Top Ten Most Abused Things

10 Traffic Cones

True, they are sometimes seen around traffic hazards, but most are used for pick-up sports games and stopping you from parking where you want because the spotty youth running the valet parking has put a cone there.

9 Exercise Bikes

The most expensive clothes rack you ever bought, right? It sits there taunting you with promises of good health and a long life, but you know you’ll never use it. It is doomed by it’s own lack of any real purpose, a bike that goes nowhere? Just like plastic fruit or bottles of wine too expensive to open – really what’s the point? It deserves to be abused...

8 Rental Cars

Own up. You never drive a rental like your own car, do you? You make it do all sorts of stunt type stuff simply because you can. You’re not going to fix it. You don’t care if it gets an oil leak or the tires wear unevenly, you only care that there are no obvious dings when you return it, complete with an innocent look on your face. It never mounted the curb, it never had the revs in the red zone, and you did not do a handbrake turn or do doughnuts in the parking lot. That was some other guy, am I right?

7 Office Supplies

Why is the word “office” even used? It should just say supplies, or “take me”. Not you? Well answer me this then, how exactly did you get through that entire bag of rubber bands? And, do you really need a new stapler every year, its not like they have a model year or anything, and all those pens you took, used them till the ink ran out?

Didn’t think so...

6 Work Computers

The numbers don’t lie. Daytime Internet use is 50% porn, 27% shopping and 15% solitaire and other computer games. Yes, that leaves a measly 8% for work related stuff. Same goes for emails, 25% work related (maybe), 75% jokes, spam and supportive Christian messages.

At Christmastime the numbers show that work computers are used for personal use (including shopping and sending holiday messages) over 100% of the time, which is impossible, but...

5 Email lists

So you buy a thing at that place that one time and the attractive girl says “would you like to sign up for our frequent rewards program?” and you say “why not?

Or, you are on the computer and you’re looking for a thing and you get redirected to another thing that leads you to one more thing, but, to open it you need to add your email address. So you do, and it’s the wrong thing and you say “Forget this!” (or similar) and log out.

And then the emails come...

Worst offender Career builder.com. Apply for any position and you get an email (or six) from an Insurance company offering you a job. (Once you get past the sign up for classes - now! message)

4 Shopping Carts

Obviously shopping carts are stupid. They believe they can swim. Thousands flock to waterways every week to rust into oblivion. They also serve as homeless people “trucks” carrying all their stuff. Ok... Wait...maybe they are not stupid, the water thing is to simply get away from the street people and wash off some of the smell...

And who made them magnetic? Leave one in a parking lot and it WILL find a car...

3 Milk Crates

Check your garage. You have at least one milk crate in there, don’t you? It holds stuff off the ground, is filled with other stuff and has an area in raised plastic lettering that says something like “This belongs to Moo Dairies, do not remove or take for personal use on pain of death.”

You don’t care...

2 Friends with a truck

It is critical that every person have a friend with a truck. When you move, or just move stuff, you need your friend to give up his weekend to help you do the chores for your weekend. You will pay him with a beer. Maybe a pizza. Cost to you, ten bucks. Cost to friend in gas alone – way the heck more than ten bucks. Camping trip? Need a friend with a truck. Grandma needs a piano moved? Need a friend with a truck.

So...if you are looking for friends, real friends, such as people who actually like you, don’t buy a truck. Find a friend with a truck...

(Friends with a boat, friends with a mountain cabin and friends with tools are also routinely abused, but the truck is a clear winner.

1 Guilt

OK, I know guilt is an emotion not a "thing" per se, but hear me out...

Oh, nothing can make you do stuff you don’t want to do like guilt. Moms use it as a potent weapon to ensure that boys maintain minimum hygiene standards and vegetables occasionally get eaten. I have an eating problem due to my guilt over the “children in Africa who would be glad to have my dinner”, and really, charity? Call it what it is, guilt money.

Religions abuse it, as do spouses, coaches and pretty much anyone in authority and is it for your benefit?

Heck no, it’s so they get something.

And, “You’ll thank me later...”

you never do, do you?

And, you feel a little bit guilty about that...

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Comments 18 comments

ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 4 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Please add to the list - it'll be fun to read your thoughts...

Chris


justateacher profile image

justateacher 4 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

This is great! Wish I could think of something witty to add!


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 4 years ago from California Gold Country

Yes, a wonderful list-- and I can remember wishing sincerely and desperately that I could send my lima beans to Africa or China or India, anywhere where they would be appreciated.

Good to see you around C.Lincoln!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 4 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Justateacher - Thanks for responding anyway!

and... there is no such thing as just a teacher...

Chris


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 4 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Thought I ought to do something after such a long hiatus. The good news is that (according to the US Government) I am no longer unemployed.

Still don't have a job, but...


Infobrowser profile image

Infobrowser 4 years ago from UK

This was fun to read.

I'd have to say mobile phones. Putting aside the mischievous uses people find for them, they get abused non stop. My friends mobile phone fell out of a window about 4 floors high. It also fell into a toilet and still worked fine afterwards. That was a while ago however. It's probably now being pecked to death by a seagull in a garbage dump.


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 4 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

infobrowser

Cell phones should have made the list! Especially when you see what teens can do with them (and what they use them for...)

Thanks for responding and adding to the conversation,

Chris


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Toilets get abused daily - don't get me started.

Welcome back, Chris! We've missed you.


Angie Jardine profile image

Angie Jardine 4 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

Euuu, Austinstar ... let's not go there (especially gent's public toilets!)

Good list, Chris ... especially the traffic cones and supermarket trolleys, they really were creations made to be abused.


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 4 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Austinstar,

Channeling your inner Sue Roy, I see...

But, I have to admit to not quite understanding how toilets get abused, as in not being used for their intented purpose.

The intended purpose is certainly gross, but there's more?

C (yup - still alive, and thanks)


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 4 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Angie,

We have to give Austinstar a pass, she's from Texas...

Not had many additions to the list yet - though maybe credit cards should be on there. You know, abused financially and physically (as a scraper for icy windows, the bottom of my boat, opening doors, getting the spinach out of your teeth...)

C


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Yes, Chris, I know you are not familiar with the Texas tradition of using used toilets for flower planters or for just tossing them down in any old gulley.

Plus no one ever cleans them properly. The seats get all wobbly. People have toilets in their homes with no tank covers. Oh, I've seen it all and it's not pretty.

Currently, the handle is broke on my guest bath toilet and we have been forced to attach a pull chain for flushing. I'm collecting donations for a new one.

But then again, what happens to the old one? Do I have to plant something in it? Oh, the abuse of it all.


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 4 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Austinstar,

Wow. Thanks for the clarification. I hope readers see your plight and send money immediately. Pulling a chain, what kind of crap is that!

Seriously, flowers in a discarded toilet is a tradition? I thought you would just shoot them!

C


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Have you seen the price of bullets these days? Not to mention the gas for the dual axle truck! Heck fire, I'm broker than a run over squirrel in the road.

(Just retired though and that's sweet!)


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 4 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Austinstar,

I'd lend you a buck if I could ... but as I said earlier I'm unempl... no wait, I'm not, so I have even less money. It would appear that I am also broker than a run over squirrel - which is really funny in an English accent!

C


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

I can well imagine.


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 4 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California Author

Ah-hem...

One is rather less put together than one would like old chap, a bit like a rodent on the highway that met a speeding lorry, what!


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

That was actually much better than I imagined. Brit humor is so underrated!

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