Things You Learn at the Doctor's Office

The Appointment We All Dread

Yes, there comes a time for all of us when we must go to the doctor. It is not something any of us usually enjoy. It is just something we must do.

First, there is the nuisance of getting the appointment. Then you get there on time or early, but you must wait. You always have to wait. Next, you get to go to the next room where you wait some more. This time you get to wait while wearing a flimsy gown. Awesome. Finally, there is the dreaded visit itself.

During your visit, there are things you will learn at the doctor's office. Some of these things will amuse you. Other things may disturb you. But you will always take away something from the visit. If you are lucky, maybe you will take away some free samples. That is what everyone always hopes for anyway.

Please sit back and enjoy what things you can learn while at the doctor's office:

The Waiting Room

  • It is apparently impossible to make comfortable waiting room chairs.
  • Someone will call you to the desk as soon as you begin to read or look at the TV.
  • The kid with the runniest nose is always the kid touching everything.
  • Every television show playing on a waiting room TV is awful.
  • Every song playing on the speakers in a waiting room may make you sicker than you were when you got there.
  • There are brochures for diseases you never knew existed.
  • There are coupons and pamphlets available for every drug except what you need to take.
  • In every waiting room, there is always someone there sicker than you.  Whatever they have, you hope it's not contagious.

During the Visit

  • Those gowns never cover enough.
  • Don't just assume it's an oral thermometer.
  • It's not cool to lock the doctor out of the exam room (although it is amusing).
  • Don't nap on the exam table before the doctor arrives unless the doctor takes longer than 15 minutes.
  • There is a 75% chance you are going to have an awkward moment with a cup of pee.
  • The doctor's scale is a cruel liar. It always adds 5 pounds. Well, probably more like 10. Yes, it adds 10 pounds.
  • Begging for antibiotics does not get you anywhere.
  • Offering to "slip a $20 bill" to the doctor for antibiotics also does not work.

Paying For the Visit

  • No one understands co-pays - not you, not the medical assistants, not the doctor.
  • Something will inevitably be malfunctioning at the desk. Sometimes they can't set up a new appointment. Sometimes they can't take a payment. Sometimes they can't even figure what could be malfunctioning at the time, but they will surely make something up.
  • The phone will always ring during the most crucial part of the conversation.
  • No matter what you pay, you will still end up with some type of bill in the mail months later. No one ever calculates the correct payment, and even if they do, your insurance provider will pretend it was still wrong. That is what insurance companies do.

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Comments 10 comments

Jeanastra 5 years ago

You're right! Those scales are definitely 10 lbs off!! ;-)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thank you for agreeing with me. I believe those scales are evil.


Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 5 years ago from Virginia

Great and humorous hub....those scales always add pounds on.....doctor's scales should be outlawed....and those pamphlets are more scary than helpful....voted up


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Yes, the entire doctor's office is just one scary experience after the next. Thanks for the vote up!


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee

This is all good to know, so a vote up. You know that game that you find in the waiting room? The one with all the twisted wire and the balls you move around? There's one on the table in the picture you added. Anyway, that thing is AMAZING. If I go to a waiting room and they don't have one of those, I immediately leave. They usually make me leave, anyway, because I never have an appointment. I just go there to play with that toy.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

NO! Don't play with that game! The kids with the snottiest noses play with that game! Well, I suppose you can still use it, just take some antibacterial spray or wipes with you. Thanks for the vote up!


pinkydoo profile image

pinkydoo 5 years ago from New York

I've also learned that when you have to wait an hour in the examination room, it can REALLY make your blood pressure zoom up!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Yes, you are so right about that. Since my blood pressure tends to run a little low, it actually helps me out. Thanks for the comment!


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

I always go to the doctors prepared...I weigh myself and tell them my weight...you are correct those scales are bogus! I bring snacks, anti-bacterial lotion, iPod Touch (free wifi is a plus), list of questions to annoy the doc and a buddy to hear everything I miss because 9 outta 10 times I'm thinking of a way to prank my doc and not listening to him! All docs have the National News on which is interesting. fun hub Jeannie! :)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Wow, it sounds like you are prepared. You get to watch the news at your doctor's office? Most of the offices I go to are showing soap operas or talk shows. Ugg! Thanks for reading the hub and posting a comment!

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