The Strange Specialty: (Flash Fiction)

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One day I was out hunting. I had with me my favorite weapon. A sawed-off shotgun. Silver with a mother-of-pearl stock. Ergonomic grip. Luxurious texture. It was the kind of implement that, whenever I was holding it, felt, somehow, like it was holding me in return. I call her Lucille.

I was walking along, letting chance show me my quarry. Then I heard the sound: a kind of syncopated honking and squealing. I got into a crouch, cautious, for there are dangers in the wicked woods. All of my senses electrically alive, I went in search of the source of the sound.

I made my way through the brush and found it. And what I found were two enormous, wild pigs doing it! I was but a couple of yards away, but under the circumstances, they took no notice of my presence. They had far more immediate, ecstatically urgent business to attend to.

I put my lips on Lucille and whispered: "That's quick work, girl. Here's dinner!"

I crept a little closer, aimed, and prepared to squeeze the trigger. But then a thought occurred to me. "You cad!" it said. "Let them have their moment."

I obeyed my better judgment and hung back and waited. I watched them doing it, almost reverently. My patience was rewarded.

When they were finally finished, when they had at last disengaged themselves, just as they had completely separated their bodies... I ran up close and shot both animals in the head. Tore half their faces off. Never knew what hit them.

I stood over them and said: Thank You and Your Welcome.

"Thank You," I said because of the sacrifice the two beasts had just made so that my kind could go on living.

"Your Welcome," I said because I had forever frozen them in time, in the time of life's most supreme triumph, the victory of pleasure over pain.

I had an epiphany. From that day forward, whenever feasible, I liked to take my prey in coupling pairs like this.

Wild pigs. Deer. Bears. Humans...

I am always deliberate. I am always patient. I am always respectful, indeed reverent. I am always polite.

I never forget to say "Thank You," and "Your Welcome."

The End.

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4 comments

Availiasvision profile image

Availiasvision 23 months ago from California

Looks like you have the beginnings of the next great fictional psychopath. The best Antagonists are the ones that have a perfectly rational reason for their irrational behavior.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 23 months ago from Shelton

crazy my friend.. humans too? damn im gonna lock my windows and doors next time im in that state of flexibility...LOL the only Lucille I want around will be telling me whose ur mama? LOL


wingedcentaur profile image

wingedcentaur 23 months ago from That Great Primordial Smash UP of This and That Which Gave Rise To All Beings and All Things! Author

@Availiasvision: Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. Your kind compliment does me a great honor indeed! Thanks again.

Take care. :)


wingedcentaur profile image

wingedcentaur 23 months ago from That Great Primordial Smash UP of This and That Which Gave Rise To All Beings and All Things! Author

@Frank Atanacio: Did I throw you for a loop, there? Good! Thank you for saying so.

Take it easy. :)

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    William Thomas (wingedcentaur)245 Followers
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    The first step is to know what you do not know. The second step is to ask the right questions. I reserve the right to lean on my ignorance.



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