The Girl Who Got Away: An Incredibly True Story
This is a short journal entry that I wrote detailing a piece of my life that I never told anyone before. Since I've started writing film reviews on this site, a part of me has always yearned to branch out to write about other topics; outside of the film industry itself. Today, I would like to share a story with my readers that I've been keeping inside me for so long.
If you would like to see more stories like this, then please either vote for it in the poll, or say something in the comment section. i can't promise this'll be a regular thing with me, but if enough people support it, then I might. Again, we'll see. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy reading.
Also, I changed the name of the girl in this story to protect her identity, so don't expect me to divulge her full name here.
The girl who got away? Or what the f**k just happened?
The story I'm about to tell you is something I never told anyone before, as not even my own family knows about the girl that I'm about to mention. Although I was never in love with this girl, nor can I say we ever spent any significant time together. However, she is a girl that I find myself thinking about ever since we met, but probably not for the same reasons that most people might think.
Back in high school, I wasn't a very popular person. I had no friends growing up, so I usually internalized things. Granted, I did get better at socializing as i got older, but I still feel like I haven't come far enough. To be quite honest, I know I'm not an easy person for a girl to love because I don't allow most people to get close to me, and the few that I do allow to get close usually hurt me one way or another; hence why I have a lot of trust issues with people. This one girl that I'm about to talk about never got close to me, but she is someone that I do think about often.
Not because I still love her because I never did. No, the main reason is because I hurt this girl, and the funny part about it is...I don't even know what I could've done to not to hurt this girl. That's the thing that gets me, when I think about this one.
However, there was one girl that i knew back in high school, who I never told anyone about. This girl had a huge crush on me, and she was kind of cute to be quite honest. But, there was a problem. Even though we only spoke a few times, she immediately started to brag to everyone that i was her boyfriend, even though we never went out on a date. Often making up stories to all her friends about how we made out at her place and etc, even though none of it was true. We never kissed. Never held hands. Hell, we never even hugged. In fact, I can't even remember one freaking time that we ever talked for more than five minutes, so to call us a couple would've been an exaggeration.
And every time I tried to confront her about it, she would always run off. Making up random excuses to not want to talk about it. In hindsight, i can understand why. I mean she was probably scared that I'd tell her to knock it off; hence ruining whatever hopes she had to go out with me. Very understandable, but kind of ironic considering I would've gone out with her if she had given me the chance to talk to her about the rumors she was spreading.
Monique was a shy girl, who was still a freshman in high school, when I first met her. I was in my junior year at the time, as we actually took a few classes together by coincidence. We talked a few times, and she seemed like a cute charming girl for the most part. She had sort of the cute "girl next door" type look, with her glasses and small thin frame.
I certainly wouldn't have been against going out with her at the time, but the problem was she never gave me that chance. She seemed more content with making up stories about us dating rather than us actually dating.
This continued on until the end of my senior year, and I never saw her again after graduation. Afterwards, I never thought about her at all since, as I just assumed she moved on . Years later when I was working at Randalls, as a cashier, I soon ran into her again, as it seems she was one of our new hires, at the time.
Our registers were right next to one another. She smiles at me, as she immediately says hi to me for the first time in ages. Unfortunately for her, I didn't recognize her at first because I was too tired to really notice who she was.
In my defense. Prior to that day, I had to work double shifts for several days in a row. Unlike most of the cashiers that I was working with at the time, Randalls used to love having me work mornings, evenings and even overnight. Sometimes even all three in the same day, and expected me to never complain about it. Needless to say, this really messed up my sleeping schedule, as there were some days I felt like I was a zombie or something because of the lack of sleep I suffered working there.
Granted, i could've easily turned down the shifts if I had wanted to, but my managers had the odd tendency to chew me out and call me lazy if I even THOUGHT about saying "no" to them about not taking a shift, and one kept calling me "worthless" every single freaking time I said "no sir", after they had asked me to work overnight because the other night cashier was sick. Yet ironically, even when i said yes, they still expected me to work that overnight shift AND come in later that afternoon to work my evening shift.
This is why I don't recommend anyone working for Randalls, but moving on.
The point is I was too tired to even recognize Monique. She gets offended obviously, and later when i realize who she was, I try to apologize. Trying to explain that I was simply too tired because of all the odd hours I was working, but she didn't want to hear it. She blew me off, and said "Yeah right", while glaring at me as she said it in such a hostile tone. She didn't want to hear it, and then later moved on the next day to another guy that was hired recently as a cashier as well.
I never spoke to her again after that because she left the company a few weeks after. However, that didn't stop her from crying about insensitive I was for not remembering her, to EVERYBODY that we worked with. In fact, you want to know what's funny?
The people who I thought were my friends at Randalls were not my f**king friends, as I worked with them for years prior to Monique ever working with us. They knew me. They joked with me, yet all it took was one girl to cry to them about me? And they didn't even bother to ask for MY SIDE OF THE STORY? Not even once? They just assumed I was the a**hole who forgot about her? Seriously, what the hell? These people were supposed to be my friends for f**king sake. Don't get me wrong, i don't expect my FRIENDS to always agree with me, or side with me in a confrontation. However, I do expect a friend to at least talk to me about a situation, to get my point of view about a situation that they may not agree with me on. Not jump to conclusions, while talking crap about me behind my back.
The point is I lost a lot of respect among my peers for what happened. And to be honest, I still don't understand what I did wrong, or what I could've done to prevent it from ever happening. Don't get me wrong. I get it. She was infatuated with me, and not recognizing her at first probably broke her heart. I get it. I just wish she had allowed me to apologize and explain things to her properly. But like in high school, she never gave me that chance, and honestly...that's the thing that hurts me the most.
For those of you who know me best, I usually look at every past mistake as a learning experience. Always striving to make my weaknesses my strengths. Whenever I make a mistake, I always try to figure out why it happened, so I can take steps to make sure it never happens again. Unfortunately, I honestly don't know what I could've done to prevent hurting Monique the way that I did, and it eats me up inside ever since because I can't figure out how I could've stopped it.
Granted, I was never in love with her, but I did care about her. And to be quite honest, I sincerely hope that she's happy. While I'm sure her and her current boyfriend/husband (assuming she has one) probably think ill of me if they even think about me at all, I wish nothing but the best for them, as Monique was a special girl that deserves to be happy.
Maybe someday, I'll see her again. Or maybe I won't. But if she happens to be reading this article now, then I only have one thing to say to her.
Monique, I'm sorry for hurting you years ago. Truth be told, you didn't have to lie to people about us going out, as I would've gone out with you if you had given me the chance. And when I didn't recognize you at first, it was because I was tired. It had nothing to do with me not caring about you, but I'm sorry I hurt you by making you think that. Honestly, I don't know what I could've done to keep from hurting you. I really don't, but I hope wherever you are that you're happy, and that you'll continue to live a blessed life. In some ways, you should be thanking your lucky stars that you never ended up with me.
As I discovered recently, I'm not an easy person to love because I don't allow too many people to get close to me. Therefore, you're not missing much by not dating me. Anyways, take care Monique, and thank you all for reading this journal entry by Stevennix2001.
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