The Morning Conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama #36

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 36 in the series.

(In the White House Kitchen)

Barack: Michelle, it has been three weeks since the first debate. Why are you still upset? I did better during the second debate! When will the silence end?

Michelle: (cold, icy stare) Why are you talking to me? I told you to leave me alone!

Barack: There is another debate tonight. I promise to do better. But we have to communicate!

Leroy: Well, you need to knock it out of the park!

Barack: How much longer are you going to be my unwelcome guest?

Michelle: Leroy is my friend! Be nice to him, Barack!

Leroy: By the way, Michelle, I saw your old boyfriend, Sylvester, back in Chicago a few weeks ago. He still looks good!

Barack: Isn't that the guy with the big chest? Ha ha ha!

Michelle: He doesn't have a big chest!

Barack: He does! He always looks like he's wearing a training bra! Ha ha ha!

Leroy: He's married and he and his wife just had a baby.

Barack: Yeah, I wonder who's feeding it!

Michelle: Barack!

Barack: It was just a joke!

Michelle: No! You were a joke during that first debate! I have never been more embarrassed! You idiot! We were way ahead in the polls and you let that meandering, bumbling, woman-hating man get back in this race!

Leroy: Damn, Mr. Prez! That's more words in 10 seconds than you have gotten from her in three weeks!

Barack: But I did better in the second debate.

Michelle: Second doesn't get it, nincompoop! You have one chance to make a great impression. Your head was down! You were mumbling! You looked like a rack amateur! I'm starting to believe that you do need a teleprompter to talk! And on our anniversary!

Leroy: (laughs out loud) Ha ha ha!!!

Barack: Well, I was talking well and you were loving it when we were having "relations" just a few hours before the debate....

Michelle: (snapping fingers, rolling head and eyes) Oh, no you didn't! Oh, no you didn't just bring our sex life into this conversation, because, Mr. President, that performance was just as lackluster as your debate performance!

Leroy: (falls on floor laughing and crying)

Michelle: So, since you want me to talk, listen up! You need to up your performance in the debate room - and the bedroom - skinny! You got to bring ass to get ass! Romney came prepared and had you looking like a little lost boy. And, yes! You did better during the second debate. But you are the president. Mitt acted and treated you as though he were the boss white man and you were his Uncle Tom darky!

Leroy: Half darky!

Michelle: You are the President, Barack! Act like it and remind Mitt that he is trying to get where you already are! Bring ass, Barack! Bring ass to get ass!

Barack: This whole thing has just been tough, Michelle.

Michelle: I know it's tough! But this is the major leagues and you wanted to play ball. You know this, I know this and the people not living in a fantasy land know this. George Bush the second is responsible for this mess we are in. And those republicans and tea party folks know it and are too ashamed to mention his name. You are working to turn this country around. And if it were not for your skin color, Mitt Romney would have been toast a long time ago. There are still folks that will smile in your face and stab you in the back. They won't call you the N word to your face for fear of getting their teeth shoved down their wimpy, cowardice throats. So they try to use flowery words in the English language and the voting booth to hide their disgust for you - just because you are who you are. Their is a special, segregated hell for them.

Leroy: Amen!

Michelle: Be on the offensive, Barack! Fight back and show this nation that Barack Hussein Obama is the leader of the United States of America, he will help us out of this turmoil, and he will win this election!

Leroy: Yeah! Send Ritt Momney back to Utah or California or Massachusetts or wherever he's from! Doesn't he have like a dozen wives and 18 boys or something?

Barack: So you really do believe in me, Michelle?

Michelle: Of course! But you need to believe in you, Barack! We have two weeks to turn this thing around. Bring ass on Libya!

Leroy: Yeah, I doubt Romney even knows where that is on a map!

Michelle: His lack of knowledge on foreign affairs works in your favor! Ok, you need to jab and pivot on the economy. Stick, hit and move like Muhammad Ali! Romney has no plan to fix the mess GEORGE BUSH got us into. Remind the nation of this. And if Romney uses the well-worn, "Are you better off today than you were four years ago?" Say, "yes" and thank goodness we have term limits so that BUSH didn't get another chance to screw things up. Nor will you!

Leroy: Yeah, and if he says something you don't like, just say, "Yo Momma!"

Michelle: Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee! Rumble young man, rumble!

Leroy: Bring ass!

Copyright © 2012. Dexter Yarbrough. All Rights Reserved.