The street gang knew no boundaries when it came to torture. Frank Atanacio's challenge.

Mia
Mia | Source

Andra could identify Mia from a strawberry birth mark on her neck.

Detective Laura Kimbers couldn't get the horrific scene of the burned corpse wrapped in a tarp out of her psyche. The sadistic killer had made breathing holes in the tarp so he had to watch his body burn.

She canvassed the neighborhood, hoping someone would come forward with info., but of course everyone stayed behind locked doors muttering, " I know nothing. "

When she got back to her office, she scanned dead files, hoping to find a pattern. She knew the killer was an arsonist since they discovered the pour sign where the body burned.

She was home watching the evening news when a picture flashed across the screen. It was a file picture of the girl who jumped out of the third story window at the crime scene. She had a police record, found when they matched her DNA from dental records. Her name was Mia Hernandez.

Detective Kimbers felt sure they could trace the killer through Mia's acquaintances.

She went to the office early the next morning. As soon as she sat down her phone rang. A voice whispered that she was the sister of Mia. Detective Kimbers asked her to come down to the city morgue to identify the body. Andra assured her that she would come and soon arrived at the morgue. Mia's body was still covered in blood, every bone in her small body was broken. Her eye's were hanging lose on her cheeks. Andra screamed, hiding her face in her hands. The only way she could identify Mia was a familiar strawberry birth mark on her neck.

Andra told her that Mia had ditched a boyfriend recently because he was abusive. She was living with the burn victim when she jumped.

The police had him on file. His name was Jose Mendez. It didn't take long to locate him. The voice on the phone told her to come to a shack located on 54th street by the railroad tracks.

When she and Detective Chambers arrived the gory scene made her choke and vomit. Jose Mendez was hanging from the ceiling, both hands were tied behind his back. His intestines were dangling, his bloody tongue on the floor, both eyes were gouged and hanging on his torso.

It seems the Puerto Rican street gang had a debt due for Mia, and it was paid in full.

Here's a link to Frank's story challenge.

http://frankatanacio.hubpages.com/hub/A-Writing-Challenge-for-you

Shack by the railroad tracks.
Shack by the railroad tracks.

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Comments 82 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

Wonderful, Ruby! I was wondering who would be the first to answer Frank's challenge, and you were and it was high quality. Well done my friend.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

I tried to fix the title ( Torture ) but it wouldn't take the ure. I am so mad right now. I gotta cool off. Hee.


The Examiner-1 profile image

The Examiner-1 2 years ago

Interesting Ruby, that was good. I have not read the beginning yet when I wrote this. You can edit the title Ruby, it is the URL which you cannot change.

Kevin


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Kevin, I clicked edit on the title and added the ure to torture, but when i clicked publish the ure was not there. I did it about 5 times before i got mad and said, " Oh the H with it...Thank you..


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Bill. Thank you for the high quality comment. I am thrilled you you think so....


The Examiner-1 profile image

The Examiner-1 2 years ago

Well it was there when I read it so I guess that it heard you, lol.

Kevin


kljones86 profile image

kljones86 2 years ago from colorado

Very Interesting!


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 2 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

"And The Whole World Has To - Answer Right Now - Just To Tell You Once Again - Who's BAD . . ."

Well, duh, Ruby is... and I'll tell ya, I am not going to get on your BAD side, girlfriend!!

Your dark side is 'alive and well' and I really really like it! I like this story too!

Voted UP and Awesome and sharing! Love ya, mar


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

Wow, Ruby, you are quick on the draw with this challenge! Well, actually in legally terms, the word "tort" is a wrong ... so I thought you meant for it to be tort.

You have come up with a great ending to Frank's arson case mystery!

I am not sure when I will be able to get mine done ...

Glad you got the ball rolling already. These challenges are so much fun as everyone comes up with such intriguing endings.

Up and more and sharing

Blessings


misterhollywood profile image

misterhollywood 2 years ago from Hollywood, CA

OMG that's a great hub but I must say - wow!


Caldwell 2 years ago

oh my goodness this is part of what? damn this was compelling, and John Grishhamie.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

How clever using the needless jumper..LOL very clever indeed I love it.. Detective Laura Kimber would love it too.. awesome


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

Well done Ruby. I had actually forgotten about the challenge. Maybe I'll sort myself out and write an ending, but I couldn't beat this..you get a 10 on the gore scale. Great work. I thought you meant it to be "tort" the legal term as well. I think your title may be over the word limit. Try writing "Frank Atanacio's challenge" instead of "a challenge from Frank Atanacio". Voted up.


The Stages Of ME profile image

The Stages Of ME 2 years ago

Whoa, well he wanted gruesome and you gave it all, good work :) I too would suggest not getting on your bad side, LOL.


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 2 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

Oh Ruby, you are one bad mama! This was chilling, loved the pace and you certainly delivered. Great when the monsters gets their comeuppance.:) Well done.


