The Ragamuffin Journal: Fleeting Interests Part 1

Left with an open wound
Left with an open wound

Good-Bye to Fickle Love

I admit I am not the most experienced at relationships. In fact, I may be one of the more inexperienced for my age group. I have only had two relationships in my life, which I will share about at a later time. I am glad I have little relationship experience. Somehow, I feel more whole, not chewed up and spit out, used, and unwanted. Even so, I am still a ragamuffin and I have some boy meets girl stories to share.

I haven’t always felt like that my inexperience in the relationship department is boast worthy. In fact, I have at times felt ashamed by it. One guy, whom I had briefly dated in college, actually decided he didn’t want me because it had been so long since I had been in a “real relationship.” I will share more about him later, but for now, what is a real relationship? Bearing each others burdens, sharing life’s moments for better AND for worse, laughing together, crying together, growing together spiritually, emotionally, mentally, maintaining that fondness you have for each other even when geographical distance tries to limit it. I am really good at being a friend, and I have had my friends for over a decade now, some shorter, some longer. I’ve lived with some of my best friends and even after the experience I have been able to maintain that closeness with them. This should say something about having real relationships.

It seems rather illogical to me, but people actually believe that being in previous relationships that obviously ended in brokenness, damage, severe pain, rejection, verbal and sometimes even physical abuse makes them more whole. Sure there are lessons that were learned from the experience. But the question is not what you learned as a result of that relationship, but did that relationship play in irreplaceable role in your life? In other words, could you have learned those lessons without all the damage? Must you be in a relationship to learn those lessons? I think that provided you are paying attention in life, lessons can be learned without such abuse to yourself. Than there’s the argument, “Even though the pain, I have so many wonderful memories that outweigh. I have no regrets.” Good for you, and those memories are always going to be cherished by you. However, there may be moments that you shared with one person that will no doubt be resented and even envied by the next person. Don’t cast your pearls before the swine.

At about 19, after two relationships, I was done with the dating scene, and I meant it, until about half way through my 23rd year on the planet. For 5 years I said good-bye to fickle love and I dedicated my time and energy to loving and trusting God. I was productive. 

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