The Morning Conversations of Barack and Michelle Obama #31

March 7, 2012 - The Midnight Train to Georgia

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 31 in the series.

Michelle: Barack! Why is my aide waking me up at 3AM to meet you in the kitchen?

Barack: Well, it looks like we are having another early morning visitor.

Michelle: Oh, no! You are NOT doing this to me again! I was able to handle Herman Cain. But I almost opened up a can of whoop ass on Newt! Who is it now?

Barack: Mitt Romney...

Michelle: Oh, hell no!

Barack: ...called and asked to discuss the upcoming elections after his win last night.

Michelle: Well, go ahead and meet with him. He's coming to see you, not me.

Barack: That's the thing. He's bringing his wife, Ann, too.

Michelle: Oh, so because she is a woman and I am a woman, I need to entertain her? (hands on hips, neck snapping, eyes rolling)

Barack: Well, I was hoping...

Michelle: Why don't you entertain his wife and I talk politics with Willard?!

Barack: Willard?

Michelle: That's his name - Willard Mitt Romney! He was named after his father's best friend - J. Willard Marriott and his father's cousin - Milton "Mitt" Romney, who was a quarterback for the Chicago Bears.

Barack: Damn! How do you know all of that?

Michelle: Why don't you? This man could possibly beat you. You should know something!

Barack: So, will you do this...again?

Michelle: Do I have a choice, Barack?!

(White House Aide enters the kitchen)

White House Aide: Mr. President, Mrs. Obama - the Romney's are waiting in the Blue Room.

Barack: Thanks. C'mon and walk with me, Michelle. (gives her a kiss)

Michelle: Stop waking me up at 3 in the morning! How come these people can't meet you during regular hours?

Barack: You know why, Michelle! Someone may think it's a conspiracy or something!

(The Obama's enter the Blue Room)

Barack: Governor, Mrs. Romney - good to see you. My wife, Michelle.

Mitt: Good to see you, Mr. President! Mrs. Obama, it is so good to meet you! (handshakes all around)

Ann Romney: It is so nice to meet you, Mrs. Obama. Your hair is so pretty. Can I touch it?

(Michelle looks at Barack with an evil eye)

Michelle: It's nice to meet you both. Mrs. Romney, I am not a doll. No, you cannot touch my hair. But how about we tour around the White House? I'm sure we can find some things for you to touch.

Ann: (looks at Mitt nervously) Oh, sure. I would be happy to look around.

Mitt: Sorry, Mr. President. My wife hasn't been around too many people of color.

Barack: Yes, I see. Well, it's early Governor. Let's go to the White House kitchen and talk informally.

(In the White House kitchen)

Barack: So, what can I do for you Governor? Oh, and congratulations on your win last night.

Mitt: Thank you! We still have some work to do.

Barack: Yep. You can't seal the deal, Governor. What's up?

Mitt: it's just a matter of time. I know it is early, but I just wanted to talk about the upcoming race and to say let's not tear the nation apart with negativity. Let's keep the campaign clean.

Barack: Clean? So, when are you going to get on Rush Limbaugh for calling that young lady a slut? Politics is one thing, Governor, being nasty to an innocent young lady is another.

Mitt: Oh, so where were you and the Democrats when Bill Maher called Sarah Palin a.... I can't even say the word. But it rhymes with hunt.

Click to enlarge
Click to enlarge

Barack: Well, uh...

Mitt: See, this is what I mean, Mr. President. You all jump on the GOP for our missteps and dumb comments, but conveniently forget your own. Rush has apologized, but yet, you all are using this for political advantage. That is not right.

Barack: Mitt, the GOP has consistently used buzz words to bring attention to my race. The whole birther issue, saying I am not a real American. I mean, just recently, a sitting federal judge sent a nasty email about me - racially charged.

Mitt: And he apologized.

Barack: He shouldn't have sent it in the first place. The GOP always brings up Lincoln and how they supported black people during Reconstruction. Yet, today's GOP seems possessed with race - and the fact that a black man is the President.

