Not Everything is All About You - My Conversation With a Narcissist

"Two Women Fighting"  Gift of the Estate of Raymond W Phillips, 2008 ( No known restrictions on publication.)
"Two Women Fighting" Gift of the Estate of Raymond W Phillips, 2008 ( No known restrictions on publication.) | Source

About This Poem

Have you ever tried to get past the self-involved paranoia, of a dyed-in-the-wool full blown narcissist, and attempted to tell them that they are actually NOT the center of the universe?

This poem is a tongue-in-cheek view of one such conversation.

Not Everything is About You

If you'll hold on for just a minute

Maybe take a breathe

I've some advice I'd like to offer up

To make your problems less,

Put an end to some of your headaches,

Relieve some of your stress.

It will only take a second

If you'll just give me a chance,

Try to wrap your mind around it

Take my advice for what it is

If you want a plan to simplify your life,

Just remember this,


Not everything is about you.


I know that it is hard for you to comprehend

How anything just could not be,

(I mean really, you're not the Queen of Sheba)

You're a decent enough person, but you’re not royalty

Cross my heart, I promise, It's not all about you

And no, it is not all about me.

Stop yourself when in the moment

Try hard to imagine the big picture in your head

Now listen to me carefully,

See if you can grasp the words I say.

Sometimes you're not the center of it all

Sometimes you simply cannot have your way


Sometimes it is simply about someone else,


Other people's lives have crisis, sadness, tears

And moments of joy, good news, recognition

The thunder isn't always yours

Every person who gives you a passing glance

Does not feel some underlying kinetic link to you,

Sometimes its nothing but pure chance.

Sometimes it is not your destiny,

Or a message addressed to you from the universe

Sometimes the call is actually for someone else

A coincidence, not a thing that was forecast by the stars

(It would be less traumatic for the rest of us, if you'd stop behaving,

Like some terrestrial transient who has just arrived from Mars.)


What's that?


Could you repeat the question please?

I don't think I correctly understood,

(Maybe because you keep talking right over me?)

Maybe I did not hear you right,

Yes, Uh-huh, He or she did what?

Yes.. to interrupt someone is very impolite.

No, I didn't agree or disagree with anyone, it couldn't have been me,

I don't think I know them, no, that name doesn't ring a bell.

No, not everyone is talking about you,

Between working, kids, laundry, and Facebook, most of us don't have the time

(And if you weren't currently making me miserable,

I wouldn't even be bothering with this rhyme)


Look, I know how hard this must be to comprehend


That others are oblivious to your drama

(Some of us can only dream….)

But everyone I know is really stretched quite thin,

Too busy worrying about everyday things

Mortgages, car payments, taxes,

And all the other little "gifts" the mailman is sure to bring.

I swear on the grave of my ancestors, there is no conspiracy

(Didn't you hear me say that people don't have that kind of time?)

If you would only listen, I could stop repeating myself

And stop biting my lip to resist the urge to shout

Maybe if I mix it up,

It is not you, that this is about.


Spy on you? You're kidding, Right?


Do I look like some modern day Matta Hari?

No, I don't work for the Competition, the FBI or CIA

I don't spend my time following you around town or the internet

Jotting down all your whereabouts by way of text

(Really, I mean, Who does that?)

So that I can go back and report it to your ex's ex.

I can barely keep track of my keys, and my kids, and my phone

My life is full, my plate, like my cup runneth over

(What I am trying to say, is that I've more important things to do)

My pen is not a camera, my phone is not a shoe

(Though you've really got me wondering,

What it is that is wrong with you?)


I don't know how to say this any clearer


You are making this quite difficult

I am only trying to convey a simple message

(One I might mention, you are failing epically to get)

Do you think yelling it might help?

THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU!

I SWEAR, I AM TELLING YOU THE TRUTH!

So, did you receive my message this time?

Have you realized you are not here all alone on planet earth?

Did my words finally get through?

What's that?

Well, yes... You're right,

This poem is about you.


(Oh boy was that a waste of energy and breathe!)


-Kristen Burns-Darling ©November 2011 (all rights reserved)

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Comments 38 comments

snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

Hilarious K Burns Darling! There is no talking to a narcissist, but you sure gave it a good try. Regards, snakeslane


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 5 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@snakeslane - Happy to have had the privilege of making you smile this morning. I have had the somewhat dubious privilege of being related to one for most of my life, and have made several attempts trying to make her see reason, (never with any degree of success), so the speech by now is somewhat well rehearsed. Thank you for the gift of your time and for your comments, they are both welcomed and appreciated.

