Unrequited Love: The One That Got Away

Unrequited Love

Author's Note: I want to thank my friend and confidante, Fierycj for inspiring me to write this hub. After reading First Crush: Reba Ashkar: A Short Story, he insisted that I contact her and find out her whereabouts. I told him that it was complicated and that he and I would talk. So thanks, fiery, for being a friend and for looking out for me.

I often hear of stories from people who have loved someone secretly and that it was tearing them up inside because they did. Instead of facing the issue head on by telling this person that they’ve been pining after for so long, they opt instead to keep it inside, like some kind of dark and dirty secret. Okay, so maybe there is good reason for them doing so—perhaps this person in question is married, or maybe they themselves are married, or maybe this person is the spouse of a brother or a sister, or worse: a best friend. I’ll admit that coming out and doing so can make for some major drama in your life and would consequently create some ripples that will no doubt become tidal waves before long…

But I had no such problem.

Instead, I had my entire life ahead me, with good intentions of perhaps settling down, and the opportunity to set things in motion before it was all but too late, like her getting married. I’ve thought of her quite often before all of this happened. When she left our town’s public school system to attend Catholic school, I often thought of her. When I experienced my first heartbreak, my second and third, I thought of her, because to me, she would always remain beautiful and serene. You could say that I thought her immortal in this sense. And perhaps in the end, she will always be better than anyone else I could and would ever find.

Our Story Begins

Due to the fact that I’d rather not reveal her true name, this girl in question will be named Reba Ashkar. In case you are wondering, Reba Ashkar is her real name, only in the form of an anagram. Our first romantic encounter, you might say was recounted by me in the form of a story in my hub, First Crush: Reba Ashkar: A Short Story, which is non-fictional. My fondest memory of her takes place there, at our sixth-grade dance. My memory of the event lives there. In addition, I also make mention of her in another one of my hubs titled, If I Had Wings: A Short Story.

The two of us shared the same nanny. After kindergarten, the two of us would walk back with our nanny to Reba’s house where we’d have lunch and take our afternoon nap. It was at her house that the two of us would play together and watch Mister Roger’s Neighborhood and Sesame Street. I remember when first learning of the concept of marriage was and imagined myself being married to Reba. It just made sense to me, as she was the only likely prospect.

As the years passed, I learned some hard truths about how different the two of us really were: She came from a prominent, upper-middle class family and I came from a poor Lao immigrant family whose parents were blue-collar workers. Upon immigrating to the United States, Reba’s family was one of the seven families that helped sponsor us by introducing us into American culture. I’ve just finished my first novel in March of 2008 in which recounts the period leading up to our families meeting one another, titled Yellow House. My hub, Why I Write: A Reflection gets into a bit of detail about this as well.

There were other differences between us. As we grew up, we grew apart. She became very popular in elementary school while I really kept to myself and had only a handful of friends. I felt that everyone in school came from rich, well-to-do families with the exception of my family of five children with me being the youngest. I had to learn Lao and English concurrently and struggled to find my place in the classroom. When I began playing football, things began to change and so I began to grow somewhat in popularity.

It is at this point that our sixth-grade dance takes place. I find it funny that I’ll often forget my cell phone or wallet nowadays, yet I can recall all the fine details of dancing with Reba that one night practically to a T. She was beautiful that night and for the first time leading up until then, I felt beautiful too. At the dance, it was girls on one side and guys on the other and in between was the Red Sea called No Man’s Land. I remember how difficult it was to summon up all of my courage to ask her to dance with me and she to my surprise, said did not let me down. Cliché or not, the two of us danced the entire night. While holding her in my arms, I remember feeling complete and perfect and believed that if the world were to end that night, it would have been fine by me.

After that night, I could barely sleep because I was so excited about the newfound feelings I had for Reba. It was the first time I felt what I was feeling and did not what that feeling to end. I had this grand plan to ride my bike to her house to pop to her the big question that had been consuming me since the time her and I parted company at the end of our dance. Not once did I have any doubt leading up to that moment when I decided to do so. She took some time to give me an answer. I don’t remember her exact words now, but it when in the way of, “Let’s just be friends.” I’m pretty sure that was the moniker. She was leaving to go to summer camp then and I wasn’t. I was devastated with her answer and was very confused with what I was feeling then, especially after the night the two of us had together: How could we’ve been so close only a few hours prior and not exhibit the same feelings for each other? I spent the following summer, between six and seventh grade telling myself that I wasn’t good enough for her and sitting down and eating Pity Pie by myself. By the end of the summer I did begin dating another girl, but truth be told, Reba wasn’t ever far away from my heart. She would go on to Catholic school the following fall while I went on to public middle school.

My Second Heartbreak

I had a very difficult time in high school years later. I won’t get into all the fine details, but let’s just say that I wasn’t all that studious in my earlier years, after showing so much promise in middle school. Just before I broke through and regain my will to succeed however, I broke up with who I thought was the love of my life. Her and I had a short stint together but then broke it off pretty badly. Reba’s mom contacted me at around this point in time and offered me a job to work as a camp counselor at a summer camp in New Hampshire. She didn’t have to remind me that Reba would be there. My decision to go was a no-brainer.

