The Real Me- Poem

I walk the crowded streets,
Searching for comfort I so badly need.


Whispers of Hi's and Hello's follow me.
I'm surrounded by people,yet I feel so incomplete.


Laughter, giggles and voices so loud.
Fail to affect me, just like the passing cloud.


'Strong' & 'Independent' is how I'm defined.
Ignorant are those who believe I've no insecurities;
Who believe I'm always on cloud nine.


Smile, I do, To hide the pain inside my broken heart.
Like any other I'm scared too; I'm scared of falling apart.


"Here comes our happy-go-lucky-girl" they say.
Unaware of the pain I feel night and day.


They ask "What does she know about the anguish of a broken heart?"
Oblivious they are to the fact my heart was brutally ripped apart.


"Loss and pain are anonymous to her" they judge.
Unaware that my parents are dead and I miss them so much.


"She has loads of friends and well wishers" they pry.
They ain't here to comfort me When I sit alone and cry.


"Why this fakeness and disguise?" they ask again.
I can't stop these tears from flowing when I remove this mask of pretence.


'Beautiful', 'charming' and 'confident' is How I appear to be.
'Shattered', 'betrayed' and 'broken' is the girl inside me.


Don't judge me by what you see-Your vision is limited to what I wanna show.
Love me with all your care- The insides of my heart you'll know.



© Copyright Hajira Ehsan

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Comments 34 comments

bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

Hajira, a lovely yet distressing poem.

It is so unfortunate that so much of all of us is hidden inside. I suppose it is why we write, you and I.

You have so tragically lost your parents and my parents have tragically lost me through their own choices. I so try not to hate, but I more powerfully have been blessed with a soul mate of 32 years and a wonderful son. But, unfortunately, we are alone, although we are so powerfully happy together. But even in that, I struggle with my own demons inside.

Perhaps it's the void inside from what I have lost, including a beautiful child, but I find myself tormented by emotions and confusion as to how those emotions manifest themselves.

I find myself longing to help others, but no real clue how to connect with them. I want so badly to bring something good to this world, but struggle with my own inabilities to make that happen...yet.

I guess that's the bottom line for you and me - we cannot and will not ever give up. We grow stronger every day and someday we will make a difference.

The insides of your heart I do know.

Much love (and a big hug);).

Will


chaitra 5 years ago

baby its high time you threw all that crap called pain outta ya heart, as that's wad i feel,

I'm der fa you, no matter what. Whenever you need.

Lotsa love. Mwah


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

That's the way of true loss... Sometimes you have to hide it, or you do fall apart. And then, all your "well wishers" just happen to be too busy to help you get yourself together again.


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 5 years ago from Texas

Beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing.


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

@Will- I'm sorry you had to face the death of a child and falling out with parents is excruciating.. But I'm glad you found your Love in your soul mate..

You are right! No matter what we do or how happy we are otherwise, the demons of the past continue to haunt us for the rest of our lives... The only thing we can do is close our eyes, be strong and hope that we'll survive the innumerable storms of life...

Thanks for letting me know a part of your story...

Blessings and smiles ;))))

@Chaitra- I know I should let go of this pain but its really really hard to do.. Someday I know I will accomplish but until then I just hope I survive..

I know if there is one person I can count on its You..

Thanks for always being there ;)) Love you loads


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

@Twilight- Friends and well wishers are there but they can never actually fill the empty space in your heart or the loss. Sometimes the pain is so much that you can't even bear to think about it. Just one thought of it would let the storm of unendurable pain drown you..

Thanks for stopping by ;)

@A.A.Zavala- Thank u for reading .. ;)

Blessings...


whogives 5 years ago

You are an incredible writer. I am touched.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago

You are so lovely that one would assume in passing that you are carefree on a different level. But, we are all complex personalities. This is really nicely done. God bless!


puresilence profile image

puresilence 5 years ago from New Delhi

It made me cry.. awesome.. thanks for sharing


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

@Who gives- Thank u for taking out your time and reading this ;) Be Blessed!

@Micky Dee- 'Carefree' and 'free-spirited' we all are.. But life turns us from simple to complex personalities.. But I guess its upto us how we manage our way out..

You are always so kind.. Thanks for reading ;)

[{Smiles}]

@puresilence- Never knew my words could have that effect on someone, Thank u ;) You just made my day!!

Take care


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

No ones knows the internal strife that lives within many of us, we radiate on the outside a different image quite often from what's hurting us so deep inside.

These are some of the reasons that writers write, to bare their soul, to show their love, to find comfort in listening ears. Keep showing LOVE and kindness, LOVE will find you in return, it finds you on it's own time. Hugs


Stigma31 profile image

Stigma31 5 years ago from Kingston, ON

It seems people today all hide themselves. People that talk a lot are considered outgoing, yet most of them do it to hide their insecurities. People that are quiet (like me) are considered to be the ones are introverts. Everything I say I say for a reason, not just to babble. I, also, have the outward appearance of always being happy. The smart ones know what we are doing. The one that don't generally don't care. You are an amazing person, always rememebr that, live will give back someday, and you will be happy.


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

@Saddler- Very true..! No one knows the internal on-goings of a person and more often than not, we mistake the outer appearance to be the real thing.

From pain springs beauty, atleast for a writer.

Thank you for your kind words, Much appreciated!!

Blessings and smiles


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

@Stigma- Yes, people often judge us by what their eyes see rather than for what we actually are.. Just because You and I seem happy doesn't mean we've no hurdles or problems in life.. Fools are those who think otherwise..

