The Treacherous Journey

forward ~

This is my first ever short story. I'd never really considered writing a short story before, I feared they had to be too clever, too pungent, too literary for my meager abilities, but a friend recently suggested I try it - so, please be honest, but kind.


The Treacherous Journey

As he, very purposely, sat down he clasped his hands together and lowered his head - he was compelled to stop and think before he took one more step. This was his very first endeavor at such a journey. Because so many others had braved this adventure before him, he knew there were hardships, for some even great peril, and he could even now, at the outset, sense some of what was ahead preparing to assault him . . . but he knew still, it was the unknown that gave him pause, that constrained him to sit, and consider well his very first steps.


While he had behind him some who shared with him an interest that he make this journey, some who even encouraged him on, he himself wasn't sure what his own interest was. He was not really the adventurous type but was nearly always content - not actually cheerful or even happy all the time, but contented, satisfied, at peace. Now he found himself confronting a task, a chore that he had to deliberate over. Knowing there was some manner of treachery ahead, but not knowing exactly what it was, should he go 'this' way or 'that', should he start off slowly or just plunge headlong into the unknown, should he try to construct from the accounts of those who had gone on before him a path to follow or might he find more success heeding his own inclinations as he went?

And what was 'success', what was he interested to accomplish? His community was not under attack, there was not a necessity that he leave the comfort and safety of his home and step further and further into this adventure - but it did seem to him advantageous to his community that some make this journey and it seemed to him a sad detriment to the community if those 'some' didn't. But what plagued him, even now as he pondered his course ahead and began plotting his first steps, was the giant question - was he one of that 'some' . . ? What was he doing here, how did he get here, what made him think that he was well-equipped to make this journey?

He was not so fearful of the unknown that stretched-out before him, the particular hardships and peril that others had reported battling on this adventure - his fear was the unknown within, the great question of ability, of proficiency, of competency . . . not how would he face the demons ahead, but would he have to face them, would he even be confronted with the hardships and peril that others had to overcome or be defeated by, would he even be counted worthy of their attention and assaults?

As he rose to his feet, his contemplation rewarded, he was leaving behind the commotion of the unknown for the surety of the familiar, turning to head home he could sense he was returning to that place of contentment, he could sense, if only a minor and inconsequential accomplishment, he had accomplished his task, he had made the journey, he had triumphed in his adventure - walking away from his desk, he had written his first short story.


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Comments 13 comments

bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 4 years ago from Central Florida

Bravo, Mickey! You've taken your first step out of your comfort zone and I, for one, enjoyed travelling with you.

Short stories aren't easy to write, but sometimes what flows from your mind, through your pen and onto paper ends up that way without meaning to go in that direction. It's called creativity and you have that, my friend. You are one of the first I've followed on HubPages, and frankly I missed you! I'm glad to see you back. So far, since your re-emergence, I've seen poetry and now a short story come from your corner in our community.

I like what I see and will continue to look forward to what's next!


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and interesting. LOL 'Cause at one point I got so wrapped up in your words that I thought were it me and there were so many in decisions and doubts and I was really taking an actual journey somewhere I'd turn around and run back home. Then came your brilliant finish. Bravo.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa

Wow! Now this is excellent Flash Fiction - a genre on its own with criteria that differs from the short story.

Captivating beginning... well plotted... Excellent intrigue... you've successfully grabbed the reader's attention and held it to the end.

Bravo, Mickey!

And I love the message.... :)


MickeySr profile image

MickeySr 4 years ago from Hershey, Pa. Author

bravewarrior ~ thank you again, you are always a great encouragement to me . . . I do appreciate it.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 4 years ago from Central Florida

I'm glad you feel so, Mickey. You are one of my favorites and always will be. We have music in common and I love your spiritual soul. I'm really glad to see you being active again. You're part of my beginning on this site. You have a special place in my heart!


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Excellent short story I felt you you have always wrote it sounded so natural.. write more so I can read.. I love it

debbie


MickeySr profile image

MickeySr 4 years ago from Hershey, Pa. Author

Gypsy & Martie - thanks so much for reading this and for your favorable comments . . . Martie, what's the distinction between flash fiction and short story, and how long has flash fiction been around (I mean as flash fiction)?


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa

Hi Mickey, Flash Fiction is a relative new concept to a short piece of writing flashing a moment of insight in a specific issue. Short story has a specific criteria - rules... You will find them all over the web - just google 'how to write a short story' and also, if you want to know more about Flash Fiction, just ask Mr. Google. You may enjoy the challenges provided by both genres.


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

Arrived here from Maria's interview with you. This is an excellent story that carries all the intrigue and mystery to the end. Very well written and I enjoyed the read.

Flash fiction

http://www.flash-fiction-world.com/what-is-flash-f...


momster profile image

momster 4 years ago

That is very good. Very well written and keeps the reader going to the end. That is how I was when I was writing my few hubs. I was not sure what I was doing and if I wanted to. I know I do not do the best in writing and was unsure if what I write would be interesting to others. I finally got there. Great Job.


MickeySr profile image

MickeySr 4 years ago from Hershey, Pa. Author

Deborah - thank always for your perpetual encouragement.


Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

Jo_Goldsmith11 2 years ago

This is just amazing! I felt like I was right there in the room. Just wonderful!

I shared, and voted this up! I love your strong intro as well as the way you unfolded the thoughts of someone who found courage to write the very first story.

It is really inspiring!

I would like to share that this amazing article has won the Gold Award for our Flash Fiction category! Congratulations. :-)


MickeySr profile image

MickeySr 2 years ago from Hershey, Pa. Author

Jo ~ thank you very much for the generous review and the kind words.

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