For the following two summers, I went to work at this camp as my grades steadily went up and kept my feelings for Reba in-check. Just as she was popular when the two of us were in school together, she was popular at the camp as well, not surprisingly. She was dating a counselor during each the summers we were there together and I just pretty much kept to myself with how I felt about her. I was still getting over high school sweetheart but found it easy to do while seeing Reba again, this time even more beautiful, popular and interesting. I couldn’t help but to feel ugly in her presence.

When both of us graduated from high school, she went off to college in Vermont and I went off to a college in Upstate New York. I actually received a scholarship from a my town’s community scholarship fund, a scholarship from my course of study in high school, and a partial scholarship from Northeastern University in which I turned down due to the fact that I would have been over $60,000 had I attended and a college in Upstate New York pretty much a full-scholarship, which I of course accepted. So out of five children, I was the first to attend college and the first to graduate with a degree in Creative Writing. Coincidentally, Reba and I were only about forty-five minutes from each other during our tenure at our respective colleges during our first two years, but not once did I contact her. But I thought of doing so, believe me, for were it not for my falling completely head over heals with my college sweetheart of two years; I would have done just that if it wasn’t so.

Just as I had some issues in high school, I experienced practically the same thing in college, but would repent for my sins of academic inadequacies yet again, after revisiting my beloved camp in New Hampshire. My sweetheart from college had just dumped me (for good this time) and I was in pieces. At camp, Reba and I were reunited once again and this time, after a five year hiatus. She was even more beautiful than any of our previous meetings. She and I were by then adults, having experienced just about everything adulthood could throw at us. When I saw her this time around, the cute little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes was gone. Instead, standing before me after so many years was a drop-dead gorgeous Cover Girl model.

Follow Your Heart

Believe or not, I knew that Reba would be arriving at the camp about five minutes before she actually showed up. I don’t have any psychic powers that I know of but rest assured, I knew that she was near a few moments before she drove in. My heart was pounding the entire time. A flush of excitement came over me equivalent to a hot-flash but this was pleasant (I hope you don’t think I’m nuts for saying so). At the time, only the staff members were at the camp and I was on KP and cutting up some chicken. The other counselors around me were getting all excited because Reba had finally arrived. Reba was pretty much a celebrity there. Stay calm, I thought to myself. Don’t act so goddam excited for her sake…So I tried my best to do so by keeping my composure so had a plan to pretend that her arrival wasn’t a big deal. But she walked in through the kitchen door I damn-near chopped my finger off. “How are you?” She asked me. My knees got all weak and I’m pretty sure my hands were shaking too. She ran over to me and gave me a hug. I don’t remember what I said in response (it might have been, Duh? I’m not sure now). Everything was just happening so damn fast and while in her embrace (I could not well hug her back, what with the chicken gore on my hands) everything came back in a rush:

The two of us were back at our sixth-grade dance again. It was the beginning of the summer and the end of elementary school for us. The two of us were swaying back and forth to sound of the music with the Long Island Sound in the backdrop. She was holding me just like she was that night, with her arms wrapped around my neck. I could smell the nostalgic, celestial scent of her hair, could feel her warmth rush over me, and my heart wanting to leap out of my throat, wishing that the Reba both from the past and present, would never let go…And if I could have spoken at that pivotal moment, I would have told her then what I am telling you now—that I remember.

For the first time in a very long time, I felt at home, seeing Reba again on a daily basis, and back to doing what I absolutely loved, which was working as a mountain biking instructor and camp counselor to eight of the rowdiest yet most lovable kids a guy could want—one of them my own nephew. So Reba and I had a great deal of catching up to do. She found out from me that I had just gotten out of a serious relationship and I found out from her that she had just gotten into a serious relationship. I told her that I was happy that she was seeing someone new, while fighting the urge to tell her how I felt about her. In addition to being out of a relationship, I was also in the middle of transferring from one college to another.

In a few instances during that summer back at camp, I sometimes thought that she was watching me. Sometimes I’d catch her, but then she would look away. But Reba wasn’t giving me enough signs to really do anything about it. My idea was that she just wasn’t sure about how she felt about me and to that extent; I believe that I made the right call. On one instance while on a night out with a few of the counselors, she asked me if she could ride back with me which I of course didn’t object to doing. The two of us had the best conversation in recent memory during the twenty minute drive back to camp. After not being able to keep it to myself any longer, I confided in a fellow counselor my feelings towards Reba. “You have to tell her how you feel,” my friend Dave told me. “Otherwise, it’s gonna tear you up inside.” I certainly didn’t disagree with him, but I also didn't listen to him either.

I Hate Goodbyes

When I got word that Reba’s boyfriend was going to be visiting her I became very jealous and defensive. As soon as he arrived, I wanted to be as far away from him as possible. I didn’t know the guy, but knew enough to hate his guts, as cruel as it may be. I was relieved when he finally left. Maybe it was a bit juvenile for me to have felt that way, but that’s just the way it was.

