The Wonderful Wizard of Reno...Part 7

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Friends Don't Friends When Drunk. Wait...?


Would you enter the freeway from an off-ramp? Of course not...You would be going against traffic and you would look Drunk as the "F" word. I’m not a lawyer...I’m not sure...But you don’t want that.

I am the Author of this fanciful Tale and I can say that I would be lost if I entered here...

DUI CHECKPOINT suggests you enter the Freeway HERE.


I Hope You Enjoy.


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Jane Goodall
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“So, Is It my Turn?” Inquires the Dwarf...

Just west of downtown is Idlewild Park. Designed as a mixed use open-space, the park hugs a curve along the south bank of the Truckee River. In addition to hosting the City of Reno’s annual Earth Day Celebration, the park features meandering trails, grassy meadows, and a swimming pool, along with a skate park among its many amenities.

Currently, four groups of protestors occupy different sections of the park. To the east are eighty people demonstrating against the latest proposed B.L.M. roundup of wild horses outside Reno. To the west, a like number of people, protest in favor of the movement.

Two smaller, but still vocal, groups include a live N.R.A. demonstration of the beauty of death, and three Hubbers who were demanding that Hubpages.com staff restore Five One Cows, brilliant treatise...The Big Bang Theory.

Far off in the distance...the Munchkins let loose with a ragged cheer...

“Yaay...”

Crouched beneath a Weeping Willow, along the river, far from the fiery oratory, is renowned primatologist, ethnologist, anthropologist, and U.N. Messenger of Peace...Jane Goodall.

Until, recently, Jane had been in Borneo doing research. It was there, in a long-forgotten cave, that she had found an old V.H.S. tape of the 1968 classic movie...Planet of the Apes. The notion of talking apes astounded her. Her academic curiosity and the ‘Reno Public Library’ sticker on the cassette had led her to Reno.

She had been camped along the river for about two weeks now. Initial contact had been made on the third day. She observed their patterns...noted their demeanor...tracked their movements. The rumors were true. The apes under Dr. Zaius’ command could talk. They were also pretty good horseback riders...

On the eleventh day, the entry into her log indicates the presence of Taliban trainees, Scientologists, and a portly midget named Frederick. That was four days ago...

“Look to the left of that fork in the river.” Willow Ufgood directs Jane as he wipes away his tears. The famed U.N. Messenger of Peace trains her high-powered telegraphic lens to the left of the white-plastic fork that was moving with the current...

A flash of color...

One by one, timidly, but with purpose, a small herd of My Little Ponies leaves the relative safety of the underbrush to begin drinking along the river’s edge. Jane estimates their numbers at fewer than a dozen...

They look hungry, haggard, harassed, hunted, and haunted. She quickly presses the button on the camera... (Snap, snap, snap, snap...went the camera). Jane pulls out her notebook and notes (in the book) this new development...

Goodall had found Willow, (From the 1988 American fantasy film), after she heard him weeping in a bush. He had just failed his village’s “Test of Magic” thus squelching his dream to become the apprentice to the village wizard. He’d been crying off and on since then...

The sound of the RC Helicopter was the first indication of the horror that was about to unfold. Flying low, from the west, weapons readied, crew tense...suddenly...from tiny speakers mounted just aft of the main rotor-blade...Richard Wagner’s, The Ride of the Valkyries, blares forth...

For those who have seen the movie Apocalypse Now and, remember the helicopter scene, you know the feel I’m going for...

The helicopter’s being controlled from a nearby park bench by the portly midget Frederick. In attendance are two Taliban trainees and General Ursus, from Dr. Zaius staff. Scientology is represented by L. Ron Hubbard’s man...Tom Cruise.

Tom had to get a special dispensation from the municipal code which, specifically targets Dwarfs by arresting every, non-midget, under 4’ 6” before he could appear in this story.

He was currently standing on a little couch, jumping up and down, and whining about wanting to operate the RC Helicopter controls...

The beginning of Wagner’s, The Ride of the Valkyries, serves as the signal to begin Operation Fisher King. General Ursus’ troops burst out of hiding astride fierce war horses. Their weapons are trained menacingly...

