The Morning Conversations of Barack and Michelle Obama #33

President Obama
President Obama
The Couple
The Couple

One + One = Two - May 11, 2012

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 33 in the series.

(In the White House Kitchen)

Michelle: So, what time will they be here?

Barack: Shortly.

Michelle: I still don't understand why you want to have a discussion about this with complete strangers. You say you have "evolved." Why keep the discussion going?

Barack: They aren't strangers, Michelle. They are the "American People." They are voters. And if I can have discussions with Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain, why not the Sullivan's?

Michelle: How did this breakfast discussion come up anyway?

Barack: I received an email on my private Blackberry.

Michelle: The Secret Service is not going to like that!

Barack: I already informed them and all is well. They are nice people with a different view and that is what makes us great as a nation.

Michelle: Ok. If you say so.

(White House Aide enters)

Aide: Mr. President, the Sullivan's have arrived, sir.

Barack: Thanks. Please escort them to the dining area adjacent to the kitchen. We can have breakfast there.

Aide: Yes, Mr. President.

Michelle: This should be interesting!

(Aide escorts the Sullivan's to the dining area where they meet the Obama's)

Aide: Mr. James Sullivan and Mrs. Mary Sullivan, the President and First Lady.

(Handshaking)

Michelle Obama
Michelle Obama
For Gay Marriage
For Gay Marriage
Traditional Marriage
Traditional Marriage
Values
Values

National Organization for Marriage

Barack: It is a pleasure to meet you both.

James: Wow! It is great to meet you Mr. President! Who would have thought that after I sent an email, you would get it and invite us to the White House on such short notice!

Mary: Yes, what a great honor this is. And Mrs. Obama, you are more beautiful in person!

Michelle: Thank you. Let's sit down. I will have our chef prepare anything you desire.

(Tyrone enters and greets everyone)

Tyrone: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan! I am the chief White House chef. It would be a pleasure for me to prepare anything you would like.

James: Well, we aren't fancy people. Just folks from the Bible Belt. What do you say, Mary? Steak and eggs, hash browns and biscuits?

Mary: Yes! James, you know me so well!

James: Well, after 50 years of marriage, I should know you! Ha ha ha!

Barack: How about it, Michelle? The same breakfast all around?

Michelle: Sure.

Tyrone: Thank you. I will have it for you very soon. (Tyrone exits)

Barack: Let me just say that it is wonderful having you here. I don't get to do this often. Let me fill Michelle in and I am sure you have already told Mrs. Sullivan. Mr. Sullivan sent me an email a couple of days ago after I announced my support of same-sex marriage. While he disagreed with my position, I was struck by his arguments and the congenial tone in which he made them.

Mary: That's my James!

(Michelle looks annoyed)

Barack: And so, I invited you all here so that you could share your thoughts and so that I could make clearer mine.

James: Well, Mr. President, as you know from my email, I did not vote for you 4 years ago. We have some very strong traditional family values, which are commingled with strong Christian values. We aren't believers in that birther stuff and we are proud that you, as a black man, have been able to ascend to the highest political office in this wonderful nation. We are those old fashioned Ronald Reagan Republicans.

Mary: Yes. After your announcement, James told me that he respected the decision you made, even though he disagrees with it.

Michelle: Well, Mr. Sullivan, please share your view on same-sex marriage.

James: Well, as I said, we come from traditional family values. My daddy was married to my mother for 65 years. And his daddy was married to the same woman for 60 years. Similar thing in Mary's family. While we believe that what happens between two people in the bedroom, is their own business, same-sex marriage brings it out into the open.

Barack: But what specifically is your opposition?

James: Go ahead, Mary.

Mary: James has a hard time talking graphically about this kind of thing. But you see, it is hard to see heterosexuals kissing and stuff in public. Watching two men or two women doing this makes it even worse. Young people are so impressionable.

Michelle: Statistics say that gay marriage is not as taboo as it once was and that people are changing.

James: Mrs. Obama, let's be honest. Statistics say that blacks are accepted and respected in society today, but there are more white people that hate you for the color of your skin than you know. Just check YouTube and the Internet. They just hide their feelings and thoughts covertly. They use their hidden power by executing frivolous laws, denying and terminating employment and restricting access to real wealth.

Barack: Well...

Mary: And government statistics say that the unemployment rate is coming down, but we know that those statistics don't tell the real story.

