The sleepwalker (true story)


My brother-in-law is a sleepwalker. He is in such a deep sleep, that he simply cannot be woken. It's worst when he’s had a night at the pub. There have been several occasions when my sister has found her lingerie (located in the top drawer of the bedroom chest of drawers) decidedly sodden and putrid. Apparently in his sleepwalking state, John thinks he is relieving himself in the bathroom when in fact, he has opened the top drawer

His funniest sleepwalking episode happened when they were staying with an elderly aunt (who lived alone in an ancient house) in England. In order to gain access to their guest bedroom, they had to go through hers first.

One night during their stay, and after a particularly good night at the pub, John walked in his sleep; he opened up their bedroom door, stepped into the old aunts bedroom, and found his way over to her bed...

He was positioning himself nicely against her bed just above her head, and was about to relieve himself, when my sister grabbed him and turned him around. He then relieved himself on the floor; my sister could not rouse him. (luckily the old aunt remained blissfully unaware). My sister wiped the carpet as best she could and led him back to bed exhausted.

The next morning, the aunt got up early to make breakfast for her guests. She thought perhaps a pipe had leaked (causing her carpet to be so wet in the bedroom), and then to her horror, as she went down the hallway, she found John laid out at the bottom of the flight of stairs. She tried to stir him, but couldn’t. (She had no idea he had been sleep-walking and thought he had fallen down the stairs, and was dead, or in a deep coma).

Shaking violently from shock, she went into the kitchen (where the only phone is attached to the wall) and dialed 999 (911). The operator kept her busy asking questions about the emergency. In a panicky voice, she explained that she had found a large wet stain in her bedroom and her house-guest dead at the bottom of the stairs. She gave the operator her address and just as the operator finished questioning her, she heard the sirens come up the road.

Relieved and white-faced she let in two police and two ambulance men. She briefly explained again what had happened as she led them into the hallway ~ but John wasn’t there! She tried to explain that he really had been dead at the bottom of the stairs and she wasn't lying, but where was he now?

Both the police and ambulance men were beginning to wonder if this old lady was perhaps a little odd. Meanwhile, my sister had woken up with the noise of the sirens and wondered what was going on. (John was beside her, lying fast asleep in bed, so she didn't suspect he was the cause of the commotion).

Finally, after my sister explained about John's sleepwalking, the police had a good laugh. But poor aunt Jane was in shock for days. My sister had the bedroom floor professionally cleaned and apologized profusely to her aunt, who has decided my sister’s husband is quite mad.

Luckily, the police and ambulance men saw the funny side of it, but my sister was mortified...She knew what would have happened if she hadn’t moved John from where he was going to relieve himself in the old aunt's bedroom...

Needless to say, they were never invited back.


Copyright © 2009


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Comments 15 comments

petermdhart profile image

petermdhart 6 years ago from Cornwall, UK

Good thing your sister moved him from the aunt's bed! Hilarious!


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Absolutely! Poor thing. But she did move her linger into the second draw down and put John's in the top drawer...


marieryan profile image

marieryan 6 years ago from Andalusia, Spain

What a great story!

My story is of a friend who, although not sleepwalking, probably had had 'a good night at the pub, as you put it. He lives in a small apartment block.

He woke up in the night, also to relieve himself, which he mangaged efficiently, even in the right place...but on leaving the bathroom, he took a left instead of a right, and thinking he was going back into his bedroom, opened the front door to his flat. He walked out of the flat believing he was going back to his bed. Before he realised, the door closed gently behind him.

At this point he f

opened his eyes properly to find himself in the outside hallway to his flat, completely naked. He got a bit confused as to what to do but thankfully realised he could climb along back into his flat from his neighbours' adjoining balcony (a couple of pensioners). Unfortunately this all happened at 3:00am.

Not wanting to awaken them at such a time, he had to leave the building by the main street entrance to look up at their flat to see if there was still a light on. So he tried to cover his embarrassment with the only thing to hand, which was his doormat and didn't quite fit and he went downstairs to see if he could see a light on in his neighbours flat. There was a light, halleluyah, so he started calling up at the window. When the old lady looked out to see who was shouting, she started to scream. (apparently she hadn't recognised her handsome young neighbour wearing only a doormat (which had WELCOME on the front in big red letters). 10 minutes later the police arrived...all was clarified, but not before the police authorized my friend to borrow a bathrobe from the neighbour's husband and climb along their balcony into his flat. He then had to produce his papers identifying him as the true occupier of the flat.

He never got over it.

The neighbours have never spoken to him again and he just doesn't see the funny side of it when the story comes up in conversation and we all start giggling about it...I'm starting to chuckle away to muyself as I'm writing!


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Great story Marieyan! I find these 'antics' hilarious - thank you so much for sharing!


Sa`ge profile image

Sa`ge 6 years ago from Barefoot Island

great story, both of them. i laughed so hard. thank you brightforyou and also marieryan! thank you


ROMANCER OF LIFE profile image

ROMANCER OF LIFE 6 years ago from Honolulu, Hawaii

=-) I'm laughing so hard right now. This is by far one of the funniest hub I've ever read! So hilarious I tell ya!


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hi Romancer of Life - good to hear you are having a good laugh ~ that warms my heart. I believe laughter is good for the soul! Thank you for passing by and your kind comments.


tamron profile image

tamron 6 years ago

Great hub! Very funny! I am also a sleep walker. I worry about taking off in the car during the night so I give my old man the keys to hide so I can't take the car. I got up one night and had to re-leave myself. I put what I thought was the seat down instead it was the toilet lid. When I re-leaved myself it splattered everywhere. I got up the next day yelled at my old man for missing the toilet.


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

LOL! Thanks for sharing tamron; it's scarey to think of what people can do when sleep-walking. Apparently some people sleep-eat and gain a lot of weight. At first I thought that was a cop-out.. but now, I'm not so sure! I look forward to reading your hubs and thanks for stopping by.


rishworld profile image

rishworld 6 years ago from Dreammie Kreatiw World..

rib-tickling...... ha ha ha..... thanks for sharing it....

laughing is good for health...got a good dose today..


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 6 years ago from Florida Author

Hi rishworld, good to hear you had a good laugh! Thanks for stopping by and for your comments, Helen


Silver Poet profile image

Silver Poet 5 years ago from the computer of a midwestern American writer

How unusual! It must have been quite an annoying problem.


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

Hi Silver Poet - yes, very annoying and embarrassing! Thanks for stopping by and reading my hubs :-) Helen


JY3502 profile image

JY3502 5 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

Nice little story Bright. I enjoyed reading it. Voted up


brightforyou profile image

brightforyou 5 years ago from Florida Author

Thanks JY3502 - glad you enjoyed it, thanks for the vote! :-) Helen

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