The Morning Conversations of Barack and Michelle Obama #32

April 10, 2012 - Respect Yourself!

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 32 in the series.

(In the White House Kitchen)

Michelle: So what are you having this morning?

Barack: And good morning to you as well! You have been upset with me for weeks now. When are we going to talk about it?

Michelle: When you learn to listen to common sense and not your handlers, the media and others that have a negative agenda.

Barack: Tyrone! How are you this morning? How about blueberry pancakes? Oh, and those Chicago butter cookies are to die for! Thanks for making them.

Tyrone (The White House Chef): Blueberry pancakes coming up! And thank you. Glad you enjoyed them. Anything for you, Mrs. Obama?

Michelle: I will just have coffee, thanks. I don't want Rush Limbaugh criticizing me for eating breakfast.

Tyrone: Yes, Ma'am.

Barack: I think I know what this is about.

Michelle: Oh really? Have you been watching episodes of Long Island Medium on TLC (The Learning Channel)?

Barack: She hears from the dead.

Michelle: Good! We can start with Trayvon Martin.

Barack: Yep. Just what I thought. I have a question? Why do you get all mad at me and then want to discuss this stuff weeks later? How is that fair?

Michelle: I am a woman, Barack! That's my prerogative!

Barack: I used to like that song! Bobby Brown sang it in the late 80's! Before Whitney, you know.

Michelle: Can we be serious now?

Barack: Alright.

Michelle: There is an old saying that my mother used to say to me, "Don't put your mouth in motion before you put your mind in gear."

Barack: And?

Michelle: Respect yourself! Why are you sticking your neck, mouth and big ears into local issues? The state of Florida and its localities can handle their own issues. Have you not heard of the 10th Amendment, Mr. Law School Professor?

Barack: I was asked at a press conference to comment on the case.

Michelle: Yes! And you should have said "The local authorities are more than capable of handling the case. My sympathies go out to the Martin family." That is what you should have said! Whatever possessed you to say "...if I had a son he'd look like Trayvon...."?

Barack: Well, I was trying to be sympathetic, Michelle.

Michelle: (Hands on hip, eyes rolling) See, you just made me go there! Niggah, please! Black kids are killing each other all over this country. Where is your sympathy for them? Chicago had 40 plus shootings a couple of weekends ago? Where was your sympathy? You are the President of the United States. Not to mention a black man - or at least half-black! If you sympathize for one, you have to sympathize for all!

Barack: The country needs a president that can empathize with its people.

Michelle: Bullshit, Barack! My mother also used to say "Don't let your mouth write a check that your behind can't cover!" You gave your enemies ammunition to use against you. And I am going to be real with you! Your "friends" like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, wait with the patience of hyenas for a chance to lead a march and protest because it lines their pockets! Yeah, I wouldn't say this to anyone but you, but it's true! How can you lead a protest march and then appear unbiased on your TV news show?

Barack: But if I had a son...

Michelle: If you had a son he would be at home with his parents or out on a date or playing video games. Not wandering around a strange neighborhood!

Barack: That's not fair Michelle!

Michelle: Fair! Would you let one of our daughters date a Trayvon Martin? Hell no!

Barack: Well...

Michelle: Well is for water! Fair? How about those stupid comments you said to shock the Supreme Court justices about your health care law? Again, Mr. Law Professor, have you heard of the system of checks and balances? How about judicial independence? Are you nuts? How dare you make comments and talk about "judicial activism" when the court is in session? And with the Mexican President and Canadian Prime Minister standing with you?!

Barack: Tyrone! I would surely like those pancakes right about now!

Michelle: You wanted to know why I am upset. Now you know!

Barack: Sometimes I wonder if you are really a liberal or a closet conservative!

Michelle: You just earned another "Niggah please!" I am a black woman that is trying to keep her husband from ending up as a loser in the history of US Presidents. George Bush the second and Andrew Johnson are not the best company to be in this regard!

Barack: But I'm...

Michelle: And as long as you have known me, you know I tell it like it is! Black people don't have the luxury of being liberals or conservatives. We have enough problems just being black. We don't need the extra labels. Plus we don't fit into them anyway. We are conservative in Christian values on Sunday and liberal in social values the other six days of the week!

Barack: Alright, Michelle. What now?

