The truest Story you'll ever read

She wakes up to the morning light

fatigued with the battles she fought all night

no holding back no matter how hard she tries

how can I make it through this day

God please help me all i can do is pray

She reached for her pills, two each dawn

to maker her happy, less withdrawn

by noon she is panic shaken with fear

then comes another unwelcomed tear

she trakes a pill to calm her down

in just a while it's all a clown

By evening she's manic

wind up like a toy

she takes her pill

there goes her joy

months and months just seem to pass by

one moment she flies

and then she cries

one late afternoon she could take no more

those pills in those bottles were just a chore

it was time to stop

to relieve her pain

so confused she couldn't explain

no one could see her private hell

no one could crack her hardened shell

they didn't understand her soul was dying

she was so sck and tired of even trying

these meds are bad they make me worse

can someone hear me and save me first

It was time to end this horrible life

filled with rage and starving strife

she went to the cabinet fighting the thought

cried for her children feeling distraught

How could she be the mother she should

when she felf so inadequate, misunderstood

Her soul was ripped into so many parts

how could she do and break Thier hearts

reason subsided she knew her plan

when she was gone maybe "they" would understand

prove she was unworthy to live anymore

no shame no guilt no more she would bore

she kept hearing the voice inside her head

:"go ahead and do it, no one cares if you are dead"

sheclosed her ears so she couldn't hear

but the voice was coming closer and near

as she swallowed her pills, her mind descended

the heartache had ended

soon she was out peacefully asleep

it seemed like a second a voice came again

this one was different

it seemed to be a friend

"wake up my child, you not leaving yet"

you can escape but you can't forget

think of your children your mother

they love you so

wake up wake up you will not go

Her eyes slowly opened, her surroundings unclear

she lay in a room, "how did she get here"

there were tubes and monitors attached to her body

she was so confused and still so groggy

the doctor walked in and took her hand

"you lucky girl, what you had planned"

She looked in his eyes shaken and scared

"I did it because noone  understands or cares"

"Thanks for waking me, being my friend"

"you've been her alone dori, I just walked in"

This poem was written ten years ago. Long before I joined HP, It is not directed nor intended to be used against anyone else.

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Comments 24 comments

fortunerep profile image

fortunerep 7 years ago from North Carolina Author

rose petals

you would be surprised, although this poem was from many years ago i can't lie and say the thought doesn't cross my mind again, but I have lots to live for. Thanks for your kind words, it means alot

dori


GlstngRosePetals profile image

GlstngRosePetals 7 years ago from Wouldn't You Like To Know

wow there's alot of people out there that suffer from depression and take meds to be able to cope with it. I found your article interesting and it makes you wonder and think of how many people out there feel that way.


emohealer profile image

emohealer 7 years ago from South Carolina

As a long standing member of NAMI, I understand your experiences. A beautiful poem, keep sharing, giving is receiving. Let your Light Shine!


fortunerep profile image

fortunerep 7 years ago from North Carolina Author

Kari,

Thanks, yes I can help others and try but tell them to live not as I do but as I twll them they should so. Sometimes you wouldn't want someone to follow in your shoes when you are so depressed you crash and make a fool of yourself.

It's a curse but can indeeed be a blessing, us bipolar folk are usually very gifted and intelligent. (not that I am referreing to me or anything, lol)

hugs

dori


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California

That was beautiful and heart wrenching. I had a good friend who was bipolar and she would go through this also. She hated it, but I would tell her she "felt" things stronger than most, and although it was a curse, it was also a blessing. She could understand others pain and give them strength in ways others could not...because she understood more fully than most. It seems the same for you. Hugs to you Dori, you are a wonderful person!