Mitt: We have some extremists in the GOP. Yes. But the Democrats have been patronizing black citizens and others for years, Mr. President. I have driven through black communities. I was Governor of Massachusetts. My father was Governor of Michigan. Boston - Detroit, Mr. President. Some communities look just like they did back in the 60's, if not worse. I am a wealthy man. But as I look at those in my social circles, they are rich Democrats. Most have no clue about what gays, black people, Hispanics and working class or middle class people need or want. They just want control.

Barack: So, were you responsible for the ugliness that impacted the campaign of Herman Cain?

Mitt: Of course not! You and I both know that came from your camp, Mr. President!

Barack: I had nothing to do with it! I thought you did. You know, the whole Curse of Cain thing!

Mitt: What?

Barack: Yeah! I figured since Brigham Young and the Mormon church believed that God cursed the black race because Cain killed Abel, and Herman is the seed of Cain, you put the whammy on his campaign!

Mitt: Is that supposed to be funny, Mr. President?

Barack: (laughing) It is funny, Governor! Ha ha ha! Don't try and be high and mighty! You are a member of a church that, up until 1978, believed that black people were cursed because a brother killed another and because Ham, the son of Noah, laughed at his father's nakedness after having too much wine!

Mitt: True. Our church did believe those things, but we changed. And let me remind you that those same beliefs were taught in most of the major Christian denominations as well. Did you know that around the world, black people are joining our church in record numbers? Gladys Knight, the singer, is an honored member of our church!

Barack: Well, she needs to take a long, long ride on that Midnight Train to Georgia!

Mitt: Mr. President, I was hoping that we could take this contest to a more positive level. Perhaps that is not the case. Both my father and I have always been supporters of social rights. I just want what's best for the country.

Barack: I hear you Mitt.

Mitt: And let's not forget about some of the stuff that came out of your church and from your minister during those 20 years you were a member!

Barack: (clears his throat) Well, um, Mr. Governor, if you become the nominee, let's stick to the issues and present our cases to the American people.

Mitt: Do I have your word on that?

Barack: Of course! I am the President of the United States! (winks at Mitt)

(Michelle and Ann walk into the kitchen)

Michelle: Are the two of you done with your clandestine meeting? Ann and I would like to get some food and rest.

Ann: Oh, Mitt! I had such a wonderful time! Michelle is so beautiful. She, how do you say it, "schooled" me on so many things! Like, black people don't like for you to treat them like zoo animals, just because we are rich doesn't make us better, Brigham Young was wrong when he said that the black race has flat noses, and they all aren't shiftless, lazy and uneducated. Thank you, Mrs. Obama! I have got to stop watching YouTube and the news!

Michelle: (sarcastically) No problem, girlfriend. I have had some experience "schooling" folks since I have been here.

Mitt: Mr. President! After all that campaigning, winning and talking, I'm hungry!

Barack: I figured you would be hungry. I had our special chef, Tyrone, fix us up a special meal!

Ann: Oh, my goodness. I am so thrilled to eat here! What are we having?

Michelle: Black-eyed peas, grits, hog maw, chitlin's, neck-bones, turnip greens and corn bread.

Ann: But I thought you said...

Michelle: Girl, it's one thing to be politically correct. But when it comes to soul food, time to get our eat on!

Ann: Right on, sista!

(Michelle looks at Barack - both laugh hysterically)

Mitt: (whispers to Ann) He must not be a Muslim. Look at all this pork!

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time!

Copyright © 2012 - Dexter Yarbrough

More by this Author


Comments 78 comments

Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

Absolutely worth every minute of waiting for #31. Heck the Obama conversations are better than listening to pox news, oh wait I don't listen to them! She needs to take the Midnight Train to Georgia...too funny! You just keep on getting better...bring on #32, well when you get a chance. UP! Awesome! Smokin'! I got first comment too! :)


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Bravo! If this is a series I have a lot to catch up on. Glad I finally found you; Sunshine625 gets all the credit.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica

How do you come up with your ideas Dexter? They are wonderful and life like. I actually believe them and then I catch myself up and remember that you did say fictional...lol

oh oh, I clicked everything across!