Michelle: Gosh! I wish we still had Bill Daley around! Focus on getting re-elected! You aren't as popular as you were back in 2008, Barack! Black folks are hurting, dude, and white folks ain't happy either. Maybe your good looks are fading! Respect yourself!

Barack: And?

Michelle: With high-ass gas prices and high-ass unemployment, you are not a shoo-in! You and Mitt Romney are similar in many ways. It may be just as easy for some to vote for him. Stop getting involved in local issues and focus on the finish line. Don't let the liberal media and these professional civil rights protesters lure you in. Jesse Jackson ought to be ashamed of himself. He won't open his mouth when black boys get shot on the south side of Chicago, but starts speaking incoherently when one gets shot in Florida - under suspicious circumstances where all the facts still aren't in yet.

Barack: I see your points.

Michelle: Good! And stay out of the Supreme Court's business or you will appear before a court - as a defendant!

Tyrone the Chef
Tyrone the Chef

Barack: Now, will you do me a favor?

Michelle: What? By the way, your face looks worse than the Bulls players who lost that game to the Knicks on Sunday! Pitiful! Just remember, the Bulls are on top as well. But they may fall flat on their fine ass butts if they don't start playing better! Ha ha ha!!

Barack: Thanks for pointing out my pitiful face. Anyway, please stop waiting for weeks to talk to me about things that are bothering you. Using the "I am a woman" excuse is played out. It does me no good to discuss these things weeks after the fact. Let's deal with it then. OK?

Michelle: You are right. I'm not perfect either and I need to work on my communication, I know.

(Tyrone enters)

Tyrone: Mr. President, your breakfast.

Barack: What took you so long?

Tyrone: My mother used to always tell me to stay out of the room when a husband and wife are in a spirited discussion.

Barack: Really? What else did your mother tell you?

Tyrone: "Don't put your mouth in motion before you put your mind in gear" and "Don't let your mouth write a check that your behind can't cover!"

Barack: Damn! Did you and Michelle have the same mother, or what?

Michelle: Focus on the message of the sayings, Barack! The message! Respect Yourself!

Copyright © 2012. Dexter Yarbrough.

Respect Yourself!

More by this Author


Comments 72 comments

Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

Way to go Michelle! I love that lady! Michelle Obama for 2012!!! It's like she was reading me mind. I hope BO gets to read this. I'm going to Tweet this right now! "If he was my son"... SMH! Another masterpiece Dex!!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sunshine! I am so glad you enjoyed it. I was hoping it wasn't too controversial! Thank you!!


calpol25 profile image

calpol25 4 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner)

Hi Dexter absolutely love it x

Thanks for sharing it with me have been reading through them all, you are so brilliant I love it. x

Thanks Dexter x


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Cal! Glad you enjoyed it, my friend! Thanks for your kind words!


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Oh Dex...are you sure you and Michelle have not had some deep discussions behind closed doors lol..I think you could not have said anything more that has not been said already in this huge controversy on the news every night..The truth speaks and sometimes stings!Great job Dex. This one could be sold for big bucks..I am just sayin..

Hugs,

Sunnie


dahoglund profile image

dahoglund 4 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

Hi Dexter, I hope Michelle can keep him out of Wisconsin until after the recall election. On the other hand people in this part of the country don't go for outsiders trying to run things.


alian346 profile image

alian346 4 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

And there I was thinking they were the perfect couple - another dream smashed! Maybe it's the pressure of the upcoming election and maybe it should be Michelle running...............

Ian.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Baby,

I say this on EVERY hub so I have to say it on this one... "But if I had a son...", he would be just like you, Dex!

You are wonderful, funny and talented! Voted UP & FAB!

I am going to e-mail you soon with a request.

Hugs, Momma


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

Dexter, You never fail to make me laugh. I love your series on the President and Tyrone is priceless..Cheers


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 4 years ago from Tucson, Az.

This was less humorous than most in this series, but Michele nailed it my brother. You're a stud for pointing these things out.

Dexter's Mom.

You raised a good man, good job!

~ jim


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

I'm back for seconds to share with my husband!! This was even better the second time around!! I'll be sure and share this with my Florida peeps too. Trayvon is local news and it's still heated over in my neck of the woods.

Your conversations just keep getting better Dex:)


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

Your breakfast stories are just priceless. Tyrone is a hoot and a bonus :)


Daisy Mariposa profile image

Daisy Mariposa 4 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

Dexter,

Thanks for another enjoyable, entertaining, funny bit of eavesdropping.

