The Morning Conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama #22

July 22, 2011 - Just Ridiculous

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 22 in the series.

Barack: Have you noticed that every time we talk in the kitchen there is a pesky fly around?

Michelle: No. I haven't noticed. How are you this morning?

Barack: Doing well! We haven't talked here in the kitchen since you got back from South Africa. I have really been busy with this debt ceiling business.

Michelle: I know! I have missed our little talks - and arguments! (Michelle kisses Barack)

Barack: Did you see that article written by this crazy black woman about how black voters should reject me? She acts like it is my fault that the country is where it is. She must have forgotten about the eight years of the Bushwacker! That reminds me of this funny monologue that Chris Rock did on George Bush. Can we get that in here?

Michelle: I saw that article. She is right in that black people are having it especially hard, Barack.

Chris Rock on George Bush (EXPLICIT Language)

Click to Enlarge
Click to Enlarge

Barack: Well, I have to speak to ALL the people, Michelle! Not just the black community.

Michelle: You haven't spoken to the black community since you were elected BARACK! And I think that is a stupid rationale. White presidents have been speaking to white people since George Washington. You have to speak to Americans on issues that concern them. A little white girl in Appalachia is not concerned with the debt ceiling. She is concerned with having a ceiling over her head!

Barack: (mockingly) La la la! I can't hear you! I've been having trouble hearing out of my left ear. I wonder what that's a sign of?

Michelle: (hand on hips, looking angry) It's a sign of earwax and I suggest you use QTips!

Barack: I was kidding!

Michelle: Well, I'm not. You know I am your biggest supporter. But unemployment IS high, the economy stinks and it is hot as hell outside! Bush is to blame for some of this, but he is gone and you are THE MAN!

Barack: What do you want me to do Michelle?

Michelle: Get off your half-black ass and start talking to the folks that you promised "change" to. Since you have been President, the black community has fallen backwards. And a whole lot of white folks are suffering as well.

Barack: Let me get through this debt mess and I will see.

Michelle: Yeah, right! Whatever, Barack. Guess who I saw the other day?

Barack: Who?

Michelle: Towanda Stokes. She is an attorney here in Washington. She looks really good.

Barack: That's the girl you almost had that fight with in high school!

Michelle: Yeah! She was such a bully back then. And I was really scared of her.

Barack: Why?

Michelle: She was a tomboy and tough! I saw her beat this one girl up so bad. Whew! Then she started taking my lunch money and tripping me in the school hallway.

Barack: What did you do to stop her?

Michelle: I had my friend start a rumor that my uncle was the head of the local gang. Word got around quick. But Towanda didn't believe it and told me to prove it by fighting her. She got in my face and started cussing at me. Lawd, I was scared to death! All these other girls were around.

Barack: Did you run away? Ha ha ha!

Michelle: No, jerk! I remained calm, put on an angry face and told her that if she hit me, I was going to unscrew her arm from her shoulder and beat her brains out with it!

Barack: Ha ha ha!! She actually believed that story about your uncle in a gang?

Michelle: Well, the friend that helped start the rumor, her uncle really WAS the local gang leader. So while we were standing there, he and his boys came up. He put his arm around me and without looking at Towanda, told everyone standing there that if anyone were to mess with his "niece," he was going to yank open their mouth, reach up their throat and pull their eyeballs out of the sockets! Ha ha ha!!

Barack: (laughs hysterically)

Michelle: Towanda and I have been cool ever since. She has a really nice husband and three great kids.

Barack: Nice. Well, I have to get ready to discuss the you-know-what topic of the day. Any words of wisdom?

Michelle: Sure. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Barack: Huh?

Michelle: Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Barack: (chuckles)

Michelle: The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Barack: (laughing)

Michelle: A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Barack: Anything else?

Michelle: (hands on hips rolling head and eyes) Every calendar's days are numbered.

Barack: Yeah, and what are you trying to say now, Michelle?

Michelle: Go talk to the people. You have a billion dollars in campaign funds. None of it will do you any good if you don't reconnect with the people that care about you.

Barack: This is ridiculous!

Michelle: Start talking to the people and let them know that you are with them and that it will take more time to climb out of this mess. Tell them that we, as Americans, will turn things around.

Barack: (shakes head) Ridiculous, Michelle!

Michelle: Ok. Keep kissing the butts of your Wall Street friends and appearing as an elitist.

Barack: You're ridiculous! And I'm ridiculous for standing here listening to you!

Michelle: Alright. Sit back, do nothing and get trounced by some no-name Republican!

Barack: (thinking about losing) Don't be ridiculous!

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time! - Dexter Yarbrough

Copyright 2011.

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Comments 51 comments

WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

LOL!

Another gem, Dex!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Will and thanks! I was hoping you would stop by and check it out!


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica

The Bushwacker?!!

Where on earth you got that photo? Yes...the one of the little girl! You are something else, you crack me up!..lol


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Cardisa! I love that picture of the little girl. I found it somewhere online. I forget exactly where. Thanks for laughing!


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica

I was so engrossed with reading that I missed the photo of Erkel..er..Obama!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Ha ha ha!!!


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Hello Dexter. Just stopped by on the advice of a couple of your followers. Good stuff. Michelle Obama seems to be giving some sound advice.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, Mckbirdbks! I have been away for awhile but will get back to reading your great hubs really soon!