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Hi Dori, sending you a hug all the way across the miles of oceans..{((hugs))}


sandra rinck 7 years ago

Just wiping the tears off my face and neck. I love you Dori. I understand too.


fortunerep profile image

fortunerep 7 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thank you Alissa, depression hurts and is so painful I know for you too, thanks so much for being there and being supportive. Take care of yourself as well and never be afraid or ashamed t ask for help. Thanks again,hugs

dori


Alissa1985 profile image

Alissa1985 7 years ago from Arkansas

My husband is also bi-polar. Though I don't know what it is like I am very much on your side. I as a teenager was in a major depression and eventually tried to kill myself not once but twice. I have the scars and I always have the depression in my head. Like if something goes wrong it would just be so easy to just end it. Then though, I think of my children and where they would be if they didn't have a mother. I have to keep myself positive like that or I will go down that same road again so easily. It's hard I know dealing with it, so if you ever need a friend or someone to talk to know know that I am here.


fortunerep profile image

fortunerep 7 years ago from North Carolina Author

thanks Minimoo and jayb23, thanks for stopping by and your kind words.

dori


jayb23 profile image

jayb23 7 years ago from India

Wow, thats an awesome poem. You have really put your feelings in words in the best way I can imagine. Keep up the good work.


minimoo profile image

minimoo 7 years ago

Your poem/story is very inspiring. My mother also suffers from depression and she is bi-oplar. If you have time I would really appreciate it if you would read my hub some time. =]


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

That was a great piece of writing, although I wish you didn't have to suffer for it to cause you to write. I'm glad things are better, Dori. Your strength lies in your heart.


fortunerep profile image

fortunerep 7 years ago from North Carolina Author

I think we were both out of order, its ok, kiss kiss make up. i have missed you anyway

dori


fortunerep profile image

fortunerep 7 years ago from North Carolina Author

BC,

you know I will always be here for you if you need me, what help u think can I give? I can be your friend and that would mean the world to me. I do hope you know in your heart that I never intended for this to happen. I also apologize for anything that I said that could have hurt you.

thanks for stopping by, it made my day.

hugs

dori


fortunerep profile image

fortunerep 7 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks all for your support. It touches me, deeply. I am on the road to being more stable, I hope with this I can concentrate my anger or hurt in another direction instead of hurting others. As I look back i am embarrassed that all of this was made so public in such a bad way. I am also sorry to anyone that I may have hurt, this too shall pass. Im ok, you're ok. I survived and will continue to do so.

Hugs to all of you

dori


bingskee profile image

bingskee 7 years ago from Quezon City, Philippines

i hope all is well with you, dori. i do not know how a bipolar truly feels but i empathize with the strength of differing emotions you try to fight. God bless.


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 7 years ago from Chicago

Touched by an angel! A blessing. My wife is bi-polar and suffers from Parkinson's. Quite the roller coaster hereabouts. Your story was very sad but had a good ending. I'll pray for you right now.


SEM Pro profile image

SEM Pro 7 years ago from North America

Email 3 :) The depth of your emotions is phenominal. Did you see the post on Janis Joplin? she too was bi-polar before it was named as such. She learned to channel it through her music, looks like you do that through your amazing poetry! Hugs dear Lady...


John Chancellor profile image

John Chancellor 7 years ago from Tennessee

Dori,

I think everyone can feel your pain ... those words are so emotional.

It is difficult standing on the sidelines watching someone hurting. However being able to share it makes is somewhat easier to bear.

You have lots of folks on your side. So never feel like you are alone, forgotten or unimportant. Everyone has something unique to share with the world. And sharing your uniqueness in some way may be what some other person needs at the moment to put their problems in perspective. Your sharing may allow someone else to see some light or some glimmer of hope. Know that in some way you are touching others and in my mind, touching some other life, making it somehow better is what life is all about.


Organic Thoughts profile image

Organic Thoughts 7 years ago from North Carolina

Dear Dori,

Wish you the very best. I dont think anyone can understand your pain, better than you. But we all are here to listen to your heart and pray for your happiness. Take care.


fortunerep profile image

fortunerep 7 years ago from North Carolina Author

thanks brenda

dori


fortunerep profile image

fortunerep 7 years ago from North Carolina Author

thank you, it was written a long time ago but I felt like I needed to let others know i am not crazy. I have bipolar like some people have diabetes. It is hell but I take it everyday and always hope for a better tom. I don't know who that "other" person was in the poem but i assume and know it was an angel.

dori


\Brenda Scully 7 years ago

well done to put all this into words..... god bless

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