Gay Marriage
Gay Marriage
The Bible
The Bible

(Barack nervously adjusts his tie)

Mary: But back to the point. It is the unnatural kinds of things that men and women do to each other. I mean, I shudder to think about the immoral kinds of things men use their genitals for with other men, in terms of placing them in each other's backsides. My God!

(Michelle lets out a quiet chuckle)

(James has disgusted look on his face)

Mary: And the women are just as bad. Feeling on each other's chests and using their tongues to pleasure the other persons' private parts in, well, just indescribable ways!

(Michelle chuckles just a little louder)

Barack: (Trying to turn attention away from Michelle) So, your disagreement is with homosexuality as well?

James: We refer to the bible on these matters. Jesus said in Matthew 19:4, "“Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ “and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’”

Mary: Right! And the Apostle Paul discussed the evils of homosexuality in Romans 1:18-27 and he specifically states, "For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error."

Chefs
Chefs
Gay Marriage?
Gay Marriage?

(In the White House Kitchen prep area)

Chef Reynaldo: Tyrone, are you listening to that conversation?

Tyrone: You can't help but listen. But we shouldn't be listening! We should be preparing food!

Chef Linda: Listening to that lady go on about chests and tongues! My ta-tas are getting hard!

Chef Angela: Ooh, la la!

(Laughter in the kitchen)

Chef Reynaldo: And did you hear her say "backside." That is so pre-1940's! She should have said "nice, round bubble butt."

Chef Vincent: Now my ta-tas are getting hard!

(More laughter)

(Back to the Sullivan's and Obama's)

Gay Marriage
Gay Marriage
Traditional Marriage
Traditional Marriage

Michelle: (Regaining her composure) Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan, we are Christians. And we are aware of the biblical scriptures that purport to condemn homosexuality. But is it up to us to judge the behaviors of others? And didn't God give each of us free will? And while I agree with your argument that statistics can be manipulated, divorce statistics are real and they are staggering among heterosexual couples.

James: That is because we play lip service to God and his natural order for us and do what makes us feel good instead of what is best for us.

Barack: That may be so, but the fact remains that people have been engaging in same sex relationships forever and what may be wrong for some is not for others. The world is constantly changing and our ideas towards each other have to "evolve."

James: Well, God doesn't change and Jesus said that his Word would remain.

Mary: That's right! In Matthew 5:18, Jesus said, “For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.”

(Back in the White House Kitchen prep area)

Chef Reynaldo: Did I just hear her say something about t------, I mean that word for breasts!?

(Laughter erupts in the kitchen)

Tyrone: No, nutcase! Tittle! She is quoting a bible scripture!

Chef Vincent: (Using effeminate gay male dialogue) Whew! I'm going to have to read more of the bible! Ain't there a story in there about King David and Jonathan "loving" each other and "kissing?" The bible sounds really hot!

Tyrone: Some people would say that's blasphemous, Vincent.

Chef Reynaldo: Huh? Is that what they called gay sex back then?

(More laughter)

(Back to the Sullivan's and Obama's)

We the People
We the People
The USA
The USA

Michelle: Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan, my husband simply made it public that he supports same-sex marriage. That doesn't mean he will marry another man or engage in same sex activities - at least not while he is married to me!

(Barack, Mary and James laugh)

Michelle: But we are a diverse nation and this issue is still left up to the states to decide. The will of the majority of the people will decide.

Barack: Yes. The people of North Carolina have voted and we have to respect their majority decision. It can't be legislated that we have to like gay people as much as it could never be legislated that white people have to like black people. But as a great American people, we should respect one another and agree to each other's right to exist. Jesus will straighten all of this out for us upon his return!

James: And to that, Mr. President, I say Amen!

Michelle and Mary: Amen!

Tyrone: Breakfast is served!

Please be sure to watch the hilarious video below!

Copyright © 2012. Dexter Yarbrough. All Rights Reserved.

More by this Author


Comments 69 comments

WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

What a great take on this latest boondoggle! Up and hilarious!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, Will! I always appreciate your comments!


Motown2Chitown 4 years ago

Would that we could disagree that gently about the issue, Dex. This was fabulous - and I must have known it would be, because I shared even before I read it! Peace, friend. :D


dahoglund profile image

dahoglund 4 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

Obama has evolved with a push from happy Joe Biden.I try to think what it would be like if Biden were our leader.Would anyone know what our public policies are?Funny hub. Will share it.


