The Reason - A Poem

courtesy of neatorama
courtesy of neatorama

11/10/11

My love was true
& worth the war that I must face
When he was here
All of the world's stains were erased

I had all the good & none of the bad
Until the day his soul was called away in the night
& an empty vessel lay by my my side
& my heart was ripped out at the first morning light

I wonder why God bothered making me strong
Why bother making me unafraid to face a fight
Just to let me lay here not knowing something was wrong
Even if I couldn't save him I'ld hold him, guide him, say goodbye & its alright

But those were gifts that were not granted to me
& I don't understand what the reason would be

I would have loved to walk with him
Up the stairs & to the gate
Then let him know that I'd come back down
Where I can raise a child and wait

I would have let him know that we'ld live life
Just like we planned
Loving, growing, smiling, laughing, &
Seeing all the sights at hand

Instead I'm rendered useless
Under the venomous sting of grief
Too sad to sleep, too weak to eat
& learning nothing except to weep

These are the gifts that were granted to me
& I don't understand what the reason would be.

The Reasons Why - The Cure

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Comments 13 comments

JinnyMarte 5 years ago

Wow. How can I start? First let me extend my heart to you for this are words that really moved me. It is never easy to cope with events like this, that come to us so suddenly and leave us confused and sad many times. I feel for you in this poetry that mirrors your heart so clearly. It is indeed a very brave move to let your heart pour out here for us to see. I commend you for this. Your words are still beautiful for they express a pure love that is very uncommon nowadays. You have my respect and admiration and I will be so glad to start following your work.

With kind regards, JinnyMarte


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 5 years ago from South Carolina

I so agree with everything JinnyMarte has said already and my heart goes out to you and your daughter as you struggle through this loss.

The poem is powerful and a tribute to the love you had for your husband, poignant in the unanswered questions and still fresh grief. And beautiful in your resolve to continue making life as good as possible for your daughter.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 5 years ago from Central Florida Author

JinnyMarte, It is very nice to meet you. I appreciate you taking the time to read my work and comment on it. I am honored that you have decided to follow me. It is hard for me to talk to those close to me, so writing is my therapy. Those who know me admit that it is difficult to see me or to even know my story. I save them the awkwardness by pouring myself into word and praying that this eases a bit since I know that it will not ever be over for me.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 5 years ago from Central Florida Author

Happyboomernurse, it is always nice to see familiar faces here. Thank you again for commenting. Sometimes I think that words are not enough. Seeing how much you felt them helps a lot.


Fennelseed profile image

Fennelseed 5 years ago from Australia

Moms-secret, I relate to your beautifully sad poem so well and your description of grief having a 'venomous sting' is exactly how it feels. It is so unfair that you have had this heartache thrust upon you and it is hard to understand. I am so glad that writing is helping and is giving you a focus. It won't take the pain away but it will provide a safe place to channel all the hurt. Keep writing and we on hubpages will keep reading and offering our support. My heartfelt wishes to you.


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Your heartache is so touching. I grieve for you and your dear daughter. I am praying for an easing of your torment and that the tears will stop. The beauty of your soul shines through in this poem. Amid the desolation is a loving free spirit longing to be whole. I will keep reading and supporting you here until you no longer need me.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 5 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hello Fennelseed,

I am so happy that you continue to read my works and happier still that you can relate to it. I hope above everything else that your heart is 'healing' although as you said before we will always remain scared. Thank you so much for all your support and for commenting.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 5 years ago from Central Florida Author

Becky Kratz,

Thank you for yet another heartfelt comment full of prayers and thoughtful wishes. I never thought in a million years that I would receive such love from an online writing group. The tears for me are mostly on the inside. I have no choice but to control them even tho it is not recommended to hold them in. They trigger migraines for me and I am not able to function with them. It is weird but it is a small blessing to have to control my migraines. So they only leak out a bit at a time, but I do not allow myself to be overtaken by the emotions that exist.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 5 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Moms-secret,

Just checking in to say HI. This was just so raw and out of your heart. I have been there for really different reasons. Keep it flowing out of your pen... one day your daughter will want to read some of your words. Please keep them for her as well... you will keep forming your bond so much closer with her/ she will keep you going when you think you surely cannot.... Tight hugs, mar.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 5 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you for the cyber hugs Mar. I really appreciate them. I would love to share this with her once she is older. Yesterday I found her on curled up on the shower floor asking why. It is not an easy thing for either of us and I do not have the answers she longs for. Hugs are like fuel in these situations...


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Moms-secret, it is a new day and I am here to offer my love and prayers to you and your dear daughter again. Tell her that people all over the world are praying for you both and giving their love. Children know God better than we do sometimes.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 5 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Moms-Secret,

Again for really different reasons, I have very young great niece and nephew that have been witness to tragedy that elders should not see... I do understand why your sweet angel has the maturity to question why at this tender age. My dear, you will feel when she is ready for your written and your spoken words. Your instincts are already amazing. The beauty of virtual hugs is that they never go away, so consider mine forever, mar.


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

My heart aches for you and your daughter, there is so much pain and love in your poem.

The'sting of grief' I know that feeling so well...

Keep writing, we will keep reading and I know you will keep getting stronger.

My best wishes and hugs, MM

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