Under The Microscope

Scotch by morberg on Flickr
Scotch by morberg on Flickr

Hate your spirituality
Hate your friends and that computer
3 days sober
Sorry about that one thing, won’t happen again

you’re forgiven

You’re not the woman I married
But are you still in love with me?
10 days sober
Sorry about this morning

you’re forgiven

Don’t give your attention to that machine
Do you love me now, no pressure
16 days sober
I’m sorry, but I’m trying

you're forgiven

You’ve replaced me with your girlfriends
Love me yet?
20 days sober
Sorry about what I did

you’re forgiven...you’re forgiven...you’re forgiven

1 day sober

Comments 37 comments

Pest profile image

Pest 7 years ago from A Couch, Lake Odessa, MI

Is this your alter ego speaking? I am curious.


Elena. profile image

Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

I don't know Pest, I don't think that's the alter ego speaking, I think that's herself.


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 7 years ago from UK

Alcohol is a tough one to beat, and a hard mistress to compete with. This is a heart-felt poem indeed.


St.James profile image

St.James 7 years ago from Lurking Around Florida

You are not alone, nor do you have to due this alone... there are friends and groups that can help, not only the addict, but the family too. Best part its free... all you need to do is pick up that 500 pound telephone and call to find out where they are meeting.

They have save my ass... funny I never thought that was where my heart was connect to.

Hope you can reach out and find what you are looking for.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

20 days sober and all's forgiven good for you. great poem alter ego Randy

you have a forgiving man, he loves you


cblack profile image

cblack 7 years ago from a beach somewhere

I look foward to reading more of your hubs. Great work!


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

So for those of you who don't understand. My husband is the alcoholic. Me and my non-ego deal with this daily. Thank you Pest and Elena for visiting.

Amanda, you got it.

St. J, I'm reaching out to Hubbers.

C.C. Forgiveness is my secret indolgence, it gives me strength in a situation I have no power.

Thanks for stopping by cblack.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

I got it. Very touching and well told...er...versed. Really. This is now a favorite poem of mine. I would say a lot of personal, comforting (maybe) stuff right now -- I can, right? -- but it doesn't seem like the right place. Maybe somewhere else if you want. It seemed to me you got forced into saying more than you might have wanted to in the comments. I could be wrong.

You're asleep now. I send you sweet and pleasant dreams.


Jewels profile image

Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

Wow, that was special.


Benson Yeung profile image

Benson Yeung 7 years ago from Hong Kong

disturbing piece. writing is meant to be disturbing, isn't it?


St.James profile image

St.James 7 years ago from Lurking Around Florida

The best thing you can do... is something for yourself and your family. Al-anon can help you. CODA, and Al-ateen are two other great sources for helping you and your family. They are free and they will help find the strength you need.

The Alcoholic must want to seek help, and quitting cold turkey could be fatal. I hope he can find recovery, but chances are high without the support of those who have found recovery chances are not good for him.

I think these links kind of say it all... If you take the time and watch them with an open heart. You might hear the message of hope, that is being told from one alcoholic to many.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bbaRyDLMvA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLQU-O9Mswc

You can't be responsible for the alcoholic, you can be only responsible for yourself and your family. With the right groups the you, and the family can find hope, strength, and the tools to live.

Randy, I hope you just don't scoff and push this aside. I, like many others, do speak from some form of experience.

I understand...


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Chris, yes but not here.

Jewel, thanks for the comment.

Benson, disturbed is good.

St. James, thanks for all your kind words. I'll watch the links at some point. Not today.


Pest profile image

Pest 7 years ago from A Couch, Lake Odessa, MI

I was referring to your alter ego...mine is dr.jekel and mr hide.  I have been sober for a few days that have turned to years.  As I read this I was thinking of how hard it was and can still be to forgive myself.  Unfortunately because I am a clown here my serious comments are not taken to heart very often.  I am an alcoholic and it was a bitch to kick...rehabs, lost licesnes, detox, mouthwash, cough syrup, rubbing alcohol you name it.  Those are all things that in my right mind  would have never done.  Forgive me for seeing your Hub in a different light than it was meant or others have seen it.

I thought possibly mr hide may have been speaking to dr jekyl.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Pest, No apologies please.  If this poem speaks to you on a different level thats cool, as long as it speaks to you.  I've lived with Dr jekyl and Mr. Hide for 20 years.  Glad you beat yours.  Most smart asses have a very deep and dear side I've found.


