The Pandion Prophecy

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Welcome to “The Pandion Prophecy,” a story that centers on the mystical, the ways in which all things exist in relationship; and questions that which we do not yet understand in an uncertain universe. (Although both stories stand alone, some of the characters in this installment short-story series are from “Neptune’s Cradle.”) The story takes place in Farhaven, Massachusetts, a sprawling coastal community situated 60 miles south of Boston.


The music videos at the end of each chapter are an integral part of the story.


~~~~~~~~~~~~


Sweat trickled down Ray’s back as he rammed the shovel into the sand that grew thicker with each thrust of the blade. The blisters on his right hand ruptured, oozing fluid into the cracked wooden handle of the old shovel. The holes were getting harder to dig and refill. He had burrowed out two that morning a few feet above the tide line. Each of them measured four feet square and three feet deep…exactly as instructed.

It was unseasonably hot that day on his secluded beach. And unusually quiet. He could feel his heart beat rhythmically with the waves that tasted the sand before slipping back into the ocean. Hearing a lone seagull shriek overhead, Ray looked up to see it watching him as it bobbed about in the wind like a drunken kite. Everything moved in the surreal, as if living and breathing a parallel reality.

The strong sun didn’t burn into his face or bare forearms. Despite sweating for hours, he experienced no thirst. The constant friction from the shovel tore the skin from his hand, painlessly, and without complaint.

The watchful figure behind him didn’t move. It cast no shadow, but Ray could feel the entity’s presence. He didn’t dare turn to look at the hovering imprisoner of the nightmare from which he longed to awaken. From the corners of his eyes, he could see refractions of light bending with moving particles that seemed to form a sentient barrier of energy. The pungent smell of sour metal emanating from the entity’s core was overpowering. It hung thick in the air and seemed to fill his lungs with every breath.

Ray paused from his digging to wipe the perspiration from his eyes.

“Do not stop,” it said. “Do not…yet.” The thing’s probing, unnatural voice filled his mind, pricking the hair on the nape of his neck. A chill rippled through his body in the 80-degree heat.

Source

He bit his lip and plunged the shovel deeper. The blade clanged against something hard, shooting a jarring shock into his arms and spine. Using the shovel blade as a trowel, he began to remove the sand surrounding the object. The lid of a small chest soon appeared through the grit. Ray could feel the energy behind him surge as the entity directed him to lift the casket from the hole and place it on the sand. He stared at the small casket as he filled in the hole.

The chest was a foot and a half wide, 9 inches in depth, and much heavier than it looked, with dark wood that was thick, roughly hewn and oddly porous. There was no lock, but the hinges had been completely fused. Gnarled fingers of twisted metal clasped the corners at the base. A coiled labyrinth of copper embedded in the lid reflected a glint of sunlight that caught Ray’s eyes.

“No! Do not see!” The entity’s voice tore into his thoughts with a warning he couldn't understand.

Anger rose up in Ray...he could no longer allow himself to be dominated by fear. “What are you?” he yelled.

Turning to confront the entity, he dropped to his knees in sheer awe. The specter was nearly blinding. A pulsating wall of black, ochre and azure hues melded with shards of light, bursting forth and folding inward through a myriad of vibrant prisms. In the center of the presence, the distorted shape of a man’s head began to form, then recede, within a shifting gateway of molten colors. The smell suddenly intensified. Ray felt every fiber of his being -- his very existence – begin to split and diffuse into infinite fragments of a timeless abyss. The entity whispered to him, easing his fear and causing his mind to ascend toward human consciousness.

When he shocked awake, Ray was lying on the daybed in his small beach house. He sighed in relief with the deliverance from his nightmare. His eyes eagerly sought out the familiar. As he glanced at his body, he cried out when he saw remnants of grit and sand. The raw blisters on his hands burned when he pushed his weight up from the bed that was dank from sweat and reeked of bitter metal. Staggering to his feet, he felt his back and arms ache with exhaustion.