During the time leading up to our departure from camp, I was asked by my friend Dave whether or not I came clean yet and grumbled when I told him I didn’t. Call it cowardice if you want to, but I just didn’t have it in me to do so. And so during the final night in which all of the campers and counselors would spend together that summer, we had a special event in which all of us sang songs around a huge bonfire. In the middle of, “You Are My Sunshine,” Reba got up suddenly and ran away crying. I had no idea at the time why, but was really sad myself in anticipation of seeing everyone leave the following day.

“Did you see Reba tonight?” My friend Dave asked me. “She was looking at you the entire time." I stared at Dave for a time and told him that it was really wrong to play games with me, after which he and I began arguing, until one of my own campers spoke up:

“I saw her crying too,” Ian said.

“She was watching you the entire time,” Jesse said.

“I saw her too,” my nephew Johnny said.

That’s when I became sure that all of this was real and began to believe in the impossible. During a very emotional and memorable last few days we had together, Reba and I barely spoke. When I heard that her boyfriend was coming to pick her up, I again made myself invisible. Besides that, I hated goodbyes. The truth was, I never wanted to say goodbye to her. When all of us finally went home, I was a mess and no one knew why but Dave. "This isn't over," he told me. "Promise me you'll tell her?" I did.

The Bravest Thing I Ever Did

About a month after we left camp, I thought to give Reba a call. Mind you cell phones were yet to become widely available and I had yet to get a land-line phone. I gave in to the urge to call her and did so while standing in the rain on a pay phone via-phone card. “How are you doing at your new school?” she asked me. I thought about how I was sleeping on the floor of my new studio apartment of which size the Japanese would have scoffed at, with my 13-inch color TV and no cable. “Okay,” I told her. But even then, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her how I felt…Neither did I tell her a few weeks later when she was in Spain and studying abroad. After swapping emails for at time, she stopped doing so on her end. An entire year would pass...

But then one day I was harshly bitten by the writing bug, a kind of Jerry Maguire moment. The thought finally came to me. One night, I stayed up late poring over a letter to Reba, recapping basically what I’ve already discussed in this opus of a hub—thanks for sticking around by the way. I actually got choked up by the time I finished the letter to her. The time had finally come to confess to her how I really felt about her after all these years. Writing her letter was the most emotionally draining piece of writing I’ve ever endured. I felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders just as soon as I finished. It was finally happening!

To paraphrase the letter to her, I said the following, at the very end of her letter:

“I want to tell you, Reba, just how much I love and respect you. You have always been near my heart and always will be. You are the one sweet reminder that there is hope in this world and that life is worth living.

Love Always,

Dohn

The following morning, which was a Saturday, I went out and a made a photo copy of Reba’s letter and sent it out before noon. I then returned home and waited for her response. It wasn’t until Wednesday that I’d hear back from her (I finally got a phone in my tiny apartment by the way). A couple of seconds before the phone rang; I knew it to be her. My heart was beating too fast. I pressed TALK. “Hello?” I said. I don’t remember breathing. After the two of exchange pleasantries, I heard Reba draw in a breath.

“I don’t feel that way about you…” Silence. I didn’t know what to say, but remember thinking that she wasn’t telling me the truth. Reba then began crying. I don’t know if it was the sound of her crying or pain I was feeling in my heart, but in either case, my eyes began filling with tears. “I’ll be okay,” I told Reba or myself. “It’s all right.” After which I hung up the phone and shut off the ringer. I needed some time to think. It wasn’t until two days after did I force myself to eat again.

Epilogue

Many years have passed since I sent that letter. I’ve had a couple of relationships here and there, but have yet to simply forget about her. The worst thing that I could be is a stalker in her midst and keep on telling myself that when the urge to search for her happens. If I had to guess, she is most likely married and with children. A part of me wants to know how she is faring in this world and another part of me just wants to move on and remember her the way she was always was and always will be: Flawless and absolutely beautiful.

Someone once asked me if I believed in fate. I told them that I didn't, but that life is a mix of both free-will and fate. Foretelling the future is another abomination. It's like predicting how a tree is going to grow when it's only a sapling. There are just simply too many variables. So with this in mind, I don't think that Reba and I were meant to be together. I do regret not acting on a few things sooner, but I don't dwell on it. I am however a firm believer that all things happen for a reason and am sticking to it.

So wherever you are Reba, I hope that you are well and that your family is happy and healthy and safe from harm. I hope that whoever did steal your heart loves you more than I ever could. I want you to know that I will always love you, no matter who I end up spending the rest of my life with. We will always have that night, won’t we Reba? Nothing will ever change that.

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Comments 105 comments

Ishavasyam profile image

Ishavasyam 7 years ago from Leeds,United Kingdom

Very touching..the way you are able to touch your inner feelings and able to watch them without getting emotionally involved is just marvellous..words fail me to praise ..


\Brenda Scully 7 years ago

loved this, but i will read it again to get the full feeling for it....... keep writing,


anime_nanet profile image

anime_nanet 7 years ago from Portugal

The heart can be a pretty complicated affair!