Kristen


nybride710 profile image

nybride710 5 years ago from Minnesota

You're talking to my ex-husband, right? LOL


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 5 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@nybride710 - I don't know, is he related to my sister? At least yours gets to be an ex.....I fear that I will be stuck with mine forever! LOL.... Thank you for the gift of your time, and for your comments, they are both welcomed and appreciated~

Kristen


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Yes, its a lesson in futility and only serves to increase your own frustration. A narcissist hurtles right past vanity to a full-blown personality disorder. Narcissist's cannot pay attention long enough to ever fully hear much less comprehend your logical reasoning, as you well understand. Your humorous dialogue has a brilliant message, ironically, lost on the subject.


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 5 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@Amy Becherer - Thank you so much for the generosity of your time and for your comments, they are both welcomed and appreciated, and yes, you are absolutely correct, it is a frustrating exercise in futility!

Thanks again,

Kristen


gmwilliams profile image

gmwilliams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

You have spoken the truth! There are so many narcissists out there!


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 5 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@gmwilliams - Thank you so much for the gift of your time and your comments, they are both welcomed and appreciated.

Kristen


North Wind profile image

North Wind 5 years ago from The World (for now)

It is funny reading it but when you have to face one constantly it can get frustrating and can really drain you. That me, me, me, me mantra can really grate on the nerves! I know one and you have hit the nail on the head!


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 5 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@North Wind - Amen to that! I am related to one, and I dread knowing they are coming to visit, and always feel like I need a nap when they leave....Thanks so much for the generosity of your time and for your comments, they are both most welcome and appreciated.

Kristen


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

Hi K. Burns! I love this. You have expressed the truth in a very creative way. You are so right. So many people think they are the focus of everything when others aren't even thinking about them. Voted up, up and away!


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 5 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@Dexter Yarbrough - They really and truly do, and from my experience, the hardest thing of all to convince them of is that most people do not spend the amount of time that they themselves do, obsessing over the goings on of someone that they are not the spouse or parent of. It's a crazy obsessive train of thought! Thank you as always for the gift of your time and your comments, they are both welcomed and deeply appreciated.

Kristen


Doug Turner Jr. 5 years ago

Fun concept. It's like trying to catch a hummingbird in a glass jar -- difficult because of the elusive subject. Hopefully they get over themselves someday!


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 5 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@Doug Turner Jr. - I hadn't thought of it that way, but your description is accurate, and I like it very much. I have been so bogged down with serious subjects that I started this one with the actual intent to just have fun with it and lighten up a bit. Thanks so much for your gift of time, and for your comments, they are both welcomed and appreciated!

Kristen


nybride710 profile image

nybride710 5 years ago from Minnesota

Yes, he is an ex, thank goodness, but we have two teen daughters so contact is necessary on occasion. When it is, I never cease to be amazed at his sense of entitlement, his phony charm everyone else sees or overriding desire to control. SO glad to be away from it. Now, I have a sister who I am beginning to think is narcy as well and ditching her is harder. I definitely feel for you!


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 5 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@nybride710 - and if your sister turns out to be, I for you! They are nearly impossible to get away from!


lambservant profile image

lambservant 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest

Bravo! I can so relate. Thanks for a funny and delightful hub.


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 5 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@lambservant - You are very welcome, and thank-you for the generosity of your time and for your comments!

Kristen


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

I’m so vain, I think this poem is about me. About me. Thanks for the gallant effort of expressing this issue. I am beginning to think families are each issued certain types to see how we cope. It is obviously a giant experiment.


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 5 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@mckbirdbks - I think that you quite possibly could be right, but if you are.....I have to say that on all accounts, this experiment has definitely gone completely awry! LOL :-) Thank you as always for the generosity of your time and for your comments, they are as always deeply appreciated.

Kristen


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

12/6...hello, K. Burns Darling, I was spending some time reading hubs of my VALUED followers, which does include you, and I read this fascinating hub and it brought back memories of people in my past who really thought that "it" was all about them. Personally and honestly, these people always made, and still make me on-edge. I am too human for my own good. Hey, keep up the great hubbing and Merry Christmas to you and yours and thanks so much for following me. I apologize for taking so long getting back to you. I have no excuse but for that of I have been pushing to turn out as many hubs as possible before my health gets worse. Thanks for being a good listener. God bless you.


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 5 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@kenneth avery - I had to laugh when you said that you were too human for your own good...I know the feeling! People with these characteristics also put me, as you so nicely put it, "on-edge,"and when I wrote this, I was unfortunately in the middle of an unavoidable negotiation with a family member who is guilty of all of this type of behavior and more, but whom I cannot easily get away from because they are family....(it's a vicious cycle), but I needed to lighten up and laugh at the situation, and the result was this hub. Thank you so much for the generosity of your time, and for your gracious comments, they are always most welcomed and deeply appreciated.

