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The Morning Conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama #25

Updated on August 29, 2012
Fly lands on President's face
Fly lands on President's face

September 12, 2011 - Food for Thought

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 25 in the series.

*Michelle enters the White House kitchen.

Barack: (swinging wildly in the air) Good morning, Michelle.

Michelle: What are you doing? Practicing karate?

Barack: No! There is a fly in here. I am going to swat it into another world!

Michelle: You better not. PETA will have a heart attack and start protesting.

Barack: We certainly have had a busy last week. Man! I am tired.

Michelle: Yeah, the weekend tributes to the 9/11 victims were poignant. I am still sad that so many people's lives were taken away.

Barack: Yes. But America will not give in to fear!

Michelle: Barack, its me. You're not in front of an audience.

Barack: Oh, right.

Tyrone the Chef
Tyrone the Chef | Source

Michelle: So do you get a break today? What's on the schedule?

Barack: I have an event in the White House Garden today. I am going to press the lawmakers to pass my jobs bill. Teachers, cops, construction workers and small business owners will be surrounding and supporting me!

Michelle: Really? Are they actors or real people?

Barack: You will not arouse my wrath today, Michelle Obama!

Michelle: Just kidding. Gosh! What are you eating this morning?

Barack: Oatmeal and a banana.You?

Michelle: Pancakes, scrambled eggs, grits and sausage links.

Barack: Damn, Michelle! You must be hungry. You better not let Rush Limbaugh know what you're having! Ha ha ha!

Michelle: Shut up! Tyrone is cooking this morning.

Barack: Tyrone? He's back? That dude can cook!

Michelle: Yes, he can. You know what I like about Tyrone? He is a regular, down to earth guy. And he can put his foot into some food!

Barack: He puts his foot in the food?

Michelle: No, idiot! It is a black cultural, idiomatic term meaning he can cook well!

Barack: I knew that. I was just kidding. I am black you know!

Michelle: Technically, you are half black! (Michelle begins laughing loudly)!

Barack: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Michelle: Hey! I just had an idea (after pondering ways to get under Barack's skin)! We should ask Tyrone what he thinks about your jobs program, chances for being re-elected and the state of the nation. Can you handle a little truth, Barack?

Barack: I don't know about asking the kitchen staff for their opinions, Michelle.

Michelle: Oh! So you would rather listen to people that kiss your butt all the time? See what he has to say.

Barack: Alright. But if he gets in trouble with his supervisor, its your fault.

Michelle: Barack, ultimately we are his supervisors. C'mon! Let's see what he says!

* White House chef Tyrone enters the kitchen

Tyrone: (smiling) Good morning, Mr. President, Mrs. Obama!

Barack: Good morning, Tyrone. Let me just say that it is great having you back at the White House. I hope your family emergency has been resolved and you are back with us full-time. Michelle and I were just remarking on how much we enjoy your cooking. You sure do know how to put your foot in some food.

Michelle: (Rolls her eyes, sarcastically)

Tyrone: (looking confused) Uh, thank you, Mr. President. What would you like this morning?

Michelle: Tyrone, I want to ask your opinion on whether the President has a chance to win a second term.

Tyrone: I don't think I should...

Barack: Go ahead, Tyrone. If you don't we'll starve to death!

Tyrone: Well. I don't live far from here and I get my haircut in a local barbershop. The men talk all the time about the high unemployment among black's and...

Michelle: What else, Tyrone?

Tyrone: A lot of them say you have forgotten who helped you get elected. Many say they won't vote for you again.

Barack: Really? Even though we now have universal health care and incentives for small business?

Tyrone: Well, my health premiums have now gone way up and my brother may have to close his business because he can't afford to contribute for his workers.

Barack: How about America's presence around the world? We are removing dictators and bad regimes.

Tyrone: (Looks over to Michelle)

Michelle: Go ahead, Tyrone.

Tyrone: Well, Mr. President. Who made America policeman for the world?

President Obama with President Mubarak
President Obama with President Mubarak
President Obama with Prime Minister Netanyahu
President Obama with Prime Minister Netanyahu

Barack: Huh?

Tyrone: America was friends with Egypt for years and you turned your back on Mubarak. He helped keep the Arab world from attacking Israel.

Barack: But...

Michelle: Let him finish, Barack!

Tyrone: And speaking of Israel. George Bush was a better friend to them. Israel and many Jews here are not liking how they have been treated by your administration.

Barack: Yeah, well we are protecting the interest of the nation...

Tyrone: By continuing to engage in wars we can't win, Mr. President? You promised to get us out of these conflicts - almost immediately. Trillions of dollars are continuing to be spent, outside of America, while Americans are losing their homes and jobs. And some people can't get to work because gas prices are so high. I know you haven't had to go into a grocery store in years, but the price of eggs has skyrocketed. I had to move my mama in with me.

Michelle: The President has come up with a plan to get Americans back to work. Did you watch his speech?

Tyrone: I did.

Barack: (now looking confident) So, what did you think? Great idea, huh?

Tyrone: Is it a jobs plan or a re-election plan?

Barack: (almost chokes while drinking water)

Tyrone: I mean $447 Billion dollars. Who is going to pay for this? We are already in debt, Mr. President. Maybe if tax breaks weren't given to companies that ship jobs overseas and more incentives and less government restrictions were given to companies that remain here, things could change for the better - and we wouldn't be beholden to China, which is holding our debt.

Barack: Well, thank you for your thoughts today, Tyrone. I hope all is well with your family and I look forward to talking to you again soon.

Michelle: (looks at Barack and rolls her eyes, again) Yes, thanks Tyrone. It's good to have you back.

Tyrone: Breakfast, Mr. President, Mrs. Obama?

Barack: None for me.

Michelle: (walking with Tyrone to another part of the kitchen) Tyrone, I will start with those famous pancakes, scrambled eggs, turkey sausage and grits with butter!

Tyrone: I hope the President isn't upset. You asked for my opinion. I mean, I really like him and want him to stick around. He doesn't seem to have an appetite now.

Michelle: Don't worry, Tyrone. He will be just fine. He gets like that sometimes. You should see him when my friend Leroy drops in. He starts off laughing but ends up crying! Leroy is like a pesky little fly!

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time!

Copyright 2011 - Dexter Yarbrough

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