Always go with the flow, I say :)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Ishavasyam & Brenda--Thank you for reading this! Both of you guys were so fast in responding! I really appreciate both of your comments and will continue onwards. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank anime_nanet. It took some time to finish this, but I hope that it was worth it. Great advice.


Mrvoodoo profile image

Mrvoodoo 7 years ago from ?

Beautifully written Dohn, one of the most honest pieces I've read in a long time, with a happy-kind-of-sad or a sad-kind-of-happy I could relate too (I think you know what I mean). There's no forgetting the 'one' (be it with a smile or tears).

Maybe in the next life (although I wish it had been this one for you dude). =)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks, Mrvoodoo. I really appreciate that. There is no one in this entire world like her. I admit, writing this piece was pretty difficult to do, but wasn't as nearly as difficult as her letter, which I still have to find because when I moved, everything got scattered...Again, I appreciate your support!


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas

Another great hub, Dohn! Thanks so much for sharing this part of your life. It reminded me of my "Flutterings from the Milkman" hubs in how it's been something that has haunted you for decades.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you, KCC Big Country. It's so good to hear that from you. You have so many hubs that I still have to read to make up for lost time (since joining HP only a two months ago)! I'll make sure to check them out as now I'm interested!


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 7 years ago from Upstate New York

Wow, dohn, you know...that was a great piece. It must've cost you something to write. I'm glad you shared it with us. I think we all have someone we can't forget...don't really want to forget...

Thank you for sharing.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you, Paradise7! I'm glad you think so. I really tried telling this story as brutally honest as I could. One of the elements that really help to inspire me was the movie "Shakespeare In Love," in which Fiennes tells Paltrow, "You will never age to me," which struck a resounding chord in me.


Useful Knowledge 7 years ago

Dohn,

This was very good. It is funny how we never forget those special moments from our past. I think everyone can relate to this story. I know that if you ever really love someone, you always will, no matter who you are with later i life. Again, another perfect write from your heart!


wesleycox profile image

wesleycox 7 years ago from Back in Texas, at least until August 2012

Dohn this is a very touching story that is very close to my heart. You have told this story with such emotion that I can feel it. Keep up the great work and remember that things do happen for a reason and things have a way of working themselves out, sometimes in unseen ways.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Gee whiz, UK. Thank you for that :D Do you see what I mean about your awesome comments? I really appreciate you checking up on me and then going ahead and reading this hub! It's so nice to work hard on something and then receive a little praise for it. Thank you again, UK. You are a true friend.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Hey, Wesley. Thank you so much for that. Reba was and still is a very important part of my life. Whenever I fall down in life, I would sometimes ask myself how she would view me, at that very moment. She has certainly affected me in a very positive manner. It's always great to hear from you, Wesley (awesome avatar by the way) and always look forward to reading your responses.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 7 years ago from Canada

Dohn,

You have written this from the very centre of your heart -- full of emotion, honesty and courage. I can feel you as I read your words. Absolutely moving! I smile for your courage; I pause for your pain. You are a beautiful person.


IslandVoice profile image

IslandVoice 7 years ago from Hawaii

I don't think we ever lose those we love, because they remain in our hearts, just like Reba remains in yours. You do have to go on and be open to what is in store for you, in the near or far future. That's up to you. A beautiful heart tugging piece.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Beth100-I'm so glad you and I have gotten to know one another. I too enjoy your work very much. I appreciate your feedback and will always look forward to your comments. Thank you for reading this.

IslandVoice--Thank you so much for reading this. I will take your advice to heart and know that happiness is just around the corner, so long as I'm open--you are absolutely right. I learned only a few years ago, on my own that happiness doesn't just come to you like a letter: It's a decision you make own your own behalf. Thanks again.


awsydney profile image

awsydney 7 years ago from Sydney, Australia

Dohn, this is an amazing story. You have a big and beautiful heart!. Thanks for sharing!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you very much, aswsydney! It's always good to hear from you. That was very kind of you to say :D


cosette 7 years ago

oh my god. Dohn this was amazing. I could see it all...you at that payphone in the rain...all those years worshipping her from afar...what a beautiful testament to true love. she IS safe, because she is in your heart.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you so much for that, Cosette. She still does mean so much to me. When the time is right, I think that I will see her again. I just know that our paths will cross again, as it always does.


Catherine R profile image

Catherine R 7 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

Goodness that made me feel so sad - I was right there with you. I can't help feeling that your paths must cross again too. Life works in strange ways sometimes.


emievil profile image

emievil 7 years ago from Philippines

wow, I mean, I'm speechless. This is quite a story dohn. I was really expecting the two of you to end up together and I was disappointed when I came to the end. Guess I am too much of a romantic at heart and I just can't imagine not being with the one I love. I do hope that you'll find the woman who is for you dohn (if you haven't already). Good luck and thanks for sharing your story.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks, Catherine. Sometimes when I do imagine the two of us again after such a long hiatus, I see her as explaining to me truthfully why things happened the way they did. In each of of our encounters, I always felt that we were on the cusp of something truly remarkable and wonderful, yet were too afraid to take that next step.