Pest profile image

Pest 7 years ago from A Couch, Lake Odessa, MI

I haven't beaten it...alcoholism is doing push-ups just around the corner getting stronger every day, waiting for me should I slip.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

You're awesome Pest! Keep your footing.


Pest profile image

Pest 7 years ago from A Couch, Lake Odessa, MI

well we all know that fact! I can only remain serious for 9.25 minutes per day...I am over exteded for today!


Jewels profile image

Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

Pest, you'd have to be the cuddliest piece of vermin on hubpages.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

I know Jewels, don't you just want to scratch his ears and rub his belly!


Jewels profile image

Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

Exactly! LOL


Zooloot.com profile image

Zooloot.com 7 years ago from Europe

Anonymous’s if that’s a word; there are lots of them. AA, SexA, DrugA, ShoppingA, BusinessA, CreditA, GamblersA etc. etc. etc. but we are all addicted to something these days as we are no longer willing to go on the journey of pure experience’S which tends to induce more of that stuff we are really addicted to; 'natural body chemicals' like dopamine and adrenaline. In fact most hard drugs simply increase the flow of dopamine. Problem starts when the body adjusts and says “We’re getting to much” and the thrill just gets harder to find.

The pain that is inflicted on those who live in the space of an addict (who has chosen one experience to focus on) was beautifully presented here. And even more so their unbelievable willingness to put up with it; and in so doing, end two lives with one tolerance.

Life is for LIVING be it a short life or long but no one should live in the shadow of another persons inability to simply enjoy ALL life has to offer without getting hitched to one element of it.

May I say LIVE again and add WITH PASSION and surround yourself with those people that you never have to say “I forgive you” more than once for the same mistake.

Support is a willingness to guide, encourage, lift and edify. It does not and should not include sacrificing ones right to LIVE a life with PASSION.

Hope that didn’t sound too strong but I have watched too many people give up their LIVES sticking around lost causes who continually say “I’m sorry” for the same old mistakes.

LIVE the EXPERIENCE of LIFE to the full and the dopamine and adrenaline will flow NATURALLY.

But this journeys starts by making choices. CHOOSE LIFE you deserve it.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Wow, thanks for sharing your passion for life. I have kids though, and can't make my happiness more important than theirs. I try to keep my reality, and let him have his. I know I'm walking a fence.


Zooloot.com profile image

Zooloot.com 7 years ago from Europe

I have 7 children but still live life with PASSION. I have also been married 3 times and STILL live life with PASSION.

This one is yours they will have theirs. If they choose to LIVE.

Your example will show them the way ;)


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

If I could just pack them up and run away without hurting anyone else I would. I can't visualize it though. Instead I picture my kids and I joyous, I picture him joyous and I'll let the universe figure out to make that happen.


Benjimester profile image

Benjimester 7 years ago from San Diego, California

I'm bummed that you have to go through such a horrible thing. I wish there was more that I could say. I hope things work out for the best. Thanks for being willing to share.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Benjimester, Thanks for reading.  Sharing it makes it smaller.


MellasViews profile image

MellasViews 7 years ago from Earth

well done. My dad is an alchie... he's pretty decent when sober... but when he's not... forget about it. There've been times I wanted to just about kill him!


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Thanks Mellas, my Dad's one too, but he's just a sentimental sleepy drunk. But he's my mothers problem.


ColdWarBaby 7 years ago

The question in my mind, who's the one that needs a drink?


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

I'd be lying, if I said he never made me want one.


ColdWarBaby 7 years ago

I'm heading to the kitchen now to mix myself another gin and juice.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Would ya get me beer while you're up?


ColdWarBaby 7 years ago

Would that I could.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

I guess I'll take the sentimental drunk over the angry drunk, but the tea totaler over all. I'll be a little more careful with my selection this go around.


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States

Wow, I can't believe I missed this one! This is amazing. The heartbreak and survival.


fortunerep profile image

fortunerep 7 years ago from North Carolina

Never let anyone tell you that you can't. Erase those words from you mind bank. You can, you will, and you will live to tell about it.

Many Prayers,

dori


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean Author

Tom, my poetry chronicles my life. If you missed this you missed a chapter. I'm glad you liked it... different kind of layout. It confused some people.

Fortune, Thanks for your kind words, and for your prayers. I can and I have. Thanks.

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