomas! Now you've stirred my interest! Imaginary numbers, you say?

I envied my kids' New Math. All I got were those icky flashcards with big fat black numbers stacked atop each other with a + or - or x or the one they used for / (which isn't readily available on my keyboard) to the left of the bottom number and a line under the whole grotesque thing. The challenge was to supply the answer under that line according to the process the sign indicated to which to subject the two numbers. I had an advantage because I knew the 1st grade teacher (Miss Willy Long) and she would let me play with the flashcards when I visited her at home. (She let me stay with her when my folks had to go to the ranch, you see.)

In class, the trick was to give the answer quickly if you wanted the teacher to smile at you. The problems weren't difficult but getting it out fast before anyone else was tricky. Then came a bunch of multiplication tables to memorize, and angles to measure, formulas to memorize and pretend to understand. Well I got through a few years of that stuff, none too outstandingly, but then~

But along came New Math in my kids' curricula! wow. Now that made sense! If I'd known about imaginary numbers. . . I'd have been like a kid with an Alpha Romero or some other unimaginable treat! Imagination associated with math! Just think of it! And I thought it was great just to be able to actually use common sense like New Math seemed to encourage! Oh, I was definitely born too soon!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Nellieanna...

You were lucky to have Miss Long. The only math teacher I really remember is Mrs. Leonard. I'm pretty sure Mrs. Leonard eats children who are left in her care.

I embraced the concept of imaginary numbers and the mathematical notion of Pi. I think that is just because I like pie though.

Math was brutal for me as a child...and adult...I'm glad they had history to keep me interested or else I would have dropped out of the second grade.

Thomas


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

You were so lucky to be exposed to imaginary numbers. I'm sure no one had really thought about them, except perhaps at the PhD level 'back then' when I was in school. I'm sure that I ever really got pi back then. And most of my math teachers hated kids especially female kids. Mrs. Rogers in 4th grade, especially. It was downhill from then on. ugh.

But Miss Willy had a one-room schoolhouse with 8 grades in it! I was the single first-grader and 4-1/2 years old, half blind and very shy & small! Each grade "recited" aloud, standing while the other 7 grades worked on their homework seated in the rows of attached desks with the inkwells and lift-tops. It was excruciating to have to stand up alone among all those big kids! Having to use the (outdoor) bathroom was another trial. I often just tried to hold it - not always successfully. But recess was the worst, among the big kids.

This school was right in town, across from the Methodist Church, though not affiliated. The reason I was there was that I kept running off from home to go beg to investigate all the other neighbor's books. We had lots of books but I wanted to see what "they" had. The favorite was several streets away. Their daughters were grown and flown but all their Oz books were in their bookcases. And Mrs. Brown would make me lemonade and feed me cookies - and call Mother so she knew where I was. But my parents thought I might as well be in school if I was so crazy about books; and I was too young for public school. I went on to public school for 2nd grade. I was overwhelmed by the many rooms and two-story building full of many kids, and a huge beautiful, well-appointed playground.

I was generally lost in math, too. Poor eyesight and seated at the back of classrooms with the other dummies - I couldn't really see the blackboard! My best friend was back there, too - she was nearly deaf, and couldn't hear much. We kept getting behind, which in math is deadly. It builds on itself.The math I excelled with was plane geometry. One could see it and reason it out, with only the mere flashcard math which I had mastered. haha.

My favorite subject was always English. And Miss Carstarphen in 4th grade somehow made grammar second-nature. It was as though she made it absorbed by osmosis. I don't know how she did that - but it was really great.

I learned to love history much later, beginning in college but more later, on my own.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Nellieanna...

I have always found that love of history can be ignited in school...but it always invariably comes from within for those that truly have the passion...probably true in most disciplines, I suppose.

I must say the back of your school house seems quite exciting what with all the blind and deaf kids bumping about...not learning math...

(laughing)

Thomas


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS

Sounds pretty grim, doesn't it? hahaha! Back in the olden days, there were no special classes for the disabled. (sniff, sniff)


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

(laughing) Sounds hella grim...BUT...they didn't have those programs in the 70s either so...we were bumping about not learning math either! And look at how great we turned out! Right? Right.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

December 7, 2011, yeah, it is this date.

at 4:49 p.m.,CST, and that too, correct.

Well, my friend, ThoughtSandwiches....where shall I begin? Okay. How are you? I am fine, mom. Please send more pickles with my relief package next time you mail my fresh socks here at Camp PileUmup!

A materpiece. Perfect to all IQ levels. Needless to say that the Hub Voting Gauge is inadquate...voted up, and all the way....but this measuring device only had FUNNY. I mean this PURELY-HILARIOUS. George Carlin has stood up in his grave to applaud your hub. Wow. So has Sam Kenison. Well, it was never proven that he died. Nuff said.