Thank you for reading me.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Believe me ernie when I tell you that I wish this story did end on a high note! I remember writing this to Reba when I was in high school:

Is it amazing how the one we love,

we lose and never find again?

It's terrible to hear that now. I don't remember the rest of the poem and don't want to. But I do believe (as I said in the last few comments!) that our paths will cross, ernie. It's just a matter of time really! Thank you again.


shamelabboush profile image

shamelabboush 7 years ago

I love your diction. Your style is just amazing and I really don't regret fanning you. I liked the Epilogue bcz I think it has deep meaning, words that are beyond the outsdie surface... Good work dohn...


Peter Dickinson profile image

Peter Dickinson 7 years ago from South East Asia

Thanks dohn, a very nice hub. - life is very hard at times but it is love that keeps it going. It is a funny thing but I still love every girl I have ever loved. You are never too old either. The hardest thing of all is loving someone so much but you cannot be together...as you have found.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Shamel-I always love your comments, thank you. My main focus when writing this was to be as honest as I possibly could. The epilogue was actually a last-minute add-on. I'm so happy that you like and appreciate it.

Peter-There's nothing wrong with what you say about our previous engagements whom has kept with them a piece of our hearts. I know exactly what you mean. My last serious break up was indeed detrimental to my well being, but in retrospect, I still care about the girl very much and so continue to care about her whereabouts to this day. Thank you.


divinemercylover1 7 years ago

Very lovely writing and a very humble heart you have. Your story is so full of real life and similiar experiences I have shared. You have also helped me to grow in my heart as well as a writer and I truly hope you continue to share with us here on Hubpages, as well as your writing career...quite prolific beauty you are as a writer and an individual. Thanks so much for sharing with us all. Kindest Regards. John aka SP


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you so much, divinemercylover1 for all of your diplomacy regarding my writing. I'm always happy to share and always look forward to hearing everyone else's unique story. It's so good to hear such wonderful and encouraging feedback. It's a absolute honor. Thanks again.


E. A. Wright profile image

E. A. Wright 7 years ago from New York City

What a rush of emotion and bittersweet reflection is packed into this piece!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you, E.A. Wright. Throughout my time in both high school and college, I've always been taught to not waste words. It means a lot to hear that from you, as I always look forward to hearing from you.


fierycj profile image

fierycj 7 years ago from The Fiery Heart of Africa

Thanks, buddy...You're a friend, and I'm being really concerned about you...looking out for ya, if you will...not that you really need that, though. I hope she finds this hub, somehow...I'll be happy if you finally talk to her and tell everything...even if she's married and all, I know it'll do you good to just get it out your chest...trust me, you'll feel like a new man, and that's what I want for ya...


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

She has definitely influenced me, bro, as you can see. I know that I really want to (I'm a pretty smart, resourceful guy) I can find her, because our families are so close to one another. I know that if she was able to come across this hub, for instance, she will pick up on the fact that its really me just by reading my profile, avatar or not.

I understand what you are saying. I am no longer that little boy and she is no longer that little girl, yet, we are still the same people. I really do want to ask her why it is she didn't give me a chance-that's what really urks me when I think about it. We definitely had chemistry, yet the two of us never left the doorstep.

And just like I said before, telling her might complicate things...Shit, which reminds me--that college sweetheart I made mention of in this hub just "friended" me on Facebook--no joke. Her and I haven't spoken in 8 years! We haven't talked yet, but she now married (whether or not she's happy, I don't know or think so) and has at least one kid-a girl. I'm still on the fence about contacted her too.

Sheesh...We'll talk some more, bro. Until then, thank you for being a friend. You know I mean that!


Rebecca E. profile image

Rebecca E. 7 years ago from Canada

a very touching story, wondersully written and so bittersweet. I feel for you.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks, Rebecca. Maybe I'll start a movement of some kind in which hubbers will begin contacting their unrequited loves! Funnier things have happened. I appreciate your comment very much. Thank you for visiting me.


Am I dead, yet? 7 years ago

Dohn, thank you for sharing your story. It is so hard to love, for so long. I wish you future happiness, eternal.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Dohn, You are a true romantic. You are so in touch with your feelings it's a joy to read your heart in your words.

I kept hoping the story would have a happy ending. But know what? It did. You got a lot of great hubs from Reba!

And we all got to know you. So thank you, Reba, for giving us the gem that is Dohn. MM


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

AIDY--I thank you for coming by and reading. It certainly was a relief to have come out and finally tell her. Thanks as always.

MM-Ernie thought the same thing! And believe me, no one but me is the sorrier! It's so great to hear from you again MM. Perhaps that the pain from heartbreak has improved me as a writer and Reba is responsible for some of that. Please stop with those comments MM, one of these days, you're going to make me cry :D


jill of alltrades profile image

jill of alltrades 7 years ago from Philippines

What a beautiful and touching story! Unrequited love is always bittersweet but I'm sure you would not have it any other way. Right?


