Ten,and then some,things you should Never say during Sex!

This ones a bit(or maybe a Lot) Raw so if your easily offended Do Not Continue.


How long do you plan to Be...Almost there

Oh!...did I mention the Video Camera!

Oh Hell baby...a little rug burn never hurt anybody!

Ahh...on second thought...lets turn out the lights...

And to think I was Really trying to pick up your friend

Gee...I hope your as good look-in when I'm Sober

Wow Baby...Your good enough ta do this for a Living

Did I tell you my aunt Martha Died in this bed

It sure is nice to be-in in bed with a women I Don't have to inflate or puff up

Now your not gonna Tell anyone are you

You Know... My old girlfriend used to do it a Lot longer

You mean your Not my blind date

I'm gonna need another Beer for this


Try not to smear my make up

Excuse me...Could you just pass me the remote control

I thought You had the keys to the handcuffs

I Think you've got it on Backwards

Um...When is it supposed to feel Good

Lets see...did I remember to take my Pill..let me think

Are you Sure I don't know you from somewhere

I Told you it wouldn't work without Batteries

No...Realy...I do this part better Myself...

Wow...Your Almost as good as my EX

Did I mention my Transsexual operation

So when would you like to meet my parents

Have you seen Fatal Attraction

Oh don't mind me ...I always file my nails in bed

Will you Keep it down...daddy's a light Sleeper


Let's keep this list going,cause I Know how Creative you peeps are!


PSA:Don't drink and Write,you Could have an accident...like the one above^

This was Heineken induced...with maybe a shot or two of Jack D,I cant really remember...fortunately.

More by this Author


msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

Funny :-)

schoolgirlforreal profile image

schoolgirlforreal 6 years ago from USA

Funny and voted up! LOL

Funny.....I don't think I've done a funny hub yet!! haha

Ok to add.....

For Women

Wow, you're so shapely, you're like another woman!

Did you shave your chest or are you just hairless like a woman?

I hope your hair doesn't fall off , when I tug on it!!!

DoorMattnomore 6 years ago

"oh, its in?" trust me, thats not good....

Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York

This was hilarious!!!! (Man to Woman: "Wow, your mustache is even bushier than MINE!)

vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California

You get pretty funny with your Hinneys! You should try a little stand up or even droopy comedy routines. My only addition, at this sober moment, when I'm grieving, is something like, "Did I tell you earlier that once I f***** (whatever you might want to add: a chicken, a goat, etc.!)?"

I enjoy your what is it, 3% or 4% proof sililoquies! Can't say it or spell it even sober!!


Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 6 years ago from Scotland

Vote up for that fun Hub cheaptrick

But I won't admit how many I've heard personally :-)

Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

What's your name again?

What color would you call the ceiling?

My husband won't be home for another 30 minutes.

LillyGrillzit profile image

LillyGrillzit 6 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

Very cool Cheap Trick, and thanks for the early warning system! :0)

GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California

DEAN! YOU ARE FRIGGIN HILARIOUS! I laughed so hard...I am taking the 5th though when it comes to adding to these!!!!!! ha I always enjoy you! NEVER change. You are special! G

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 6 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City

Lots of fun here! It kind of makes you want to say these things just to see what will happen.

Many years ago I was out with a young female colleague and she had just gotten back from her honeymoon - they were both young, virginal, and fun and in the heat of the moment that first night, she said they both...started laughing! And couldn't stop. She said when they thought about the whole process - it was just so ridiculous! And hilarious.

Some people are truly made perfectly for each other.

Thanks for the laughter!

James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

Hilarious!! I thought "No...Realy...I do this part better Myself..." was sure to be my favorite until I came across this one: "Did I mention my Transsexual operation?" YIKES!

I also don't think a man wants to hear: "Go ahead and put it in!" or "Is that it?"

WeNdYpOoPoO profile image

WeNdYpOoPoO 6 years ago from Hudson Valley NY

I donot think anyone would want to hear "Last week I started having this burning sensation when I peed do you happen to know what it is" Funny Hub :)

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