Caught between the helicopter, on the one hand, and the Gorilla troops on the other...the small herd of My Little Ponies bolts in panic...

(Snap, snap, snap, snap...went the camera)

The Gorilla horsemen ride in, dismount, pull butterfly nets from the backs of their saddles, and begin gathering the quivering My Little Ponies and placing them in burlap sacks...

(Snap, snap, snap, snap...went the camera)

The (snap, snap, snap, snap) noise from the camera was noticed by the Taliban trainees. It reminds them of the sounds made, by the breaking bones of adulterous women, when being stoned to death, in their beloved homeland...

The RC Helicopter is diverted towards Jane’s position...a search light is turned on...

Suddenly...bullets slash through the trees near her head. These are fired from the N.R.A. Demonstrators as they demonstrate the importance of gun safety...

The search beam catches Jane and Willow and the harsh glare pinions them against the riverbank. A cry rises up from the Gorillas as they are spotted...The troops begin pulling bigger butter-fly nets from the backs of their saddles...

Jane grabs her camera, backpack, notebooks, and (the now openly sobbing) Willow....and beats feet into the underbrush as she heads up river...


Arlene V. Poma
Arlene V. Poma
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Sunshine625
Sunshine625
missolive on Hubpages
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The Midget Checks before Replying...”Yes.”

Six blocks away the bus pulls into the Reno Greyhound station. It’s the scheduled 9:15 P.M. from Sacramento. With typical Greyhound efficiency, the ninety-mile trip had taken seven hours to complete. The passengers file off the bus looking hungry, haggard, harassed, hunted, and haunted.

Those, who were neophytes to Reno, quickly grabbed their bags and staggered off into the city. The pros took precautions. A case in point was Hubsville investigative journalist, Arlene V. Poma. Before she even leaves her seat, Arlene pulls out her wallet and extracts two twenties which are promptly placed in her shoe.

To do otherwise is to risk selling blood for the return fare home...

She was following a story. The story took the form of two Russians who spoke Norwegian with Serbian accents. Norwegian speaking Russians who affect Serbian accents and were active in the mail order bride traffic...the Russians lucked out...they had found the only Norwegian speaking cab driver in town and quickly left the bus station...

Arlene wasn’t worried. She knew where they were going. Her researched indicated that the nexus of the mail-order bride traffic was the Silver Legacy (subterranean bowels, of). She would follow at a leisurely pace. Dressed in the wrinkled clothes of a tourist and sporting a cape and mask, Arlene pulled out a package of Fig Newton’s and headed towards the exit...

Like every bus station in America...this one was set in a seedy part of town. Happily...Reno has many such areas to choose from. The working girls were out and claiming their corners. The city’s homeless jockey for position in the doorways of closed and shuttered businesses...

“Hey sweet thang!” Drifts a voice from the dark towards Arlene...

“Oh shake it girl...SHAKE IT!” Coos another...

Arlene stops and prepares to kick some major ass when the owners of those voices entered the spill of light from a nearby street lamp...Two of the hardest working pimps in Hubsville...Sunshine625 and MissOlive...

MissOlive, sporting a flamboyantly feathered hat and sexy feathered boa, sidles up to Arlene and puts her arm around her shoulder before purring...

“Are you looking to make a little money, hunny?” She begins pulling Hub articles out of her pockets and handing them over to Arlene as she names them off...

“’Where to Find Gold, by RealHousewife, Alocsin’s ‘Income Control: How to Make Money on Hubpages’, Sharyn’s Slant’s ‘Make Money Writing Greeting Cards from Home.’” The Hubs continue to spill out of MissOlive’s pockets and into Arlene’s hands...

“Or, would you be looking for pleasure, instead?” Inquires Sunshine625 with a tone that suggests a guaranteed delivery if that option were to be selected.

She presents the complete works of Epigramman (in a beautifully bound set), the comedic styling of Kenneth Avery (the DVD collection), and Reno resident, Phyllis Doyle’s travelogue...Donner Party Women. A Tribute (with complimentary boxed lunch).

“That reminds me...are you hungry, darling?’ This question came from MissOlive. “I have a recipe for ‘Quick and Easy Homemade Apple Butter’ from the kitchen of Phdast7?”

