Things to Consider when Shopping for Ballet Shoes
Consideration 1: Do you ballet?
Sure, there's no legal restriction on buying ballet shoes. You can't walk into a pharmacy and purchase a handful of pseudoephedrine without undergoing a colonoscopy exam, but the government has yet to get involved in the acquisition of athletic footwear. As of this writing, exchanging money for ballet shoes is not yet regulated.
However, if you're not currently a dancer or planning to join a troupe in the near future, spending time and money on such foot accoutrement may be not exactly genius. Think twice before you head off to Dick's Sporting Goods or Swan Lake World of Dance with fistfuls of hard-earned cash.
Consideration 2: Do you have ankles?
A ballet slipper is a 'low-top'. Unlike Crocs or wrestling shoes, they do not reach up into the nether regions of the ankle connected to the foot upon which they are slid. If you don't have any ankles, you may be hard-pressed to achieve an effective fit.
We strongly recommend taking a good long look at the area between your foot and your calf to ensure the presence of a useful section of ankle. If your muscular calf blends straight into your foot, walk away from the ballet shoe store and buy a fishing pole.
Consideration 4: Can you handle the fame?
Ballet shoes go hand-in-hand with cadres of discerning groupies and dance critics. Any inclination toward anonymous excursions to the mall for Starbucks should be forgotten immediately. Should you imagine your feet looking sweet in Crocs, prepare for a wildly original experience. Buckle those shoes for a sweet trip into the upper exosphere of celebrity.
The properly selected pair of ballet footwear will allow you access to the most exclusive clubs. Valets will reserve the choicest tables at the swankiest restaurants. Few humans will be capable of resisting your magnetism and style.
Consideration 5: Is there a ballet nearby?
Sure, you might plunk down hard-earned money to acquire your much sought-after ballet shoes. On the other hand, be sure to give proper consideration as to possible venues. We, as a society, sincerely prefer proper footwear coordinated with appropriate opportunities for wearing such. You may find yourself featured on web sites emphasizing improper footwear exemplified by Walmart shoppers. Those sites starve for content: don't provide satisfaction.
Feel free to wear them around the house. Think long and hard before stepping out the front door to retrieve newspapers and wayward soccer balls. Paparazzi lurk in the bougainvillea.
Local ballet companies could possibly welcome you and your proud footwear. Use Yelp and Facebook for their intended purpose of searching for nearby dance troupes.
Consideration 6: Are you nuts?
Many genres of footwear provide multipurpose applications. Ballet slippers fall into an entirely different category. You will never find yourself mowing the back 40 shod in something that danced Swan Lake last night. You certainly can't get married in them. It is entirely possible that members of Congress wear them during filibusters but C-SPAN cameras cannot pan down that low.
Consideration 7: do you have weird foot ailments?
Out of the ordinary foot conditions preclude ballet slippers. They might feel comfortable as you prance around the ballet slipper factory outlet but soon enough your self-conscious nature takes over. You will find yourself gazing longingly at the receipt, knowing that fine print precludes you from returning corrupted footwear. Your cankers and bunions and assorted fungi inevitably occlude your intent to exchange for store credit. It's happened before.
Clerks toiling at ballet shoe stores receive high levels of infectious disease training immediately after mastering the cash register. Like a book that's been read in the bathroom, funky ballet slippers cannot be re-boxed and re-shelved.
Whoop, there it is.
Should you find yourself not yet convinced, go ahead and order pairs of ballet slippers. We live in a mostly free country, unless pseudoephedrine is on the shopping list. Nobody stands in your way as you discretely select just the right fashionably correct dancing shoes. Patiently wait in line with your debit card, surrounded by young ingenues and other people like you. Don't make eye contact with either category of purchaser, lest you lose your nerve before completing the transaction.
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