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

That's really good stuff! You're a crime writer with some invisible vendenetta to burn. Bahahahahaha ...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Kevin you're so funny. I had to shorten the title. All is well. lol


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

kljones, Nice to see you again. Thank you so much..


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Mar. My muse is so happy, she's singing under my window, laladede. lol. You know she loves the dark side of me. I love your comment. Thank you..Love you. Hugs


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Theresa. The title was too long, so I shortened it and it worked. ( Thank's to Jodah. ) I will be watching for your story. This is so much fun. Keep it going, everyone!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello misterhollywood. Thank's for the wow comment. Here's a link to Frank's story. Enjoy.

http://hubpages.com/literature/A-Writing-Challenge...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Caldwell. See the link above. Your comment made me smile BIG time. Thank's for coming by...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Frank. I'm so glad you approve. Thank you for giving us a great story challenge....


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Jodah. That's exactly what was wrong, the title was too long, when I shortened the wording, it worked. Thank you so much for the info. and the score of 10. I'm waiting eagerly for your rendition.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello The Stages Of Me. LOL ..You made me laugh, I'm really not bad! Hee..Thank you...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Jo. So glad you thought it was chilling, mission accomplished! Now it's your turn. Go girl!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Flourish Anyway. HaHa.. Love your comment as much as I loved writing this gory piece. Thank you so much...


Susan Zutautas profile image

Susan Zutautas 2 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Oh Ruby what a great job you did on Franks challenge! Holy Moly :)


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Susan. Holy Moly..HaHa Thank's for the lol. You're next, go girl...


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida

Oh, how morbid and grotesque, Ruby! Did you have nightmares after writing this?


btrbell profile image

btrbell 2 years ago from Mesa, AZ

Well, I would say you meet the challenge and then some! Great job!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Shauna. Hee..I really didn't have nightmares after writing this. Frank said that it had to be more sadistic than his, so i had to dig deep, his was Big time grotesque. I agree it's morbid and I can't believe I wrote it...lol..


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello btrbell. I tried to write something more sadistic than his burning body. lol Thank you for coming to read and comment..


Eric Boyd 2 years ago

This was a slap in the face with reality, I love it, but feel it could have been longer. Excuse this, but i found it grossly entertaining.


Janine Berros 2 years ago

Just got this from On the Dime fiction whatever, but had to comment as I usually do not. I found it sadistic, creative and damn poor guy. You know the woman jumping from the window was mild compared to the story, and they say a picture is worth a thousand words. well Ms Exploring, you proved that theory wrong. where do I vote up and crime delicious?


Sunya Rodriguez 2 years ago

Mouth open, shock perhaps, but open. I agree with Janine, criminally delicious. and i second the poor guy remark. Poor Guy


manatita44 2 years ago

Pretty tough stuff for me. Michael Jackson's video was cool. You told your story quite well. Scary.


DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

You unfolded such another talent in you. So well told.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Eric. Nice to meet you. " Grossly entertaining " just about wraps this piece up. You must read the start of this challenge to see the full meaning, see above the link in blue. Thank you for stopping by.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Janie. Nice to meet you. I agree, the picture is mild compared to the story. I like your comment, Crime delicious. Thank you for reading..


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Sunya. Nice to meet you. Mouth open, shock, plus criminally delicious is a correct critique for this gory piece. BTW my first. Thank you...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

manatita this is far from poetry, just a piece of creative writing from a challenge from Frank's torture story. Believe it or not, I feel sorry for the poor guy..sigh. Thank's for coming...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello DDE. It's funny how you can make up a story in your mind from another piece written as a challenge. You should try it, it's fun. Thank's for always reading my hubs, no matter the subject...


annart profile image

annart 2 years ago from SW England

Great response to this challenge. I'm going to have a go but it'll have to wait until I get home to publish. You certainly managed the blood and gore well! I'm always amazed at all the different approaches to any of the challenges here on hubpages; just goes to show what an imaginative bunch exists here! Well done.

Ann


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Holy Jupitor Batman, it’s Mickey Spillane Exploring at our service. Ruby, Ruby, Ruby……..


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Ann. It is really funny how we come up with different stories. I just read Jodah's and loved it. He made my Mia into a prostate. HaHa..Glad you're going to join in the fun. Thank you..


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

Um Ruby, I think you meant "prostitute" not "prostate"...lol.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Mike, Mike Mike. What can I say? Can I say that my muse completely took over and took me down a really dark path? It's so funny, when I started writing I had no idea where I was going, then the girl falling became the choice character. Frank only mentioned her in passing. I wish you would write your version. I know it would be great. Thank's so much..Hugs...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Jodah. I just read yours and loved it. It's like Bill said on your hub, " You've got talent. " Cheers...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

HaHa, Yes I meant prostitute. Lordy I don't think she had a prostate! Oh I'm cracking up. lol


ubanichijioke profile image

ubanichijioke 2 years ago from Lagos

Wow! That was thrilling. No one told me of this challenge. I didn't see that ending part; sounded like a movie. Awesome, Ruby.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

Hi Ruby, Wow! how gruesome and just how I love a good story! I always miss the challenges so I will have to go investigate, loved it! voted up!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Thandi. It was another one of Frank's challenges, see above the link I left on Misterhollywood's comment. Join in and have some fun writing fiction. Thank's for the awesome comment..


