Things that shouldn't be bought together...

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Some things are better together. Milk and cookies, peanut butter and jelly, bread & butter, it's like it was meant to be. As staples in our lives the two can no longer stand on their own. They make a great couple that when paired together, become one and the same.

Other things however, don't mesh quite as well. They don't get along and should not be put near each other. mentos and soda, bubble gum and Doritos, brownies and lemonade to name a few.

Lastly there's the items that, if put together, will certainly get you some strange looks, and possibly a visit from authorities. Here’s a list of items that, if bought together solely on there own, would be sure to trigger a response, if not an alarm.

Needles and Condoms – This would have to be at the top of the list. Let's see, you stop by to pick up some protection, hoping that tonight's the night. While in the store your mother calls and asks if you can pick up some sewing needles. Being the good son that you are you oblidge, at the counter you suddenly realize how this must look.


Apples and razor blades – I don’t recommend stepping up to checkout with this combo on Halloween.


Twinkies and diet pills– I want to be nice and slim for summer....but I'm not going without my twinkies!


Coffee and rat poison – You pick up some coffee for the office, but there's also that pesky rodent problem. Your boss has really been annoying lately...


Diapers and beer – I've always wanted to get in line at Wal-mart with a case of beer and a box of diapers. When the cashier rings me up I pull out a twenty, look at the two items, and then tell her I don’t want the diapers.


A shotgun and hacksaw - And grab a trench coat while you're there...


Pregnancy test and lottery tickets – Either you're going on an extended vacation, you're starting a college fund, or you're going to do a lot of crying, good luck!



Depends and a video game - Giving up on the job search are we?


Rogaine and nose trimmers - It may be time to connect the dots.


Rope and ladder – May want to put a smile on your face when making this purchase, don't want an impromptu intervention!


Cake and file – Wait, the file goes in the cake? I'm new at this...


A BB gun and ski mask – It’s really cold outside, and that raccoon keeps getting in the trash! You're too preoccupied to realize how this looks until you're approached by a guy with a badge. Care to come with me sir?



Drano and Exlax – Something’s got to give.


Roses and a fishing pole – Gone fishing….and you're sorry. Maybe you'll catch dinner!


Flashlight and shovel – Throw in some duct tape for good measure. Is that your van outside?



Bolt cutters and a bike lock – Ideally this would be better as an exchange. You buy the bolt cutters first, and then return for the bike lock, you know, to protect your new bike.


A chainsaw and Nyquil – Define heavy machinery…


A machete and _______ - Does it matter?


Well I think this gives us a good start. If you find yourself buying any of these two things be sure to throw in some random products just to throw off the scent. You never know what you may need to run out for in the middle of the night, but remember, pay with cash, avoid eye contact, and keep a low profile! Happy shopping!

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Suggestions and Comments 57 comments

stclairjack profile image

stclairjack 4 years ago from middle of freekin nowhere,... the sticks

good gigle for my thursday!


robert curreli profile image

robert curreli 4 years ago from Nutley, NJ

Wow! Great Hub. Hysterical.


kate12402 profile image

kate12402 4 years ago from Storrs, CT

Too amazingly funny!! Where do you get the ideas for some of these hubs??? Love this.


Lynn S. Murphy 4 years ago

Tooo funny. Enjoyable read.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

For goodness sakes, please please please do not buy all of these things at once! My brain would explode!


weestro profile image

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks guys, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Kate, most of these silly thoughts come to me while walking my dogs!


SkeetyD profile image

SkeetyD 4 years ago from Barbados

This is an awesome hub! Thank you, I needed a good laugh


brenda12lynette profile image

brenda12lynette 4 years ago from Utah

So funny!! What a great way to start the morning!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 4 years ago from New York

Hmm and where do you walk your dogs weestro? Seriously funny and if this is a start I can't wait to read more. I really had to share this one as your humor is really hilarious! Voted up and funny.


weestro profile image

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

That's another hub entirely Austinstar!


weestro profile image

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks brenda and SkeetyD, glad I could help!

tillsontitan, in the woods behind my house, I'm sure people think I'm a crazy person when an idea strikes! Thanks!


TahoeDoc profile image

TahoeDoc 4 years ago from Lake Tahoe, California

Haha- thanks for the giggle this morning. That's a great list. In CA, we might add fluorescent grow lights and a police scanner :D


kate12402 profile image

kate12402 4 years ago from Storrs, CT

Hahaha, well considering your picture, your dogs must be hilarious too haha


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Up and hilarious!


weestro profile image

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

Good one Tahoe Doc! Thanks!


weestro profile image

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

They are kate that kate!

Thanks WillStarr!


weestro profile image

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

they are that I meant!


kate12402 profile image

kate12402 4 years ago from Storrs, CT

lol :)


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

A Big Mac and a diet soda!? Haha! Funny list!!:)


weestro profile image

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

Excellent - Thanks Sunshine!


rahul0324 profile image

rahul0324 4 years ago from Gurgaon, India

My favorite was the same as yours!

The needles and condoms... hahaha

Funny!


weestro profile image

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

Yeah, that would have to be the worst rahul! Thanks!


Chris Hugh 4 years ago

This is pretty funny stuff.


dwachira profile image

dwachira 4 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

I like this, clearly weestro you've made my day, very funny. voted up and interesting.


weestro profile image

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks Chris!

dwachira, I'm happy to hear it, thanks for reading and commenting!


