The Property Of Muntropy

The Property of Muntropy is the final and perhaps most essential test that every theory must pass before it is considered scientific law.


Totally Unrelated.
Totally Unrelated.

Other than the many large and complex calculations that go into the property of Muntropy, the property can be explained very simply as being full of variables, except for three simple constants.These three constants are very important in their descriptions, and any significant change in these will result in the whole test collapsing in on itself, in which case you will no longer have Muntropy. The whole mess will instead become a completely useless chunk of equations and a tremendous waste of time.

These three constants are:

  • The Purple Plastic Munter
  • The Banana Munter
  • The only recently discovered Totally Unrelated Munter

Dr. Horgerbag Modirmann (PhD, MFA, CTA, DF, DA, STFUGTFO~esquire.)
Dr. Horgerbag Modirmann (PhD, MFA, CTA, DF, DA, STFUGTFO~esquire.)

When the property was first happened upon by a German physicist known in his time as Horgerbag Modirmann, he did not know of the existence of the Purple Plastic Munter or the Totally Unrelated Munter, and simply tried the workings of Muntropy with Purple Bean and Banana Munters, unwittingly stumbling upon the recipe for self-aware crappachino. The property was put to rest until I stumbled onto the research for it while seeking out an arcane recipe for cheese and dundle muffinbuscuits, and ultimately took the time to try many other forms of munter in the place of Modirmann’s constants.

The Banana Munter was the one constant that seemed to fit no matter what else I tried, so I kept it, and labored diligently to find other constants over a period of several months. Finally stumbling across the idea to try the Purple Plastic Munter in the confines of Mordirmann's equations, I found that, miraculously, it fit! The final variable of the property still escaped me, but after a refreshing glass of freshly-squeezed sponge-absorbed sinkwater, it hit me like a ton of rotten cabbages.

I tried the property using the Purple Plastic Munter, The Banana Munter, and the Totally Unrelated Munter.*

Testing New Theories

In order to test a theory with the property of Muntropy, you must first obtain all of the necessary constants and place them within easy reach (and not within easy flight by motorized wheelchair over a flaming ramp, as I originally assumed.) The rest is composed entirely of variables, objects which can be not only any kind of Munter, but also non-Muntish items, Such as Squankterdoodlish, Muntranquilizistic, and Experimental Physics Muntropicish items. (I.E. Experimental Physics Muntropic Bunter, Squankterdoodle Sausage, Muntranquilistic durf, etc.) A very simple example of how all this fits together can be found further down, where there is less light, admittedly, but also therefore less clutter.

Okay, so I lied about the clutter.
Okay, so I lied about the clutter.

How Muntropy works (with gravity as an example)

Gravity is a scientific law only because it has passed the Property of Muntropy. To prove that gravity exists, here is a specially formulated experiment that you can attempt in your home or underground lair.

1. Place a Banana Munter on a firm flat surface.
2. Securely place a Purple Plastic Munter exactly thirty feet above the Banana Munter.
3. Use the Totally Unrelated Munter to keep variables from interfering with the next step.
4. Let the Purple Plastic Munter drop.

The result of the collision proves gravity as a scientific law because the Purple Plastic Munter will fall and smash the Banana Munter, spraying Banana Munter bits about the test area and most likely hitting any variables nearby, (except those that are liquid or gaseous, of course)
If gravity were not a scientific law, the Banana Munter would either fly up and smash itself against the Purple Plastic Munter, or move in another direction before the Purple Plastic Munter could fall and smash it.
The Totally Unrelated Munter has no real place in the final result, as it is totally unrelated to the final result.


  • On a lower gravity planet or underwater, the Banana Munter may not be completely smashed.

(This is where the Experimental Physics Muntropic variables come into play.) On higher gravity planets, the impact may be so great that there will only be microscopic evidence that the Banana Munter was even there. (This is where the Muntranquilistic variables come into play.)