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hi Nell. The devil made me do it. Ha. Happy you enjoyed. Go investigate, then write a good one..Cheers...


Vellur profile image

Vellur 2 years ago from Dubai

Deep, intense and dark story, great write.


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 2 years ago from Riga, Latvia

This was great. You're really up to the challenge Ruby.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Hi Ruby. Great ending to Frank's story. It is creative, realistic and very dark...all the ingredients ini keeping with the tone of his opening short story. This complements and compliments Frank's beginning story. Well done. :-) Voted up and shared.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 2 years ago from Jamaica

Very good! Had me hanging on to every word. The description was awesome as well.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York

You did a great job following in Frank's tradition with that "little" twist at the end. You certainly were up to the challenge.

Voted up, awesome, and interesting.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Vellur. Nice to see you. Intense and dark, I agree. Thank's for stopping by...


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Thank's Rushia. I really enjoyed writing this . A little out of my line but fun anyway. Thank's so much..


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Genna. So glad you think I met the challenge. Frank wanted sadistic, so i dug deep, Maybe too deep.lol.. Thank you for sharing....


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hi Cardisa. So good to see you back on HP..Thank's for the awesome comment..


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello tillsontitan. I read your rendition today and loved it. Thank you for stopping by...


Shyron E Shenko profile image

Shyron E Shenko 2 years ago

Ruby, wonderful continuation to Frank’s challenge. I knew you would be up for this challenge. I think it is fantastic.

I hope that I can find the time to jump in on this challenge.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Shyron. I hope you do find the time. I know it will be great. Thank's for the fantastic comment....


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 20 months ago from Dallas, Texas

You really stepped up to the challenge with this chilling tale. Vivid and macabre. What a twist into the dark side. Amazing detail.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 20 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Peg. I don't know where this came from! Frank said, " Gory " and my muse dug deep. lol..Thank's for coming to read and leaving an amazing comment..


ubanichijioke profile image

ubanichijioke 20 months ago from Lagos

Ewo! The descriptive powers employed to write this write is a show of great effort, improvement and creativity. You baptized me with a haze of terrific whispering shouts of convulsing moments, experiences and jawdropping visuals and mental pictures. I'm absolutely impressed, Ruby. You've really trekked away from the pack to nibble the thread of improvement. A terrific write. I'm glad Mendez got served a meal hotter and better. The Puerto Rican street gang played their part like a pro. Well done.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 20 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Wow Thandi! Your critique of my writing is swelling my head sooo BIG my bonnet is too tight. lol..This is my first time to write this genre and I must say, " I had a good time! Thank you so much....


Rolly A Chabot profile image

Rolly A Chabot 20 months ago from Alberta Canada

Hi Ruby... very impressive piece of writing here... well done my friend.

Hugs and Blessings


always exploring profile image

always exploring 20 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Rolly...This is my first time to write anything sadistic, and I must say that I surprised myself. Thank you for the well done comment...


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 20 months ago from London, UK

Wow! That was grippin and had a very dark side. You have a beautiful talent for writing different topics, hence your profile name - always exploring. :-)

The photo will make readers eager to read the story and Frank should be well impressed.

Thanks


always exploring profile image

always exploring 20 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Elena. Always good to see you on my page. This is a totally different write for me, but I enjoyed doing it. I'm so glad you approve. Thank you much....


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 19 months ago from California

I think I missed this one Ruby! This is a wow for me!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 19 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hi Audrey. A little different style of writing for me. I said " Wow " too. Hee..Thank you...


dahoglund profile image

dahoglund 15 months ago from Wisconsin Rapids

You did well on this story. It is a genre that I neither read, nor care to write in, but you responded to the challenge and I admire that.


Shyron E Shenko profile image

Shyron E Shenko 14 months ago

Oh wow Ruby, how the heck did I miss this, it is so awesome. I sure am glad you are a friend.

Blessings and hugs


always exploring profile image

always exploring 14 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello dahoglund. I can understand your reluctance to read this gory piece. It is totally out of my style, but Frank said " Gory " and by the comments, I succeed. Thank you for coming by. Sorry I'm so late in responding.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 14 months ago from Southern Illinois Author

Hello Shyron. HaHaHa. A friend indeed. Thanks for the awesome comment. Hugs..

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    always exploring profile image

    Ruby Jean Fuller (always exploring)808 Followers
    163 Articles

    I am a writer of poetry and fiction. I especially love flash fiction. My name is Ruby, and I live in Southern Illinois. I am a retired R.N.



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