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK

Oh... these conversations are awesome. Dexter, I think you work in the White House, but write Hubs in your spare time. :)

I totally enjoyed this and it made me laugh too.

Cheers.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago

Hey where do you place the hidden camera Dexter? Another side splitting Hub... Love your Dry, Witty, Humor...You give it to both sides fairly... and with No Mercy. And it ends with such a Great Video. Thanks! Looking forward to the next installment.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Dexter....Bout time!! Gosh, how I love your Michele. She's so damned believeable! I couldn't agree with Sunshine more...you just keep getting better and better! This one is a total hoot.

Right on Sista.........oh please ROFLMAO!


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Now you have your Momma laughing and singing... you are the best and most talented son a gal could ask for...

Love you, Dex! Voted UP & FAB! Hugs, Momma Maria


gjfalcone profile image

gjfalcone 4 years ago from Gilbert, Arizona

Thanks for turning me on to your modern day version of All In the Family. I cringed while shaking my head with a smile. Well Done Sir!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

You get better all the time! Up and hilarious!


molometer profile image

molometer 4 years ago

OMW I think Michelle is running the show by the looks of things.

Can I feel your hair lol. No really, come on. Are they really that retarded? (not PC) but jesus!

Great work Dexter. Keep it up.

Gladys was excellent as always.

Voted up, interesting, funny and very telling!


Chris16 4 years ago

I enjoyed every word of your delightful story. Where's your tip jar? I'll be back for more laughs and excellent story telling.


bethperry profile image

bethperry 4 years ago from Tennesee

Oh Dexter, this is the funniest one yet!!

Poor, poor Ann and Mitt. The sad part is I can honestly imagine a wealthy couple, who have never spent time outside of their cliks, never experiencing the deliciousness that is cornbread or black-eyed peas. Good grief. Now you have me hungry.

Voting up and thanks for posting!!


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Oh my goodness..Dex..with southern cooking like that they should get along just fine!..haha Great hub filled with your great sense of humor..I have been waiting for a new one to come out..I saw you on my hub and thought I wonder?? Then WHOOP...there it was! lol:)Mama Mar is so proud! Hugs!

Have a great night..thanks for the smiles

Sunnie


DonnaCosmato profile image

DonnaCosmato 4 years ago from USA

Too funny for words, Dexter! I loved the parts about religion the best:)


amymarie_5 profile image

amymarie_5 4 years ago from Chicago IL

Funny! Glad to have gotten my morning chuckle. We all can get so serious and heated about politics but sometimes you just gotta laugh at it all. :)


DeborahNeyens profile image

DeborahNeyens 4 years ago from Iowa

This is the first one I've read in the series. Looks like I have some reading to do to catch up! Funny stuff.


samsons1 profile image

samsons1 4 years ago from Tennessee

Pardon me while I catch my breath. Wonderful satire and most needed even if it is still serious business. Voted up, funny and interesting. Must catch up on previous installments. You go guy...


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

The best thing about this election cycle is you! Up funny and oh so awesome.


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 4 years ago from Tucson, Az.

(Laughing my ass off!) . This is by far is the best one you've ever done Dexter. "Can I touch it?" That's freaking hysterical. I met my first black friend in peewee football. I remember it like it was yesterday. I wanted to know everything. What made his skin black? Could he get freckles? Could he get sunburned? And finally ... "Could I touch his hair? I shit you not my brother! His name was Randy Kessler, and he was my best bud right into high school. When I left Texas, I lost contact with him and I found out a few years ago that he was killed in a motorcycle accident. That doesn't have much to do with anything, it just made me think of how goofy us white people can be at times.