“I would love a quick and easy homemade apple butter recipe.” Arlene agrees...

During this transaction...Reno Police...Vice-squad rolls up. They begin enforcing a municipal code that specifically targets Dwarfs by arresting every, non-midget, under 4’ 6”.

Sunshine625, MissOlive, and Arlene all assume perfect postures as the officers come by with their tape measures. Arlene barely makes it...

After the cops pass by them...their postures slump and the three women conclude their illicit business before scurrying off into the neon-tinged darkness that is...a Reno night...


Toto...
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“Odd this Back and Forth thing on the Capsule Titles.” Notes the Dwarf...

When last seen, Toto and Applejacks had left the group in Part 4 to follow the mysterious trail of puppy chow mix and the occasional peanut butter ball. They had finally reached their destination.

Toto had eaten every piece of puppy chow and peanut butter ball that he had come across. As such, the trip took awhile and now he didn’t feel very well...

Applejacks was in a state. She needed to get to Idlewild Park to check on her friends and make contact with Jane Goodall.

They were back in the Silver Legacy Casino and staring at the terminus of the trail...The Barbergirl28 P90X Gym of Pain...

Kelly, Alastar, Nemanja, and Cowardly Lion were making their way towards that same gym; Kelly needed to work off the pancakes AND steak she had just finished at (the award winning) Emerald Wells Café...

Cowardly Lion was pointing out the relative merits of not working out, in favor of just getting fat, to Nemanja when he spots Toto lying on his back and, groaning softly. His paws clutch his stomach tightly. Applejacks flitters about...

“Did you have the pancakes AND steak too?” Kelly asks Toto. Toto grunts uncomfortably...

Alastar notices an all night-deli and goes in...

Nemanja takes detailed notes...

In a series of mental flashes, Applejacks explains where they have been.

She uses these mental flashes because I have never watched My Little Pony and I’m unsure if they can talk. Admittedly...I could YouTube it I reckon...I figured I would just wing it...

“Wait? Were those peanut butter balls,” Kelly questions suspiciously, “covered in chocolate?”

“Uh-huh.” Groans Toto...

“Uh-huh.” Flashes Applejacks.

“What does it mean? What does it mean?” From an appalled Cowardly Lion. “Why didn’t I get any peanut butter balls covered in chocolate?”

Alastar comes out of the deli. He has purchased thirty-six pounds of a ‘fatty-type’ of meat...pastrami.

Toto smells the pastrami and vomits into the change holder of a slot-machine...

Nemanja consults his notes before saying, “Um...Alastar? I think you only needed twelve-pounds of a ‘fatty-type’ of meat according to my notes.”

Alastar thinks back, “Are you sure?”

“We were all thinking we needed four-pounds of a ‘fatty-type’ of meat (each)...and THAT added up to needing twelve-pounds of a ‘fatty-type’ of meat in (total).” Kelly joins the discussion. “Pastrami was a good call.”

Alastar appears pleased with himself...

“Twelve-pounds total?” Cowardly Lion attempts to clarify.

“Twelve-pounds total.” Clarifies Nemanja.

“Right, right, right, right, right...Well...fuck...?” Remembers Alastar.

He talks Nemanja and Cowardly Lion into, each, carrying twelve-pounds of the ‘fatty-type’ meat, so he wouldn’t look like a tourist. Apparently, in Alastar’s mind, that line is arbitrarily drawn, somewhere, at carrying thirteen-pounds of a ‘fatty-type—

“Somebody mentioned peanut butter balls covered in chocolate?” Cowardly Lion interrupts the narrator. The narrator considers smiting Cowardly Lion...

Far off in the distance...the Munchkins let loose with a ragged cheer...

“Yaay...”

Kelly’s eyes narrow dangerously. Chocolate covered peanut butter balls? She knew who stole the Ruby Slippers. An old friend...or was it a new...frenemies...?


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“Indeed.” The Midget Replies Shortly...

Scarecrow enters the casino from a service entrance. He’s with Pistol and Mary, the junkies he’d met in Bilbo Baggins’ living room. Those two had burned through the ten-sack of heroin they’d purchased from “Big-Man” Jimmy Brown and were desperately looking for some more. The problem was, they still owed “Big-Man” Jimmy Brown money.