Thanks for taking out your time and reading this poem.. I appreciate the interaction ;)

Keep smiling always ;)


Plarson profile image

Plarson 5 years ago from Alabama

Beautiful piece. It is a shame we all live hidden lives full of silent tears cried in the dark. -Paul


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

Thank u Paul ;) And yes tears are often cried in the dark..

Take care


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota

So powerful and eloquent, it got me very choked up. You and I have a lot in common with loss of parents and the pain and lonliness that can bring. We are survivors and thank goodnes for the writing to open our souls and let out the feelings. Blessings to you always my friend.


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

Loss of parents is the hardest thing anyone can go through.. But I'm glad both u and I came out of it in one piece, all sane and still going strong.. It has helped us value what we have and taught us the much needed lessons..

Yes Linda , writing is soo healing..

Words are all I've got to over come the pain without succumbing to it..

Take care and keep smiling always :)


4elements profile image

4elements 5 years ago

Thought this was awesome, the depth of pain you shared is overwelming, It is hard when all people do is look at the outside and never inquire about what's going on on the inside.


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

@4elements- Yes its always hard when your loved ones and friends look right into your eyes and yet fail to see the Pain beneath them. But I guess since we are born alone and die alone, we will have to bear the pain in silence and solitude too...

Thanks for stopping by...

Take care and keep smiling always :)))


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana

You are ahead of the game in seeing your emotions for what they are. You aren't hiding from yourself. Kudos for that!

I think you may find, in time, that you are BOTH the fun-loving, outgoing person, and the woman with deep inner turmoil. They make you who you are. A strong, beautiful person.... with a LOT of creativity and talent.

This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing. :)


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

@Sue- WOW, thanks for this beautiful comment!! Your words make me feel so much better about the person I've turned out to be..

Thanks again for stopping by :)

Take care and keep smiling always :)


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Dear Hajira Ehsan,

Is it proper to just call you Hajira? I was very touched by your honesty in this poem. It is pain I know too well. It is easier to hide behind a smiling face sometimes. I have not lost parents but have gone through other losses that took a piece of me. You are beautiful and stronger than you may think. Through what you have endured, it will one day help others. Such is the circle of life. May God Bless you.

Sunnie


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

Hi Sunnie

Yes, you can call me by my first name, it makes me feel like we know each other a lot better.

Loss of any kind is excruciating; I truly hope your wounds heal and you get back the part of u that was left behind..

We all have, at some point of our lives pretended to be someone we were not; we sometimes hide our tears and decieve others by an all-time-smiling-face even though the person inside us is miserable all the time. Sometimes we wear the mask to save ourselves from falling apart and sometimes it is for the sake of our loved one's..

Thanks for your kind words and your concern.. M touched..

Much love

Take care:)


michael's son profile image

michael's son 5 years ago from the mazes of minds

This poem, although the sylable coherence may be questionable, has a deep soul to it. One that should not come from someone so young, yet as young as you may be I am only 21 myself and I know of the hardships that you speak. I have not yet witnessed the passing of my parents fortunately but life has a way of kicking you when your down but when life kicks you, it should not be percieved as a reason to stay down, rather it is a reason for one to get back up and show this life exactly what we are made of. And to the mask I will say this: When we are burnt by lovers, the answer to our problem is not to become inflammable, rather we should look within ourselves and see the pain for what it is and embrace it and know that someday, somebody will come along who won't drop the Iron and run so that those two may forge something beautiful together. I have seen the case of the broken mask all too many times before, and you my lovely friend need not hide behind a mask, you are beautiful and you should not let anyone ever tell you otherwise, even yourself. With love and light- Michael's son


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

@Michael's son- I Know I shouldn't be feeling such strong emotions but I hope that's not a bad thing?

You made a good point, No matter what life does to put us down, getting back on our toes is what matters and I'll surely keep that in mind.

Thank you so much for your valuable advices. I know they'll help me get through the tough times. And as for the syllable coherence, I'm working on learning it..

Thanks again :)

Keep smiling :)


hamada 5 years ago

je ne sui pas aton avie tabon mkon mzarab


jami l. pereira 5 years ago

Voted up , awesome and beautiful , and i love the photo ! Beautiful,beautiul beautifully sad and lovely poem ! great work! :)


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 5 years ago from India,bangalore Author

Thank you Hamada and Jami :)


someone 4 years ago

if your life was so miserable how can you post this wonderful poem u made?


Cracknutcase profile image

Cracknutcase 4 years ago from India,bangalore Author

@Someone(??)- The beauty of words often comes through pain and heartache. I, for one can't write anything unless I really feel about it and my life had taken a downswing when I wrote this.

Thanks for reading..

Have a nice day ahead!


James-wolve profile image

James-wolve 4 years ago from Morocco

Once again I am impressed,This is beautiful.It reminds me somehow of a song called Every boody s fool by Evanescence.Sometimes people try to smile when they feel like (...)to avoid answering such annoying questions and also to hide sadness because there are some people stalking in shade waiting the moment when you fall so as to get out to laugh at you and make you moredown.

Despite of this, I think,if you cry when you are sad doesn't mean ur weak ! it means that you are true.

I voted up.


ifeoma obidike profile image

ifeoma obidike 3 years ago

your poem opened a wound that is almost healed. sometimes in life its good to remember the past bc it determines the present. as i was reading your poem i could'nt stop crying until the last word. it reminds me of my lost childhood days.


duncan 2 years ago

may i use this poem for a school project? no distribution just showing my teacher

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