With a pounding heart, he quickly checked the doors to the one-room cottage. Both were locked from the inside. He opened the back door and walked onto the small porch that faced the ocean. His muscles froze in the late-morning sun as he gazed down at his deserted beach in disbelief. The chest was there, tilted on its side; the lid was charred and appeared to have been seared off at the hinges. The only part of the shovel visible was the rump of the blade partially buried in the sand.

Ray forced his reporter instincts to take hold, ebbing his panic and confusion. Whether he had been drugged, or worse, he knew that timing was crucial. Retrieving his cell phone, he took photos of the beach area, his appearance, clothes and hands. He e-mailed a set to his address at The Chronicle and a copy to Kate before calling her at her home. When his call went to voice mail, he swallowed the knot of fear in his throat before recording his message. “Kate, it’s Ray. I need your help. Something’s happened. I’m all right, but it’s urgent that you call me as soon as you get this.”

Overwhelmed by the acrid stench that clung to his body, he pulled a plastic garbage bag from a utility drawer, spread the bag on the floor of the bathroom stall and placed his cell phone on a shelf within easy reach. After slipping off his white T-shirt, jeans and briefs, he dropped them on the plastic and stepped into the shower.

The soothing hot water flowed over Ray's body as he tried to dispel the nightmare images from his mind. Minutes later, he turned off the faucet and reached for a towel. Gasping at what he saw, his legs buckled beneath him. He collapsed to the floor near the discarded clothes that smelled of beach sand and sweat. The ring tone from his cell pierced the steam-filled air while he stared at his hands, reminding himself to breathe.

The blister wounds had completely healed.



© Copyright by Genna Eastman (Genna East), 2014. All rights reserved. Said copyright does not extend to the video. “Time” was composed by Hans Zimmer; the video images were created by Beatriz of YouTube.


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92 comments

Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

Very interesting tale Genna. I was on the edge of my seat wondering what was coming next. Voted up. Can't wait foir the next chapter.


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 2 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Wonderful, descriptive narrative I am looking forward to more of this mystery. I know it will be well worth my time to read.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa

Fascinating fiction! Bravo, Genna!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

Oh Genna, i was there! Excellent writing. The video adds to this mystery.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 2 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Easy like Sunday morning, dear Genna -- Brava ...!!


ocfireflies profile image

ocfireflies 2 years ago from North Carolina

Genna,

By the end, I felt myself holding my breath. You have captured my interest and my curiosity. Excited to see where this story goes. Voted Way Up.

Kim


suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 2 years ago from Taos, NM

Well, you have certainly caught my interest. I can't wait for the next part. Investigating time and time shifts is certainly on the forefront now. It will be interesting to see how this ends if there is an ending. Very clever, unique and creative!


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

I could hear the blade of the shovel piercing the sand. You have honed your craft with precision and deftness. Ray is restrained by an unseen force and thus as readers we are caught in your web of confinement. It is with anticipation that we wait to see what music the strings of the web play as you exercise your imagination and ours.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

A great opening two or three paragraphs....why is he digging the holes...who is the stranger watching him....all the elements of a great story are there, drawing the reader in and demanding that they continue to read...very nicely done my friend.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

Ooh! now it gets interesting! lol! and why did you stop there?! Huh? just getting into it, eating my sandwich, ready for more of this great story.....LOL! seriously, loving it so far, I love these mystery paranormal stories, they are the kind that I always read, so looking forward to the next chapter! voted up and shared! nell


Sue Adams profile image

Sue Adams 2 years ago from Andalusia

Can't wait to read on...


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

@Jodah

Hi John. I am pleased to hear that the intro to this story drew you in. Thanks so much for the visit, and the kind comment. It’s always good to see you.

@BeckyKatz

Hi Becky. “Descriptive narrative” is a wonderful compliment – thank you! I only hope that the context and twists of this story will hold everyone’s interest.

@Martie Coetser

I hope you are enjoying your weekend, Martie. I never know if the stories I write will capture the reader and their imagination, so your comment really made my day. Thank you!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

Oh, Genna! You ARE a genius fiction writer! Every word of this was trembling with powerful message, mystery and feeling. You’ve used the sentences like moving pictures to engulf the readers and ensnare our own imagery into your imaginary scene in cooperation with yours.

