Dancing with the Devil...oh ya I did...
I was mind numbingly cold,chilled to the bone since my accident.Then it all became crystal clear and there was an interminable explosion in my mind;A myriad of shrieking wailing unconnected thoughts that tore gaping holes in my soul...leaving it in taters...like some biblical leper...watching his body slowly fall apart.The darkness crept in and the succubi fed.I could not be near death,I must be there...dead.
I came to myself,naked,confused,and alone in the midst of a crowd of desolate beings...each enthralled with their own misery.We were waiting...waiting for our fate to descend and throttle us till every wisp of spirit was wrung from the trembling remnants of what we used to be...human beings.Then...he came,or he was...Beyond description or attribute.
An instinctive whisper of a prayer arose from the depths of my shattered soul...only to be captured and consumed...delicately,and with relish...Leaning in,face to face,he focused his attention on me.The darkness of his heart washed over the tiny remnant of my fading consciousness....then...he...smiled.
His smile revealed beautiful perfect white teeth,teeth that stood out all the more against his full red lip's. I looked into those wide dark almond eyes and for the tiniest moment...gave myself to him....Satan is beautiful beyond belief.
It came to light that my transgressions were not severe enough to warrant lower than the Third level of Dante's Nine.We approached the massive gates surrounded by gargoyles of every description,the eroticism and seduction of it left me breathless...the descent began.
Installed at the first level were the souls of people who had committed sins of omission...Not tithing...Not entertaining strangers...Not loving there neighbors,and so on.Their punishment was unremitting anxiety...desperate poverty...being ignored,and...gossip...yes,gossip,just as they had done while living,only now the slander was about themselves..Lucifer smiled as he lovingly watched these children of the light arguing and cursing each other.The clouds of self created suffering they raised were like cologne mist to him...he often did a walk through.
The second level was more severe.These people were without conscience.This group was made up of people who indulged in the spirit of licentiousness and preyed on others as a matter of routine;Children,the elderly,and widows...the weak and defenseless were their victims.Their sins were intentional...they were made to suffer the same misery,pain,and hopelessness they had wrought on others.They also practiced an"Eye for an Eye"with the mass of them being blind already.Satan actually chuckled,a perverse look on his face,as he gently wiped the tears from their empty sockets and held them beneath his nostrils...an aphrodisiac of lost humanity.
As we entered the third level his beautiful face shone with anticipation and pride.He smiled and his full red lips pulled back from those perfect white teeth.A bead of sweat crept down my nose and hissed as it hit the floor.At that moment,my transgressions passed before my eyes.I realized with a finality unknown to the world of the living,that my sins had not been forgiven.My conscience burned as a memory of a short conversation with a preacher ignited then extinguished a tiny hope.I was drunk when he offered absolution from my transgressions,my answer was..."But preacher...my transgressions are all I have"...My one chance at salvation lost in the mist of the abyss.
Then,with a sideways glance,the magnificent serpent spoke again
"These are your options...but remember...which ever you choose...you shall endure for eternity".
We walked along the rock like wall of a pit,the center of which seemed to fade into the blackest black.Huge arched doorways lent entrance to the various levels of Satan's resort.
I looked into the first ethereal space and saw a multitude of people strapped into chairs.Demons forced others to eat the poor wretches heads from behind.The blood,the screams of anguish,the demoniacal laughter of demons at play was unbearable...I shuddered and moved on.
The second choice was a lake of ice water in which people were submerged to their chins,they suffered the torment of frigid cold as they cried out for a moment of warmth.Just out of reach lay goose down comforters and fire,lots of fire in Hell...I quickly moved on hoping that choice number three was going to be at least a little better...just a little.Then Lucifer leaned down very close and whispered in my ear
"I prepared thisss for a favored guest with deviant sexual tastes should I receive one...you perhapsss?".
From out of the billowing smoke and sulfur,appeared a beautiful ornately decorated door that opened of it's own volition as we approached.Inside,the walls were covered in fine silks and Salvador Dali paintings .The furniture was finely detailed and inlaid with gold leaf.It could not have been more tailored to my taste had I chosen it myself.A ten inch thick marble slab of a table stood in the center of a room designed for lust and debauchery.At the center of that table sat an engraved silver tray with a bottle of Jack Daniels upon it...waiting for me...it gets better.
In an adjoining alcove a massive four poster bed covered in Egyptian 10,000 count cotton sheets drew my attention.The effect of those 10,000 counts was like flowing water.Reclining upon that bed was the perfect,platinum blond,slightly trashy,well endowed,sultry woman I've carried around in my head since I invented her as a post-pubescent pre-laid teenage boy.
Bang bang bang.Alarm bells went off in my head.The hair stood up on the back of my neck.Something was wrong here,something was very very wrong.Either this was a trick of some sort...or Beelzebub was not as smart as preachers gave him credit for.I thought,perhaps they embellished the 'Prince of this world' a bit.
Again as in life,I was won over by my testosterone fueled reasoning...lust won again.I had nothing to loose being dead anyway...I decided to match wits with the Devil,that Serpent of old...and the dance commenced.
As a guest[long term according to the literature],I enjoyed first move in the dance of my eternal abode and spoke first.
"So tell me Satan...is the Jack Daniels All mine"?
"Is the woman All mine"?
"Are they mine...for Eternity"?
"That's one Hell of a deal!"
"I completely agree-Ssss"
How could this be punishment?...Maybe Satan thought I would come to hate these luxurious surroundings and the company of a supple,compliant,double D blond babe.I searched my mind for some trick or loop hole...but could find none;Only the familiar self-trickery that had created the 'party now pay latter' life I'd just vacated.Did Beelzebub think time would be my downfall,that eternity with my favorite liquor and the company of a fantasy woman would eventually wear me down...or spend me?Could Lucifer be thinking familiarity breeds contempt?Maybe he was right...maybe...
But...he hadn't taken into account the fact that...I'm a Marine,and I excel at Jack Daniels and beautiful women.In-fact,we had informal classes in debauchery all through boot camp.I figured I had him...I had out danced the Devil.The awesome room,the Jack Daniels,and little Miss perfect,were firmly in hand.I smiled inwardly,content with my little victory as seen through the eyes of my Big ego.Lucifer was not as conservative as I in his demeanor.He laughingly laid his blistering arm around my shoulder and said,
"I shall leave you to your Hell-Ssss...I'll be checking in from time to time so I may savor your torment-Ssss".I'm sure I smiled a kind of Mona Lisa[only-the-Male-version]kind of smile.
Then the shadow of uncertainty crept back into my testosterone soaked brain.The shadow quickly grew into a laughing demon as I found myself wondering if I really Had just out danced the Devil.So I asked one last question
"Is there anything else I should Know"?
He smiled and replied
"One small detail-Ssss".
My creeping fear finally breached like the white whale himself and I managed to squeak out
Lucifer's beautiful mesmerizing eyes pierced my very core...and in a sensual whisper...he inserted his stiletto...and gave it a twist...
"The Jack Daniels has a hole in the bottom...and the Women...doesn't".
. ...feed your funny-sss...
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This story is one of a few pieces of risque humor you'll find in my limited number of contributions here at HP.Hope you enjoy