The Jogger's Billfold

in Central Park, a businessman is jogging when a man suddenly collides with him, nearly knocking him to the ground.

Both men recover, the businessman recovering more slowly than the other man, and the two resume their jogging, each in separate directions.

After only a moment, the businessman reaches to his pocket, as a matter of habit, and finds that his wallet is missing. He thinks back to the collision just a moment before and is immediately angry, realizing that the 'bump' was merely a ploy to steal his wallet.

He turns about and jogs back the way he came, very quickly, so as to make up fast ground, and he keeps his eyes duly strained, looking for the other runner who stole his billfold. In good shape, the jogger manages to find the other runner within a few minutes and proceeds to run him down, tackle him and demand "Hand over the wallet right now!"

The runner makes no argument whatsoever and reaches to his pocket to retrieve and hand over the wallet.

Satisfied, the jogger/businessman releases the man and turns to continue jogging down the pathway in Central Park to complete his intended exercise routine.

Eventually, the businessmen jogs right on home and gets ready to disrobe to shower before work. In his bedroom, he reaches to his pocket to place his wallet safely on the bedside table, where he will be sure to see it and remember to place it in his work pants before going to his job.

He showers, thinking all the while how he was lucky his mind was sharp this morning and that he was already quite fit or else he may not have caught on to his stolen wallet and may not have been able to run down the thief, either.

After showering and dressing, the businessman retrieves his wallet from the dresser, drops it into his front pocket, then does a double take. Didn't he put his wallet on the bedside table and not the dresser when he got in from his morning jog?

He turns to look, and - hand-in-pocket, securely holding his wallet, he sees on the bedside table.......

......a wallet!

An elderly woman who lived with her sibling wanted to go shopping one day, which meant a train ride all the way to a neighboring, larger town. She asked her brother to come along. He declined the offer but gave her a five pound note with which she could fetch him some minor items if she were able to locate the specific goods without any difficulty.

She took the train into town, riding in the third class section, and the lulling motion of the train began to make the sister sleepy. Before she dozed off, she was able to note that there was only one other passenger nearby, sharing the one particular section on the train. This was another, but one who appeared quite shabby, dressed in overly worn clothes. This woman also appeared sleepy, probably for the same reason as the sister was sleepy - due to the motion of the train. The sister thought no more of this, as she got sleepier and sleepier, then finally dozed awhile on the train.

Sure enough, as the train adjusted speed upon entering town limits, this difference awakened the sister. She stretched and blinked, and remembered she hadn't actually made a list for shopping. She figured she would jot down a quick list while the train was navigating at a slower speed through town to the station.

She reached into her bag for her notepad and pen and it was at this time she noticed the five pound note missing from the topmost area of her bag! She reached further into the bag, feeling that the money might have fallen lower, and she moved items around the bag, searching diligently, but in the end, the money was simply gone!

Now, since there was only one other person who had ridden with her in this section, obviously that person had to have taken the money! The sister stared hard at the other woman, noting that the train's entrance into town limits had not affected the other passenger's nap at all. The sister carefully reached over to the woman's bag and thumbed the latch gently.

Sure enough! Right at the top of the strangers bag was the five pound note! This shabby looking stranger must have stolen the money and placed it in her bag before she dozed off. Oh, the nerve! And she - still sleeping quite soundly, as if all was right in the situation!

Well, the sister quickly but quietly retrieved her five pound note from the top of the bag, placed it back in her own, then looked back at the thieving woman.

Suddenly, she was taken aback by the sight of the woman, for truly, the woman was dressed in clothing worn beyond reason, threadbare in places. A person as obviously poor as this woman probably was more than a little desperate for money - but likely, without this poverty, the woman was a decent person. By the appearance of her face, relaxed in sleep, the woman looked peaceful and entirely harmless.

The sister thought further as the train reached its destination and eased to a stop. There was no need to cause this poverty stricken woman any further grief by reporting the theft to authorities. After all, the sister had managed to retrieve the stolen five pound note, right? All was made well for the sister and her money was back in its rightful place.

The sister departed from the train and went along on her way to complete her shopping errands, of course, remembering to also pick up the items her brother had asked for and given her the extra five pound note to purchase.

The train ride back home was uneventful. She found herself wondering a few times about the woman in the shabby clothes from earlier in the day but having bought a new book in town, her thoughts didn't linger long over the woman. The book helped her stay awake on the return ride, and she arrived home in a cheery, satisfied mood.

As she unloaded her purchases and put them away, the sister called to her brother to tell him to come and check on the items she'd purchased for him, to make sure she managed to buy the exact goods he'd specified. Otherwise, she would exchange them on the next trip to town.

"Sister - Thank you, but I wouldn't have thought you would buy me anything today, for once you left, I found that the five pound note for my goods had been left on the table!"

Here's a very short version of "The Jogger's Billfold" that you can tell in the same amount of time as you'd take to tell a joke:

A Manhattan business man was en route to work via a jog through Central Park. Early on, another jogger carelessly bumps into him, and shortly thereafter, the man realizes that his wallet is missing from his pocket. Determined not to be a victim of a petty crime, the businessman turns tail and jogs until he catches up to the other jogger. When he is close enough to be heard, the businessman yells, "Hey you! Give me that wallet!"

The frightened jogger, with a shocked look on his face, holds out the wallet. The businessman retrieves the wallet, says nothing more, and satisfied with his assertive efforts and the recovery of his property, he turns and jogs straight to his office to begin his workday.

After the businessman is at work a little while, the stolen wallet incident long forgotten, his wife phones him at work, 

"Honey, I hope you'll be able to borrow some money for lunch today - you left your wallet on the dresser this morning. I thought I'd better let you know before you go out for lunch."