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 7 years ago from London, UK

Very touching story. This makes me think that maybe there is such a thing as "soul mates". I really hope your paths cross again in life. She definitley has a piece of your heart. If you do meet again - stay in touch. You have a very special bond. :)


sheristeele profile image

sheristeele 7 years ago from Siler City, NC

I can tell from your writing that you deeply care for this lady. I believe however, that not only are there the wonderful relationships in our lives that are real, but that we should also embrace the ones that are "the might-have-beens. I still think about someone I cared about many years ago, and for some strange reason, the bittersweet memories of knowing that I have those memories to embrace with no bad memories of him, makes me care even more about him. I have never told him how I felt however. I probably never will. :)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Jill of Alltrades--Thank you for the comment. Reba has certainly been a force throughout the course of my life. I won't ever forget her and no, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Lady_E--Thank you for commenting. I too hope that our paths will cross again and believe me when I tell you that it will eventually and inevitably. I still have a few questions for her that need answering :D Thank you again.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

sheristelle-Well, to decide on whether or not to comply to the urges of your heart is a decision that only you can make. I'm sure you have very good and practical reasons for doing so. I really like your philosophy in investing our time in the "might have beens." I know exactly you mean. Sometimes the love of our lives is right in front of us, yet we don't know it. No one should ever miss out on such a worthwhile opportunity! Thanks.


Karraline profile image

Karraline 7 years ago

wow, that was amazing. I am both sad, and thoughtful...and speechless. Thank you.

-Caroline


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you, Caroline. That's so good to hear. I'm doing much better now :D


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

Oh Dohn what a beautiful hub. You are indeed a little softy inside. Oh boy, I could write a story about this too. Just kick myself for letting him get away. :(


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Yes, the jig is definitely up! Love certainly does work in mysterious ways, doesn't it BP? Whoever this guy is that you're referring to should be making strides to finding you :D Thank you so much for reading this, BP! It means a lot to me :)


vini9 profile image

vini9 7 years ago

This is so beautiful, what u feel for her is so beautiful. I loved it!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you very much for that, vini9. I appreciate your heartfelt comment.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

I broke it off as I thought I loved someone else sigh, then when I realised it really was him, he was married sigh. It also never worked out with the other guy grrr. I saw him one day five years later and we loved each other but it was too late he had a beautiful baby, and being the devoted guy he is, he had to put his all in his family. Gee I have made some huge boo boos in my life Dohn. xo


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

You sure had a history of heartbreak, BP. I guess I'm more like the guys that you speak of. The biggest problems I had with my past relationships was that the women I was seeing at the time were just not ready to take that next step if you know what I mean. I spent many nights wondering what was wrong with me and wondering other futile thoughts that really didn't add up. I needed the help of some of my friends to tell me that I was better than what I thought of myself and that the only unlucky ones were the ones that were not yet ready for me.

Timing is certainly underrated, isn't it? I found now that love is truly a gift that should be cherished wholeheartedly and that it takes two to make a relationship work, no matter how much one person loves the other person.

Thank you for sharing that with me BP. I hope that we can continue to talk some more about this and everything else under the sun. I've really missed you and am ecstatic to see you back in action! I'll always be around somewhere or another to hold your hand :D


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 7 years ago from East Coast, United States

john, she could have answered you in a kinder fashion, but romantic rejection is always a heartbreak. I hope she appreciates the value of your feelings, she is fortunate to have earned your love. But that crazy, ga-ga love doesn't always take us through life in a happy manner. You need a match - someone who is deserving of your love, someone whose basic interests and goals are similar to your own.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Spoken like a true pro, Dolores. Thank you do much for your advice. I spent many nights pondering the urges of my heart about Reba, so much that it heart. There really was only so much that I could endure before I eventually caved in and gave into its desires. I certainly can't say that I didn't try. My mom used to tell me that girls are like buses...You miss one and another one comes in a few minutes, but I definitely believe that I chased down that "missed bus" enough times! (Not the greatest analogy for this effect, by the way).

I believe that I've found someone but her and I still need some more time to "get things right." I still have much to do to prepare myself so that I can provide for her. She already has my heart and it is up to her what she plans to do with it. Thank you, Dolores! I hope we can swap comments again :D


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 7 years ago from Houston, Texas

Your mom used the bus analogy. I always grew up hearing that every pot had its cover. LOL

Good story dohn. Whether she ever truly comes back into your life or not...the special bond will go on living as a perfect memory.

Just stay open to the idea of new loves. The next great one may not be unrequited.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks Peggy! It's funny you should say that, as I just spent the entire day with that "new love" you speak of!:

I believe that I've found someone but her and I still need some more time to "get things right." I still have much to do to prepare myself so that I can provide for her. She already has my heart and it is up to her what she plans to do with it.