Now for some tough questions . . .

A. What brand of coffee to you drink?

B. What do you think of Little Debbie cakes?

C. Why did you use the outdated photo of Kenneth Avery?

C. Who is Kenneth Avery....really?

(to all C.I.A. monitors, do NOT come calling. I will not give to your agent benevolent fund).

I have to, with much dignity and what's left of my pride, ADMIT SURE DEFEAT with this hub. I cannot, even in my wildest days/nights, come close to this 'book' that you have hammered out. I was sure that Akyroyd and Murray were going to surface somewhere in story.

Disappointed.

What about Janey? Did she survive the liquid diet torture made legal by the Red Chinese?

I am out-classed. Out-gunned. And out of ideas. Right now. I agree with Just Ask Susan and barbergirl...you ARE a creative writing genius with an obviously-high IQ. and I am in the presence of a great man.

Hey, I got tired trying to scroll down to the bottom of this 'comment tree.' This hub should hold the record for most comments. And mentions of coffee and my name. Thanks.

And I am now out of steam. Thanks for the needed-surprise. I will see what I can do in the future for you meeting Terri Randle, "my" idea of the Perfect Girl.

KENNETH, (not related to William or Tummy Hurt in the least.)


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Kenneth...as I scrolled down to answer...yeah...lot of comments!

(packing pickles with Kenneth's socks...one pickle per sock...)

Tough Answers:

A. Generally speaking...on the Coffee...Trader Joe's French Roast...like $12.00 for a pound and a half of the 'good stuff'!

B. Regarding Little Debbie cakes...are we referring to her confectionery items...or her physical attributes? I will wait before answering lest I embarrass myself.

C. I used the out-of-date Kenneth Avery photo in an attempt to confound the CIA and (the Kiwanis club). Avery?? NO...be on your way Kiwanis type people!

Disappointment...Akyroyd and Murray will be included in a new story once I have figured out how to do it ...tastefully.

Thank you for your kind words my friend! You are good people and just ONE of the reasons why I have come to like Hubpages so much. You bring class good sir!

Thomas

PS...I am very glad you liked it and are not suing.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

ThoughtSandwiches, how about THE shorest response in HubPages history?

"Thanks!"


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

"Welcome!"


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS

Ditto!!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

LOL, (Pause to get my breath) ThoughtSand . . .LOL, sorry, wiches..there. "It's alive!" "It's alive!" Ive created a "Few Word Monster."


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

my favorite yet, Thomas. Enjoyed this thoroughly. up and shared...


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Wow what a creative person you are! I felt like I was on a thrill ride, never knowing when that drop was coming..I really enjoyed this. Packed full of intersting dialog and stories...I am going to have to follow you now! Just too good! Was in the airport recently and got a text that Bon Jovi died..OMG! Not Bon Jovi! Teared up and everything...Total lie..but thought I would share an old rumor..It happens..lol.Thanks again for a great hub.:)

Sunnie


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Justin...

I am very glad that this one was able to please! It was a fun write considering all I had was that title to build from (I usually have a little more going on than that!)

Thank you fro the read, comment, and share my friend! All very appreciated I can tell you!

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Sunnie...

Um...the false Bon Jovi death notice? That MAY have been one of mine...I apologize for any discomfiture that may have occasioned!

I am glad you found this little offering enjoyable and would like to take the time to thank you for the comment and follow! (I shall be reciprocating!)

Have a great day!

Thomas


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

no problem, though I have never had issue with william hurt. never given him much thought


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Justin...

That's because he such a bland actor. (laughing)

Thanks for the visit my friend!

Thomas


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

My goodness, this hub led me to some unexpected places. But that's what made it a delight to read. Voting this Up and Interesting.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

alocsin...

This one did go into a couple different directions. I think it really illustrates the importance of having an outline that defines and shapes the story. This story had no outline.

Thank you for your awesome comment my friend!

Thomas

PS...I really enjoyed your Top earning Hub!


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

well, i liked him in Mr Brooks...

wow. Costner and Hurt in one film.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Justin...

I will need to check out Mr. Brooks. I was THINKING about doing one of these called The Ghost of Nicholas Cage. This is based on the horrible movie I saw this weekend. As always good sir, thanks for the stop by!

Thomas


Jools99 profile image

Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

Loved this hub! Laughed and smirked all the way through it and was amazed at your stream of consciousness (too much caffeine!). When I got to 'The Big Chill' headline I froze (no pun intended...) because that's my favourite movie but luckily you didn't review it so we're still ok. Voted up and shared.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Jools99...

The pun may not have been intended...but it was certainly enjoyed! I must say...I feel as if I've dodged a bullet on the whole "Big Chill" thing...you appear ready to defend your movie...lol!

I am very glad you liked this and want to thank you for dropping by with such a great comment!

