Three short stories
Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the woods when she sees the wolf hiding behind a bush. Playfully she slips behind him and taps him on the shoulder, "My, what big eyes you have!" she says. The wolf runs off and hides behind another bush. Little Red Riding Hood follows him and taps him on the shoulder again, "My, what a big nose you have!" she says. The wolf yelps and dashes off to hide behind another bush. Little Red Riding Hood sneaks up on him yet again, and again taps him on the shoulder. "My, what big teeth you have!" she says. The wolf turns on her and shouts, "Do you mind? I'm trying to take a crap!"
Don't step on the ducks!
Three women die in an accident and go to Heaven. There Saint Peter says, "We only have one rule-don't step on the ducks!" They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere. in fact, it's almost impossible not to step on a duck, and the first woman accidentally steps on one straight away. Saint Peter comes along with the ugliest man the woman has ever seen and chains them together saying, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman steps on a duck and she too is chained to an incredibly ugly man. The third woman is very, very careful with the ducks and manages to avoid stepping on any of them. One day Saint Peter comes along and chains her to an incredibly handsome man. The woman is delighted but wonders why she is blessed. She gets on her knees and prays aloud, "Oh Lord, what have I done to deserve this bounty?" The man says, "I don't know about you, lady, but I stepped on a duck."
Bear vs Rabbit
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the sam forest, but don't like each other. One day they come across a magic golden frog who tell them it will give them each three wishes. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were females. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear then wishes that he could have unrelenting sexual stamina. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Mr. Bear makes his final wish-that he would be irresistible to all female bears. The magic frog replies that it has been done. "Okay," says Mr. Bear to Mr. Rabbit. "You wasted your other two wishes, what are you going to waste your last wish on?" Mr. Rabbit puts on the helmet, climbs on the bike, revs the engine, then tears off down the road. Over his shoulder he shouts, "I wish Mr. Bear was gay!"