CrazedNovelist profile image

CrazedNovelist 4 years ago from Hampton, GA

lol... I laughed out loud several times. I definitely think "Diapers and Beer" is the funniest one. If someone did that... lol.. wow. Great humor weestro. I really enjoyed this and I hope to see you around the hubs. :P

-Aubrey


weestro profile image

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks Aubrey, I'm glad you enjoyed it...and I think the beer and diapers would be the funniest too!


MissyGear profile image

MissyGear 4 years ago

I saw a woman in line with a child's inner-tube, cupcakes, and a bottle of wine. Sounds like a heck of a party to me.


weestro profile image

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

Now that one has me at a loss for words Missy, I would have had to follow her...Thanks for reading!


ElleBee 4 years ago

This is great! I enjoyed a good laugh.


weestro profile image

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks ElleBee, glad you enjoyed it!


Jon Kohan profile image

Jon Kohan 4 years ago from Pittsburgh Pa

wow somebody on hubpages that writes something under humor and it really is funny. loved all of these combos. I tend to get bored so I might just have to go to wal-mart later and see what kind of reaction you really do get if you buy something like that together.

nice work.

Jon


weestro profile image

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia Author

I appreciate it Jon, halloween is coming up, give that apples and razors blade combo a try!


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 3 years ago from The Garden State

I think I've got one that tops all of these. Years ago when I worked as a cashier at KMart, a disheveled looking man came to my register with only two items - a pair of women's panties and a bottle of baby oil. I did my best not to make eye contact with him, and tried not to touch his hand when I gave him his change.


Tom Koecke profile image

Tom Koecke 3 years ago from Tacoma, Washington

I missed this the first time around, weestro! Funny stuff! I like the diapers and beer routine!

How about a feather plume and zip ties?


Julie DeNeen profile image

Julie DeNeen 3 years ago from Clinton CT

This was hilarious! How did you come up with such a ridiculous topic? :)


weestro profile image

weestro 3 years ago from Virginia Author

I can honestly say that that one never crossed my mind when writing this FreddysCat, thanks!


weestro profile image

weestro 3 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks Tom, I like it!


weestro profile image

weestro 3 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks Julie, and I have no idea...


spartucusjones profile image

spartucusjones 3 years ago from Parts Unknown

Thanks for the extremely practical list. If I knew this before it would of saved me some previous grief from past shopping experiences. Thanks for sharing your worldly wisdom! You are a lifesaver!


LagunaAlkaline profile image

LagunaAlkaline 3 years ago from Camas, WA

Thanks for the much needed laugh! Amazingly hilarious hub. And for the record, buying diapers and beer gives you the weirdest looks. Gonna have to try some others!


Robert Erich profile image

Robert Erich 3 years ago from California

Yes! This is a fantastic and hilarious read. I am voting up and sharing. Then I'm going to go buy a chainsaw and some NyQuil... Thanks for the great and entertaining article.


weestro profile image

weestro 3 years ago from Virginia Author

I practically invented practical although I hardly practice practicality.


weestro profile image

weestro 3 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks Laguna, good luck!


weestro profile image

weestro 3 years ago from Virginia Author

Be careful Robert, thanks!


ZofiaLotus profile image

ZofiaLotus 3 years ago from Oregon

One of my friends, who is a Wal-mart cashier, saw the diaper and beer thing. The ;people even put back the diapers cause they didn't have enough money to get both. lol The combo that always makes me cringe is feminine hygiene with chocolate. Just seems so stereotypical. lol But then I'm in line, and think "hm. chocolate sounds awesome" and then the combo is complete and I hang my head in shame. lol


bouyki 3 years ago from kentra maroc

Hello Thank you for a wonderful observer ...


weestro profile image

weestro 3 years ago from Virginia Author

that's too funny Zofia! Thanks for stopping by!


weestro profile image

weestro 3 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks for reading bouyki!


jravity1 profile image

jravity1 3 years ago from bellevue, MI

Ha, that was great.


weestro profile image

weestro 3 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks, glad you enjoyed it!


jennaivy profile image

jennaivy 3 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

I would add the morning after pill and vodka, or vodka and duct tape lol.


weestro profile image

weestro 3 years ago from Virginia Author

Those would definitely get you some strange looks jennaivy, Thanks!


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 2 years ago from Deep South, USA

How did I miss this one? Glad I found it today. I really needed a near-hysterical laugh!

Voted Up and Funny/Shared

Jaye


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Damn...you are one FUNNY guy. I can only imagine if you are "on" 24/7, your wife must be in stitches round the clock. How on earth could anyone stay mad at someone with your sense of humor?

I'm not reading any more of your hubs for today......My abs and my facial muscles hurt like hell. But, honestly, "THANKS." Nothing better for our all around health.

You should be a stand up for sure. At the very least, it seems to me you could make a fortune writing for the big name comedians.....IMO, your talent is amazing.....and I AM a humor expert.....really I am. UP+++


weestro profile image

weestro 2 years ago from Virginia Author

Paula, first, let me assure you that the check is in the mail, not only did I read this to my wife, I do believe she bought it. Thank you again!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

LMAO......You married the right woman!

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