The adventures of billy part 1

What is this

It is a short story I wrote the day before Halloween 2010. It its part one of a three part story I decided to write.  The other parts might be longer than this one. It is kinda random so far. Enjoy

Part one: Out of the fire and Into the Frying pan.

He could smell the stench of it from even ten feet away. The mold covered it like moss on big foots butt during early spring after all the melted snow had thoroughly covered big foot making him wet and providing a fine bed for such moss to grow. There was that much mold.

Billy could even see the maggots wiggling inside the clearly dead organic matter. While parts of it may have once held life, it now was giving birth to new life. Billy hated flies and he knew clearly this lifeless, mold infested, flesh was going to spring forth with an army of flies. He truly hated flies. He hated flies more than a certain young Austrian failed artist hated anything that didn’t have blonde hair and blue eyes. The utter hate Billy felt (easily compared to said young Austrian) was odd since in his envisioned the baby flies marching out in an army formation as they saluted swastikas.

Billy moved close to the pile of things I do not wish to describe further but let us say they were very very nasty. Billy leaned in close to its decayed face to get a better look at it and… he sighed as spoke holding back the digested food dwelling within his stomach that was truly ready to burst any second.

“I can not believe this used to be a quintuplet layer, 9 pieces of bacon and ham, grilled cheese sandwich”.

Billy had recently left to go to his great uncle’s funeral. He lived with an agoraphobiaist. His roommate had not left his house in well over 20 years (well specifically his special room in the apartment). But that did not stop the guy from having parties. But since he never left his room, it was hard for him to clean up from the parties after they ended.

Billy had been away for nearly 3 weeks. (the funeral started as his vacation, but then a reunion, and sadly ended in a funeral.)

“GEORGE YOU ASS!!!! Guess what I found MOLDING in the middle of the kitchen!!!”

Very quickly, a TV monitor in the kitchen flipped on showing a very hairy man who could easily be mistaken for a homeless guy.

“Oh hey man sorry about that….. I my cameras have a blind spot there, but I promise I will send clean up droid 3 to take care of that right away!”

Because Billy’s roommate George never left his room he built many small robots to clean things up and even installed camera’s and video screens all over the apartment to insure he could still help around the house and be social.

“George It has maggots growing in it!!! This is FAR beyond clean up droid 3!!!.”

“Ah…. Then I will get demo-droid 1. It needs a good field test.”

“Wait?.... Demo-droid? What the fuck is that?”

Billy’s questions were soon answered as a medium sized droid came out of the work shop room next to George’s. It had four arms. The two lower ones were a flat plat and a large dome. The upper two were a small claw like device and one with a built in lighter. The robot zipped noisily over to the large moldy former triple layer, 9 pieces of bacon and ham, grilled cheese sandwich. The webcam eye on it (controlled by George) darted around til it saw the former yummy now total filth. The robots own purple glowing eyes locked onto the decayed bit of food. The plate arm slid under it quickly and soon was covered by the dome arm. The claw hand reached inside the storage compartment of the drone and pulled out what looked like a small stick of dynamite. Using the same great speed at with the robot moved to get near to the overly dead food it the small stick was dropped into a hole on the top of the dome.

At this point Billy as you now realized what the demo-droid’s job was.

“YOU ARE GOING TO BLOW IT UP?!?!”

“Billy don’t be silly this explosive is only made with 1/10 nitroglycerine. It won’t blow up. This is mostly made out of termite. Therefore it will mostly vaporize what is in the dome rather than make it explode.”

“Oh…. NOW I feel perfectly better… now could you just please STOP your Damn robot before it blows up the HOUSE!?!?!”

“Too late man once started it can’t be….”

While Billy and George had, their small exchange the robot had already lit the fuse on the explosive stick it had stuck in the dome and before George could finish his sentence the stick went off. Sadly though George though a genius forgot to put a cover to go over the hole in the dome. When the explosive when off though this former could have been tasty now moldy sandwich was lit on fire with the majority of it being vaporized instantly, the force from the 10% nitroglycerine (which is stronger than the force that came out of Billy’s Great uncle’s rear-end when he ate too many beans {and yes said beany powered force was part of what killed Billy’s great Uncle})….

Where was I?.... oh yes said nitro-based explosive force bounced around inside the dome pushing out in all directions. Said force found that George was smart enough to insure the dome and plate making up it s bottom was made well enough so that it could hold back said force…. However, clearly the hole on the top was not made to hold back the explosive force. This caused a fountain of flaming former nasty that was once a tasty sandwich to spray from the hole making Ye Old Faithful look like a kid with a squirt gun (though the similar bean related explosion caused by Billy’s Great Uncle still was such a site to see when compared to the explosion from the robots dome).

The flaming former food spread all over the ceiling, the robot, and Billy’s cloths. Thankfully, George was also right about the former food vaporizing and soon it was no longer it on fire but just the ceiling and Billy’s cloths so having to worry about the maggots and mold was no longer an issue in any way.

Billy proceeded to run around like a maniac who was on fire. Moreover, not because he was a maniac on fire but just because he was on fire so do understand he normally does not act like a maniac. As he ran around other things caught on fire, which tripped George’s alarms that now spread a ton of fire retardant pink foam everywhere. Though his foam was not meant for use on human skin so Billy now was running around because, though not on fire, his skin still felt like it was on fire.

Billy in his running ran straight for the door and then promptly tumbled down the stairs since his and George’s apartment was on the second floor of their building. Billy went end over end in a fashion that was similar to that bouncing ball in sing along movies and TV shows. As he hit the bottom, he rolls out on to the grass outside and made the executive decision to lay there and wait for the ambulance he hoped George was kind enough to call.

It was at this exact moment that he decided to move out and do something more with his life.


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1 comment

Trevor Davis profile image

Trevor Davis 6 years ago

Nazi flies... yeah...

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