The illustrations are so vivid. Those 3-D convolutions in the title picture remind me of my (almost) life-long doodles on edges of my homework papers, providing a relief from tiresome 'facts' on them! I've always loved that suggestive imagery. Who knows what lies beneath those curves in the mist?

The Hans Zimmer music is the icing on the cake, though perhaps icing one would want to have before eating the cake, to enhance it the more.

You’ve my imagination and expectation honed and racing at light speed toward the next installment! I most certainly ‘second’ all the other comments!


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

@AlwaysExploring

Hello dear Ruby. I’m delighted by your generous comment…thank you. I’m keeping my fingers crossed and hope that the unfolding of the story will work out well. :-)

@Marcoujor

Hello Maria, my friend. Thank you! I hope the ensuing days of this story will be just as easy. Hugs.

@Ocfirefllies

I had hoped that the intro would have the very effect that you described, so your comment was especially encouraging. Thank you!


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

@Suzettenaples

Hello Suzette. What Ray experienced is one of the twists that gets a bit more involved as the story progresses. The entity protected him on that beach as best as it could, given its limitations and the circumstances. Thanks so much for your support and encouragement!

@Mcbirdbks

Hi Mike. :-) I loved the words in your comment…perceptive and creative. I only hope that the imagination is worth the reader’s time as this story continues to unfold. I feel as though I am walking that plank that you mention in the comments to your wonderful stories. Good to see you always. :-)

@Billybuc

Hello Bill. I couldn’t be happier with your comments. Your description of the opening paragraphs is exactly what I had hoped to accomplish. Thank you!


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 2 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

Loved it...I want to read the book. Can't wait for the next installment, you are an exceptional writer.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

@Nell Rose

Hi Nell. Lol. I’m sorry, but I had to end the intro somewhere, and the incident with the shower seemed to be a fitting place for the demarcation. Thanks so much for your interest, delightful comments, and votes. :-)

@Sue Adams

Thank you, Sue. I hope you continue to enjoy the story.

@Nellieanna

Hello dear Nellieanna. Your generous comment humbles me – thank you! Your words have given voice to exactly what I hoped you achieve with the narrative of the story. I have thought about this mystery for months. It required a lot of research. Without giving too much away, spirituality “resonates,” in a sense, with physics. Your comment about the illustration is amazingly apropos. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. Hugs.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

I love a great mystery, thriller and suspense all rolled into one! Genna, you are one of my favorite fiction writers here on HP. You never disappoint. Boy, do you have us anticipating your next write.

Excellent creativity here. Voted up and more, pinning, tweeting, googling and sharing

Hope you are enjoying a lovely Sunday


Cyndi10 profile image

Cyndi10 2 years ago from Georgia

Intriguing! Looking forward to reading more.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York

Genna I so love reading your works. This is a perfect example of how you, a great writer, draw us in sentence by sentence.

Of course I love Ray and Kate. Can't wait to read more.

Voted up, awesome, and interesting and shared.


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 2 years ago from Houston, Texas

You had me on the edge of my seat with this story as it progressed. I love your detailed descriptions as you told this tale. Will look forward to the next installment.


Nadine May profile image

Nadine May 2 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

Wow you took me on Ray’s journey and what an imagination! Well done! looking forward to chapter 2


Esenbee profile image

Esenbee 2 years ago from Jacksonville, Florida

I love how descriptive your writing is. I can picture every word in my mind! I love it!!


rlaha profile image

rlaha 2 years ago from Spartanburg, SC

I'm going to come back to read more. I'm curious to know what happens :)


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

wow.. I actually caught myself involved 100% in your tale.. like Jodah I can't wait to continue into the next installment..


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

@Tobusiness

Thank you for that special comment. I hope to publish a new chapter every 10 days or so. :-)

@FaithReaper

Hello Faith. It’s been a busy week! I am so grateful for your support, my friend. Thank you!