I wish you and yours a very happy and blessed holiday season!

Kristen


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

12/6

Dear Kristen, if is "I" who is thanful, blessed to have YOU in my world. And I thank, no, I praise God that YOU are down-to-earth, humble and caring. And a fantastic writer and friend. I cherish your hubs and you following me. I will work to not take either for granted. Merry Christmas to you and yours. KENNETH


Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

My mother used to say you wouldn't worry so much about what other people think about you if you only knew how seldom they think about you at all. (Yeah, you had to take Mom's wisdom with a grain of salt!) But she was right.

In situations like this I just give up my side of the conversation and listen. That's all these folks want anyway. Then I get up and leave as soon as they pause and take a breath - usually after about an hour!


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 4 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@Kathleen Cochran - Its funny, my father used to say something very similar to that. In most cases, when confronted with this type of situation, I am like you, in that I usually just listen and try to get away as graciously and as soon as possible. This was written after a particularly grueling "session" with a family member who is harder to get away from, and with whom, I occasionally throw common sense to the wind, and attempt reasoning with, you are right however, in most cases it it is both easier and less draining to let them talk. Thank you for the gift of your time and comments, they are as always, both welcomed and deeply appreciated! I wish you a blessed and happy New Year!

Kristen


Pintoman profile image

Pintoman 4 years ago

Sounds like some delusions (apart from the narcissist ones) thrown in too. Nicely done.


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 4 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@Pintoman - Oh she is definitely delusional! Thank you for the generosity of your time and for your comments, both of which are welcomed and deeply appreciated!

Kristen


documentor 4 years ago

Nice to see you write about something you know about, for a change. LOL.


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 4 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@documentor - Thank you the generosity of your time and your comments, they are welcomed and appreciated. I wouldn't say that I'm an expert, but I do know quite a bit about the subject; I lived with one for most of my life, so I can spot them a mile away!

Thanks Again,

Kristen


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

Hello, on January 21, 2012, K. Burns Darling! Me again. I just had to stop and write you. Again. To tell YOU just how much I enjoyed THIS hub. Amazing stuff. You nailed it. I do what I can to avoid self-absorbed people...not that Im a saint, but I have no tolerance for talkers only about "I" done this, and "Ive" done that...and NO listening from them..And to tell you that I still recall YOU being My Very First Follower on Hubs. That is not lost on tradition. Here are a Dozen Red "Cyber Hub Roses," to show you how much I appreciate you doing this kind act of following me.

K. Burns, you are a very special. Talented. And wonderful blessing to all of HubVille.

Your friend, KENNETH


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 4 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@kenneth avery - Awwww! Thank-you Kenneth!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

K. Burns . . .You are Most Welcome. My pleasure. You keep up great writing like this and KNOW that Ive got your back and in your corner.


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 4 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@kenneth avery - Thanks Kenneth, it always helps to know that someone is on your side or in your corner! Some days it makes all the difference in the world!

Kristen


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

Hi, Kristen, you are welcome. And I meant every word of that. Im here for you unconditionally. Keep that in your heart and mind. And have a peaceful day.

Kenneth


jessica.written. profile image

jessica.written. 4 years ago from Flagstaff, Arizona

Ha ahh i loved it. the ending was so perfect. you trying to convey the message that this person is not the center of the universe not on every ones mind. but to him/her this poem is proof of otherwise. Great piece, i could feel your frustration and i can completely relate with where you are coming from. Awesome Up, funny and interesting.


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 4 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@jessica.written - It is a very frustrating situation...no matter what you say to them, you are speaking in an alien language, and they always manage to turn it back to them! Thank you so much for the generosity of your time,your comments,and your votes, all are welcome and deeply appreciated.

Kristen


Ausseye 4 years ago

Hi K Burns da Darling: A piece of brilliant perception made me laugh and enjoy the reading experience. Your effort gave rise to a moment in my mind where I thought..... “ boy doesn’t she know they have a colder brain than most in their experience of passion, emotion, ethics and other basic human empathetic feelings”, and where logic has no place. Makes a cold place for bringing home a humanly vital point, we are a community that needs lots of give and some take to make a warm place for us all to share. If only we all shared a warmer brain, the better life would be a no brainer alas genetic life has a few flaws. Love your work. You will need to Burn some genes and make them hot, humble and human.


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 4 years ago from Orange County, California Author

@Ausseye - Thank you for the gift of your time and for your comments, they are welcomed and appreciated. It is true isn't it, a narcissist does not experience emotion in the same way as most people. I recently read a study that says that it isn't even a matter of "won't" but of "can't" because their hardwiring is such that they cannot assimilate what someone else might be feeling. Whatever the case though, communicating with them is definitely frustrating. Thanks Again,

Kristen

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