Scarecrow was looking to hook back up with the group and locate the Ruby Slippers for Baggins. That enterprising Hobbit had promised him a share of the money once the famed jeweled footwear had been found and fenced.

In the meantime, Baggins had given Scarecrow a pack of cigarettes, ten-dollars, and a promise to refill his empty tweak-pipe at the end of the night should his efforts be successful. Scarecrow’s plan was to parlay those ten-dollars into a bankroll, to fill his own tweak-pipe, and then he would find the group. Right now, he was looking for the nickel slots.

The three of them, engulfed within the throes of their own addictions, walk right past Vladimir Putin, Fork, and the two Russians (who spoke Norwegian with Serbian accents)...

Fork was pointing out the kill zone to Putin and the two Russians who spoke Norwegian with Serbian accents...

“The American journalist will be meeting his contact at midnight...right there.”

The right there in question...was the mezzanine level of the Silver Legacy Casino. Situated in front of Rum Bullions Bar, the site was located at an active intersection. People were continuously moving about...

Putin was a mixed bag of emotions. The spot was not ideal. However, with triangulated gun fire, he was reasonably sure he could kill the American journalist (as was his right), thus; securing the job as the right-wing American fascist, Sharon Angle’s, press secretary.

Still...things were not going smoothly...

He had specifically requested Serb-speaking Norwegians with Russian accents and had gotten Norwegian-speaking Russians with Serbian accents. What a cluster fuck. This was definitely “OLD” face of Russia shit when he was clearly trying to be the “NEW” face of Russia.

Being Russian...he cusses in Russian...with a Russian accent...

They were standing outside the Sports Book Bar. Several fans were having a loud and boisterous argument. The antagonists were two Detroit-based fans...one football and one baseball...and a Chicagoan who advanced his own city’s football franchise...

“LIONS!” Cries out the Motor City football fan...

“TIGERS!” Argues the Detroit-based baseball fan...

“BEARS!” Counters the Windy City football fan...

OH MY! Thinks the reader after realizing how I had snuck that venerable Wonderful Wizard of Oz reference point into the narrative. Clever that...

“Oh Putin!! It will work out!” Says a suddenly alarmed Fork.

Da. Da.” Putin absently confirms as he surveys the kill zone. He begins pacing off the shot...

The newest addition to the Bristol Palin, winged-illegitimate offspring, clan is still confused. Da-da? She follows after Putin...chirping quietly...quivering slightly...”Da-da...Da-da...”


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“My Feet Hurt.” ...Observes The Dwarf after a Moment of Silence...

I was looking for the Tin man. We had gotten separated after I had wandered into a bookstore to pick up Sychophantastic’s latest book...How to Get Laid: A Tutorial. For some reason...Betty, the Smoking-Hot Good Witch of my Imagination, was on my mind...

While the title of the best-seller was, technically, accurate...the contents were proving disappointing...

Tin man comes walking up...he has purchased twenty-six pounds of a ‘fatty-type’ of meat...pastrami...

“Pastrami. Good call.” I note.

Tin man appears pleased with himself...

“Yeah. Hey, you want to carry half of it?” He asks hopefully before those hopes are dashed by my reply.

“Pfft. And look like a tourist? Not likely.”

We were headed to our rendezvous with the mysterious Agent Sun Fish who was mentioned on the lid of my single-serve, snack-pack of butterscotch pudding. An enigma, really. Much of this story still was. The notion of finishing it within an eight-part time frame was beginning to appear ludicrous.

Loud music is heard from the Rum Bullions Bar which sits across from the mezzanine. It’s karaoke night.

Susan, from the Canadian show...Just Ask Susan is currently on stage. She appears pretty drunk. She likes her rum...just ask Susan if you don’t believe me. Waiting to go on stage next is PDXKaraokeGuy...

“OH!” Calls out the Tin man after seeing them. “I want to sing karaoke!” Being that he’s actually Internal CD Player...it makes sense. He rushes over...the last I see he’s paying the cover charge and entering the bar with his twenty-six pounds of a ‘fatty-type’ meat...

