The Stake Out

If you enjoyed the stake out.. you'll enjoy The Cadet. Click below

http://frankatanacio.hubpages.com/hub/Brooklyn-Cadets#

In the last hour,

So many faces would pile,

But none fitting the profile,

It was boredom at its best,

As they parked on the corner,

Facing west,

It was a summer heat,

On a busy street,

Under the car sat a pool of water,

Condensation from a running air conditioner,

And a low humming sound,

Their radio crackled,

Followed by a ten-four,

On the ground,

Just under the driver’s door,

Was a pile of cigarette butts,

Some burning on the asphalt floor,

And weeds hanging on to dear life

By the roots,

Inside the car two middle aged men

Dressed in black suits,

Occupied the front seats,

Listening to the classic beats,

And nothing was looking up,

On the dashboard there was a Styrofoam

Coffee cup,

A doughnut that looked molded,

And a newspaper unfolded,

Nothing happened that day,

But their orders were to stay,

And luck just didn’t go their way,

Boredom would grow,

As their suspect was a no-show,

This was what the stake-out

Was all about.

© 2013 Frank Atanacio

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Comments 36 comments

SandCastles 3 years ago

So police officers still do stake-outs? I'd notice if I saw two men sitting in a car for long periods of time. Even when I go for walks with my dog, when I pass a car, I can't help but look in the window to make sure nobody is sitting in the car.

I went to a 7-11 once to fill up and saw these two men parked outside. I decided to eat my snack by the gas pumps before filling up. I wasn't in a hurry. These two men just sat there with the car idling. The cashiers could not see them. It was suspicious. I filled up and they were still there after I paid. They just sat there and then as I was about to leave they drove right past my vehicle and stared at me in my window before driving off. They went up the street and then did a u-turn and sped down the street. Thankfully, a police car drove into the lot seconds later.

Good, descriptive poem.


LaThing profile image

LaThing 3 years ago from From a World Within, USA

Wonderful, and such thorough depiction of a scene..... You are a true writer! Awesome read, Frank! Voting up and away..... :)

Take care


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you sandcastles for that share and Lathing you're just too good to me bless you both :)


Cyndi10 profile image

Cyndi10 3 years ago from Georgia

...and so your fantastic imagination and way with words continues. Isn't it funny that police stakeouts and criminal stakeouts look just as suspicious, as pointed out by Sandcastles. I'm not sure if I would go and investigate or just get out of the area quickly. Except if they were parked in my neighborhood. I would have to investigate somebody just sitting then and have done asked before. Most of the time it's the Cable guy, without the Cable guy truck since they're mostly private contractors now. :-)


Vincent Moore 3 years ago

Frank you are one of the few poets I find to place himself in character, you always deliver with a punchline, the reader is captivated throughout your stories, just as you favoured us with this amazing visual piece. I've seen a few stake outs in my time, when living in the mean streets. They always amused me, wathcing as usually two or three men sat in their car, fidgeting, listening, watching, eating, laughing ectera, ecetera:0)

Thoughts ran through my mind as I read your words, for some reason I thought you were going to end it with a horrific end, when the two men at the last second of their lives, heard or possible saw the click and a spark of a bomb going off as them and their stale doughnut and foam cups blew up in the air along with their black suits. Just sayin, its my twisted mind acting up here. Great poem my friend, I felt the impact. Voted up, tweeted and shared.


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

It was suspenseful and like Vincent I expected to see them still or stiffs at the end. Your poetry is always a surprise though so I am glad we can't guess the ending. Very good.


xstatic profile image

xstatic 3 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

Really well done story of how a lot of stakeouts go, so I have read. The tension and the boredom are palpable.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you so Much Cyndi, Jackie and Vincent for your wonderful comments :)


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you too X-man for visiting :)


justateacher profile image

justateacher 3 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

Very descriptive...I can see the characters sitting all day while nothing of importance happened...I agree with Vincent...thought there would be a twist at the end...you keep us on our toes!


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 3 years ago from California

You are mastered the art of telling a tale in these pieces Frank--really well done!


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 3 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

Frank, you have a gift for this style of writing, you can create highly charged tension even when nothing much is happening. Great write.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

bless you Justateacher, Audrey and tobusiness and thank you for the visit :)


Valleypoet 3 years ago

Your eye for detail is second to none Frank....the boredom, the car's overworked cooling system, discarded cigarette butts, the stale doughnut and the coffee cup....you know how to create your scene my friend...very nicely done:-))


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

Your words vividly paint the picture in one's mind so well of a stake out. I felt I was there, and could even smell the smells of the scene . . . great writing as always dear Frank!

Voted up +++ and sharing

God bless. In His Love, Faith Reaper


dghbrh profile image

dghbrh 3 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

The description is so strong and the story unfolded more like a dynamic scene then a poem. Wonderful job as always. Votes all up way and I am sharing sure. Take care and thanks for sharing this one Frank.


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 3 years ago from San Francisco

Bravo. This really put you there and draws you in. Congratulations and thank you.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

dghbrh thank you so much and thank you too Mhatter


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

and thank you so much Valleypoet..:) and Faith for supporting my Stake-out :) Frank


Storytellersrus profile image

Storytellersrus 3 years ago from Stepping past clutter

haha, I can visualize it all. Love the detail, Frank!


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 3 years ago from Dallas, Texas

The tedium of a stakeout was well described here, Frank. Right down to the details of the stale donut, dripping air conditioner and burning weeds under the car. Like being there. You know I love the details. (Just the Facts Ma'am).

It made me think of Mel Gibson staking out Julia Roberts' apartment since seeing Conspiracy Theory. Before that, it was Richard Dreyfus and Emelio Estevez in Stakeout, the movie.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

lol thanks Story for staking out with me and thank you too Pegcole and yes.. just the facts ma'am :)


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 3 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Just great. You got me in that car and made me want to get out for fresh air. Reminded me of all those old police shows.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

thank Gyspy for checking out the stake-out :)


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 3 years ago from Guildford

A brilliant way to tell a story - fabulous.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you Acaetnna :)


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

Good imagery to describe the summer heat. What's up doc?


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

LOL whats up doc? LOL stupid... thank for the smile :)


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

you or me? lol..


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you for the smile silly..:


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

silly rabbit, tricks are for kids. lol.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

then I am forever five baby-girl :)


btrbell profile image

btrbell 3 years ago from Mesa, AZ

Great poem! I keep seeing your name in the comment sections of other hubs I follow and just had to come by and see one on my own! Thank you!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you btrbell :) Ill return the favor now


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 3 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Gee I thought I commented earlier and I don't see it.. great poem Frank..

always good at these poems with CSI AND LAW AND ORDER.. my kind of TV SHOWS and my kind of hubs

voted up

Debbie


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you so much Our Dear Ms Brooks :)

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