You know how important it is to me for people to put skin color, ideologies, political parties and so on to the side long enough to solve problems. You do a great job through the use of humor to bring us together in order to look at ourselves and to laugh at our dumb ass selves.

jim


anglnwu profile image

anglnwu 4 years ago

Way too funny. I love how you weave information into the story line. You brought the characters to life with the lively exchange and wry humor. Enjoyed the read very much and voted up.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

It's not easy to be fair to both sides, but you did a magnificent job of it, Dex, and managed to be humorous at the same time. No easy task. Loved your description of Michelle's body language and Ann's ingenuousness.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

This was so much fun to read. You are a whiz at this. Have you thought about a book? The funniest part was the meal.LOL..HaHa..Loved it...


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sunshine! It is my pleasure. I love this series as much as you. Just wish I had more time to write! Thank you so very much for your support!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Billybuc! Hello! Take your time and go through them at your leisure. Glad to have a man like you reading my stuff. It is an honor! Thank you!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Cardisa! I don't know! This stuff just comes to me. I enjoy writing it. Glad you enjoy it. Thanks for EVERYTHING!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Lady E! I do work in the WH. I am the special chef...and a good friend of Michelle's! :-) Thank You!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi b. Malin! There is a pesky, secret government fly that gives me all the info I need! I try to be fair and balanced. I wish the real news folks would do so! Thank you!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Fpher! Compliments are always welcome! Ha ha ha!! Thank you so much. Yeah, this was a little overdue, huh? I have got to find more time to write. Especially if I am going to get kind remarks from you!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Momma! You are the best Momma a son could have. Thank you so much for your support! You are the best!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

GJFalcome! Ahhh yes, All in the Family is still the best situation comedy ever! Thank YOU for reading. I hope you take the time and read some of the others!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Will! I have a great inspiration (you) in which to model after! Thank YOU!!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Molometer! I really appreciate you, sir! Thank you so much! I am sure the Romney's are much better than what I portray. A little creative license, if you will!

Isn't Glady's beautiful?


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Chris! Thank you so much. I hope to see you back reading and commenting on some others!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Beth! I am so proud to be in the company of great writers of humor - and I am speaking of you. Your support and kind words mean very, very much to me! Thank you!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sunnie! Thank you. It is a pleasure to be blessed with your presence! If people would just sit down and have a really good meal, we could probably avoid some of the negative things that happen in the world!

I am so glad Momma Mar is proud of me!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Donna! What a pleasure it is to have you visit! The religion part was the most fun to create! Thank you!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi AmyMarie! True, oh so true! Thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate your kind words. Please come back for more laughs!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Deborah! I am so glad you came by. Welcome, and please come back for more. Thank you!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Samsons! Thank you so much for visiting. I am glad you enjoyed it. Please do come back and read more!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Pop! Thank you so much! Yeah, it is time to poke fun at a really sad election cycle. Thanks, POP! I really appreciate you!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Jim! Man, I always look forward to your visits! Trust me, I have done the same thing - on my side and the touching of hair! Ha ha ha!!!

I wish more people would realize that we are more similar than different. I really appreciate your kind words and your friendship!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Anglnwu! Thank you! I really put a lot of effort into this series. It really makes me happy to have people like you comment. It really does inspire me to write more. Thank you so much!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Dr. BJ! In that I am still new at this, I am proud to say that I have people like you to look to for for inspiration. I really appreciate your support and it does make me want to continue - and to improve. Thank you so very much!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi AE! Thank you so much. I have thought about a book. Just a thought! Maybe I should seriously consider it, huh? I am so thankful for your kind words and the visit!


Motown2Chitown 4 years ago

"...but when it comes to soul food..."

You never cease to amaze me, Dex. I love your stuff. The wit, the intelligence, and the punches packed by these satirical conversations make me think really hard about the state of our government, and the talent of our hubbers, especially yours.

Much love, brother.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Mo! I have been blessed with your presence today! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have so much fun writing this series. But mostly, in anticipation for a wonderful response from you!

Thank you so much for hanging in here with me! I am looking forward to you writing again, when you're ready!

Blessings, blessings, dear one!