The photos you've used are perfect!


Hunbbel Meer profile image

Hunbbel Meer 4 years ago from Karachi, Pakistan.

Hey Dexter, it was really good. Interested and thoroughly enjoyable. :)


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Michele is my kind of woman! I love her frank and candid comments to her hubby.....she's the classic sensible wife! You may claim you have fabricated these conversations....but I think you've been eavesdropping!!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sunnie! Michelle, Leroy and Tyrone have known each other forever! She tells it how she sees it. That is what makes her so special! Thank you so much!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Dahoglund! I think he has enough to do in D/C. right about now! Ha ha ha!!!!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Ian! They are the perfect couple! She talks, he listens and does what she says! Takes all the pressure off of him! He is a smart man!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Momma! You are just too kind! Thank you so much and I look forward to the email!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Always Exploring! It is always wonderful when you visit! I am glad you enjoyed it! Thanks!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Jim! A compliment from you is worth writing these more often! Thank you, sir!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago

This was so REAL, Dexter... I believe in my heart that Michelle did have some choice words for her Man, for all that he's been saying lately. Very good Satire, with lots of Funny, Biting, Humor. Excellent! One of your Best my Friend, and my Vote UP and Funny to you!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sunshine! I hope your husband enjoys it. You don't even know how much I appreciate your support! Thank you!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Rosemay! Tyrone is something else! But Michelle, whew! Now SHE is something! Thank you!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Daisy! Thank you so much! I really have fun in the White House eavesdropping! I have so many stories I could tell! :-)


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Hunbbel! Thanks for checking it out. The others in the series are available to you as well! You might like them!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Fpher! Shhhh! Don't tell my secret! If people know I have been eavesdropping, I won't get too close to the Obama's anymore!

Thank you!!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi B. Malin! Thank you so much! Michelle has been reading him the riot act. I am happy to be a fly on the wall! Thanks for your kind words!


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 4 years ago from United Kingdom

Hi Dex, Just love Tyrone...

Great fun, loved it and voted up!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, MM! Glad you enjoyed it! Thank you so much. Tyrone is something. But Michelle...!


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

Wonderful I thoroughly enjoyed this gem and an up up and away without a doubt.

Take care and I wish you a wonderful day.

Eddy.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica

"Closet conservative?" How do you come up with these Dexter. You are something else...lol

On serious note, Michelle made some good points. At first I was backing the President in his comments on the matter but he could have sympathized without actually saying that Travon could be his son.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Now that I've read this eminently readable rendition of a morning conversation between Barack and Michelle, Dex, I am more convinced than ever that the wrong Obama was voted in as prez. Great write, my friend.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

I would love to believe that Michelle actually said these things because then, I might like her! However, Dex, I am sure that I like you. Up and oh so awesome.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Eiddwen! It so lovely for you to drop by and comment. Thank you!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Cardisa! I swear it's not me. It really is Michelle!! There is no way I could come up with this stuff. I just write it!!!!

And I certainly agree. The President needs to watch what he says about controversial issues. Thank you!!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Dr. BJ! Thank you so much! Michelle is a hoot! I don't know if she could be the prez, though. Some people just can't handle the truth.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Pops! Thank you so much! The feeling is mutual!

I have a feeling that Michelle is a likable person - when you get to know and understand her! lol


bethperry profile image

bethperry 4 years ago from Tennesee

You've hit another home run winner with this one, Dexter! LOL

I have to say, I only WISH I could believe FLOTUS thinks this way. Somehow, though, I tend to think she may actually be saying stuff like "Why can't you be more like Rev. Jackson?" or chiding her hubby for being a "cream puff" with the Supreme Court.

Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed this latest edition. Voting up!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Beth! Thank you so much! C'mon! You don't doubt Michelle do you? I have seen her in action! She means what she says! lol


molometer profile image

molometer 4 years ago

Hi Dexter,

Michelle is so fierce no wonder Barrack looks so exhausted.lol

Great hub voted up and funny

Now pass the blueberry pancakes! I need comfort food lol


anglnwu profile image

anglnwu 4 years ago

Another good read. If only men will listen when their wives talk, or at least the ones that make sense. Love how you make it so relatable. Thanks and rated up.


Motown2Chitown 4 years ago

You're a genius, my friend. While these are always funny, and always on point, they're also very revealing and thought provoking. Love this series.