@Cyndi10

Thank you. I hope the story continues to be intriguing as it progresses.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

@Tillsontitan

Hi Mary. Thank you…I have a long way to go as a writer, but I keep working at it. It’s so good to see you!

@PeggyW

Those words made my day. Thank you, Peggy! :-)

@NadineMay

Thank you, Nadine. I appreciate your support. This is a challenging story to write, so I appreciate your kind words.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

@Esenbee

Hello and welcome! I hoped that the words would do just as you described. Thank you. :-)

@Rlaha

Hi there. I hope to see you with the next chapter. Thank you. :-)

@FrankAtancio

Hi Frank. Well, coming from one of my favorite short story fiction writers, your words of encouragement mean a lot! Thank you!


DnWW 2 years ago

Wow. I have to look for the jaw that I dropped while reading your mesmerizing tale and watching the video. I am intrigued. Is Pandion in reference to Greek Mythology? Where are you taking us, dear lady?

Dana


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Hi Dana!

Thank you for that cool comment. In answer to your question: Well…yes and no. Without giving too much away, it is referred to only in the abstract. Hugs to you and Molly. :-)


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

I looked up Pandion and saw that you can take us in several directions with the alluring title. Just back for a re-read.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Hi Mike...

Dana mentioned something the title as well. You are right in terms of possible directions. The title is used in the abstract. Good to see you, and I hope you are enjoying your weekend. :-)


Ken Snowdon 2 years ago

Your fiction like your poetry draws your audience into your work. Visuals are stunning and captivating, as I read the opening it stimulated my interest immediately. I wanted more and isn't that what a good writer wants to impart, a thirst a hunger to come back for more! You've certainly done that Genna and I can't wait to read the next and the next. I am intrigued by the paranormal and have had a few experiences myself. Although my dreams are vivid, not quite as alive as you've illustrated here, none the less they linger with me and some of my poetry come from them. Hugs my dear scribe. Voted up and shared.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Hi Ken!

Thank you for those generous comments. I only hope that this story holds interest and intrigue for readers. Hugs to you as well...dear poet. :-)


Anna Haven profile image

Anna Haven 2 years ago from Scotland

You opened right in the thick of the action, leaving us reeling, questioning and happily reading on. Great imagery and I will be back for the next instalment later.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Thank you, Anna. I appreciate the visit, and those nice comments. :-)


rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 2 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

Very intriguing and suspenseful story Genna. Will be reading the next part to see where it leads.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Thank you, Rajan. I appreciate your interest and kind comments. :-)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota

Wowsa Genna-you are so talented at writing these short story mysteries. I was completely captivated with the story line and the mysterious entity behind Ray. Loved how- you ended this first chapter with his hands being healed. I can't wait for more-Hoping you do it soon for some holiday reading this long 4th weekend.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

@Minnetonka Twin

Thank you! This story is taking more time than I thought for the research that is still unfinished in 3 segments of the 8 chapters that are fully written. The devil's in the details, my friend. I hope you are enjoying your weekend. :-)


WriterJanis profile image

WriterJanis 2 years ago from California

I started with this as I see you have part 2 and I'm anxiously off to read it.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Thank you, Janis. I appreciate your interest and thoughtful comments. :-)


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 2 years ago from California

On to the next part --holding my breath


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Hi Audrey. Thank you! :-)


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Hi Audrey. Thank you! :-)


Nadine May profile image

Nadine May 2 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

That was a very descriptive narrative about a nightmare that Ray seem to wake up with, and then to find out that it was for real? Can't wait to read the next chapter.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Thank you, Nadine! I'm pleased you enjoyed the intro. :-)


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 2 years ago from Wales

An amazing read Gemma you had me gripped all the way through.

Voting up, across and sharing.

