Why Wont They Leave?
I am walking around the house just as I have done for many years. There are parts that I love and parts that I wish were different. I should have changed things when I had the chance, but I suppose I will get used to them this way. Other parts need to change and soon. I will have to see what I can do about it.
The living room has always been my favourite and it is there that I return to time and time again. The soft feel of the chair as I sit down is always a joy. The night time is always the best time to see things in a special way. Not being able to sleep means there is so much time to fill and plenty of time to reminisce.
I try to remember how long I have lived here. We moved in shortly after we married. They were the happiest times, especially once the children arrived. How quickly they grew up and left home, but that's how it should be. I see them as often as I can and to see their children growing is as good as anything else I remember.
Losing Roberto was a blow. That was when my life first started to change. I took it badly and slowly I suppose I withdrew from a lot of the people I knew. Luckily they understood and I have been back in touch with them. I still feel a little left out, but you cant have everything.
It was unnerving at first when other people started to appear in the house, but I soon got used to it and manage to live alongside them. I have my night time walks when I can pretend there is still just me. Quite why they hang around when they are not wanted I don't know, but they are still here. There is a special place for all of us and surely they should be going to theirs.
I wish there was something that I could do to make them move on, but just when I decide it is best, I think that I might be lonely again. They have some strange ways and seem to have a selection of items purchased just to annoy me. The loud machine they keep using must be unnecessary. It was fine to use horses to travel so I don't see why they need to be different. The blocks that they have in their hands that just keep screaming and demanding attention cant do anything to help them. And do they know how stupid they look wandering around the room talking to themselves? My son in law has one so I suppose they must have a use.
I also hate the way they talk about me as if I am not there. That is just rude and yet no one chides anyone who does it. "Its moved the curtain" they say when I look into the garden "It left the books out again" if I forget to return the book to the library.
I lie back on the settee and try to think about my past, but things are getting muddled. How long is it since Roberto died? My mind is not as good as it was. I reach over and pick up the newspaper. However hard I stare at the date it looks the same. Tuesday February 1st 2011. That cannot be right. Roberto will have been dead for 90 years. How old will that make me? I was born in 1866 so I will be ....145. That cant be right. Slowly it begins to dawn on me.
Its me who needs to leave.
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