Note: The chocolate coating of any Munter involved as a constant will not affect the final result significantly enough to make a difference, unless the Munter in question is the Purple Plastic Munter, Because it would then no longer be Purple, and this is clearly an extremely important part of the equation.

Squankterdoodlish variables may be used nearby or strapped to the top of the Purple Plastic Munter.

  • Do not conduct the following experiment in a windy area, as this will foul up the experiment, and you may end up looking very silly, dead, or both, depending on the variables being used.

It should also be noted that adding additional Munters as variables may also foul up the process, so use them sparingly. Many scientists use the property of Muntropy everyday, scientists like D.John Tard (mus) and Captain Driver Two, who cut me off on the freeway this morning with his giant white truck**

How Muntropy works (with Evolution as an example)

Sadly, there is no way for you to perform this test at home.

Historical records kept by bloggers of the time indicate that billions of years ago, a Totally Unrelated Munter somehow dropped into the primordial soup of Earth, and became the predecessor of all things Muntish, Muntranquilistic, and Muntoric. (you can learn more about Muntorics from my paper on Muntorics, but they will not be discussed further here.)

In order for this property to prove evolution, we must realize that, being the direct ancestor if all things Muntish, eventually, evolution would lead to yet another Totally Unrelated Munter, The Banana Munter, and finally, after billions of years of evolution, the Purple Plastic Munter. (The Squankterdoodlish variables come into play as the things that push change, and therefore evolution to a higher form more adapted to deal with these pressures.) Experimental Physics Muntropic calculations can be used to break all of these pressures, change, and other such effects down to very simple mathematics.

Other Munters can be used to fill in the gaps between the three constants, but it is best not to push it too far, as this will make the whole thing very complex. It is best to keep it simple. (Very simple.) So I shall endeavor to keep it less complex-esque.

This test will not work on robots or inanimate objects as they never evolve without the assistance of the almighty and righteous Hand of God, (and the Banana Munter cannot be robotic or else you get a whole jumble of worthless equations.)

To test this completely and fully, you would have to conduct it over a period of several billion years, and science has not been around that long (at least in its modern capacity) so, there has not yet been time to fully test Evolution using Muntropy, though there is evidence to prove it has happened, such as the fossilized remains of a Banana Munter found in the Neander Valley in Germany and an even older Mauve Keratin Munter that has only recently been discovered on a tiny isle off the northern coast of California.

Conclusion (What this all means)

As you can see, Pablo Neruda Picasso was guilty of perhaps everything but the crime of celerity. Individuals involved in the cheese hiest of 1812 can attest to the involvement of some very large goats that were seen sneaking about in the dark, plotting the downfall of the great white (ubermensch) race. Rest assured, however, that whenever someone belches, we here at AFK (ltd.) will not be around to hear it.

-Dr. Dave F Bird, (Official Food Dude) Lancaster, FR.

Additional Notes:

*Note that it is very important not to confuse the Totally Unrelated Munter with the Neutral Munter, because if the Neutral Munter is used in place of the Totally Unrelated Munter, it will spark a chemical reaction and will turn all of your hard work into literally five kilotons of slimy, rotten mattresses. Trust me, I found this out the hard way.

** Studies suggest that large trucks (specifically those that are white, red, are jacked up, equipped with large tires and/or are traveling at high speeds down the freeway in what is termed as a BFR condition) are in fact compensatory devices, used by those who drive them to make up for the unusually small size of their drivers' generative organs. Experiments preformed by Masters and Johnson show that men who drive beat up old imported cards spraypainted with Krylon (and at speeds much closer to the speed limit) generally have prodigious generative organs, and are preferred by women three to one in semi-clinical trials. See this study: (Blue Valkyrie)

***Of course, if you truly believe any of this, then you are probably a hairy dundle, and should not be permitted within 2.5 [and a half] feet of any active Nigerian connections. It was all invented as a sort of Turkish (perhaps Armenian or Galtish) satire on both the politics of the modern day (whenever you happen to be reading it) and the state of the poultry industry.

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mike  7 years ago


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