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

Dex only you could make this conversation work!! I like how the staff added their input. Very clever!! Kudos to you and to BO! :)


John Sarkis profile image

John Sarkis 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

LOL very funny. I needed that.

Voted up

John


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 4 years ago from North Carolina

Dexter, you are so brilliant with your satire! I always enjoy reading these hubs. :) Two thumbs way up.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Dexter I was waiting for you to make fun of this! LOL I just knew you couldn't resist! I loved it - totally hilarious.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Mo! It is so good the hear from you! I really appreciate your trust in my humor and authorship! lol I am looking forward to working with you on your project! Thank you!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Dahoglund! I always love your comments. The world would be a different place if Biden were President! That is for sure! Thanks so much!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sunshine! My inspiration for this one came from YOU! I laughed and thought of you all while writing it! Thanks!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi John! I am glad you enjoyed it. Humor is a great thing, let me tell you! Thank you so much!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Denise! You are so kind and I really appreciate you! Thank you so much!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi RealHousewife! Thank you and you are right! I couldn't resist! I am glad you enjoyed it!


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

Awesomeness! I'm honored Dex! Popped back in to do some pimping :)


bethperry profile image

bethperry 4 years ago from Tennesee

Dex, every time I read these anymore I keep wishing that this Barack and Michelle could exchange places with the real ones! lol

MEN ON FILM!!!! I love those skits.

Voting up and thanks for the grins!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Dex.....Fabulous as always. The video was just too much...lmao!! Those guys are great.....Thanks, Dex, you always raise the serotonin levels! UP ++


Motown2Chitown 4 years ago

I'm looking forward to it too, my friend! I'll be in touch soon. I'm giving some thought to exactly what I'm looking for. :D


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

This is soo funny. I see I'll be here for awhile, I've got to watch all the other episodes of Men on film, Hilarious..Thank you for sharing your gift for satire in a brilliant way....


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Hello Dexter, just stopped by to see what was going on in your kitchen.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Beth! You are too much! Thank you so much for your support!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi AE! Thank you for your loyal support! I really appreciate it. Have fun with those videos! Funny!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Fpher! Always a pleasure to see you and read your outstanding comments! Thank YOU!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Mckbirdbks! Glad you stopped in. Thanks!


MelChi profile image

MelChi 4 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

I'm reading your hub about 'The Morning Conversations of Barack and Michelle Obama' for the first time. Really well written and funny! Thanks! Look forward to reading them all :)


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

Dex I did wonder if you would fit this issue into your breakfast series... and you did it brilliantly. Loved the kitchen conversations too :)


SanneL profile image

SanneL 4 years ago from Sweden

Hi Dex, this is the first chapter I have read in this series, and I found it to be hilarious, brilliant, clever and very creative. Wow, I just love your humor, lol! I'll be back. I have some catching up to do. . .


American View profile image

American View 4 years ago from Plano, Texas

Dex,

Another great installment. You never disappoint. Till the next chapter then


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi MelChi! Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy them. Please let me know.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Rosemay! Thank you so much! Yeah, I just couldn't resist!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi SanneL! Welcome! I hope you enjoy the others as well. Humor is a wonderful thing! Thank you!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi American View! Thank you so much, sir! I appreciate your kind comments!


JT Walters profile image

JT Walters 4 years ago from Florida

Hi Dex,

I love in Living color...hysterical!! Great save for POTUS in this article. He should hire you as his PR guy. Aesome all but that one video which has the word retarded in it which offends me. Sorry I am just tired of the Gay community killing the disabled community with hate speech. One minority shouldn't step on the back of another.

Awesome though DEX!! JT would love to visit POTUS and wife as well.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi JT! Thanks. I don't like that word either but it was the only video of that kind and since I didn't make it, I couldn't change the title.

I'm glad you liked it!


JT Walters profile image

JT Walters 4 years ago from Florida

I just hate "hate" language. But I understand sometimes you there are things on videos I post I don't necessarily approve of either.

Like it I loved it. I was great!!

Jt


cat on a soapbox profile image

cat on a soapbox 4 years ago from Los Angeles

Thank you,Dexter, for another entertaining episode. I especially liked the inclusive dialogue from the kitchen staff. You really have the knack for clever satire! Voted way up!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Cat on a Soapbox! Thank you so much! It was fun writing it. Good to see you! I always appreciate your kind remarks!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago

Hi Dexter, another Funny Satire from the White House...But I have to tell you, Tyrone is the Best...Has he ever thought of running for the Presidency? I picture him and Michelle running off someday together!