Thomas


iamaudraleigh 4 years ago

Like your palin reference and a great list of william h movies! Liked this a lot!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Hi Audra,

Based on our earlier conversation...I was thinking this one might appeal to you...lol!! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Thomas


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK

Let me get my neurons lined up in some form of synaptic flow cuz they're firing all over after reading this psychedelic tour-de-force. I was going to give up after the first paragraph as I actually LIKE william Hurt and his movies ( well some of 'em) and then the sheer razzle dazzle of your plot spinning grabbed me and didn't let go. Now I'm not sure if this stream of narrative is chemically induced ( Caffeine, of course) or the product of outrageous IQ - but like that CIA agent sent to track you down, I follwoed every trail you laid out, every film title you used, every reference however obscure you made and worked my way right down to the 'circle' completion of the last line. The phrase genius is overused here in hubland. so i'll refrain. Instead I will feature you in a story I write about writers I admire. It's called ' The Ghost of ThoughtSandwiches'. and it goes like this... “The title is misleading. For one thing, there is a pretty good chance that ThoughtSandwiches is alive... but not for long... if everything goes to plan”


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 4 years ago from California

i love, love your sense of humor!!!


rcrumple profile image

rcrumple 4 years ago from Kentucky

As a representative for Mr. Hurt, I regret to inform you that he requests his name be removed from this publication immediately. Should you not comply, Sarah Palin will be informed of your immediate whereabouts, provided with the weapon of her choice, and allowed executive privilege to follow through with any type of target shooting she prefers. Should you be requested to paint a bullseye on your posterior, you will comply by utilizing day glow paint of any color prefered by RuPaul and associates. If you wish to debate this matter, please attend the Democratic National Convention and seek legal advice from a sober administrator of justice, should you be able to locate one!

This is fantastic, my friend! My stomach can retain only so much of Mr. Hurt's film offerings, possibly the Big Chill and Altered States. At that point, I am well stuffed and refuse to over eat. Great Job!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Docmo...

That you actually like William Hurt and continued to read my hateful tripe means a lot to me my friend! I have to be honest...there was more chemicals employed in the writing of this than actual IQ (of course...yes, yes...caffeine....nicotine...sure...um...I'll leave it at that...)

"The Ghost of ThoughtSandwiches?" ...I won't lie...I like the ring of that good sir!

Thank you for stopping by and saying hi as I greatly appreciate it!

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Audrey,

You are very sweet! The humor is weird (yes...I know this) but I'm very glad it has struck a chord with you!

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Richard...

Ah...that explains the red laser dot that keeps flickering over my computer monitor and ass. Damn those Palins...they're a dirty bunch of fighters! That said...I will begin the long shot search for a sober administrator of justice at the DNC!

lol...thank you much my friend...I'm really glad you liked this and agree that a little William Hurt goes a long way in terms of tickling the old vomit reflex!

Thomas


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York

Surprisingly this was funny! It wandered all over the world but was still funny....Your writing and sense of humor take us with you whether we want to go or not and poor William Hurt!

Voted up and funny.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Thomas.....You are most definitely, an ORIGINAL.... I need to tell you something that will surprise you. I actually MET William Hurt. Prior to that, I had heard all the gossip about his being a total A$$hole. After meeting him, I can quite truthfully confirm that he is..........UP++++


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 3 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Mary,

I think the part about your post that I like the most is your surprise that it is funny. You are right...this one hella meandered hither and yon about the countryside! Yes...William Hurt caught me in a bad mood on this one.

Thank you for stopping by!

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 3 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Paula,

It is very good to see you and I hope you are doing awesome! So the rumors I started are true, eh? Not only does he act like he has a stick up his ass but he's an asshole to boot, eh? I had my suspicions. On a similar note....I had an ex-girlfriend who met Tom Selleck in Hawaii while he was filming Magnum PI. Yup...he was also an asshole.

Have a great holiday!

Thomas


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 3 years ago from North Carolina

The prodigal son returns! Great to see your comment on the feed Thomas. Figure you've been busy with some pro gigs. Your creative talent must be spreading far and wide. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 3 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Alastar,

Hello my good friend! I have indeed been writing at some other sites that pay a penny or two (quite literally), although creativity isn't their defining requirement...they like sales pitch crap. I need to spin another yarn if only to clear my head! It's great to see you my friend and I hope you have the best holiday possible.

Thomas


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Uh Oh.....Tom is an A$$Hole too? Allow me to pass on a true fact from a female perspective. Tom Selleck can BE an A$$Hole.....or anything else he chooses to be. He's far too gorgeous to fault!!

Then women wonder and weep over being used and abused....(?)


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 3 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Paula,

Hmmm...well that certainly explains why I am unable to get away with being an asshole, huh? Alas...it's good to know a women's perspective and I will be dutifully updating my files to incorporate this new info!

Thomas

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