Those Closest

People may think I care too much about what others think of me or about me, but the truth is that I do not. I care more about the implications of what those thoughts might mean regarding my relationship with others. The people that I care most about are the ones that have the power to hurt me, whether intentionally or not. Yet, it is not because I need approval to do whatever it is I have made up my mind to do, to feel whatever it is I am feeling, or to think whatever it is I am thinking. It is not even about whether or not these people disagree with me. In fact, it is not really about me at all. I thought it a hard concept to explain, but then I heard a song that seems to explain. If I do not have the power to hurt or disappoint someone, I was not truly loved. And if a person cannot hurt my feelings, I did not truly love that person.

You do not want to know

What really makes me tick

You would rather be content

Knowing what it is you think you know

And I do not owe you

Or anyone else a reason

For feeling what it is I feel or for being

For that matter, a reason for anything that I do

However, should I choose to explain myself

There is a reason for that too

Though it may only be fleeting and not make sense to you

It is all a part of how I maintain myself

It can also be a sign of my trust

In a bond that has has been created

That lasts even when one or both of us is not accurately translated

Because that simply to me seems just

I might even risk pouring out my heart

Knowing that my truth may not be your truth

But it is up to you to do with it what you do

I was not looking for approval even from the start

No, that is not what love is all about

It does not really matter what you think

From myself I will not shrink

Nor will I for long have self doubt

Still, you do have the power to hurt

If only because for you I care

And I hope the bond is one we always will share

Because if you could never disappoint or hurt. . .


Then I have either stopped caring or I never cared at all

© 2014 Shannon

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Comments 11 comments

old albion profile image

old albion 2 years ago from Lancashire. England.

Hi shanmarie. What a delightful hub. It says so much about you and your poetry is heartfelt. As you go through life with this attitude you will achieve your goals I am sure. I think you will maintain your independence as well as your self respect. One other thing you will find peace of mind knowing you did your best. Well done.

Voted up and all.

Graham.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas Author

Thank you, Graham. My will is stubborn sometimes. Haha And I tend to get rather defensive when I feel like someone is trying to take away my independence. Maybe not my best trait, seeing as how there is no need to defend myself for that anyway because I am who I am. But -oh well. And, yes, I think there is peace of mind in knowing that I tried and in knowing who I am.

I just went over to your profile and read one of your hubs about the river of life. It reminds me of two things: a song by Garth Brooks that I love and a poem that I wrote in high school. I wonder if I still have it somewhere.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuO3FhA3PWc


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

I completely understood this piece. You must feel something to care, whatever the action is. People can never hurt me if i don't care about them to begin with, Does this make any sense? Anyway i enjoyed your poetry and song. Thank you.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas Author

Hi Ruby! Yes, that makes sense. It is the point of the poem. I realize the song has a slightly different meaning. She's wishing to turn back time to break the heart of someone that hurt her before he stops caring for her first. But, when I first heard the song the chorus struck a chord with me for other reasons. This hub is what became of it.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

It's another very dear poem.

How one loves is individual. To be able to allow another to follow his/her inner direction and to let go for the good of the loved one is part of it. As a parent, one must eventually face that. But because one's children must find their own way and 'leave' one's closeness (sometimes even rather forcibly) does not mean they love one less and if one allows them to do what they must as they are inner prompted, they learn a valuable lesson of love and come to realize the selfless love they've received.

I cannot imagine thinking of ways and wanting to hurt a loved one, whatever hurt they may have dealt me. To retaliate like that would really undo me more than any hurt someone else might ever deal out. But it's just a song, and she says she 'never would' (do all those mean things). But - - - what one thinks about is part of what/who one is, even if it's never put into action. It should not be taken lightly. But this is just me. As I say - it's individual.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas Author

I NEVER think of ways to hurt someone even if I have been hurt. What got my attention about the song is the point that in order to be able to break someone's heart in the first place, you have to be loved by that person and vise versa. She's wishing he still cared or that he cared at all. At least that was the message I first got from the song. I've since listened to the lyrics more closely.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

That is surely the intended meaning, but expressing it in such a negative way amazes me. Oh, well.

In fact, though, I don't equate being loved or loving with being in control of someone's well-being or self-worth. It's too often a manipulative way people try control, such as "If you love me, you would. . . ." or "If you don't please me, I won't love you." It's more prevalent than the kind of love described in ICorinthians 13, which is totally unselfish and non-demanding.

But, again - that's just me.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas Author

That is my favorite Bible verse because of the unselfishness and unconditional nature of it. I don't see it so much of an 'if you love me you would' kind of thing. Nor is it a matter of self worth or well being. Maybe that song or poem neither one describe my thoughts and feelings so articulately after all. ;)

Whether or not we expect or demand something from someone that loves us or that we love, it is still selfish in many ways. I try hard to give it unselfishly and unconditionally. That doesn't mean my actions aren't interpreted as just the opposite by others. Nor does it mean that I don't selfishly miss someone and wish that person was still here or that that person still cared to be in my life or whatever the reason for separation may be. But, I suppose that, in the end, loving someone is just as much for me as the other person, maybe more for me. Because an angry or bitter heart would not be able to reach anyone else with love anyway.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas Author

The 'it' in the first paragraph being the song. I don't see the song message that way. The phrases you use are definitely manipulative and not truly love. Personally, I think love is more than a feeling that ebbs and flows. It mostly shown through actions, but not manipulative demands.


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 2 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up. A most delightful hub. Loving and caring for ourselves is of the utmost importance because we never know who else can or will.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas Author

Very true, Gypsy. Thank you.

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