On the mezzanine level, a small waterfall feeds a koi pond which, appears to host a number of our finned friends, mostly koi fish. I see one puffer fish. The way this story has been going...I almost half expect Agent Sun Fish to be an actual talking fish. Crazy that.

I’m almost finished with my survey of each individual fish when I feel the tap on my shoulder. I turn to find Betty, the Smoking-Hot Good Witch of my Imagination smiling at me. She’s clad in a long-sleeve, form-fitting white shirt, black mini-skirt, ‘classic’ knee-high argyle socks, and sensible black shoes.

“Agent Sun Fish I presume?” I manage...

Once again...I stood embarrassingly transfixed. First the sexy Santa outfit in Part 2, then naked in my dream in Part 5, and now this.

There was no way this girl couldn’t help but be absolutely adorable. She hugs me tightly and whispers in my ear, “Come with me.”

My mind was a three-ring circus doing summersaults over my testicles at the possible implications of this statement.

On the one hand, of course, she could simply mean to follow her somewhere but, more importantly, her statement could suggest a mutual bodily fluid thing...that said...that’s a lot a pressure on (what would be) the first time.

Practice makes perfect in these matters and I would certainly be more than willing to put in the time. I suddenly realized I was mentally explaining this fact to her retreating back. Sadly...she did mean the pedestrian version of the statement. Still...the view was nice as I followed her...

I was unaware of the three laser sights that had me triangulated and targeted...

(End Part 7)

(Part1)(Part 2)(Part 3)(Part 4)(Part 5)(Part 6) (Part 8)(Part 9)(Part 10)


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Comments 38 comments

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Thomassssss! This is one of the best! LOL Loved how you had the two pimps and especially the imagery of Olive with her feather boa:) hahaa Where are the peanut butter balls? hm and my shoes!

Susan - just ask her:) hahahahaha

Hilarious as always - delighted with your fairy talk:)


Arlene V. Poma 4 years ago

Gasp!!! I am absolutely dying!!! Where are my Fig Newtons? My Butterscotch Cups? Time to celebrate! Thank you so much, Thomas for including me in this piece. Wonderful, creative, and sooooooooooooo entertaining!!! I am so flattered that you have included me in your Reno series. Voted up, bookmarked and everything else. Looking forward to the next one. And, I'm doing something rare and SHARING this gem! Thanks!!! Pssst! How did you know I was working on a Serbian casserole for the Super Bowl?


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Kelly!

I'm glad you liked this...it almost feels like things are coming together, huh? Well...a little anyways, right?

You can't think of Reno without thinking about prostitutes, and you can't think about prostitutes without thinking about pimps, and you can't think about pimps without thinking of Sunshine and

missolive...the rest wrote itself...

Just between you and me...this saga seems to be ongoing...

Thanks for sharing a giggle-snort with me!

Thomas


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

This is excellent! You have such a creative streak. It is always fascinating to get a peek behind your literary curtains. Bravo!


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 4 years ago from Hemet, Ca

I have to say this one is my favorite... the trail of puppy chow mix and the occasional peanut butter ball.. I can see it is making all the characters tense that they didn't all get at least one or a dozen... And the shoes... Kelly seems to know where the shoes are. Oh and the pimps... I can only imagine their voices slurring.. lol. This is awesome. I can't wait to see the next part. I want to see how you weave this!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Arlene!

My over the hill friend in Sacramento!! Um...the 'physical' hill that separates us I mean, of course.

Welcome to the Party!!

I have wanted to get you into a story for quite some time and finally...this one appeared a good fit. I hope you enjoy that which is to come and as a first time participant...you can sue me but I don't have any money. You would only be practicing your suing skills...

Thanks for the read!

Thomas


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

this is so much fun to read.. helps me get to know everyone so much better. thanks.. so glad I got to read it..

Debbie


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Tammy...

Curtains? That's fancy stuff my friend! We just nail sheets over the windows...

I am very glad that you are continuing to enjoy the ride and will try to turn the rest of it into something that MAY look like gumbo...but PROBABLY won't smell like Gumbo...so...yeah...I have never smelled gumbo...

Thanks for the read and the Bravo!