Also wishing you a wonderful day,

Eddy.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Thank you, Eddy. Your encouragement means a lot to me. Have a wonderful weekend. :-)


Venkatachari M profile image

Venkatachari M 2 years ago from Hyderabad, India

Very thrilling story. I had to hold my breath while reaching ending and the video also added some thrill to it. Very awesome.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

@VenketachariM

Hello, welcome, and thank you! This story has been quite a challenge. Good to see you, and I appreciate your support. :-)


Rehan Ahmad profile image

Rehan Ahmad 2 years ago from Indonesia

Hello Genna! Along with excellent writing also you have great imagination.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Hi Rehan. The story is completed, but unfortunately I came up with two alternate endings. Thank you for the visit, and those kind words. Good to see you. :-)


misterhollywood profile image

misterhollywood 2 years ago from Hollywood, CA

A wonderfully magical hub! Thanks you for sharing this.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Hello Genna, how do we decide which ending? Coin toss? Short straw? Ouija board? Most compelling? Most satisfactory to you? Can it have two endings because it had feet in two realms? What about, 'best movie ending'?

Wishing you a restful weekend.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

@MisterHollywood...

Thank you for that nice comment and encouragement. :-)

@Mckbirdbks

Lol, Mike! Touche! This comment made my day. :-) I hope you are enjoying your weekend as well. It is horribly humid here which means that torrential rains and/or thunderstorms are just around the corner. Yet, winter's bitter temps are not far off so I won't complain.


misterhollywood profile image

misterhollywood 2 years ago from Hollywood, CA

Everything in your hub was new to me (seriously had not heard of the Pandion Prophecy before). VERY thought provoking. Voted up!


Billrrrr profile image

Billrrrr 15 months ago from Cape Cod

I came late to this well appointed table and though I was tardy, it was still a warm savory feast that pleased my palate; but my wrists were aching and my arms were falling off as I pitched in to help Ray dig in that gritty sand.

It reminded me of so many places where I have spent long Cape Cod summer days. (Perhaps Eastham where the treasure of the Widah still lies in the shoreline sands) Reading this, I could smell the salt, the sulphur and the sweat. FIRST RATE Genna. FIRST RATE


Genna East profile image

Genna East 15 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Thank you, Bill! I will be publishing the rest of the story this fall. It was written months ago but I haven't had the time to complete the finishing touches, having been so busy. Good to see you.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 11 months ago from Shelton

I had to read this over so I can better relate to part two.. awesome my friend


Genna East profile image

Genna East 11 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Hi Frank. Coming from one of my favorite writers, that is indeed a compliment. Thank you!


Shyron E Shenko profile image

Shyron E Shenko 11 months ago

Wow, I read the part 2 before and I am glad I did. Awesome writing.

Shyron


Genna East profile image

Genna East 11 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Thank you, Shyron! I truly appreciate you taking the time to read the story.


drbj profile image

drbj 11 months ago from south Florida

Just read this so I could better follow Part 2 that follows. Fascinating and compelling, Genna. Now I'll return to Part 2 for a better understanding.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 11 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Thank you! I hope you continue to find the story interesting.


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 11 months ago from British Columbia, Canada

I've just discovered this series. It's going to very interesting to read. This chapter is definitely intriguing!


Genna East profile image

Genna East 11 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Alicia, I appreciate your interest and kind comments. Thanks so much for taking the time read the story. Good to see you.


annart profile image

annart 10 months ago from SW England

Such a well-written piece, Genna. Sorry I'm rather late catching up on this series. I was captivated from the very beginning; your phraseology is refreshing unique.

Off to read the next one!

Ann


Genna East profile image

Genna East 10 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Thank you, Ann! :-)


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 10 months ago from Central Florida

Okay, now that I've come back to the first chapter, I see I missed it. No wonder I couldn't remember what had sent Ray to the hospital! I'm not sure where I came in on this story, but I'm heading to chapter two to see what comes next.

I don't know how you found videos to carry your story. Excellent research on your part. Or did the videos spark your muse to write the story? I'd love to hear about the creative process that brought this story to life.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 10 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

The story came first. But I will say that Zimmer's "Time" was a small part of the inspiration in that it spurred me to go ahead with a story I've wanted to write for some time. Thank you for the visit, and kind comments.