Her and I have known each other for a year. Timing and distance isn't optimal as of yet, but the two of us are hard at work on it! Thank you for reading me! I'll let you know if things progress.


andromida profile image

andromida 7 years ago

Many of us have experienced unrequited love,expressing it publicly takes lots of personality,and you did it articulately.Though I am bit sad,yet I am glad for your genuine and pure love.Do you think that it would be good for you or bad for you if someone very special come to your life and take the place of Reba reserved in your heart.:)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

You are the first to ask this question, andromida! Thank you for doing so. I have certainly gained my strength and moved on, as I feel that I did all that I could to show and tell her just how much I do love and appreciate her. I'm actually seeing someone right now and hope that her and I can continue in a productive manner. It seems that I always find someone when I'm not trying to. It really is funny how things work out!

Thanks as always for reading me. I always look forward to your comments and appreciate your kind words.


andromida profile image

andromida 7 years ago

Wish you good luck dohn.


mayhmong profile image

mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

Awww, that was a cute little story. Had me on the edge of my seat if she'll ever say yes?! I have to give you credit for trying to reach out to her. Don't worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea to chose from. (((HUGS)))


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks again, Andromida. And best of luck to your romantic pursuits!

Thanks, May! They are certainly a lot of fish in the sea (but not a lot of fish for me? lol) I've been turned down before dozens of times in my life, a few times, I've even been slapped. But hey, that's life. The best way to approach a girl (I believe) is to not try at all. Once I did this, I had no problems meeting girls. Crazy, huh? But true :D


mayhmong profile image

mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

Sometimes it takes just a little effort and a lot of patience. Wonder what ya did to get slap?!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Yes, May. Definitely. Good things come to those who wait, as the going says...About me being slapped...That's none of your business :D


mayhmong profile image

mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

LOL You probably deserved it and ya know it! ((HUGS)) Just take an easy for now.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

My Comment = No Comment LOL. I will, May. Damn, I can still feel that hand :D


rednckwmn 7 years ago

Hey Dohn that was amazing. I am so happy to hear you have the 'everything happens for a reason' belief. Thats not to sya, just sit around and wait..it will work out...but when you do what you know in your heart is the right thing, somehow stuff works out. It might not be in the way you had hoped, but there is a reason why she turned you down. Maybe it wasnt the right time, or maybe you needed to learn what it means to love someone, to be ready for the right one when she comes along. I am going to read your other stories as soon as I can.


Philipo profile image

Philipo 7 years ago from Nigeria

Very touchy my brother. It requires a lion heart and the special Grace of God to fall and rise again. I wish you well.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you so much for that, rednckwmn. I really am the kind of person who is a "damned if I do" type. I much rather try rather than not and wholeheartedly believe that that is the right path to freedom. Looking back, I believe that telling Reba the depths of my heart was not only beneficial to her, but to me as well. I needed to tell her to continue on with my life, as it was hurting me inside that I wasn't telling her. I look forward to hearing from you and reading you as well.

Philipo-Thank you so much for your comment! That is flattering to hear from you. Best wishes to you and yours.


hubpageswriter 7 years ago

You certainly wrote with passion here. Your story here has certainly touched me. On a special note, who knows Reba is also on Hubpages? *winks*..


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you for that, HPWriter. If Reba was here, I'd like to think that she would've visited me already, but then again I could be wrong. Her and I will always have a history and our memories will live on. Thanks.


Patricia Costanzo profile image

Patricia Costanzo 7 years ago from Behind the Redwood Curtain

Oh my that was a journey. I'm touched.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you, Patricia. I appreciate it.


M. Rose profile image

M. Rose 7 years ago from Orange County, CA

Dohn, you are an incredible storyteller! I enjoyed reading this immensely. I think this is something we can all relate to- we've all had an "unrequited love" like you had (mine ended up being a jerk though). Thanks for sharing and having the guts to be so honest in such a public setting.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Your welcome, M. Rose. I believe that my entire life provided me with enough memories and ideas to write a legion of books. I hope I can continue to do so! I'm sorry to hear about your unrequited love...Perhaps you are a unrequited love yourself and someone is on the fence about telling you about it :D You really never know. Thank you so much for your comment.


Chris Eddy111 profile image

Chris Eddy111 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Beautiful and beautifully written dohn. She's missing out on a truly wonderful, loving and faithful guy. I feel for you that you kept that locked inside of you for so long.


Drew Breezzy profile image

Drew Breezzy 7 years ago from somewhere in my mind

I got something I need to do...


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Chris Edyy111--Thank you so much for that. I really do believe that she was in love with someone else at the time I finally told her how I felt about her. Perhaps the timing wasn't right...But I would've given her the world if she let me.

Drew--Let me know how it turns out :D


Ms Chievous profile image

Ms Chievous 7 years ago from Wv

My goodness!How brave of you Dohn! Brave to write her the letter expressing your true feelings and brave once again for writing about them here! I bet you are glad to have wrote the note and at least had an answer, even if it wasn't one you liked. And you are right everything DOES happen for a reason..


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you for that, Ms Chievous. A part of me doubted that "Reba" would ever give me a chance to be with her and the other part of me was hoping like a madman that she would. But the biggest obstacle of all was admitting to her how I felt about her. Thank you so much for visiting me!


Jessica Horn profile image

Jessica Horn 7 years ago

This reminds me of a great quote: "Dance like no one can see you, Laugh until your gut hurts, and Love like you've never been hurt before."

