Under the Spell

Sneaked in like a thief, grabbed me tight

Leaving me more than a little alright

A magician without an ounce of sleight

Under the spell of my brave, white knight

============================

Nobility the lineage of your aristocratic right

A warrior destined to win the good fight

Safe in the presence of your loyal light

Under the spell of my brave, white knight

===============================

Taught me to love with no fear of the bite

Without any games felt warmth outright

Simplest pleasure was the prince's delight

Under the spell of my brave, white knight

===============================

Too good to last brings fear to it's height

Plague of uncertainty is love's lonely blight

Ragged torn pages in the final chapter's write

Under the spell of my brave, white knight

===============================

Beautiful one with wings you take flight

Rising free from the constraints of earthly plight

The stars will keep you in my line of sight

Forever under the spell of my brave, white knight

=====================================

I Miss My Shadow

Comments 29 comments

Vincent Moore 4 years ago

Yes and so deserving so, your Max will always be there in sight, he will never take flight for you my Amy were and still is his sight. The memories you share and the love and laughter you both bared to each others souls. A match made in Heaven you both are and no matter the outcome, remember that Max and Amy are one in Universal time. Pets are given to us to enjoy, comfort, console and love. They are silent partners who nod, stare and lick our faces with happiness. They ask for nothing more than kindness back, if we accomplish that then we will be remembered always by them as their perfect caregivers till the very end. Peace and blessings to the both you you, as always Amy, your words stir tears in Vincent's eyes, a tear is rolling down my cheek as I type this now. Hugs xo


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

You are a wonder my friend! Your poetry seeps into my pores and infiltrates my heart. Beautiful work once again, grabbing us all by the short hairs and refusing to let go.

Peace and happiness to you, Amy!

bill


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Vincent, I keep looking for MacGregor. The last few days, he didn't move about much. Yet, he'd rally for a car ride to the vet. As much as I wanted him by me, I could not bear to see him suffer. And, it wasn't about me...it was about Mac. I told him, before his final ride, to look for "Leo", my beautiful Golden Retriever that Mac grew up with until he died of cancer 3 years ago, and to look for my dad, who would be waiting.

Thank you for your kind words, Vincent.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you, Bill. The day started out with a bad omen. It is 106 degrees today (again) and I woke to no a/c in my apt. I left a voicemail for the landlord and he got back to me quickly. I managed to fix the damn thing per his instructions over the phone. MacGregor was never able to tolerate this kind of heat, but I knew he couldn't today. The a/c is working fine now, provided I bale the water that accummulates in the pan beneath the unit. The landlord said that there must be "dog hair" plugging the drain to the basement. I told him, "not in my apt. The closet that houses the a/c is cleaner than any other apartment here I've seen." He then asked me if I change the filter (which he provides) and I told him "I have to remind the maintenance staff about 3 times before they show up outside my door. And, the last bunch were the wrong size". However, I change them whenever I have them and use the sprayer on the sink to clean and reuse if I don't. ARGGGG

Thanks, Bill, for your visit and encouraging words.


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

You are a true poet Amy.. my kind of poetry.. I vote up and awesome and beautiful.. and sharing

Debbie


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you so much, Debbie.


xstatic profile image

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

Beautiful poem and tribute as well.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you kindly, xstatic.


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful South

You have your own style Amy and I like it very much.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you, Jackie. I'm glad you like.


Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 4 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

Oh, my dear friend Amy....tears in my eyes..."the stars will keep you in my line of sight." Heart wrenching and I know the depth of your pain; your loss. Always your friend and support in times like this, Amy. Kathy


Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 4 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

FOR AMY

When my friend is in pain, which cannot be resolved

As a friend, I remain; I don’t need to be called

To stand by your side, in this hour of grief

Whether in person or thought; rest in this belief

Your sorrow is mine; I’ll help carry the weight

To soften your hurt, to temper this fate

Cruel truth, undeniable; so very hard for you

I’m standing “right here” to help see you through

These simple words do not fix it, won't stop it or heal

But, these simple words come to you, honest and real

I know how you are hurting; I do share your sorrow

I know this will not lessen today; not tomorrow

Your love is forever bestowed upon your sweet friend

As your days are in upheaval; to you do I send

The promise that; believe it, this is not the end

And, soon, you will hold your sweet friend….

Again.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Oh, Kathy, you touch on so many thoughts I have today, through so many tears, it is hard to see straight. Although, MacGregor was so very ill, one moment he was still alive and in a moment, merciful peace with the help of the vet, he was lifeless....of of pain, but so gone. I worry, although it is something not one of us can change, control or answer, where is he? Where did he go? Did he go anywhere or simply cease to exist? Will I hold him again? Does he know how much I love him? More questions than answers as my faith has been tested to the limit over the past two years. I have to believe in a higher power, because someone awfully wonderful created MacGregor.