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Oh Dexter you got these two down..so funny..Really good and I think you should go live with this..too good to just keep on hub..

Thanks for making me smile..

Sunnie


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

Seems like the wrong Obama was elected, Dex. Enjoyed this funny, practically real-life conversation.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Thank you, Sunnie! I am working on it! YOU make me smile!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Drbj! I see your point and you might just be right! Thanks so much!


Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

Jo_Goldsmith11 5 years ago

Once again..you are the man! very cool hub! voted up! :-)

peace, joy and love..


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Jo! Thanks. I am so glad you enjoyed it!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

This is really funny. I know Chris Rock is naughty, but i've always liked him. He tells it like it is. HAHA Thank's for a great satire write.

Cheers


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Always Exploring! I like Chris Rock as well! Thanks so much for checking it out!


dahoglund profile image

dahoglund 5 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

That fly could be the same one that's been annoying me.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Dahoglund! I just love your sense of humor!


Ghost32 5 years ago

Whew! Got my fix! Dex, for a while there, I was afraid maybe this series had tone the way of the dodo birds. Been checking every day, just a-hoping....

Wait. That makes me sound WAY too needy....

Anyway, awesome as always.

Love the little girl pic, even though my first thought was that it looked like Caylee Anthony had come back from the dead long enough to thank the jurors....


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

Dexter,

Obama doesn't take advice very well. He isn't listening to the American People and he is certainly not listening to Michelle! Up and funny and awesome.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Ghost! I like that picture of the little girl! Yeah, I let someone take me away from my writing but I am aback and the series shall continue! Thanks so much!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Pop! Michelle certainly has a way of getting on his case! Hope he starts listening more. Thanks, Pop!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

Dexter...such a funny hub with so much creativity. Loved it and voted up!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Ruchira and thank you so much!


fashion 5 years ago

WOW !What a funny hub.I love your sense of humor.

I enjoyed it a lot Thanks for sharing.


fashion 5 years ago

What a hub.What a conversation.

I love these hubs


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, Fashion! I hope you will come back and check out more!


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 5 years ago from Chicago

This is my first visit to your series of conversations. You are quite the wit! I enjoyed your creative writing. Thanks!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi James! It is indeed an honor to have you visit. Thanks so much! I hope you will check our more of them.


caltex profile image

caltex 5 years ago

Dex, as usual, I enjoyed it! Thanks!

Still wonder how you make these so real. Is that pesky fly your bug? :)


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Caltex! Thank you! I am actually that pesky fly! Shhhh!


Sueswan 5 years ago

Hi Dexter!

I was having withdrawl symptoms. Glad the Morning Conversations of Barack and Obama have returned.

Voted up up and away! :-)


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sueswan! Just a little summer break. We are back! Thank you so much!


sheila b. profile image

sheila b. 5 years ago

Guess what - it's not just black people who wanted Obama to concentrate immediately on the problems in inner cities. He could have done so much...


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

I understand Sheila b. I really do.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

...another one, my dear friend, for the wall on the hub hall of fame and yes I will post this to my Facebook page with a direct link back here ... hope all is well with you my friend, but what will you do if Obama is only elected to one term? My gut feeling is he'll be back for a second one.

lake erie time 5:54pm


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Thanks so much, Epi! I am not sure! I do think he is a one-termer! As we get closer we shall see!


carriethomson profile image

carriethomson 5 years ago from United Kingdom

hey what a great funny hub lol... loved it


Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah Demander 5 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

Enjoyed the conversation, and now I will have to go back and read more.

Thanks for writing.

Namaste.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 5 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Dexter,

It is wonderful to laugh at "something" these days and your conversations are always what the doctor ordered! The thought of you taking this on the road would make me fill up my tank as often as necessary to sit in the front row and cheer you on wildly!! {I prefer not to fly if at all possible, so maybe I'll pick up a Frog and some others along my way...!)

In the meantime, these are UP and FAB, mar.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 5 years ago from London, UK

Oh I love the way Michelle dishes it to him. Good to see you back Dexter. Today is 4 August, Obama's 50th Birthday. I trust you were there and look forward to your coverage of all "the events". lol


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Carrie! Thank you! I hope you will check out more!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Deborah! Thank you so much! I hope you will enjoy them!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Marcoujour! I really appreciate your kind remarks. I am going to seek some ways to take these conversations forward! Thanks so much!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Lady_E! Yes. I was there for the birthday bash and will fill you in. Thanks!


moonlake profile image

moonlake 5 years ago from America

Enjoyed your hub.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Hi Moonlake! Thanks! I hope you will check out the others!


karengibsonroc profile image

karengibsonroc 5 years ago from Los Angeles

smiling !!! very very very creative !!! i will be back to read more of them !!! luv and light..kgr


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, Karen! I think you will enjoy them!


satice_j profile image

satice_j 5 years ago from via the Bronx, NY

I loved it! I can't get over the Michelle character still, so strong and putting Obama deep in thought as I believe him to be. This is one of your best of the few I've read so far. Most of all though, it speaks truth. I like that you're putting this series of conversations out there to all. I will def continue to read. And I will be checking out your Squidoo pages! Keep it real like u do!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States Author

Thanks so much for your kind words, Satice! Michelle is a tough, Chicago bred girl! lol Thanks for checking out my stuff!

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