The sleepwalker (true story)
My brother-in-law is a sleepwalker. He is in such a deep sleep, that he simply cannot be woken. It's worst when he’s had a night at the pub. There have been several occasions when my sister has found her lingerie (located in the top drawer of the bedroom chest of drawers) decidedly sodden and putrid. Apparently in his sleepwalking state, John thinks he is relieving himself in the bathroom when in fact, he has opened the top drawer…
His funniest sleepwalking episode happened when they were staying with an elderly aunt (who lived alone in an ancient house) in England. In order to gain access to their guest bedroom, they had to go through hers first.
One night during their stay, and after a particularly good night at the pub, John walked in his sleep; he opened up their bedroom door, stepped into the old aunts bedroom, and found his way over to her bed...
He was positioning himself nicely against her bed just above her head, and was about to relieve himself, when my sister grabbed him and turned him around. He then relieved himself on the floor; my sister could not rouse him. (luckily the old aunt remained blissfully unaware). My sister wiped the carpet as best she could and led him back to bed exhausted.
The next morning, the aunt got up early to make breakfast for her guests. She thought perhaps a pipe had leaked (causing her carpet to be so wet in the bedroom), and then to her horror, as she went down the hallway, she found John laid out at the bottom of the flight of stairs. She tried to stir him, but couldn’t. (She had no idea he had been sleep-walking and thought he had fallen down the stairs, and was dead, or in a deep coma).
Shaking violently from shock, she went into the kitchen (where the only phone is attached to the wall) and dialed 999 (911). The operator kept her busy asking questions about the emergency. In a panicky voice, she explained that she had found a large wet stain in her bedroom and her house-guest dead at the bottom of the stairs. She gave the operator her address and just as the operator finished questioning her, she heard the sirens come up the road.
Relieved and white-faced she let in two police and two ambulance men. She briefly explained again what had happened as she led them into the hallway ~ but John wasn’t there! She tried to explain that he really had been dead at the bottom of the stairs and she wasn't lying, but where was he now?
Both the police and ambulance men were beginning to wonder if this old lady was perhaps a little odd. Meanwhile, my sister had woken up with the noise of the sirens and wondered what was going on. (John was beside her, lying fast asleep in bed, so she didn't suspect he was the cause of the commotion).
Finally, after my sister explained about John's sleepwalking, the police had a good laugh. But poor aunt Jane was in shock for days. My sister had the bedroom floor professionally cleaned and apologized profusely to her aunt, who has decided my sister’s husband is quite mad.
Luckily, the police and ambulance men saw the funny side of it, but my sister was mortified...She knew what would have happened if she hadn’t moved John from where he was going to relieve himself in the old aunt's bedroom...
Needless to say, they were never invited back.
Copyright © 2009
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