And, someone awfully wonderful created you, my sweet, beautiful friend.

Thank you for all your kindness, caring, concern and all the love you give, Kathy.


Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 4 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

Amy, I believe that our essence; our 'soul' is pure energy. This has an identity; it has memory, recognition and history. Like radio waves; our energy continues on. It no longer is tied to the tangible body; no....but there is consciousness; as our thoughts, our awareness; our sense of self is "constructed" of energy. this is who we really are. Some call it our soul....that works for me. Animals, of course, are just like we are; and, I believe, after this life; when we are no longer physical, we will still remember; still recognize and still love. If I did not believe this...I am sure there are many circumstances I simply could not handle; could not survive. This miracle of life does not stop at physical death...I truly believe this. No, it continues on in another form. Incredible intellects of the past and present attest to this through differing disciplines..some which relate to one another; others which are completely at opposite ends of the spectrum. This, in itself, assures me that there is more to this life. On many levels, science and religion blend in belief systems through methods which are exact opposites. I hold onto this. You can, too. OK?


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Yes, Kathy, I believe in the "soul is pure energy" concept. It makes sense to me. I believe that we are all recognizably unique for a purpose also. I want to "see" and "know" my beautiful MacGregor in the afterlife, just as I want to recognize everyone I loved here on earth. After my sweet dad died, I was introduced to a medium by a work acquaintance. I spoke with him via the telephone, having never met him personally. He "saw" my dad, asked me who "Ray" was (which was my dad's middle name, unknown to everyone except family) and said his beloved dog was with him and a baby (the medium said it felt like a grandchild), which is still a mystery that may have a possible, but yet undetermined explanation. The medium told me too many facts to discount the conversation, which he taped and sent to me. One day, I decided to replay it as I left the driveway in Hillsboro, MO for work in downtown STL. The tape finished at the exact moment I pulled into my parking spot at work, which was roughly one hour and 20-minutes.

I cling to the fact that there are many mysteries we won't know until.... Thank you for bringing me so much solace, Kathy.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

Oh Amy i'm so sorry.. I didn't know MacGregor was gone. I don't know how, but i feel your pain. Please know that I care. Sometimes hurt sucks so damn hard...


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear Ruby, I had taken MacGregor to the vet clinic last night, as he was in distress. The doctor that saw him thought his back might be involved rather than the cancer. She gave him a steroid injection and an antibiotic injection, as he was refusing food and thus his medication. Today, however, his condition worsened. I returned with him to the animal hospital where an ultrasound revealed that the tumor had grown beyond his bladder wall. He was feeling tremendous abdominal pressure that made even walking difficult. The vet offered the option of trying antacids or anti-nausea drugs, but I knew this would only offer the possibility of some mildly temporary relief, if that. I love him too much to prolong his suffering.

Thank you, Ruby, for your caring and compassion. And, yes, "sometimes hurt sucks so damn hard" is the perfect way to put it.


Tom Koecke profile image

Tom Koecke 4 years ago from Tacoma, Washington

Love transcends life and death. You still love MacGregor, and MacGregor still loves you - and so does your father.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope... Thank you, Tom


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

MacGregor is now among the stars

A happy dog among those he knew before

Glad to stay by his mistresses side

Though she no longer sees him'

She must feel him

As he is in her heart and she in his

MacGregor free at last

Bounding over the flower covered

Fields of Heaven

In Memoriam of MacGregor and wishing you all the best with hugs from me and a sad meow from Sid.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear Gypsy, I'm sure your Sid is like my MacGregor to me, our babies. I thought about Mac whenever I had to be away, even briefly. Suffering is intolerable for our loved ones, yet sending them off on their final journey alone is only bearable in knowing they will suffer no more. It is never easy.

Thank you, Gypsy and Sid, for your kind compassion.


Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 4 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

I believe it, Amy. There are far too many examples and testimonies from those who have experienced beyond our 5 senses...why wouldn't this be so? We are limited when here on earth but, the Universe and absolute truth, is not. We are just 'babes in the woods' when it comes to this. We are earth bound by our senses, our assumptions, our pre determined definitions and programming...shackles which will fall away once we are freed of these ties that bind our pure knowledge aka pure love. This is how I believe. Hope this day is good to you, Amy.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

The maintenance man here came in to unclog the drain pipe for my a/c. Took him just a couple of minutes. He knew MacGregor and was so sad. He told me about his dog, some 30 years ago, that died in his arms and said he'll never be over it. He told me he could never have another dog.