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 10 months ago from California

I fell off the wagon and had to come back and reread--onto #2


Genna East profile image

Genna East 10 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Thank you Audrey. I hope that all is well. It's good to see you. :-)


Nadine May profile image

Nadine May 10 months ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

Wow you had me glued to the screen reading your story. Was that the end? I hope not. I want to know what was in that chest? Well done


Genna East profile image

Genna East 10 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Hi Nadine. Thank you for reading the introduction, and for those lovely comments. The entire story is on the Hub. You will find a link to the next installment at the end of his introduction.


Nadine May profile image

Nadine May 10 months ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

Yes I realized that later. I was reading it a shorts story. Thanks


Genna East profile image

Genna East 10 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Thank you, Nadine. :-)


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 10 months ago from USA

I'm starting from the beginning, having seen that you have published 8 parts already. Exceedingly well written and intriguing! Headed to Part 2 now.


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 10 months ago from Dallas, Texas

Genna, this is an intriguing beginning to what is already an alluring story. I can't wait to move on to the next chapter and find out more. I thought for sure I had visited and read a few chapters. Sorry for the delay. It's new to me again if I did. Onward!


Genna East profile image

Genna East 10 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

FlourishAnyway: Thank you! I appreciate your reading this series.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 10 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

PegCole17: Hi Peg! Good to see you, and I am so pleased that you are reading Pandion. I hope you enjoy the entire story.


Billrrrr profile image

Billrrrr 9 months ago from Cape Cod

I don't know how I missed seeing this before, but I'm happy that I have discovered it. This is truly first rate Genna. It's far superior to anything I have seen recently on television. I realize that's not much of a compliment because television is a 'medium' at best! So, I will add, that the work is better than anything I have read for quite some time! I think one of the things that you do so well that I like is, writing short, powerful sentences. One of my worst faults is rolling out sentences that look like Boston streets - mazes that go on and on without really connecting to anything or going anywhere! You do not have this problem. The tight writing coupled with an absorbing plot, make this a stand out work. You and a handful of others are the only writers left on this site, which is not content to have good wordsmiths, but only wants superficial, glitzy articles that will catch the googly eyes of the search engines.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 9 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Hi Bill. Thank you for that generous comment. The sentences are shorter in the intro because i wanted to heighten the tension; they get longer as the story progresses. You are in good company with your writing style; even Pulitzer winners write in lengthy sentences...it's what the sentence conveys that counts, and you are a very, very good writer.


rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 7 months ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

Intriguing start here Genna. Can't wait to read what's up next.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 7 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Thank you, Rajan. I hope you enjoy the story; it's a bit of a roller coaster ride.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

When excellent writers present me with a fascinating story, I don't merely read. I become an invisible character within each chapter, missing nothing, following behind, aside and flying above. Whatever I find myself doing to be a part of the unfolding drama.

I see there are several chapters. I'm hooked Genna and on to the next!

Gripping and mysterious. I'm there!


Genna East profile image

Genna East 5 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

What a nice comment. Thank you so much! Hope you enjoy the rest of the story. :-)


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Hello Genna. I guess I will stop in here to say hello. That is until you begin posting another spellbinding story. Hope that is soon. Happy almost Friday to you.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 5 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Hi Mike. Your stop-ins are always welcome, and brighten my day. Thank you!


cam8510 profile image

cam8510 5 months ago from Columbus, Georgia until the end of November 2016.

Just checking in, part two awaits. Good job, Genna.


cam8510 profile image

cam8510 5 months ago from Columbus, Georgia until the end of November 2016.

Genna, I'm sharing this on my facebook page for freelance writers. I'm excited to share your story. https://www.facebook.com/cam8510/


Genna East profile image

Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA Author

Thank you! I appreciate your taking the time to read through the story and for that kind "heads-up" on Facebook. It made my day.

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