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Stacy...

Yes...I think Kelly is on to you. (The fat is in the fire)

A may have discovered the perfect balance of P-things... pimps, Putin, and pastrami. It may require more market focus stuff...

I am also excited to see how I weave this and how many additional parts it will take to get it woven. Oh...rocking work-out clothes it is!

Thanks for read!

Thomas


Arlene V. Poma 4 years ago

So much fun! You should work for the Reno Chamber of Commerce, Thomas. And shake up the party. I am tempted to drive over the hill for a Reno/Virginia City/Tahoe run after it quits snowing. Maybe bring my Snuggie to protect my clothes from the Fig Newton crumbs . . .


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Debbie...

(laughing) Well you're getting to know people through a very specific lens...mine...which is kind of smudged...

I'm truly gratified that you are enjoying the lurching plot progression that I have managed to cobble together here. Like the good boy scout I never was, I promise to not start fires...and to try and make people giggle, thus, earning my giggle badge.

Thanks!

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Arlene...

As a matter of fact...I have linked to the Reno-Tahoe Tourism advisory board website a couple of times. Each time the link was broken. I like to think they rad the story and made the conscious decision to break the link...

If you come over the hill...we will need to go vomit in Sparks together!

Thomas

PS...I missed that Serbian casserole reference earlier...interesting that...


nemanjaboskov profile image

nemanjaboskov 4 years ago from Serbia

Thomas, once again you managed to make us all giggle, laugh, smile, chuckle, grin, roar, howl, snicker, titter and everything else. So, the buttons were pushed accordingly and un-accordingly, since I, again, pushed the useful one - no one seems to know why I keep doing this :)

You are doing a great job so far, and I am very glad to see more and more fellow Hubbers joining the party. The ending was very interesting and unexpected, as well as tense. The story does seem to be unfolding, and I hope that the final part will be revealed to us soon enough - providing that it will be the final part...

BTW, our casserole is something you should all really try, I think you would be blown away by all the tastes coming together to form one of the best dishes in the world :)


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

My gosh how time flies. Seems almost like only yesterday Jane was a young women among the Apes. You sure are being PC incorrect here but I say more power to you in the name of free speech. Oh and Alastar is actually a lacto-vegetarian and would never eat pastrami but boy did you get it right about not wanting to look like a tourist. But artistic licensee never worked more beautifully than in the Wizard of Reno story so all's well. Certainly enjoyed part seven, nice to see all the fellow hubbers who've joined the adventure. Triangulation, Kelly and the slippers, the endgame is maybe beginning to get a little clearer my friend. PACKERS!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Nemanja...

I am busy checking off my to-do list on this last part giggle (check), laugh (check), smile (check), chuckle (check)...

(laughing) ...you and that useful button!

Yes more Hubbers have stopped by and I am certainly glad to see them. My only wish is that I could get more in as, either, characters or in 'shout-out' form...alas...I already have a whole lot of characters running about...but...we will see.

I'm glad you liked the ending. I actually had other plans for the ending here before this one presented itself to me.

I shall continue to follow the shapely Betty, hope I don't get killed by Putin's gang, and hope people come back for the next installment to see what happens.

As for nearing the end of the story I would need to paraphrase Winston Churchill..."It's not the beginning of the end...but it is the ending of the beginning."

Thanks for your, always continuous, support my friend!

Thomas

PS...perhaps as a concluding scene...? Epic battle between fork and new character (Serbian Casserole dish)?


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 4 years ago from Hemet, Ca

Oh and I was meaning to ask... what is up with the pastromi... I mean... is that something significant to Reno folks or is there a deeper meaning to it. I personally don't like pastromi so you won't catch me every buying even an ounce of it! Just curious! LOL


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Alastar...

As regards being un-PC...I believe the United Confederation of Midgets and Dwarfs would probably agree.

Do not worry my lacto-vegetarian (??)friend...the pastrami is not for eating...I have OTHER plans for that...on the pace we are going...it should be revealed in another six parts or so. (sigh).

I see that Stacy has now asked a pastrami-based question so I will further elaborate in that comment.

Buckle up my friend! We ride!

Thomas

PS...endgame?