Motown2Chitown 4 years ago

Dex, you have such a way of making a girl feel special! I'm slowly making my way back. :D


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Patiently waiting!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago

Hehehe! Omg! Is this the prelude to December 21, 2012? The party might over soon then. Thanks for the chuckles!

LORD


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Lord! You are hilarious! Thanks for the great comments!


alian346 profile image

alian346 4 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

This, Dexter, is brill. I don't get some of the jokes because I'm in Scotland but the satire shines. You are talented!

And there are 30 preceding this one? Boy, am I gonna have fun!!

Ian.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Ian! Thanks for reading. I appreciate your kind remarks! In my series, let me direct you to numbers 14, 17 and 18. I think you will be more apt to relate to the humor with those. Let me know what you think!

Thanks again!


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Hello Dexter. This series keeps getting better and better. Syndication I say!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, Mckbirdbks! Always a pleasure to have you comment! I really appreciate it!


Sueswan 4 years ago

Hi Dexter!

" Michelle: Stop waking me up at 3 in the morning! How come these people can't meet you during regular hours?"

"Barack: You know why, Michelle! Someone may think it's a conspiracy or something!" LOL

All aboard the Dexter train.

Voted up up and away!

Take Care :)


Lesleysherwood 4 years ago

This is so much better than the 'real life' news. It rings a bell of truth. David Cameron is with him today, will you write a new conversation following that? Did you see Obama with David at the basketball game yesterday. David looked so out of place, he also looked very unhealthy and such an Eton toff (sorry David-the Brits are proud of you really lol) compared to the good-looking Obama and the basket ball commentator who I'm sure was standing on a box. Boy, I thought the president was tall.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sueswan! It is always great to get a visit from you. I am thrilled you enjoyed it. Thanks!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Lesley! Someone else mentioned the outing with Cameron. I will check it out. Thanks. I always appreciate your comments. Thanks so much!


alian346 profile image

alian346 4 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

To Lesley - no we're not proud of Mr Cameron! As you said - an Eton toff AND he's a Tory!! I love your comment.

Dexter - Lesley's idea about writing a converation about this is brill......................please!?

Ian from Scotland.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

Oh how I Loved this one;great work Dexter and keep them coming.

Take care and enjoy your day.

Eddy.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Ian! I will see what I can do! Thanks!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, Eiddwen! Have a beautiful weekend!


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

I agree this series just keeps getting better. 'Can I touch your hair' ROFL.

Gotta catch that train to Georgia, love it

Keep em coming, can't wait for the next one

Brilliant and UP


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi RoseMay! Thank you so much! I am so glad you are enjoying it!


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 4 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

This was great Dexter!!! I love being that fly on the wall listening to their conversations. Awesome, creative work! Look forward to more and more!

Sharyn


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sharyn! I am so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you!


girishpuri profile image

girishpuri 4 years ago from NCR , INDIA

Ha Ha Ha...hilarious, i like the conversation


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Girishpuri! Thank you!


JT Walters profile image

JT Walters 4 years ago from Florida

Dex,

Absolutely hysterical. I love this one!!

Keep them coming.

JT


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi JT! Thanks so much! I am glad you liked it!


JT Walters profile image

JT Walters 4 years ago from Florida

Good Morning Dex,

You are up early. I loved it as I love all your work!!

JT


xstatic profile image

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

Really funny stuff, even-handed too! I saw that SanneL said you are great do had to check it out.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Xstatic! Thank you so much. I hope you will check out the others! SanneL is wonderful!


xstatic profile image

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

Yes she is! I will read more for sure!


Ghost32 4 years ago

Best line of all, Mitt's closer: "He must not be a Muslim--look at all this pork!"

More pork than that in Congress, of course...:)

Voted Up Plus.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Ghost! That line was pretty cool! Thanks!


Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

Jo_Goldsmith11 4 years ago

I didn't know Gladys was a mormon! wow. I just love these conversations. You can almost feel like you are the *fly on the wall* listening to what may really be happening. I wish you all the best and hope this goes global! What talent! Voted up and shared :)


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Yes! She is a Mormon! Thanks, Jo!

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working