Thanks for sharing such a touching story!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you, Jessica. You know, this is the first time hearing of this quote, so thank you for sharing that with me. Do you know where the quote is from? I appreciate your reading this.


Lgali profile image

Lgali 7 years ago

Nice writing again old flame is still there


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

No, as a few people have commented, a piece of me will always belong to her. Somethings just never die. Thanks.


bingskee profile image

bingskee 7 years ago from Quezon City, Philippines

this is one very sweet story. it's a mixture of love's glory and heartaches but it's still sweet. i felt sad though that the relation did not blossom into a lovely ending.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Hi, bingskee. For my sake and yours, I wish that this did work out the way that I wanted! However, not all of us get what our hearts desire. I only hope that "Reba" is doing well in her life and that she is happy with however she's with. Her and I will always have that dance back when we were kids! Thank you.


Waren E profile image

Waren E 7 years ago from HAS LEFT THE BUILDING............

Touching true life story there dohn121,if only Einstein made that time time machine relativity thingy before he died,then again everything is for a reason like you said!

This was another easy satisfying read,thanks for sharing man!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you very much Waren! This is one of my favorite pieces, mainly because it is a real account in my personal life. I can't thank you enough for reading me.


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 7 years ago from Canada's 'California'

Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt and personal story with us dohn - I'm at a loss for words.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank Enelle! It's so good to hear from you again. As you can imagine, this was a very personal account of mine. A part of me will always love "Reba." That much I'm certain.


hubpageswriter 7 years ago

The history lives on, dohn. Hope you bump into her someday..


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you, HPWriter! I just know that we will. We have way too much history not to.


mith_moral 7 years ago

Simply amazing.....


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you for that, mith_moral! I appreciate it.


myownworld profile image

myownworld 7 years ago from uk

this was deeply moving....and beautifully written. I esp. liked the way u wrote the epilogue...such a way with words! thank you for taking us on this special journey with you....


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you so much for that, myownworld. I think that something like this could only happen to me, but I don't for even a moment regret it. Reba Ashkar will always have a place in my heart. I appreciate your reading me.


thanglynn07 profile image

thanglynn07 7 years ago from Long Beach, CA

Dohn...you have me in tears! This was such a heartfelt hub! Whoever Reba is, she is lucky to be loved by you. Even if the feelings aren't mutual...for whatever reason, I know Reba does care for you. Why else would she continue communicating with you. But it's obvious friendship is all she can offer. I don't doubt that she doesn't love you...but probably not in the way you love her. Sadly, the heart sometimes want what it can't have. I'm sorry Dohn. And the way you speak of her, as if setting her on the highest pedestal, out of your reach. But forever reaching what you can't grasp. I'm sorry Dohn...and I hope whoever the lucky woman might be that becomes your permanent lover, she will be loved just as much by you as you do Reba.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you so much, thanglynn07. There was definitely good reason for her to cry over the phone to me that fateful day. I really do feel that she does love me, only that she had other commitments with her then boyfriend whom she most likely married by now. I really think your right about our hearts wanting what we cannot have, and a couple of times I was the "unrequited love" (the shoe was on the other foot) in which I had to be the bearer of the bad news. I've learned in my old and frail age (ha ha) that love is a gift that one should cherish as we all should be fortunate for stealing away someone else's heart. But when that same love is not returned to us, we should hold our heads high and see to it that we don't relinquish our gift to someone else who does deserve it. Thank you again. You are truly a friend.


Jack Kong 7 years ago

Dohn, it's simply a touching tale. I could really feel the pain: Great writing!

And, if life does throws you another iota of a chance with Reba again, be really really persistent and don't just walk away until you are absolutely sure. Heck, ask her ten times if you need to! Be a pain if you have to, until you are absolutely sure she is speaking from her heart. If she's the love of your life, she's worth every bit trouble you may have to endure. Good luck!


Money Glitch profile image

Money Glitch 7 years ago from Texas

Another great story, Dohn! Thanks for directing me to it. Nothing can every replace those unique feelings that you have for the love that you discover when you are really young. :)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Yes, there's something about are youth that can't ever be replaced nor forgotten. I actually found "Reba Ashkar" today on Facebook, believe it or not! She's married now and I'm willing to bet that she has children too. I've long since moved on, but haven't forgotten about her. Thank you so much for visiting this hub!


Wife Who Saves 6 years ago

This was a very touching story. I wish the best for you.


J Dario 4 years ago

It still never ceases to be true, your feelings.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 4 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

@Wife Who Saves-Thank you! I hope that you come back to HubPages soon.

@J Dario-Thank you for that. I think that I moved on, but not completely. So long as I have the ability to remember.


Shyma 3 years ago

Just two MAJOR issues you left out of your "valuable aivdce" to El Al's management: -the alliances which LY cannot join because of the arab boycott (that our government refuses to avcknowledge and assist) is putting LY at a great competitive disadvantage. -If LH or UA or AF , DL lose money on TLV route, they will not feel it in their balance sheet as it is minute. If LY loses money on TLV route, it can distroy it.

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