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Stacy...

I believe the pastrami is more an East Coast thing, right? Maybe New York/New Jersey? My needs were actually for a 'fatty-type' of meat and when I asked around...pastrami was the only response that I could pronounce and spell.

No worries...it is not for eating. When I first introduced it in part 5...it was just something weird to type...so I typed it.

Somewhere in between parts 6 and 7...it occurred to me what I could use it for...thus...accounting department authorized the purchase. Although...they only authorized twelve-pounds...

Thomas


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

Endgame. Scuse the scrambled brain there Thomas, it just meant the Wizard of Reno's climax was maybe becoming a little clearer, you know, like a chess game. Lacto-vegan: means one still consumes dairy products like milk and eggs; its a tough life isn't it my friend. Well, see you in the 8th level of Reno Oz land Thomas!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Alastar...

No worries...my brain has been, both, scrambled and poached, good sir! I will be sure to take dietary issues into consideration moving forward. Were we good with the pancakes in Part 6? I can edit...I know...it doesn't look like it...but I can...

Thomas


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

Pancakes: whole wheat organic if available; the kind everyone else eats okay too Wizard.:)


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Alastar...

Your order had been amended and edited. I also tucked a little something, something in a paragraph or two later about going back to the woods with Kelly. Right? Why not.

(Laughing)

Thomas


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 4 years ago from Hemet, Ca

Ahhhh... that totally cleared things up! LOL


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

laughing...I thought it might!


KDee411 profile image

KDee411 4 years ago from Bay Area, California

Love Reno : ) good hub

Kay


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

KDee411...

Hello my friend! I must say...if you love Reno...this should be your first stop for any 'weird' Reno stories!

Thank you for reading and commenting!

Thomas


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 4 years ago from Tucson, Az.

The 2012 version of the "Book Of Revelations" by Thomas .. fascinating, yet here eerie!

You have got an amazing imagination my friend.(at least, I hope is your imagination) Peanut butter balls? I have a very serious peanut butter addiction and I've gotten pretty creative I must say. I work out and run 2 miles every day. I have to .. I eat a giant peanut butter sandwich just before going to bed every night. It's a religion. I am absolutely dying to try peanut butter balls, but I fear I not being limber enough to reach them. (looking sadly at my lap) :(

Thomas, I am not getting any notices of your hubs. I don't follow very many people, but I have every intention of following your work. Would you please e-mail me a link when you publish. I haven't seen you in the comments sections of my hubs either, so I'm doubting that the hub pages is sending you notices either.

Awesome stuff as usual my brother!

Jim


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Jim!!

Hey there stranger! I shall certainly send you notices my friend...I thought I lost you because of my fiery anti-right wing ideology that has made it into my stories of late. I was all...damn...I lost another conservative...more importantly...I thought I had offended a friend!

Also...I did a review...I am mostly caught up on yours my friend...please check your comments and let me know if I missed one!

On peanut butter...I only like peanut putter cookies...and these peanut butter balls I am hearing about. I DO hear that peanut butter is good for you though...protein maybe?

Now...on this nonsense I have going on here...I HOPE you didn't jump into the story on part 7 my friend!?!?! You will be HELLA confused!

If you did...we will be open til 7 pm to answer questions...

Great to see you my friend!

Thomas


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 4 years ago from Tucson, Az.

Thomas,

I don't give a sheeeeit about religion, politics, or any of that crap when it comes to a friend. "I love my politics, only I love my friends better" ( doing my best, Tony Montana impersonation)

No, my brother, I'm writing some stuff from the conservative point of view myself. I know this doesn't turn you away, you're my bud, and besides, it gives you an opportunity to see how a dumb ass really thinks! I HAVE changed the perspective from which I write just a tad because I feel so passionately about this election. I've been studying economics whole lot lately, and we are in deeper shit than anyone from either side in Washington will own up to. We is just buying time, and weeze borrowing the money to buy it with.

Enough about that negative stuff. More importantly, I'm practicing yoga and I've got a big jar of Peter Pan, but I still can't quite reach my balls. I never dreamed that peanut butter balls could be so difficult. Just a few more inches and I should have it though. :/

When the hub pages releases my last hub, hopefully sometime today, I'll send you a link. You'll hate it pretty bad, but still love me in spite of it I think!

jim


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Jim...