:)


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Molometer! Thank you so much, sir! Barack is looking a little peaked lately, huh? Ha ha ha!!

Actually, I think I will have blueberry pancakes this morning! Great idea!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Anglnwu! I agree with you wholeheartedly! Thank you so much! Michelle, makes it so easy to understand this, huh?!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Mo! You just made my day. A visit from you is indeed a treasure! Thank you so much, dear! I trust all is well with you.


Rodric29 profile image

Rodric29 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Wow! This was very entertaining.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Rodric! Glad you enjoyed it. Check out the others when you have time! Thanks!


Rodric29 profile image

Rodric29 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

I am already there. I have to pace myself. I usually squirm at the abrasive language but I think these are worth the discomfort.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

What's a guy gotta do to get a cup of coffee in this joint? Dex, maybe throw in some poetry. lol "Another great episode." said NBC to ABC.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

You know, these are so well written that we forget that they're fiction! It's like we are actually there like a fly on the wall! Outstanding work.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hello Mckbirdbks! Since the White House is pretty much off limits, we will have to get you a special invitation for coffee and biscuits! Michelle is a great poet. Stay tuned for an upcoming episode where she unleashes it on a special guest!

Thanks so much!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Will! Thanks, sir. I am learning from a master such as yourself!


Sherry Hewins profile image

Sherry Hewins 4 years ago from Sierra Foothills, CA

I love that quote "Don't let your mouth write a check that your behind can't cover!" Great advice we should all remember.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sherry! Thanks for this visit! Yes, great advice! A lot of wisdom comes from this series! :-) lol


Sueswan 4 years ago

Hi Dexter!

Barack: "Damn! Did you and Michelle have the same mother, or what?" LOL

Another winner my friend. :)

Voted up up and away!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sueswan! It is so good to see you again. Thank you so much! I have to become a little more active. Been a little busy lately.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

A great read once again Dexter;I love you writing style;makes for very easy reading.

Take care and enjoy your day.

Eddy.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, Eiddwen! I really do appreciate you! Have a great day!


sheila b. profile image

sheila b. 4 years ago

The wisdom of a good mother! I really enjoyed reading this. Too bad Obama had the mother he did.


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 4 years ago from North Carolina

Voted WAY UP Dexter. You are brilliant!!! Hugs to you.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sheila b.! Yes indeed! Thank you so much!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Denise! Thank you so much! I am glad you enjoyed it!


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK

Oh.. I absolutely loved it and all those funny phrases. Tyrone fits in perfectly.

Thanks Dexter. :-)


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Lady E! I always appreciate your visits. Thank you so much!


suziecat7 profile image

suziecat7 4 years ago from Asheville, NC

Great read. Like others, I almost forgot it was fictional. Go, Michelle!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi, Suziecat! You are always so kind. Thank you!


JT Walters profile image

JT Walters 4 years ago from Florida

Dex,

Absolutely awesome. I hope POTUS does read your work. You tackle some very difficult topics with dignity and homor. I believe theoretcially the POTUS is supposed to represent all of us as a Father. However, being a crime watch participant who has been assaulted and puts herself in danger by participating in crime watch to attempt to protect all children, I find all of this Travon overblown story distasteful. If the President is going to take issue with children being shot and I am including children of all races which was his idea. He needs to address criminal justice issues to reduce crime rates amongst children with enhanced education, social programs and after school activities. and basically he has to bring up the economy so these children aren't driven into crime by poverty.

This hub was not only entertaining be eductaional as well. There are many children shot in America each and everyday. If you are going ot cry for one of them then you look really biased if not racists. Weep for all the children who are shot and all the parents who must bury their children because terrorism has caused an explosion in organized crime in America.

Entertaining but true.

JT


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi JT! Thanks so much for your kind comments. And your perspective is spot-on as usual.


JT Walters profile image

JT Walters 4 years ago from Florida

As is your writing. So thank you for bringing light into an area of darkness for your readers.

All My Best,

Jt


Ghost32 4 years ago

I'm EVER so glad Barack does the typical husband thing, mostly ignoring his wife's sage advice on controversial issues--'cause then he'd be REALLY likely to get elected for a second term.

Hm. Maybe he's acting out, running his mouth to get even for Michelle telling him not to....

In that case-YOU GO, MICHELLE!

Voted Up and Over.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Ghost! Your observations are always on point! Thanks for reading!

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