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica

Hey Dexter, very serious topic. I do understand both viewpoints here but I have to agree with Obama on this. While we may or may not like the fact that homosexuality exists we must respect people's right to. Wonderful conversation as usual.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Cardisa! Absolutely. Thanks for checking it out! I always appreciate you and your comments!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi b. Malin! Tyrone is a difficult character. He seems to like politics on one hand, but on another, he stays away. I will talk to him about it. As for Michelle, I think he has a secret crush on her but tries to keep it a secret!

Thank you!


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Hi, Dex, the Obama conversation with the Sullivans was thougtful and interesting, but the conversation in the kitchen was hilarious, hysterical and genuinely funny. Thanks for the laughs. You ARE the man!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Dr. BJ! Thanks you so much for your wonderful comment. I am, indeed, honored!


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK

Wow.. you stepped this one up, Dexter - with the inclusion of the recent news about same-sex marriage.

Brilliant read.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

Hilarious! Love the video. As for this entire big deal about gay marriage, well I guess it's easier to discuss then things like a budget, the deficit, unemployment, taxes,energy, over regulation and on and on we go... Up funny and awesome!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Lady E! Thank you so much! I hope things are better with you and yours.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Pop! I couldn't agree more! Thank you very much!


rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

Dex, I needed this shot today. I truly enjoy these conversations. Been away for sometime but I'm back.

Sharing this and voting it all over.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Rajan! Thanks so much! I am glad you enjoyed it and that you are back!


Ghost32 4 years ago

ROFLMAO! Dex, I (inadvertently, I assure you!) got wa-ay behind on these--but am glad to have picked up on this one first today!!

I do believe the conversation in the kitchen is absolutely priceless.

Voted up and EVERYTHING.


alian346 profile image

alian346 4 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

I want a job in the White House kitchen - what a nutty bunch to work with!

So well written, as usual, Dexter.

My admiration - I hear you're to get the Nobel Prize in Literature!

Ian.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Ghost! Thank you so much! I am thrilled you enjoyed it!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, Ian! Nobel Prize? Now that would be nice! Thank you!


Sueswan 4 years ago

Hi Dexter!

Very funny my friend. Love it and the videos. LMAO

I give you two snaps up. ;)

I hope you are doing well.

Take care :)

Voted up across the board.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sueswan! Thank you so much! It is always great to hear from you!


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Dex, you have a winning combination going on with this series; I have read a couple now and I have laughed out loud. Excellent job my friend; thank you for the laugh!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, Billybuc! I appreciate your kind remarks!


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

"He's my SON and I'm gonna stand behind him..."

With God as my witness, my son, you be seeing more IN LIVING COLOR in my warm up to the Interview series... I just knew you were paying attention when you watched this show as a lad on my knee growing up...!!

You are so funny and talented and I am proud of your Hub weekly interview as well!!

Voted UP & FAB! Hugs, Momma


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Momma! Thank you so much! I am glad you liked the interview!


girishpuri profile image

girishpuri 4 years ago from NCR , INDIA

that was awesome, you scripted it so well, but let me tell you this wrong time support strategy will ultimately give advantage to mitt romney, i love this, voted up


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Girishpuri! Thank you so much! And you just might be correct!


michememe profile image

michememe 4 years ago

I enjoyed this, I wish I had my bowl of cereal as I was reading it.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Michememe! Thank you so much! I am glad you enjoyed it!


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 4 years ago from California

Dexter, you are a brave and wonderful writer. Blessings.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Tirelesstraveler, thanks but I am in no way brave compared to you. YOU are brave. I do appreciate the kind words! :-)


Sherry Hewins profile image

Sherry Hewins 4 years ago from Sierra Foothills, CA

Another great one Dexter, and I love the video. Keep 'em coming.


Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

Jo_Goldsmith11 4 years ago

This is awesome Dex! I have so missed your conversations! I will catch up on all of them as soon as I finish this post! You are so talented! Voted up and shared all over the place! keep writing! :) Loved the video, had me in tears! too funny.

Spirit hugs! :)


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sherry! Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks so much!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Jo! Glad you enjoyed it. It is always great to see you!

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