Well first things first...on your peanut-butter "balls" problem...try the 'down-ward-facing Dog Pose' ...I have heard good things!

Yeah I didn't think my politics were a problem for you...but it was the better option then...You just had enough of this crap!!

I look forward to your new release...holla when it comes out!

Thomas

PS...You are far from a dumb ass my friend! Do to a recent wildfire...we were evacuated and I spent four days holed up in a hotel with cable TV...watched Fox News...now...yes...let's talk dumb-asses!


jhamann profile image

jhamann 4 years ago from Reno NV

Got the first half under control-hit the second at lunchtime. See Ya Later Pullyallup!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Jaime...

Have a great lunch and let me know what you think!

Thomas


jhamann profile image

jhamann 4 years ago from Reno NV

Awe inspiring as usual (oh, and funny) I love all the shout outs in this one. How many parts can you fit into this story, eight seems like such a small number! Jamie


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Jamie (spelling my old friend's name correctly...sigh).

Thank you for the kind words good sir! The shout outs were fun and there are a few more scheduled by the time we hit the end of the Yellow Brick Road.

You are correct my friend...eight parts will probably not cut it...at this point I am unwilling (because I no longer know) to speculate on how many it will end up being.

Per our earlier discussion...yes I will need a new ending for the book and this will be the random weird novella on my resume.

See you in Part 8...literally...

Thomas


phdast7 profile image

phdast7 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Hi Thomas -

It has been way too long since I have romped through one of your RENO sagas and I apologize, but as Themanwithnopants said, "You have got an amazing imagination my friend." :) I am not even sure if "amazing" is the appropriate word....we need a word that means amazing, strange, delightful, twisted, wickedly funny, perverse, insouciant (there's a great word if I do say so myself), dark, deep, bubbly, and shallow all at the same time....I give up. There is no such word. :)

I absolutely loved the leap from Jane Goodall to Willow and the references to Apocalypse Now. Operation FisherKing caught my eye because of the film The Fisher King and the story, archetype, mythology behind the term.

I cackled with ridiculous glee at the Apple Butter reference. And since I love creating new words to add to the English lexicon, I was quite smitten with your invention of "hookeresqe." I can totally see it. :)

There were many other delightful moments, digressions, and tangents. I am especially fond of tangents and use them in my courses all the time. I am, in fact, quite renowned in North Georgia, maybe even further afield, for my finely honed tangent expertise. :)

I hope all is well with you. It is unnaturally hot in Georgia and I am rather cranky, but that is still no excuse for being out of touch for so long. Hope to peruse RENO 8 before too long.

Theresa


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Theresa!!

Hello my friend...I was wondering how your semester was coming along? About six weeks left? I am looking forward to your Katyn Forest research...yes...I remembered.

In terms of this little literary piece...no worries and take your time! It is now completed (a total of 10 parts) and I feel like I can get on with my life.

I want to thank you..."Dark, deep, bubbly, and shallow all at the same time." --I have the biggest smile on my face over that!

How odd...it is unnaturally cold here in Reno and (I too) am cranky and (likewise) it is no excuse for my absence either!

Thomas

PS...Insouciant (I looked it up) and I liked It!

PSS...Your skills at digressive tangents is, indeed, known, far and wide, past North Georgia...I've started several rumors to that effect, in Reno, my ownself. :)


phdast7 profile image

phdast7 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Thomas -

So glad that "Dark, deep, bubbly, and shallow" left you with a big smile on your face. :)

And I appreciate your skills as a "rumor-monger" (fish-monger?? where the hell did this weird suffix come from...and why don't we either use it more frequently or get rid of it altogether...but I digress - almost like a tangent....hmmmm)

So, as I was saying, it is good news to me that you have rumorized Reno regarding my tangential skills. Many Thanks.

Theresa


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Theresa...

Not only did it put a big smile on my face...I got another big smile when I read this and remembered...let us not forget insouciant, either.

A little known fact about me...? When I am not rumor mongering...I'm fish mongering...

Have a great Easter!

Thomas

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