I went outside where my car sits in the broiling sun to clean it out. MacGregors hair is everywhere, even some of his "poop" on the passenger seat following his vet visit yesterday, that I am trying, with breaks, no vacuum or hose, to take care of. Everywhere I look, there is where he's been. I didn't realize the accummulation of medications I have on stock now. I think the things that are the saddest to see are all of his stuffed animals just waiting for him to play. He took each new surprise from me and carefully tucked it in his bed, where he'd go back and retrieve it, play and then put back. His last day, while he was zoning out due to pain, I gently brought him the latest I'd bought for him, and squeezed the "squeaky" inside it, and MacGregor jumped from being startled rather than joy. I knew it was time.

Thank you, Kathy, for your wishes for a day that is "good" to me. It already is since MacGregor is no longer suffering and I was lucky enough to be the "one" in sharing his life. It was "all good."


Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 4 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

Though thoroughly heart breaking; the 'relief' that he is no longer suffering is a part of this.... and that time when indecision or hope stalls the inevitable is so very hard to endure. Knowing, and yet, holding on...knowing, and yet; the time isn't quite here....that space is so very disarming....weakening. The fine line. And, Amy; I am always bewildered at that moment; where in an instant; there WAS and there IS NO LONGER life....this instant is what throws me....realizing. But, again, Amy....I do believe we will hold them again . I see myself on the ground, in green grass, doing 'snow angels' while my furry friends are nudging, head butting, purring and crawling over me...yeah, nuts, crazy, insane....and I don't care....this is the love I receive...and you with MacGregor...sharing the things you two enjoyed together. In spirit. Think of our imagination, dreams, thoughts which are unrestricted....there is an awareness; a point of realization that is unencumbered by our enculturation/indoctrination. Here is where we see a glimpse of what will come. And it is enormous; huge; magical.

I think many will perceive this as crazy...no, THIS life is what is crazy. Ok, I've gone too far, I think. You know my feelings on this. Your last sentence is very true, Amy..and brave.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I actually was surprised yesterday, Kathy, while in the midst of the newness of grief, I thought about MacGregor and laughed out loud. I remembered how "freaked out" he got when my ex, Paul, who gave me the greatest gift possible in MacGregor, discovered that when he donned a hat or "funnier yet" in pulling a hood over his head, initated an animated reaction from 'Greg, with barking, hilarious vocalizations and then relief and obvious joy when he knew it was Paul....every time!!! My MacGregor was a dignified little clown!

There is nothing "crazy" about your thoughts, Kathy. Those thoughts bring me great hope and solace.


BobbiRant profile image

BobbiRant 4 years ago from New York

While the pain of loss can seem beyond endurance at times, those of us, like you, who do feel the pain, the compassion, walk in life truly living. I'd rather be in the company of people like you than those who never feel the hurt, the joy, the feelings that make us good human beings. Much love coming your way, from me to you, like a sister. Know you are good and bad things happen to good people sometimes, but I'd rather feel it all than sleepwalk through life oblivious to another's pain.


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK

Dear Amy, the grief is fresh, searing and daunting but the memories will be softer, kinder and longer lasting. I shared your joy of MacGregor and his antics over the period of time I have known you and I have a tear in my eye at the thought of him no longer surrounding you in a cocoon of joy. I know you will heal, I know it will take time but you must know we are all here for you. My hugs and thoughts right there around you, Amy. Take care and you know where I am.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear Bobby, It's true, but nevertheless, sucks, that the less guarded the love, the more we feel, the harder we fall. But, even knowing that death is inevitable, living with a fortress around my heart, would mean less than zero, without the fullness of love, joy and plugged in connections that lets me know I am alive. I'd compare it to living versus medical life support without hope of recovery...not the real deal.

Thank you for your beautiful perspective, Bobbi. Your words make me appreciate you all the more.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear Docmo, I know that you are right and I will heal. I wouldn't give back one moment of the love, fun and joy that MacGregor brought into my life. I hope he enjoyed his life with me as much as I did with him. Once I get beyond the sadness of remembering his illness, I will be able to close my eyes and, instead of jolting awake from the acute pain of loss in remembering his last days, I will recall the good life he so enjoyed. Right now, I am still expecting to see him around the corner, or wake thinking I heard his feet across the hardwood floors, or a sigh as he takes a favorite spot near me. His menagerie of stuffed animals are sitting as if they are waiting for his return. I can't bear to put them away yet. Healing takes time. I don't want to force it. Thank you for your kind understanding, Docmo, as I feel less alone.

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